Author Topic: Bari Jo's Corner  (Read 25267 times)

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Offline LizK

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #580 on: October 28, 2018, 03:24:28 pm »
Wooooo Hoooo looking smashing(sorry couldn't help myself LOL) but seriously you look great...I am not surprised you got compliments.

Liz
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
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Offline Bari Jo

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #581 on: November 07, 2018, 08:03:38 pm »
Back to transition troubles.  I'm so discouraged from electrolysis.  I am not one of the few that gets off lightly with very few hours.  I'm at my 8th pack of ten hours now.  My Electrologist tells me that it's much sparcer now with smaller hair.  For me, all I see is ugly man hair.  It's killing me.  I go two times a week too, and of course you need a couple days growth.  This means I am rarely without stubble.  Argh, I hate this.  I probable need at least 100 more hours.  I'd much prefer to work out on these days, or do anything but subject myself to pain and plan for it all the time.  I don't date even though I want to, since I always have stubble.  Right now feel like one big pile of ugly, correction, one big hairy pile of ugly.

Bari Jo
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different

Offline JudiBlueEyes

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #582 on: November 07, 2018, 10:07:07 pm »
Hang in there Bari Jo!  It is certainly a long slog but it will be worth it in the end.  As the hairs get finer is an indication the root is lessened too.  I know the stubble is tough to live with but have them focus on the darkest hairs first so the remaining hair is not a noticeable. 

Hug, Judi 

Offline Laurie

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #583 on: November 08, 2018, 12:35:26 am »
 Bari,

  All I have to say Hun is you are making quicker progress than I am. I have been going to electrolysis for well over a year now and probably still have less than 50 hours and those were mostly on my upper lip which I can now notice for myself has less hair growing back. I have only been able to afford 3 - 4 hours a month. I will increase that when Kaiser gets around to authorizing my electrologist to be a provider for them. They've been at it for about 2 months so far. Once they do I will be able to get tortured 3 - 4 times more than I can afford now. But it is a slow process.

hang in there Bari.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Hi, I'm Laurie

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Online KathyLauren

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #584 on: November 08, 2018, 06:33:51 am »
I have been doing an hour a week for nearly two years, so I am closing in on 100 hours.  Parts of my cheeks now remain hairless after not shaving for four days.  At this point, my grow-out stubble is close to invisible, at least from a distance.  What remains has been getting finer.  If it was a 40 grit sandpaper before, it is now about a 220 grit.  So I am seeing real progress, and my electrologist figures we are into the home stretch.

The turning point was a couple of months ago.  Before that, I really wasn't seeing any improvement, as new hairs woke up as fast as she was killing the old ones.  But now, I seem to be running out of new hairs to wake up.  Each week, I have to increase the amount of skin I cover with Emla cream, to ensure that she has enough to work on for a full hour.

So, hang in there, Bari Jo.  I know it is a long, painful slog, but it is so worth it!  I love to run my hand over the parts of my face that are almost done and feel that baby's butt smoothness.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS

Offline Bari Jo

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #585 on: November 08, 2018, 02:25:16 pm »
Thank you for your encouragement.  I just want this over.  I've been organizing my life around therapy, voice therapy and Electrolysis.  I need to live too damn it.

Oh, I've started tucking also.  I used to do this way back, but topped because I stopped transitioning a few times.  Have I mentioned this isn't my first attempt at transition?  Probably have mentioned a billion times.  Anyway, I'm tucking again and actually like it.  I don't remember feeling joy in it before.  I ordered a gaff to try out also.  I remember hating that before.  We will see if I still enjoy this new feeling.

For those wondering, I'm getting better about my Fanta too.  I don't blame myself like I used to.

I've also been toying with the idea of starting a YouTube channel too.  This is just to practice my voice and share some hobbies, beef jerky making, art, beer making, vita games.  It'll have no issues in politics and will rarely mention any trans issues.  I'm still struggling with a name.  I don't want to use the same name as here since it's more public.  If you have ideas, please send in IM so they aren't linked.

