Author Topic: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?  (Read 1305 times)

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Offline Danielle79

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Re: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?
« Reply #20 on: February 07, 2018, 10:38:46 pm »
How does it make you feel to imagine looking in the mirror and seeing a woman's face?

How do you feel about other people seeing a woman when they look at you?

How do you feel about people referring to you as "she"?
Looking into the mirror after HRT kicked in was a revelation. Mirrors had always been so unpleasant to me. Suddenly they weren't. I had no idea what I had been missing all those years.

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Offline Light_of_Elune

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Re: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?
« Reply #21 on: February 08, 2018, 09:02:32 am »
The dysphoria may kick up a few notches as you progress. Most of us protect ourselves from the realization that we are trans (if only out of self-preservation in a hostile environment).

It's like we're in a soundproof room and there's a loud alarm going off outside. We can hear the alarm, but it's so muffled that we might even think that we're imagining it. It takes us a while to convince ourselves that it is there. But once we step out of that room, that alarm is so loud that we can't help but do something about it.

Avoiding masculinity was one of the ways I protected myself. I just kept telling myself that I was a "nice guy." The thing is, though, even the nice guys still act like guys. I didn't. Now I understand that.

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I was wondering if that was how it would work. The main thing holding me back right now is the lack of any major dysphoria; it makes me feel like I might be faking it, or that I could be wrong. It would make sense, though, if I don't have dysphoria because I've never allowed those thoughts to surface. To use the food analogy again, it can be hard to tell if a food is bland if you've never had one with more flavor.

Offline Light_of_Elune

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Re: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?
« Reply #22 on: February 08, 2018, 09:08:33 am »
How does it make you feel to imagine looking in the mirror and seeing a woman's face?

How do you feel about other people seeing a woman when they look at you?

How do you feel about people referring to you as "she"?

I honestly don't really know how I'd feel seeing myself, or having other people see me, as a woman.

I've been referred to with female pronouns in video games plenty of times (my favorite character in WoW was a female Night Elf Priest), and it never really felt uncomfortable or anything, but I wasn't really properly roleplaying or anything. I just saw it as my avatar and nothing more.

So I guess my answer is "I don't know". It's still outside my range of experience.

Offline Light_of_Elune

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Re: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?
« Reply #23 on: February 08, 2018, 09:20:04 am »
I think I'm going to tell my mom so that I can find a therapist, I'm just waiting for a chance to tell her when no one else is around, which is like, never, since she's the nucleus of the family.

Offline JulieAllana

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Re: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?
« Reply #24 on: February 08, 2018, 09:32:39 am »
I was wondering if that was how it would work. The main thing holding me back right now is the lack of any major dysphoria; it makes me feel like I might be faking it, or that I could be wrong. It would make sense, though, if I don't have dysphoria because I've never allowed those thoughts to surface. To use the food analogy again, it can be hard to tell if a food is bland if you've never had one with more flavor.

After reading your latest posts, I can say that the way you feel is almost identical to me.  There are moments when this whole idea of being a woman just fits and then there are moments when I am so unsure.  The unsure moments so far have always subsided.  Each step I have taken so far has felt right (toenail polish, women's undergarments, practice makeup, show up to therapist presenting female) and when I answered the previous posters 3 questions (look in mirror, be called she, and be taken as a woman) each one of them made me smile a little bit as I thought of the answer being yes.  This is ultimately your journey, just follow what feels right.  With a good therapist, these feelings should all sort themselves out one way or another.  For me it seems like a really slow process.  The thing is, I can back out any time I want and I haven't wanted to yet. 

Feel free to PM me once you hit 15 posts.  Talking to others about this helps me sort out my own feelings.

       -Julie
1/4/18 - Admission to self of trans - Start of transition
2/10/18 - First time out in public
2/12/18 - Ears Pierced
2/16/18 - Started Laser Hair removal on face
7/4/18 - Down 101 pounds since 1/4/18.  Maybe start HRT at 210-15

Offline JulieAllana

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Re: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?
« Reply #25 on: February 08, 2018, 09:36:17 am »

I've been referred to with female pronouns in video games plenty of times (my favorite character in WoW was a female Night Elf Priest), and it never really felt uncomfortable or anything, but I wasn't really properly roleplaying or anything. I just saw it as my avatar and nothing more.

