Author Topic: Jessica's Rose Garden  (Read 41759 times)

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Laurie

Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #20 on: January 23, 2018, 02:09:46 pm »
Hi Ms. Rose,

  You are indeed making progress. I wait to read that you not  only have submitted the name change paperwork but that you have finished it and are legally Jessica Rose. I myself have other issues to contend with and a sticking point to resolve before I can even ask for one myself. Sometimes I feel that I'm being left behind with every step my sisters here take. But I am happy to be part of their celebrations. Keep going girl.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #21 on: January 23, 2018, 07:44:41 pm »
It is incredible that thoughts can change so dramatically.  Is because of the hormones or just the relief.  I think both.  Though, as soon as I heard my transition was covered by my insurance , the thoughts long suppressed came immediately to the surface.  That’s when my thoughts changed.

That really is a difficult questions. I think I started out with testosterone on the high end of the scale, which could have driven much of my anger. HRT has certainly helped with that. However I found incredible relief from finally being able to confide in others about the secret I had been hiding for so long. I have also began to find the beauty in emotions, even from the start of HRT emotions (other than anger) are what I craved the most. 

No too long after I came out to a co-worker we went out to lunch at a Chinese restaurant. My fortune cookie had this note:

'An investment in yourself will pay dividends for the rest of your life.'

We were both amazed about how appropriate that was.

Although my insurance will cover GCS it will not cover 'cosmetic' procedures, like my trachea shave, BA, or the majority of hair removal. I had to refinance my house, but it is still some of the best money I have ever spent.
Journal thread - Jessica's Rose Garden
National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out - Jessica Rose
GCS Thread - GCS and BA with Dr. Ley on 21 Feb 2019 - Jessica_Rose
GCS II and FFS Thread - GCS II and FFS with Dr. Ley on 26 July 2019 - Jessica_Rose
23Mar2017 Started Estradiol / 16Feb2018 Full Time! / 21Feb2019 GCS Dr. Ley / 26July2019 GCS II & FFS Dr. Ley

Don't let others tell you who you are. Be yourself, the world will adjust. -- Jessica Rose

Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #22 on: January 23, 2018, 07:51:13 pm »
Sometimes I feel that I'm being left behind with every step my sisters here take. But I am happy to be part of their celebrations. Keep going girl.

We are all pulling for you Laurie. Your wisdom and support have helped many at Susan's, including me. You have made a lot of progress, and someday soon the time will come when you will make some great strides towards your goal. Just have faith in yourself, as we have faith in you.
Journal thread - Jessica's Rose Garden
National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out - Jessica Rose
GCS Thread - GCS and BA with Dr. Ley on 21 Feb 2019 - Jessica_Rose
GCS II and FFS Thread - GCS II and FFS with Dr. Ley on 26 July 2019 - Jessica_Rose
23Mar2017 Started Estradiol / 16Feb2018 Full Time! / 21Feb2019 GCS Dr. Ley / 26July2019 GCS II & FFS Dr. Ley

Don't let others tell you who you are. Be yourself, the world will adjust. -- Jessica Rose

Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #23 on: January 24, 2018, 06:17:36 pm »
Out to another manager! We had a re-org at work and I got a new manager. I feel lucky because he was my manager about 4 - 5 years ago and we got along very well. I sent him a note last week saying 'We need to talk. I have something amazing and beautiful to tell you about.' I saw him about an hour before our scheduled meeting and he said he was dying to know what it was, but I made him wait. The meeting went smoothly. As expected he was somewhat surprised by my announcement. This time I was able to read through my letter with only a few pauses. I am getting more comfortable coming out, but it will always be emotional. He mentioned that he appreciated the background information, he did not realize that suppressing my true self could cause so much anger. I realize that some people may consider a few of my comments TMI, but I don't just want to come out. This is something rare and beautiful to me, and I don't want to let the occasion pass without educating a few people along the way. The letter is similar to the one I sent my first manager in October, but parts of it are different enough that I wanted to post it.

First let me allay some of your concerns. I love working here and plan to stay until I retire, which will hopefully be another 10 years or so. I enjoy my work, and I consider everyone I work with to be a friend.