Bari Jo
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different

Offline Quinn

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #586 on: November 08, 2018, 02:45:42 pm »
Your not alone with regards to the hair removal, im around 110 hours now . Figure I need probably about that much still.
I have used a few of those hours and had the hair on my finger and hands, toes and feet, and underarms cleared a few times , those other areas are really fast to clear . 
   Hang in there it will be behind us at some point

Take care of yourself

Offline Michelle_P

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #587 on: November 08, 2018, 03:50:43 pm »
On electrolysis, somewhere around the 100-120 hour point I ran out of mature active hairs, and both the way my skin felt and the way treatment progressed began to change.  My electrolyst was able to use lower settings, and a shorter probe with more insulation, a smaller active tip.  This greatly reduced the discomfort.

At around the 180 hour point I was having my entire face cleared in a 2 hour visit, and I stopped shaving completely just to get enough growth for her to work on.  Gradually the hair got even sparser, to the point where recently I have just gone in every 2-3 weeks and have been completely cleared in 90 minutes or less.

I’m at about 235 hours now, and Jodie is retiring.  I’ll probably look around for a local electrolyst to do ‘maintenance’ on my face.  I have less facial hair now than many post-menopausal ciswomen.
Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit.

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Offline Bari Jo

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #588 on: December 11, 2018, 12:35:55 am »
It's been a while.  I've been lurking since I haven't felt like myself or femme much at all.  The dysphoria has started to hit hard and I'm questioning my meds.  My numbers are great though which is disconcerting.  I do have good updates too though.

I am now officially Bari Jo.  The paperwork has cleared the courts and I've been through social security and dmv.  I also took a new passport photo.  I am showing the non smiling one here sine it genders me correctly.  It's odd that a smile genders me male, boo.  Anyway, I am hanging in there.  It's the holidays and I miss my Fanta terribly, but am doing the best I can.  I have been feeling the pull of self isolation fiercely and have been fighting it and losing.  I need to get out there more.

Bari Jo

Update photo removed, seemed to close to the real one.
« Last Edit: December 11, 2018, 01:47:09 pm by Bari Jo »
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different

Offline Bari Jo

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #589 on: December 11, 2018, 12:37:49 am »
It's been a while.  I've been lurking since I haven't felt like myself or femme much at all.  The dysphoria has started to hit hard and I'm questioning my meds.  My numbers are great though which is disconcerting.  I do have good updates too though.

I am now officially Bari Jo.  The paperwork has cleared the courts and I've been through social security and dmv.  I also took a new passport photo.  I am showing the non smiling one here sine it genders me correctly.  It's odd that a smile genders me male, boo.  Anyway, I am hanging in there.  It's the holidays and I miss my Fanta terribly, but am doing the best I can.  I have been feeling the pull of self isolation fiercely and have been fighting it and losing.  I need to get out there more.

Update, photo removed.  It was deemed too close to an actual passport photo so deleted in case scary people are out there.

Bari Jo
« Last Edit: December 12, 2018, 05:28:11 am by Bari Jo »
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different

Online Jessica

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #590 on: December 11, 2018, 01:15:27 am »
Bari Jo, I was thinking of you just yesterday.  I’m sad Fanta is gone to, and without the love he gave during the holidays, it does make it hard.  Today I received notice in the mail to pay the licensing of my two friends I lost within one month of each other two years ago.  Tears.
Keep moving forward that’s all one can do.

Big hugs, Jess

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

Offline LizK

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #591 on: December 11, 2018, 12:18:41 pm »
Hi BariJo

Thanks for the update

Sounds like you have had a rough time lately. I really hope you begin to feel better soon. Losing “someone” you love  is always difficult but for we animal lovers we tend to have a special place in our hearts for our special friends

Take  Care

Liz


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Transition Begun 25 September 2015
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Online Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #592 on: December 11, 2018, 12:36:17 pm »
@Bari Jo
Dear Bari Jo:
Well the overwhelming good news in your update is that you are now officially Bari Jo with Social Security and the DMV, and your new passport photo... and to top it off your numbers are great.   

In spite of your emotional stress with your feelings regarding your dysphoria.... and the misgendering smiling photo... and oh, yes I do understand the feeling of loosing a close friend.,.. your Fanta was just that, always accepting and loving.   Of course the Holiday times are sometimes the most difficult for many people, so you are not alone with the issues that you are dealing with.
 
As you mentioned, if you can get out there more, be around your accepting friends and family, that would be a good thing for you to do.... please don't permit yourself to get sucked into the self-isolation routine... it goes nowhere fast particularly at these holiday times of the year.

A suggestion that I have is that you might take some time to read over some of your past updates on your own thread to see how far you have come and all the good news and good experiences that you have shared with all of us.

