Topic: dating an ftm

[trinigoddess23]

so i needed some on advice me and my boyfriend been together almost 3yrs in march i was with him when he first started his trainsition. i wanted some advice because hes a year and some change in on t and he recently said he doesnt want a relationship right now to get his self together but he be so emotional at times and says im the only one that can handle him i been holding him down every since so now im just trying to get some advice is it normal when he says that should i still ride for him like i have been doing or should i just move on

[V M]

Hi trinigoddess 

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V M

[Laurie]

Hi Trini,

   I'm Laurie. I am an MtF myself and quite a bit older than you if the 23 part of your user name is your age. For those reasons and others I am not the right person to come to for relationship advice. So I will not go there except to say that transitions is a volatile time for us in the early years. I can't really speak about the effect of taking T but I suspect the changes mentally are going to be as tumultuous as it is for us who are experiencing a body flush with E.  For that reason alone I would advise patience. I'd hope things will become more settled as he gets used to it.
  Welcome to Susan's place, hun.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Feminator]

Hello and welcome!

From what I have read on various boards, this seems to be the average for younger people going through this. In your 20's you usually need to find out who you are and I think that being and realizing you are trans is another whole layer on your life and your relationships. I notice that this is less so with an older trans person who has been in a long term relationship because they have more life experience and know what they want in a partner so that part of their life is at least how they want. (this is how my partner explained it to me). They have no desire or need to date around as much either. So, this basically is my theory on the matter.

[November Fox]

I´d try to get a clear answer out of him. He says he wants to be alone.
He says you are the only one who can handle him.

Sounds like he needs space for a while but is afraid to let you go. Being with somebody who accepts you for you is quite unique, and specially trans people see how valuable this is. It kind of makes sense for him to be scared of losing it.

Whether you should move on or not is a decision you need to make for yourself. If he wants to be alone and not have a relationship, it´s up to you what you want to do. You could wait it out, but you can´t predict how long it´s going to take.

You can´t predict how he transforms, either. In my experience HRT is very transforming and over time, your needs change. So neither of you might want the same thing in a while from now.

[Lisbeth83]

so i needed some on advice me and my boyfriend been together almost 3yrs in march i was with him when he first started his trainsition. i wanted some advice because hes a year and some change in on t and he recently said he doesnt want a relationship right now to get his self together but he be so emotional at times and says im the only one that can handle him i been holding him down every since so now im just trying to get some advice is it normal when he says that should i still ride for him like i have been doing or should i just move on

HI... Actually I don't have any suggestion because I'm on the same boat with my "so"... I feel you 😘

[Grunt]

so i needed some on advice me and my boyfriend been together almost 3yrs in march i was with him when he first started his trainsition. i wanted some advice because hes a year and some change in on t and he recently said he doesnt want a relationship right now to get his self together but he be so emotional at times and says im the only one that can handle him i been holding him down every since so now im just trying to get some advice is it normal when he says that should i still ride for him like i have been doing or should i just move on

Hi there, as a starting FTM in my late twenties, married with a kid, I can still say that it sounds normal. Being trans puts a lot of emotional and mental stress on a person, and sometimes you succumb to it and try to end the other good things in your life. Maybe try a sit-down session with him and actually delve in to why he thinks he needs a break from you, get ti the bottom of it all and see if it's insecurities, or something more.

Either way, I wish you both the best of luck.

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