Author Topic: Hello from Finland  (Read 341 times)

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Offline Mendi

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Hello from Finland
« on: January 20, 2018, 10:00:41 pm »
Just thought to say hi. It might be, that I've been on this forum some five or six years ago, when I first tried transitioning (MTF), but unfortunately that ended badly, as the underlying huge guilt and absolutely devastating shame of being the way I am destroyed eventually my attempt, even though I was on hormones and was living as me. Still, being shamed of who I am eventually again crashed my mental health completely.

The situation wasn't made any better by the gender clinic doctor, who's first two questions on an hour long session were: Do I bake? And do I wear underwear and if I do, what kind, please describe? After that, I don't remember anything at all from that meeting. I dissociated myself away from the situation, being met by a person, who clearly despised me and I guess felt certain transfobia too. But that's Finnish transger clinic for you...

Last spring I was again told by a doctor, that I'm seriously ill, messed up for having a depression diagnose, unspesified personality disorder as well as dissociation disorder, which is also unspesified. Oh yes, and the papers state me as a transgender too. That was enough for the doctor to label me as a sick puppy.

I was asked that what do I think, if my fellow nurses (I work at a hospital as a nurse) would know about me? Do I think, that they would ever again trust me?

That crashed again everything and stayed at home for 4 months, barely moving from the bed at all. The feeling that I had was so final, so overwhelming that this is it. I never again wan't to go anywhere, because it's obvious that no one likes me and if they truly know me, they like me even less. I planned to kill myself and was ready to do it, everything was ready, certain insurances I had already cut off, threw old papers away and stuff that I thought no one could use after I was gone, listed all different thing on paper, so that my father would have easier time of sorting out my billing etc. after I was gone. But one morning I woke up to the thought, that if I kill myself now, I didn't turn the last playing card on the table, I gave up not even knowing had I lost the game or not.

I thought that about half a day and finally gathered the very few male clothes that I even had, some dating back from the late nineties, believe it or not. Threw everything into the trash bin and that was it. No turning back after that.

I've been living as me from the early October 2017. Managed to secure hormones on prescription in early November and got my name changed officially in late November. Both of those two things, you normally need an official permission from one of the two official gender clinics in Finland, where the "help" can be rather arbitrary. I've also started laser treatment with my own money. Normally you do get help from society, which pays the treatments, but I rather pay everything with my own money, so I don't have to stress about those gender clinics, where they seem to focus on baking and underwear. Enough of this fifties housewife bullshit!  ;D

But yeah, life has been good since October. I finally feel a live! Unfortunately, forty years went by being a living dead. But I have to comfort myself with the thought, that at least I get to live as me for the remaining years and what ever happens, I will not be buried as a man.

I'm again working and the reception that I've gotten from those collegues that knew the living dead, has been more than warm. It brings tears to my eyes, that everyone has accepted me so well and I'm now part of the woman "gang"  :D




*No Profanity Please*
« Last Edit: January 20, 2018, 10:16:14 pm by V M »
“Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got” - Janis Joplin -


Offline V M

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Re: Hello from Finland
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2018, 10:15:17 pm »
Hi Mendi  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that we offer to all new members to help them along


Things that you should read

Hugs

V M
The main things to remember in life are Love, Kindness, Understanding and Respect - Always make forward progress

Superficial fanny kissing friends are a dime a dozen, a TRUE FRIEND however is PRICELESS

 
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Offline Mendi

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Re: Hello from Finland
« Reply #2 on: January 20, 2018, 10:22:11 pm »
Thanks and sorry about that forbidded word, I thought that censoring it nearly completely by myself was enough  :)
“Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got” - Janis Joplin -


Offline Roll

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Re: Hello from Finland
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2018, 10:51:04 pm »
Hi Mendi!

It blows my mind that the super progressive Nordic countries like Finland (at least according to most international rankings) can still be so close minded and strict about trans stuff and gender roles. Requiring you to bake and wear women's underwear (... and describe in detail no less...) is just crazy. I'm so sorry you had to go through that! I hope everything continues to look up however, and that your transition goes well from here!
~ Ellie

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(I made the s lowercase so it didn't look as much like PMS... ;D)

An Open Letter to anyone suffering from anxiety, particularly those afraid to make your first post or continue posting!

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5/21/18 - FIRST DAY OUT AS ME!!!!!!!!!

Only 3 people left to come out to until it just becomes public knowledge.


Offline Jessica

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Re: Hello from Finland
« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2018, 11:44:04 pm »
Hi Mendi 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan’s!  I surprised also on the perceived image of Scandinavian countries being liberal and having such backwards ideas. I’m happy your situation has improved.  Hope to hear more about you.

Hugs, Jess

... it's like running a car on ethanol when it's supposed to take gasoline... it'll work, but it's eventually gonna break down until you put it on the proper fuel.

Offline Mendi

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Re: Hello from Finland
« Reply #5 on: January 21, 2018, 12:05:42 am »
Well this is a progressive country, just as long as you fit into the "general" population and what is perceived as "normal". Finland in this sense unfortunately is far behind of other Scandinavian countries. We are not really European in that sense, far far behind of that. Other Scandinavian countries are now removing/removed the sterilization requirement from transgender people. Finland on the other hand, even though being reprimanded of violating basic human rights with this requirement is not doing anything at all for this issue. The legistlation is not even being thought out. It stays and that is it.

Other Scandinavian countries are either now being thinking of adding either a third gender option to a passport and/or allowing you to just make an official statement about your gender, without any requirements or investigating, are you sane or not. What you inform as your gender, will be what is printed to a passport.

Finland....no chance of that. The legistlation stays as it is.

