Author Topic: Jessica's Rose Garden  (Read 5660 times)

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Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #140 on: April 05, 2018, 05:13:01 pm »
I just returned from facial laser treatment #9. Even with the prescription BLT (benzocaine, lidocaine, tetracaine) numbing cream it was more painful than ever. The nurse went over my upper lip, corners, and lower lip twice. I really had mixed emotions about that. I want the hair gone, but the second pass hurt like h***. My face is still burning, but a cold washcloth helps. She also checked by back and found a few stragglers, at least that area is virtually clear now. I have noticed my electrolysis sessions have been more painful since the doctor doubled my estradiol, and I have also gained a few pounds -- hopefully it went to the right places.

I still smile every time I look in the mirror, is that really me looking back? I can't believe what I have done. I honestly never thought I would make it this far. My deepest thanks to everyone at Susan's Place for the support they have given me.

If you have not been following Laurie's Road Trip 2.0, she did spend some time with my wife and I. It was great meeting another person from the forums. Laurie is another beautiful thread that ties us all together. This is a photo of myself, Laurie, and my wife Susan.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
12 Feb 2017 - Out to Wife
23 Mar 2017 - Started Estradiol
28 Jul  2017 - Started Spironolactone
26 Dec 2017 - Out to Daughters
05 Feb 2018 - Legal Name Change
16 Feb 2018 - Out at work / Full Time!



Offline Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #141 on: April 05, 2018, 05:17:36 pm »
Jessica Rose:
Thanks for posting your latest update and for posting that terrific picture of you, Laurie, and your wife.... it was great to see all of the happy faces.
... and by the way, you really look nice in that picture!!!
Danielle
Started HRT March 2015     3+ years ago, it's been an exciting journey
>>> I've been Full Time since December 2016
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:icon_chick:
I am 38 years old, Single, and Self Employed in a small town up in the COLD North.
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Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #142 on: April 05, 2018, 06:01:51 pm »
That's a great pic, Jessica!

Yes, getting the upper lip zapped is painful!  I wouldn't be able to handle it if it wasn't for my dentist: I get her to freeze it.  It calls for some tricky scheduling: she needs enough time to get it good and numb, then I need 20 minutes to get to the electrologist and hope she can do the job before the freezing wears off.  But it works well. 

The electrologist can work at a good speed without worrying about having to scrape me off the ceiling every few seconds.  Her biggest worry is not cooking my skin. 
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change

Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #143 on: April 07, 2018, 10:58:17 pm »
Thanks for the compliments Danielle and Kathy!

Today was a perfect example of what HRT has done for me. Ever since we moved in 12 years ago our kitchen faucet would occasionally leak when in use. The leak slowly got worse and worse, and today I finally decided to replace it. My wife and I went to a local hardware store and she picked out the faucet she wanted. Once we got home the fun started.

Removing the old faucet looked easy. Just turn off the water, disconnect the hoses, then remove two nuts (wow, so many thoughts just passed through my mind). Well the 'nuts' were plastic with molded on washers. The first one broke off, the bolt was rusted through. No harm there. The second one was another story. The nut rounded off, so sockets and wrenches were useless. I could not get a grip with channel lock pliers. I attempted several techniques to remove the nut, but I was not having any luck. After an hour or so I decided to use a bit of brute force, I used the faucet as a lever and started rocking the assembly back and forth slowly while applying increasing amounts of force, but not enough to bend the sink. Eventually the plastic nut/washer broke off and I was able to remove the old faucet. Installing the new faucet was simple. There are no more leaks, there was no damage to the sink, and most importantly my wife is happy.

If this had happened before I started HRT I would have blown a gasket. As my frustration level quickly ramped up I would have begun using choice words and blaming my wife for making me so mad, somehow it would have been her fault. Odds are the sink would not have survived, I expect part of the counter top would have been destroyed, and I would have been bleeding from one or more wounds inflicted during my fit of rage. I am not exaggerating, that was how I would have reacted before I started my journey. I mentioned this to my wife and she laughed. She knows that is what would have happened.