There is something wonderful I must tell you about, but first I need to give you some background. Most of my life I have known that I was different, but it was a feeling I could not easily describe. Starting in my early teens social and family pressure forced me to suppress my feelings and emotions, so I was unable to express who I really am. This led to stress, confusion, frustration and anger that increased through the years. Although my life seemed normal on the outside, there was always a darkness hiding just below the surface. I can't remember how many walls I patched or how many things I destroyed out of anger. Although I learned to partially control my temper, the source of my pain remained a mystery.

Life is a journey, and my journey has taken an unexpected turn. Last December I found a site where people shared their personal journeys. I was fascinated because I saw myself in so many of them -- the pressure to conform, the growing frustration and anger. As I kept reading their journeys I had an epiphany -- I suddenly realized that I had found the source of my darkness. I cried for the first time in years. They were not tears of sadness, sorrow, or shame, they were tears of happiness, joy, and relief. I finally understood. I had discovered the truth that I had been hiding from everyone, including myself. I have been living my life under a set of rules that were not designed for me. You know the adage 'The truth shall set you free'? I have hidden from the truth far too long, and it will soon be time set myself free. I discussed this with a doctor and a therapist and they agreed on the diagnosis -- I have gender dysphoria. I am, and always have been, transgender.

I started hormone therapy in March of last year. Since then my cloud of darkness has dissipated, along with my anger. I know in my heart that I have finally found my path to peace and happiness. For a long time I was not sure when I would begin my transition, I believed that one day I would wake up and realize my time had finally arrived. I was right. That day occurred last Friday, Jan 29th. On my drive to work that morning I had an emotional experience which was indescribably beautiful. My hands were numb and I was shaking for nearly two hours. I took that as a sign that I am ready. I am now working quickly to complete my initial transition. I expect that by the end of February everything will be in place and it will be time to say goodbye to 'John'.

I have spent over forty years of my life hiding the most beautiful part of myself because I was afraid of rejection, but now it is time for me to release my soul from the darkness and allow her into the light, and she will never go into hiding again. Let me introduce myself, I am Jessica Rose.
Journal thread - Jessica's Rose Garden
National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out - Jessica Rose
GCS Thread - GCS and BA with Dr. Ley on 21 Feb 2019 - Jessica_Rose
GCS II and FFS Thread - GCS II and FFS with Dr. Ley on 26 July 2019 - Jessica_Rose
23Mar2017 Started Estradiol / 16Feb2018 Full Time! / 21Feb2019 GCS Dr. Ley / 26July2019 GCS II & FFS Dr. Ley

Don't let others tell you who you are. Be yourself, the world will adjust. -- Jessica Rose

Offline Jessica

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #24 on: January 24, 2018, 06:24:49 pm »
Out to another manager! We had a re-org at work and I got a new manager. I feel lucky because he was my manager about 4 - 5 years ago and we got along very well. I sent him a note last week saying 'We need to talk. I have something amazing and beautiful to tell you about.' I saw him about an hour before our scheduled meeting and he said he was dying to know what it was, but I made him wait. The meeting went smoothly. As expected he was somewhat surprised by my announcement. This time I was able to read through my letter with only a few pauses. I am getting more comfortable coming out, but it will always be emotional. He mentioned that he appreciated the background information, he did not realize that suppressing my true self could cause so much anger. I realize that some people may consider a few of my comments TMI, but I don't just want to come out. This is something rare and beautiful to me, and I don't want to let the occasion pass without educating a few people along the way. The letter is similar to the one I sent my first manager in October, but parts of it are different enough that I wanted to post it.

First let me allay some of your concerns. I love working here and plan to stay until I retire, which will hopefully be another 10 years or so. I enjoy my work, and I consider everyone I work with to be a friend.

There is something wonderful I must tell you about, but first I need to give you some background. Most of my life I have known that I was different, but it was a feeling I could not easily describe. Starting in my early teens social and family pressure forced me to suppress my feelings and emotions, so I was unable to express who I really am. This led to stress, confusion, frustration and anger that increased through the years. Although my life seemed normal on the outside, there was always a darkness hiding just below the surface. I can't remember how many walls I patched or how many things I destroyed out of anger. Although I learned to partially control my temper, the source of my pain remained a mystery.