So yeah, we give to an outsiders an picture of ourselves being very liberal and majority of the people here seem to even believe that. Just as long as you are as majority of the people are. If you find out, that you are minority, the truth really sets in, not just trans, but any minority.

But of course, the gender correction is basically free here. You just pay standard small fee of staying in hospital and even SRS is free. Just as long as you get through the stupid baking questions etc and manage to wait years and years and years.

Some I know are happy to the gender clinic, but majority of the stories are really upsetting. The view of the genders in that clinic are sterotypes from the fifities: Women don't fix anything, woman bake, women don't listen to heavy music, women knit all the time and women seem to wear sexy lingerie all the time, just for the man. And you definitely need to wear very feminine clothes when going to the clinic, otherwise they will start questioning your gender.

But I guess when something is free, you cannot complain that much?

I just value myself more than money and I will be paying most of the things I need myself. One thing however I cannot get with a money and that is a change in my social security number, which labels me as a man everywhere. For that I need the help of that clinic and I have started again to visit the place, but on the first visit I told them, that this time I will not be listening any nonsense. I'm fed up of that!
“Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got” - Janis Joplin -


Offline Jessica

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Re: Hello from Finland
« Reply #6 on: January 21, 2018, 12:39:09 am »
Wow Mendi, I had no idea.  I kinda grouped Finland with all the other Scandinavian countries in having the same mindset. My roots are in Sweden, which I will be visiting in June.  I’m glad to hear they are not as behind the times when it comes to us.

... it's like running a car on ethanol when it's supposed to take gasoline... it'll work, but it's eventually gonna break down until you put it on the proper fuel.

Offline lexxy

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Re: Hello from Finland
« Reply #7 on: January 22, 2018, 11:08:21 pm »
Mendi, welcome! Just reading your story I wanted to tell you how sorry I am you had to go through that. I've been to Finland and like others here I am surprised to hear about your experience but I'm glad you've found a way through it. Excited to hear about your plans and congrats on moving forward!

EDIT: Feel free to ignore this is it's too personal a question or you simply aren't comfortable with it... but do you use the sauna much? I'm curious your experience in the public saunas while transitioning.
« Last Edit: January 23, 2018, 12:26:39 am by lexxy »

Offline Mendi

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Re: Hello from Finland
« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2018, 01:10:45 am »
No sauna for me as a pre-op. And even after being just 3 monts on HRT, I wouldn't feel very comfortable of going to a male side sauna either. And no female side sauna either....or what might seem crazy to other people around the world....mixed sauna! No for that either.

I know some pre-op women have gone to sauna, as you can get a small badge, which allows you to wear your swimsuit also in washing room and in sauna. It is meant for all kinds of conditions, in which you don't want to reveal your body at all. So it doesn't label you as trans.

It is handy, but it really requires a huge amount of self-confidence and sufficient willpower, if nasty things happens. Some of the stories have been really horrible, as if someone picks you up as a "male", then there will be security etc.

I think I can wait a bit. Or wait those few days in summer, when you can go to a beach to swim.

“Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got” - Janis Joplin -


Offline MeTony

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Re: Hello from Finland
« Reply #9 on: January 23, 2018, 01:36:45 am »
Welcome Mendi.

Terve tuloa! I was born in Finland. I live in Sweden.

I’m sorry you had that kind of response on the clinic. Good that you make the rules this time. No BS.

I am also 40 years old and was suicidal and had a life crisis 10 years ago. But today, I know who I am.


Tony

Offline Lena101

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Re: Hello from Finland
« Reply #10 on: January 23, 2018, 04:50:59 pm »
Welcome Mendi.

I am so sorry for all the difficulties you had when you tried to transition before.  I hope that this time around you find more support, encouragement & positive outcomes.  I am a bit shocked at how bad Finland is for trans rights & treatment.   It shouldn't matter that it is free, you should still be treated with respect, understanding & support.  I really wish you the best.

Online Devlyn

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Re: Hello from Finland
« Reply #11 on: January 25, 2018, 08:01:14 pm »
Hi Mendi, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm the resident Bostonian. I'm glad to see you took charge of things and went after what you wanted. See you around the site.

Hugs, Devlyn

Offline Jessica

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Re: Hello from Finland
« Reply #12 on: January 25, 2018, 08:06:46 pm »
Hi Mendi, do you think Freya would be ticked off at me if I chose her name for my middle name?

... it's like running a car on ethanol when it's supposed to take gasoline... it'll work, but it's eventually gonna break down until you put it on the proper fuel.

Offline Mendi

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Re: Hello from Finland
« Reply #13 on: January 25, 2018, 10:01:21 pm »
Probably not....but what do I know, she's Norwegian  ;D
“Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got” - Janis Joplin -


Offline Jessica

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Re: Hello from Finland
« Reply #14 on: January 25, 2018, 11:04:10 pm »
Probably not....but what do I know, she's Norwegian  ;D

Well, I’m safe anyway.  I’ve decided on Marie as my middle name.

... it's like running a car on ethanol when it's supposed to take gasoline... it'll work, but it's eventually gonna break down until you put it on the proper fuel.

Offline fleurgirl

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Re: Hello from Finland
« Reply #15 on: February 07, 2018, 10:03:24 pm »
Hey, Mendi!

Funny story, my gender counselor asked me some weird underwear questions too! I kind of brushed him off and went to a different counselor, because I feel like the question was odd--to say the least. Anyway, welcome to the forum! My heart goes out to you with your struggles, but you seem to have come a long way.

Sincerely,
FleurGirl
FleurGirl - She grew from the flowerbed

Offline stephaniec

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Re: Hello from Finland
« Reply #16 on: February 07, 2018, 10:52:31 pm »
hello from Chicago Illinois  USA

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