There are still things that can get me angry (like repeated dead naming), but the issues which used to trigger my frustration no longer bother me. I feel as though I have gotten my life back. My life is far from perfect, but it is much better than it was.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
12 Feb 2017 - Out to Wife
23 Mar 2017 - Started Estradiol
28 Jul  2017 - Started Spironolactone
26 Dec 2017 - Out to Daughters
05 Feb 2018 - Legal Name Change
16 Feb 2018 - Out at work / Full Time!



Online Dena

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #144 on: April 07, 2018, 11:33:35 pm »
Sounds like your missing a critical tool for the job. I have basin wrench that I use once in a blue moon but it's the only tool that allows you to get in the tight spaces under the sink.
 
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Online sarah1972

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #145 on: April 07, 2018, 11:56:38 pm »
Amazing what change hormones make... I have had the same experience you made. Things I know would have sent me through the roof are not really upsetting me anymore.

It is always fun shopping at a home improvement store in full girl outfit and knowing exactly what I want but I now enjoy help loading the 8x4 plywood onto the car...

So happy for your changes!!!


Thanks for the compliments Danielle and Kathy!

Today was a perfect example of what HRT has done for me. Ever since we moved in 12 years ago our kitchen faucet would occasionally leak when in use. The leak slowly got worse and worse, and today I finally decided to replace it. My wife and I went to a local hardware store and she picked out the faucet she wanted. Once we got home the fun started.

Removing the old faucet looked easy. Just turn off the water, disconnect the hoses, then remove two nuts (wow, so many thoughts just passed through my mind). Well the 'nuts' were plastic with molded on washers. The first one broke off, the bolt was rusted through. No harm there. The second one was another story. The nut rounded off, so sockets and wrenches were useless. I could not get a grip with channel lock pliers. I attempted several techniques to remove the nut, but I was not having any luck. After an hour or so I decided to use a bit of brute force, I used the faucet as a lever and started rocking the assembly back and forth slowly while applying increasing amounts of force, but not enough to bend the sink. Eventually the plastic nut/washer broke off and I was able to remove the old faucet. Installing the new faucet was simple. There are no more leaks, there was no damage to the sink, and most importantly my wife is happy.

If this had happened before I started HRT I would have blown a gasket. As my frustration level quickly ramped up I would have begun using choice words and blaming my wife for making me so mad, somehow it would have been her fault. Odds are the sink would not have survived, I expect part of the counter top would have been destroyed, and I would have been bleeding from one or more wounds inflicted during my fit of rage. I am not exaggerating, that was how I would have reacted before I started my journey. I mentioned this to my wife and she laughed. She knows that is what would have happened.

There are still things that can get me angry (like repeated dead naming), but the issues which used to trigger my frustration no longer bother me. I feel as though I have gotten my life back. My life is far from perfect, but it is much better than it was.

Offline ToriJo

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #146 on: April 08, 2018, 12:09:55 am »
Oh yes, my secret desire when I went on hormones was to gain control of my temper.  And I think the hormones have helped me do exactly that - don't write off yourself, and your general happiness as contributors, but I noticed an almost overnight difference in what it took to anger me.

Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #147 on: April 08, 2018, 09:39:56 pm »
My wife and I had an awesome afternoon in Denver with Tia Anne and her beautiful wife Debi. Although I had met Tia a few weeks ago we did not have much time to get to know one another. We had much more time today, and my wife and I finally got to meet Tia's better half. Tia and I talked about quite a few subjects. I don't think she noticed, but there were a few times she said things so beautiful that I had to hold back some tears. I'm not sure what Debi and my wife talked about, but I heard occasional laughter from both of them so I expect they also enjoyed the afternoon. Meeting such a loving couple was a wonderful experience. My wife and I look forward to future meetings with our new friends.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
12 Feb 2017 - Out to Wife
23 Mar 2017 - Started Estradiol
28 Jul  2017 - Started Spironolactone
26 Dec 2017 - Out to Daughters
05 Feb 2018 - Legal Name Change
16 Feb 2018 - Out at work / Full Time!



Offline Anne Blake

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #148 on: April 08, 2018, 10:13:43 pm »
Aw, gee, now you have brought tears to our eyes! We enjoyed our time with you as well.