Life is a journey, and my journey has taken an unexpected turn. Last December I found a site where people shared their personal journeys. I was fascinated because I saw myself in so many of them -- the pressure to conform, the growing frustration and anger. As I kept reading their journeys I had an epiphany -- I suddenly realized that I had found the source of my darkness. I cried for the first time in years. They were not tears of sadness, sorrow, or shame, they were tears of happiness, joy, and relief. I finally understood. I had discovered the truth that I had been hiding from everyone, including myself. I have been living my life under a set of rules that were not designed for me. You know the adage 'The truth shall set you free'? I have hidden from the truth far too long, and it will soon be time set myself free. I discussed this with a doctor and a therapist and they agreed on the diagnosis -- I have gender dysphoria. I am, and always have been, transgender.

I started hormone therapy in March of last year. Since then my cloud of darkness has dissipated, along with my anger. I know in my heart that I have finally found my path to peace and happiness. For a long time I was not sure when I would begin my transition, I believed that one day I would wake up and realize my time had finally arrived. I was right. That day occurred last Friday, Jan 29th. On my drive to work that morning I had an emotional experience which was indescribably beautiful. My hands were numb and I was shaking for nearly two hours. I took that as a sign that I am ready. I am now working quickly to complete my initial transition. I expect that by the end of February everything will be in place and it will be time to say goodbye to 'John'.

I have spent over forty years of my life hiding the most beautiful part of myself because I was afraid of rejection, but now it is time for me to release my soul from the darkness and allow her into the light, and she will never go into hiding again. Let me introduce myself, I am Jessica Rose.


Another step towards freedom!

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."



Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #25 on: January 24, 2018, 06:41:47 pm »
This is an even bigger step! Yesterday I sent my doctor a note telling her I planned to start the name change process within the next week, and I asked her about some paperwork I would need to change my gender marker. I just got her response:

I just wanted to let you know that I went ahead and got the Medical Information Form for the gender marker change ready for you to pick up here in office.

Jessica Rose will take some time off work tomorrow to get that piece of paper so she can soon tell the world that she is indeed a woman!!! This is so fantastically beautifully amazing. I'm crying. I love it!!!
Journal thread - Jessica's Rose Garden
National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out - Jessica Rose
GCS Thread - GCS and BA with Dr. Ley on 21 Feb 2019 - Jessica_Rose
GCS II and FFS Thread - GCS II and FFS with Dr. Ley on 26 July 2019 - Jessica_Rose
23Mar2017 Started Estradiol / 16Feb2018 Full Time! / 21Feb2019 GCS Dr. Ley / 26July2019 GCS II & FFS Dr. Ley

Don't let others tell you who you are. Be yourself, the world will adjust. -- Jessica Rose

Laurie

Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #26 on: January 25, 2018, 01:32:52 am »
Congratulations Jessica. (((Hug)))

 Laurie

Offline Jessica

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #27 on: January 25, 2018, 01:43:12 am »
I’m so happy for you!

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."



Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #28 on: January 25, 2018, 12:40:26 pm »
I scored a trifecta this morning!

1 - First time ever out in public as Jessica Rose! She had to make a special trip up to Denver.

2 - Of course when I arrived I had to use the bathroom. The only obvious choice was my first ever visit to the ladies room!

3 - Picked up a sheet of paper signed by my doctor. In part it says:

"Based on the patient's gender identity and full time gender role expression, my professional opinion is that this person's gender is: FEMALE"

Not even my facial laser hair removal treatment this afternoon will wipe the smile off my face!!!
Journal thread - Jessica's Rose Garden
National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out - Jessica Rose
GCS Thread - GCS and BA with Dr. Ley on 21 Feb 2019 - Jessica_Rose
GCS II and FFS Thread - GCS II and FFS with Dr. Ley on 26 July 2019 - Jessica_Rose
23Mar2017 Started Estradiol / 16Feb2018 Full Time! / 21Feb2019 GCS Dr. Ley / 26July2019 GCS II & FFS Dr. Ley

Don't let others tell you who you are. Be yourself, the world will adjust. -- Jessica Rose

Offline Jessica

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #29 on: January 25, 2018, 02:21:19 pm »
Now I’m even happier for you!