Please keep your updates coming, we are your biggest fans and we are all rooting for you.
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs and more Hugs... and well wishes,
Danielle

It's been a while.  I've been lurking since I haven't felt like myself or femme much at all.  The dysphoria has started to hit hard and I'm questioning my meds.  My numbers are great though which is disconcerting.  I do have good updates too though.

I am now officially Bari Jo.  The paperwork has cleared the courts and I've been through social security and dmv.  I also took a new passport photo.  I am showing the non smiling one here sine it genders me correctly.  It's odd that a smile genders me male, boo.  Anyway, I am hanging in there.  It's the holidays and I miss my Fanta terribly, but am doing the best I can.  I have been feeling the pull of self isolation fiercely and have been fighting it and losing.  I need to get out there more.



Bari Jo


Offline Bari Jo

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #593 on: December 16, 2018, 08:42:43 pm »
Upon directions I have reflected on everything I've done transition wise.  It is quite a bit.  It does make me feel a bit better.  I do though want to appear more feminine to others.  I am still misgendered almost 100% of the time, but at least I've seen a couple people correct themselves after.

As an addendum to my last post too, my drivers license came in the mail, and the photo is pretty good.  It's at least passable:).  This week my passport comes in too.  I look forward to that!

Now time to convert all my accts to my name.  At least this seems like fun rather than work.

Bari Jo
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different

Online Jessica_Rose

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #594 on: December 16, 2018, 09:01:03 pm »
You have come a long way Bari Jo! Getting all of your accounts updated can be a hassle. Some places are easy, others... well I abandoned a few of them. I do recommend getting this done quickly. It seems the further down the path I go the more painful my dead name becomes. It is a long journey, but take one step at a time and eventually you will reach your destination.

Love always -- Jessica Rose
My journal thread - Jessica's Rose Garden
My National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out - Jessica Rose
My GCS Thread - GCS and BA with Dr. Ley on 21 Feb 2019 - Jessica_Rose
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Offline Bari Jo

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #595 on: December 16, 2018, 10:25:32 pm »
Good point I shouldn't wait.  It already bugs me seeing my old name.  Btw, I compared my old license pict to new, what a difference.  Perhaps in another year, I'll be gendered correctly:)

Bari Jo
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different

Online Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #596 on: December 16, 2018, 10:46:03 pm »
Good point I shouldn't wait.  It already bugs me seeing my old name.  Btw, I compared my old license pict to new, what a difference.  Perhaps in another year, I'll be gendered correctly:)

Bari Jo
@Bari Jo
Dear Bari Jo:
Yes indeed, getting all the name and gender changes done, starting with Federal, State and Local government documents .... then with school and college diplomas, professional licenses, bank accounts, credit cards, magazine subscriptions, email and social cyber sites.... etc.... the list goes on and on.  Just when you think that you have completed that task, a year or more later in some cases things will pop up requiring your attention.... and of course the junk mail and spam email will continue to arrive with the wrong name and wrong gender.

Even though you have experienced disappointing mis-gendering, please try to continue to go out and about and do your best to present yourself and even learning from the failures and using them to refine the "new" you..   As you continue to build up your self-assurance and confidence, you will eventually find that your success rate will improve.

***Please do not resign yourself to thinking about taking ONE YEAR to finally pass reliably, and remember, this is all a work in progress and success begets success and more success.

Thank you for posting and sharing, keep your updates coming.
We are your biggest fans and are always rooting for you.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #597 on: December 18, 2018, 09:54:49 am »
OMG, I missed the name change! CONGRATS!!!! I hope to have mine soon!!

~ Ellie
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(I made the s lowercase so it didn't look as much like PMS... ;D)

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8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #598 on: January 01, 2019, 11:32:43 am »
@Bari Jo
Dear Bari Jo:
Please know that I have very much missed seeing your presence here on the forums for the last couple weeks.   I trust that all is OK in your world.

I have enjoyed following your thread this last year and watching and reading about your journey progress.   As for any of us, we all have our ups and downs.  I am sure that you know that when you are having your successes that your followers and readers are rejoicing with you, and when your moments are not so good, we are here to listen and to lend our shoulder to lean on.

I trust that you and your loved one had a very MERRY CHRISTMAS.... and that
your NEW YEAR in 2019 will bring you much happiness as you continue in your journey.