Tia Anne

Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #149 on: April 10, 2018, 09:54:53 pm »
After turning my life upside down when I went full time, everything almost seems normal again. I have much more confidence in my appearance, and I use my new voice by default without have to think about it. I am still getting used to my name. I have only been dead named twice in the last two weeks, and one of those was by someone who does not see me often.

Sometimes I encounter new and unexpected things on my journey, things I never thought about. I felt something different when I turned my head this morning. It was something I had never felt before. It seems my hair is now long enough that it brushes across my neck and upper back when I turn my head. What an awesome, sensuous feeling! Now my neck is going to get tired from constantly turning my head back and forth so I can experience that new sensation! Joy is all around us, sometimes you just have to open your eyes to see it right in front of you.

I spoke to a manager at work who is also friend of mine, Liz. We had not crossed paths since I came out, but she did send a very nice reply to my coming out announcement. We had a nice talk, and she brought up another manager who had passed away several years ago. 'Bob' had talked to her about one of my fits of rage that slipped out at work, he had been worried about my anger. Liz mentioned that she wished Bob was still here so he would have known that I had finally found my path to peace.

About an half hour ago I contacted another softball coach I occasionally work with to tell her about my new status. I sent her a copy of my coming out letter and told her it was OK to share it with the team parents. I just got her response, and the last sentence brought tears to my eyes:

Hey you’re family as far as I’m concerned and as long as you’re happy then that’s all that’s matters. Thank you for the letter. I will share all of this information with parents, but ultimately I know everyone will accept you for who you are regardless of their personal views or feelings. We have a team event on Saturday if you and your family would like to join us. I think what you are doing sets a great example to the young women in this organization about being true to yourself and loving and accepting others.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
12 Feb 2017 - Out to Wife
23 Mar 2017 - Started Estradiol
28 Jul  2017 - Started Spironolactone
26 Dec 2017 - Out to Daughters
05 Feb 2018 - Legal Name Change
16 Feb 2018 - Out at work / Full Time!



Offline Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #150 on: April 11, 2018, 12:12:36 am »
After turning my life upside down when I went full time, everything almost seems normal again. I have much more confidence in my appearance, and I use my new voice by default without have to think about it. I am still getting used to my name. I have only been dead named twice in the last two weeks, and one of those was by someone who does not see me often.

Sometimes I encounter new and unexpected things on my journey, things I never thought about. I felt something different when I turned my head this morning. It was something I had never felt before. It seems my hair is now long enough that it brushes across my neck and upper back when I turn my head. What an awesome, sensuous feeling! Now my neck is going to get tired from constantly turning my head back and forth so I can experience that new sensation! Joy is all around us, sometimes you just have to open your eyes to see it right in front of you.

I spoke to a manager at work who is also friend of mine, Liz. We had not crossed paths since I came out, but she did send a very nice reply to my coming out announcement. We had a nice talk, and she brought up another manager who had passed away several years ago. 'Bob' had talked to her about one of my fits of rage that slipped out at work, he had been worried about my anger. Liz mentioned that she wished Bob was still here so he would have known that I had finally found my path to peace.

About an half hour ago I contacted another softball coach I occasionally work with to tell her about my new status. I sent her a copy of my coming out letter and told her it was OK to share it with the team parents. I just got her response, and the last sentence brought tears to my eyes:

Hey you’re family as far as I’m concerned and as long as you’re happy then that’s all that’s matters. Thank you for the letter. I will share all of this information with parents, but ultimately I know everyone will accept you for who you are regardless of their personal views or feelings. We have a team event on Saturday if you and your family would like to join us. I think what you are doing sets a great example to the young women in this organization about being true to yourself and loving and accepting others.

@ Jessica Rose:
  Wow-whee.... that was an amazing letter from that softball coach..... just amazing and wonderful!!!
Please keep us updated about how it went for Saturday's team event...
Hugs,
Danielle
Started HRT March 2015     3+ years ago, it's been an exciting journey
>>> I've been Full Time since December 2016
  .
:icon_chick:
I am 38 years old, Single, and Self Employed in a small town up in the COLD North.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
.