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."



Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #30 on: January 25, 2018, 03:32:09 pm »
"Based on the patient's gender identity and full time gender role expression, my professional opinion is that this person's gender is: FEMALE"
It's a girl!!  Congratulations!
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2019-10-18 Phone consultation for GRS; 2020-03-11 GRS!




Laurie

Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #31 on: January 25, 2018, 03:51:41 pm »
Hi Jessica,

   That first time out in public where you have to interact with ugh "People" is a daunting task. It truly is a victory for you having done it. Next challenge go to get gas at a freeway service station / truck stop, I mean one of those bigger ones, while in Jessica mode. Then pull up to the pump, get out to pump your gas and lock yourself out with your keys in the ignition and the spare in your purse which is right there sitting on the passenger seat. No that's what I call FUN!! And oh make sure you do it in a different state sever states away from home. Loads of fun I tell ya, loads!
  I will admit to restrooms and trying on clothes in a dressing room are still a problem for me so congrats for you Hun.
  As for picking up that paper, well that is just plain awesome.
  Did I see something about Denver? You're another on in Colorado??? Well heck, I'll either have to avoid Colorado on my road trips or plan on several days to visit all of you just to be fair. You are the 5th gal I know in Colorado and I know at least that many in Florida.

Hugs girl,
  Laurie


Offline Jessica

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #32 on: January 25, 2018, 04:23:19 pm »
It's a girl!!  Congratulations!

Wow!  This is so awesome!  Congratulations your a girl!!!

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."



Offline Cassi

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #33 on: January 25, 2018, 04:24:53 pm »
Wow!  This is so awesome!  Congratulations your a girl!!!

I watched that new TV series Britainia and girls become women, so no girls on this site, only women.
HRT since 1/04/2018

Offline Cassi

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #34 on: January 25, 2018, 04:28:13 pm »
Another step towards freedom!

Awesome!

I have had minor anger issues or I have tended (unknown to me) to be non-approachable.  After I came to the realization of who I truly was and I happened to be looking at some photos when I was young, I didn't see a happy person there.  I do now. 

And I'm also very happy for you.
HRT since 1/04/2018

Offline Anne Blake

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #35 on: January 25, 2018, 04:59:28 pm »
Congratulations Jessica, such a big step. You had better get used to that smile being stuck on your face, I doubt that it will be going away anytime soon.

Tia Anne

Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #36 on: January 25, 2018, 06:10:29 pm »
OK Tia Anne, you asked for it...the first ever avatar for Jessica Rose. Just a little concealer and some lipstick. Taken just a few minutes after officially becoming a female! And yes, I am still smiling!

I may not be pretty, but I am beautiful.
Journal thread - Jessica's Rose Garden
National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out - Jessica Rose
GCS Thread - GCS and BA with Dr. Ley on 21 Feb 2019 - Jessica_Rose
GCS II and FFS Thread - GCS II and FFS with Dr. Ley on 26 July 2019 - Jessica_Rose
23Mar2017 Started Estradiol / 16Feb2018 Full Time! / 21Feb2019 GCS Dr. Ley / 26July2019 GCS II & FFS Dr. Ley

Don't let others tell you who you are. Be yourself, the world will adjust. -- Jessica Rose

Offline HappyMoni

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #37 on: January 25, 2018, 06:20:25 pm »
Jessica Rose congratulation on all the wonderful steps you have been taking. Wish you all the luck in the world.
Moni
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)
"Moni" is pronounced like "Bonnie"

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A  April 2019 -repairing neck scar from FFS, great repair.

]

Offline Jessica

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #38 on: January 25, 2018, 06:29:58 pm »
OK Tia Anne, you asked for it...the first ever avatar for Jessica Rose. Just a little concealer and some lipstick. Taken just a few minutes after officially becoming a female! And yes, I am still smiling!

I may not be pretty, but I am beautiful.

You are beautiful Jessica!

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."



Offline Anne Blake

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #39 on: January 25, 2018, 07:00:02 pm »
The glow that you are showing is what beauty is all about! Go girl!

Tia Anne

Tags: mtf hrt transition journal