Please continue to keep your thread updated as you feel so led.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle

Offline Bari Jo

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Re: Bari Jo's Corner
« Reply #599 on: January 15, 2019, 05:28:34 am »
It seems my last post was lost to the corruption, and I'd like to preserve the intent of the content. I will repost what I remember of it here, plus add a new wrinkle to my transition, which happened just this morning.

Xmas and new years are now over.  In contrast from last Xmas, this one was way better.  Last Xmas my father requested that I not tell any relatives just yet about me.  I had only recently come out to him and we were relearning how to get along as father and daughter.  It was tough on me and found myself retreating to my room at night and crying myself to sleep.  My dog was great comfort though. I did end up buying femme fashionable uggs and doing my nails neutral during that Xmas.  I just couldn't take being bottled up completely.

This year though all my relatives know and I have universal support.  Everyone used my name, although gender was missed mostly by my sister.  Still though, makeup, nails and dressing made me feel much better about myself.  This was the first Xmas without my Fanta and I sorely missed him.  Even so, it was a better trip.

Two things transition wise happened on that trip I want to take a note of.  One is I went shopping with my dad for things for the house and I was gendered correctly in front of my dad by other customers.  I also had this happen at the airport shops every time too.
Either I look better, or there is more training happening.  I'm hoping the former.  I'm glad my dad was able to see others treat me as a woman too.

The second is at the TSA screener.  As you know the person at the scanning booth genders each person to load the correct scanning profile to compare against. I was gendered as female, but then immediately flagged for a pat down.  I am fine for that and was expecting it.  They then showed me areas that they had to pay closer attention too. I expected this also.  What surprised me though was it was only one area.  My legs, were fine, my shoulders were fine, boobs fine, belly fine, crotch out of norm. So I got a pat down there from a lovely lady that complimented my makeup and earrings.  I am starting to think the makeup and earrings compliment is part of the govt playbook to diffuse any tension with mtf transgender situations.  I had the same thing at the dmv a month prior.  Anyway all was well.  I had no tension really, I was actually happy my scan did not vary from their profile more. Later on while waiting to board the plane the gate agent pulled me out of line and said she found a better seat for me.  I did not ask for one, I think the airport keeps tabs on unusual experiences and tries to make them better, or maybe the universe was shining on me.

I have been posting less frequently since there really haven't been a lot of highs and lows or major milestones to achieve.  I'm on hrt for 1.7 months, out to the world including work, am full time, have my name and gender changed already.  I am kind of just bobbing along in the transition sea.  There doesnt seem much of a wind going anyplace.  I am not sad, nor happy, just there and living.  I have a theory on this and that in the beginning of transition everything is so new and every tiny step and change was full of new feelings, new experiences, full of emotion good and bad sometimes.  As time went on, these milestones seemed to be further apart and either more major or require time and more work. Now I have achieved a lot, experienced a lot and done a lot in my transition.  Am I fully transitioned?  Heck no, but what's left takes way longer so I'm kinda bobbing around trying to be more femme, continuing electrolysis, losing weight.  I'm still too heavy, too masculine and have too deep a voice.  I'm working on them all.  I still get misgendered nearly 95% of the time and that's unacceptable.

Now, some plusses, it's not all bad and boring.  I participated in a womens pinball tournament and came in third.  Pinball, btw is my number one outlet as Bari Jo.  I love being femme, and playing  I love playing with ladies, having girl talk, the encouragement, hugs and so on.  It's the closest thing I have to being a teenager again.  Anyway, in this tournament I came in third.  I usually never do that well.   I won a sash and tiara, and wore them proudly.  I wore the tiara to the next league night too.  I even display it at work.  I tell people they can refer to me as princess if they prefer:).included is a pict from the Royal Court. I am glad I didn't break the lens.  Oh I hung out with another girt at another Pinball show too and dang if we weren't having BFF moments.  She's from the east coast so not close.  We hung out talked boys, our lives, where we re gong, had drinks and played pinball of course.  I so need a BFF like that locally.  Anyway Royal Court time.



Now another new thing.  This just happened this morning. I was hit on by a butch lesbian.  I don't think I'm all that passable, but I was femme enough for her, so that got me super happy.  I thanked her for the conversation and bid her a great day.  I was off to work, so had to run, but wow, first experience there.  I do have some feeling for women still, but am going to try for a boyfriend instead.  Maybe men will start hitting on me soon.  I hope so.  I do feel the need, it's been far too long.

Bari Jo
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different

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