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Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #151 on: April 17, 2018, 08:27:54 pm »
Unfortunately politics got in the way of the softball potluck. The team manager said it would be best if I stayed away because he thought things could turn ugly during a meeting which would take place after the meal. He said it did not have anything to do with me, but they did not want me to get in the middle of a potentially bad situation. So I stayed away. I found out the next day that nothing happened, everyone wondered why I did not show up. I spoke to one of the coaches and wanted an answer, I told him with tears in my eyes that if I did not get a good explanation I would no longer be taking photos of their games (this is my fourth season with them, they are family).

The coach said only two people knew the whole story - the team manager and the organization president (I'll call him Bob). I had never worked with the manager, but I have known Bob for almost four years and he has always been someone I trusted, so I called him. Bob apologized, and he explained the situation thoroughly. Although I am still upset that in a sense I was collateral damage, at least now I understand why I was asked to stay away. I sent a text message to the coach telling him that Bob had explained things, and although I was still upset I would be back. The coach replied with this note:

I'm glad Bob was able to explain things. I'm sorry that you feel the manager took something away from you. I know our softball family would have been sad to lose such a big part of our family. Glad to have you back.

I really hate when petty politics get in the way of something that is supposed to be fun. I do my best to stay away from that side of things. I do not ask anything in return for my services, I just want to take photos and give the players and their families something to remember this precious time in their lives.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
12 Feb 2017 - Out to Wife
23 Mar 2017 - Started Estradiol
28 Jul  2017 - Started Spironolactone
26 Dec 2017 - Out to Daughters
05 Feb 2018 - Legal Name Change
16 Feb 2018 - Out at work / Full Time!



Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #152 on: April 17, 2018, 08:44:02 pm »
I did have something awesome happen today at work. I visited my friend Christina, she is the one who gave me the makeup about two months ago. We talked for a few minutes before one of her co-workers arrived, Liz, whom I had never met. All three of us talked for a few minutes and Christina mentioned my name several times. At one point we talked about filing taxes, and I mentioned that I had filed under my new name. Then Liz said ‘Oh, you’re Jessica!’. Then she gave me a hug. Although Christina had mentioned my transition to her weeks before, she did not realize I was that Jessica. She thought I was a co-worker visiting from Cleveland (our primary location), and she had no idea that I was transgender until I mentioned my name change!

Several folks on these forums have told me that I pass based on my photos, but when a cis woman I have just met can’t tell even after talking to me for several minutes, then I truly believe I have reached a point I never thought was possible - I can pass in real life. This made my day. If I had not been at work I would have started crying.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
12 Feb 2017 - Out to Wife
23 Mar 2017 - Started Estradiol
28 Jul  2017 - Started Spironolactone
26 Dec 2017 - Out to Daughters
05 Feb 2018 - Legal Name Change
16 Feb 2018 - Out at work / Full Time!



Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #153 on: April 19, 2018, 06:50:15 pm »
I had an incredible day. Back on Jan 19 I made some posts about being overcome with emotion on my way to work, I started hyperventilating, I was shaking, and my hands went numb. I did not really know what was happening, but I attributed it to Jessica's awakening, she was telling me that she was ready to enter the world. Over the last week or so I had experienced a few new waves of emotion, and I had a feeling something was coming. I even told a few co-workers about my original experience and warned them that I thought I would soon have another awakening. I told them not to worry because it would be something I wanted to occur, it would be a joyous occasion, but I would need someone to comfort me.

It arrived today while I was at work. I was feeling awesome all morning, and the joy began to grow. I was texting my sister-in-law when I was overcome with sheer joy, I had to excuse myself from a skype conference because I could no longer contain my emotion. Here are some of the texts I sent before and during the hour or so when pure joy became the only emotion in my world:

I am having an awesome day. I just feel amazing, I guess releasing your soul from darkness can do that! Of course it could just be a surge of estrogen!

The effect of finally being at peace with yourself after years of turmoil cannot be overstated. I am glad I can share some of the joy I am feeling today.

I'm sitting at my desk crying right now because I am just so damn happy. Nothing has happened, I'm just suddenly full of joy. I'm glad no one is looking at me right now. I can't control it.

I think my second awakening has arrived. This is awkward at work! I can't stop smiling and crying. I really need a hug. I am shaking all over. Pure, awesome, 100% joy!!! I don't want to control it or let it end. Nothing else in life has ever felt this amazing.


One of my friends was finally able to make it to my desk, and she held me for 5 - 10 minutes. I was still shaking, and crying, and my hands were still numb. Being able to share such a deeply personal experience with a friend was simply amazing. About 15 minutes later I noticed a text from my sister-in-law saying she was worried about me...

No worries, it's slowly fading now. It was simply indescribable. I'm still shaking. Not to be crude but it was like an emotional orgasm of pure joy that lasted an hour!!! I'm still having aftershocks, but I'm finally calming down. I think that was the emotional release I was waiting for, I just don't know what it will leave behind.

I did manage to take a photo of myself during this time. It is not the best quality, but this is what I looked like for about an hour. It was awkward and a bit embarrassing to have it happen at work. I tried my best to describe what was happening, but I simply can't find any other words to explain what I felt.

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
12 Feb 2017 - Out to Wife
23 Mar 2017 - Started Estradiol
28 Jul  2017 - Started Spironolactone
26 Dec 2017 - Out to Daughters
05 Feb 2018 - Legal Name Change
16 Feb 2018 - Out at work / Full Time!



Offline Laurie

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #154 on: April 19, 2018, 07:15:05 pm »
ummmm.... I'll have what she's having.

  It sounds like an overwhelming success Jessica. Success at what I am not sure but a success never the less.

  I am happy to read of your visit with Tia and Debi also. Are they not awesome people? I am sure Susan enjoyed her time with Debi as much as you enjoyed yours with Tia. I had such a good time visiting you, Susan, Jane, Debi and Tia when I was there. You all should get together more often. I would if I was as close as you all are.

Enjoy the feelings,
   
 Hugs,
   Laurie
Hi, I'm Laurie

“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,

May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone




Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #155 on: May 02, 2018, 06:59:58 am »
Wow, almost two weeks since my last post! After the burst of changes I went through the first few months of this year things have begun to settle down again, and I think that is a good thing. Life goes on.

I have been pretty busy taking photos at softball tournaments. I usually cover 5 - 6 games on a weekend and take 8000 - 9,000 photos. It takes a while to go through them and find then edit the keepers. I usually only keep about 5% - 8%. When you take photos of every pitch the numbers add up quickly. At the last tournament I took photos over an 8ft fence -- a 6ft woman on a 6ft ladder with a big camera is not inconspicuous! So far I have still had no issues at any of the tournaments. The worst thing I encountered so far was a ladies room without latches on the stall doors.

I still have a few folks at our main office in Cleveland who occasionally dead name me, I know it is just a slip because they have been doing a great job. None of the folks in Cleveland have met the new me, which may be part of the problem -- their mental picture is stuck on the old me. Later this month I hope to correct that. I will be driving to Cleveland for a few days to re-introduce myself to everyone I work with. Hopefully that will reset the mental image they have and convince their brains that my old name really is no longer appropriate!

On the way back to Colorado I will stop by my daughter in Madison, WI. She is very supporting, and I have sent her a few photos, but she has never met Jessica. A few days before my trip my younger daughter will be home from college, she has never met Jessica either. I am really looking forward to meeting both of my daughters and all of my co-workers again!

Not every day is euphoric (I'm not sure I could take that every day), but I am happy now. Every day I still look in the mirror an think 'What have I done?', and then I smile. This has been an incredible journey so far, and I still have some goals to reach.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
12 Feb 2017 - Out to Wife
23 Mar 2017 - Started Estradiol
28 Jul  2017 - Started Spironolactone
26 Dec 2017 - Out to Daughters
05 Feb 2018 - Legal Name Change
16 Feb 2018 - Out at work / Full Time!



Offline Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #156 on: May 02, 2018, 08:04:16 am »
Wow, almost two weeks since my last post! After the burst of changes I went through the first few months of this year things have begun to settle down again, and I think that is a good thing. Life goes on.

I have been pretty busy taking photos at softball tournaments. I usually cover 5 - 6 games on a weekend and take 8000 - 9,000 photos. It takes a while to go through them and find then edit the keepers. I usually only keep about 5% - 8%. When you take photos of every pitch the numbers add up quickly. At the last tournament I took photos over an 8ft fence -- a 6ft woman on a 6ft ladder with a big camera is not inconspicuous! So far I have still had no issues at any of the tournaments. The worst thing I encountered so far was a ladies room without latches on the stall doors.

I still have a few folks at our main office in Cleveland who occasionally dead name me, I know it is just a slip because they have been doing a great job. None of the folks in Cleveland have met the new me, which may be part of the problem -- their mental picture is stuck on the old me. Later this month I hope to correct that. I will be driving to Cleveland for a few days to re-introduce myself to everyone I work with. Hopefully that will reset the mental image they have and convince their brains that my old name really is no longer appropriate!

On the way back to Colorado I will stop by my daughter in Madison, WI. She is very supporting, and I have sent her a few photos, but she has never met Jessica. A few days before my trip my younger daughter will be home from college, she has never met Jessica either. I am really looking forward to meeting both of my daughters and all of my co-workers again!

Not every day is euphoric (I'm not sure I could take that every day), but I am happy now. Every day I still look in the mirror an think 'What have I done?', and then I smile. This has been an incredible journey so far, and I still have some goals to reach.

Jessica Rose:  Well, you really do not have to apologize for not having the time to post lately....  life happens, work happens...  those things are very important to do, then when you have some extra time you can visit your friends here at Susan's Place.   ...   however while you were "away" I did check your thread to see what's up... and there was no Jessica Rose to be found.  Another week without seeing a post from you I would have put an ad in the Susan's Lost and Found... LOL

Some years ago I was really into nature photography, since I did a lot of hiking, snow skiing and boarding and I also had a job where I traveled a lot in the USA, Canada, Mexico, South America, Japan, UK, Germany, Netherlands, etc...   I always took my trusty camera with me....   I took tons of photos....  and like you said, after editing out all of the unwanted shots, I only was left with perhaps 1 out of 20 ....  or about 5% much like your photo yield.... but I never got anywhere close to 8,000+ photos like you had mentioned.   I never got into "taking videos" .... I liked the stills better.

Well, that is interesting about your 2 daughters that you will be getting together with soon... hmmm, they have never met Jessica Rose?  That is good news about your daughter in Wisconsin being very supportive to you... and she has seen the pictures of the new you!  What about the college daughter, has she seen your new photos and is accepting and all of that?   I trust that all goes well for you with your daughters, we are all rooting for you... please keep us updated about that subject since it is very dear to the heart of all transitioners that have family members that meet the new us for the first time.

I loved you very last paragraph.....  looking in the mirror and thinking to yourself "What have I done" and then smile.
I can certainly identify with your feelings.  Yes, this entire trip is an incredible journey so far, and the ride is not over.

Thank you Jessica Rose for your long awaited update...
I will be checking for more News from you when you post it here and on the other various Forum threads.

Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle



Started HRT March 2015     3+ years ago, it's been an exciting journey
>>> I've been Full Time since December 2016
  .
:icon_chick:
I am 38 years old, Single, and Self Employed in a small town up in the COLD North.
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Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #157 on: May 02, 2018, 01:25:30 pm »
Thanks Danielle, at least I know one person is reading this! I would love to visit Alaska sometime, I find remote wilderness areas exceptionally beautiful. Video is nice for many occasions, but I have also always preferred still photos. Stills are much easier to share and they make great prints if you actually want one on a desk or wall.

My younger daughter (Kimberly) is also supportive, and she has at least two friends I have met who are now transitioning, one MTF and one FTM. It will be interesting to see her reaction when she finally meets me. Kimberly has seen at least one photo of Jessica Rose via email, but unfortunately she is not big on communication and she has never mentioned it. We don't hear from her as often as we would like, but she is becoming independent, and she is becoming herself. She plans to do some research work for her college over the Summer, but since that is only part-time work she is also looking for another job. She says she wants to start earning more, and she plans to cover all of her expenses over the Summer. How can I complain about that?

I had my annual check-up today, and I had no complaints. Even after battling horrendous traffic and sitting in the exam room wearing one of those oh-so-stylish exam gowns for 30 minutes, my smile never faded. It must have been infectious because my doctor caught it within minutes of entering the room. She suggested I start taking some Vitamin D and fish oil supplements, and she said I should plan on having a mammogram soon. In an odd way that made me happy! She mentioned that she was glad I was her first patient today, because the first patient usually sets the tone for the day and seeing how happy I was had made her happy too!

Although I expected some physical changes, the mental changes for me have been more profound than I ever expected. They come slowly, imperceptibly at first, but eventually you begin to feel them. My anger has faded into a distant unpleasant memory, and a new world of emotions that I barely knew existed has now opened. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I wonder what my life would have been like if I had been born as a cis female, and a feeling of anguish comes over me. I realize that I will never know who I could have been, but at least I finally know who I am now, and I can live the rest of my life as my true self. The anguish quickly turns to a feeling of satisfaction with who I have become, and then the smile returns. No matter what the weather, I can now find beauty and happiness in every day.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
12 Feb 2017 - Out to Wife
23 Mar 2017 - Started Estradiol
28 Jul  2017 - Started Spironolactone
26 Dec 2017 - Out to Daughters
05 Feb 2018 - Legal Name Change
16 Feb 2018 - Out at work / Full Time!



Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #158 on: May 03, 2018, 06:08:27 pm »
What an unexpectedly awesome day! Today I wore my black knee-hi boots (seen in post #109), black jeans, a black and white tunic, and a black and grey jacket. The weather was not so nice, periods of strong winds, snow, and rain, but it turned out great anyway. I had my legs lasered again, and on my way home I stopped off to pick up a few groceries. As I was getting some milk a lady walked up, tapped me on the shoulder and said 'I love those boots! They look so cute on you!' After a silent internal 'squeeeee!', I thanked her for the compliment. That is the first time a stranger ever complimented me on my clothing, and coming from another woman it just really made my day!
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
12 Feb 2017 - Out to Wife
23 Mar 2017 - Started Estradiol
28 Jul  2017 - Started Spironolactone
26 Dec 2017 - Out to Daughters
05 Feb 2018 - Legal Name Change
16 Feb 2018 - Out at work / Full Time!



Offline Alaskan Danielle

  • If you want friends, be friendly, be the first to smile and introduce yourself.
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Re: Jessica's Rose Garden
« Reply #159 on: May 03, 2018, 07:24:59 pm »
What an unexpectedly awesome day! Today I wore my black knee-hi boots (seen in post #109), black jeans, a black and white tunic, and a black and grey jacket. The weather was not so nice, periods of strong winds, snow, and rain, but it turned out great anyway. I had my legs lasered again, and on my way home I stopped off to pick up a few groceries. As I was getting some milk a lady walked up, tapped me on the shoulder and said 'I love those boots! They look so cute on you!' After a silent internal 'squeeeee!', I thanked her for the compliment. That is the first time a stranger ever complimented me on my clothing, and coming from another woman it just really made my day!

Jessica Rose:  Come on now Jessica Rose, you know the rule here on the Forums...  "No picture? It didn't happen!" 

As you do, I love those unexpected compliments, especially coming from a cis-female and especially about your clothing or boots.... and "they look so cute on you"   ;) ::)

Oh yeah, as where you are, here today it has been cold, below freezing last night, snow coming down this morning and later this afternoon it got up to 44 degrees.... and freezing again tonight.

I enjoyed your update.  Oh, I will be looking for your report about Jessica Rose meeting her daughters for the first time.
Hugs,
Danielle
Started HRT March 2015     3+ years ago, it's been an exciting journey
>>> I've been Full Time since December 2016
  .
:icon_chick:
I am 38 years old, Single, and Self Employed in a small town up in the COLD North.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
.




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Tags: mtf hrt transition journal