Did you frequently pick female avatars in video games?  I picked females in Elder Scrolls: Oblivion and Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines video games.  There is another game called Nethack where you can get a cursed item that changes your gender.  I would always wear it on purpose to change into a female. 

            -Julie
1/4/18 - Admission to self of trans - Start of transition
2/10/18 - First time out in public
2/12/18 - Ears Pierced
2/16/18 - Started Laser Hair removal on face
7/4/18 - Down 101 pounds since 1/4/18.  Maybe start HRT at 210-15

Offline Light_of_Elune

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Re: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?
« Reply #26 on: February 09, 2018, 06:52:55 am »
Did you frequently pick female avatars in video games?  I picked females in Elder Scrolls: Oblivion and Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines video games.  There is another game called Nethack where you can get a cursed item that changes your gender.  I would always wear it on purpose to change into a female. 

            -Julie

Not so much, but there was this one Christmas when I was a kid, I had just gotten an Xbox 360 recently and my mom got me Fable II and Star Wars The Force Unleashed II as a Christmas present. I was allowed to pull an all-nighter to play Force Unleashed II, but finished it early (that game was way too short), so I decided to play Fable II (it might have actually been Fable III, but whatever). Seeing as it was late at night and no-one was around to see me play, I made a female character with the sole purpose of getting married and getting pregnant (a big fetish of mine which, sadly, I'll never be able to do myself). Being a teenager who thought he was a pervert, I naturally deleted any trace of the save file immediately afterwards and never told anyone about it.

The only other time I made a female character that I actually played was on World of Warcraft. I made a Night Elf Priest, because I wanted to try a healer, try a priest, and try playing Alliance (Assigned Horde at Birth). I also made it female, but at the time I used the excuse "if I have to stare at somebody's butt all day, it'll be a butt worth looking at". Yeah, bitch, no, I know what that was about now.

Offline Light_of_Elune

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Re: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?
« Reply #27 on: February 09, 2018, 09:45:00 am »
The only other time I made a female character that I actually played was on World of Warcraft. I made a Night Elf Priest, because I wanted to try a healer, try a priest, and try playing Alliance (Assigned Horde at Birth). I also made it female, but at the time I used the excuse "if I have to stare at somebody's butt all day, it'll be a butt worth looking at". Yeah, bitch, no, I know what that was about now.

Wait, that's wrong, I actually had two female WoW characters. I have a female Draenei Shaman, too.

Offline Light_of_Elune

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Re: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?
« Reply #28 on: February 12, 2018, 12:23:18 pm »
So I told my mom over the weekend and she seems pretty chill and open to it, besides telling me to "make sure you're really really sure about all this, you tend to obsess over things" (that's not untrue). We haven't looked into a therapist yet because she's still trying to wrap her head around everything first and she's really busy, so finding time to research is hard.

It's still a secret to the rest of my family, at least for now. My brother and sister would probably be fine with it, but my stepdad is a religious hyper-conservative. He got mad and defensive when I told everyone I was voting for Bernie, so that should be a hint as how he would react to me being trans.

Offline JulieAllana

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Re: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?
« Reply #29 on: February 12, 2018, 01:50:06 pm »
     It'll all work out.  Once you know for sure, telling him will just be another line item in a long list of things that you will have to do and get in order. 
     I have told a select few friends and family but there are others that it would just cause headaches at the moment.  It isn't that they wouldn't be angry exactly, but they probably wouldn't understand so readily and there are other things in my life right now (divorce) that they are keen to support me thorugh.  They would probably think it is some sort of phase and tell me to see a therapist (doing that, hehe).  I just don't want to muddy the waters and have those two things intertwined. 

       Just hang in there!  For everything there is a time.

                               Julie
1/4/18 - Admission to self of trans - Start of transition
2/10/18 - First time out in public
2/12/18 - Ears Pierced
2/16/18 - Started Laser Hair removal on face
7/4/18 - Down 101 pounds since 1/4/18.  Maybe start HRT at 210-15

Offline epvanbeveren

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Re: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?
« Reply #30 on: February 12, 2018, 11:04:12 pm »
... I was actually wondering last night if I might be asexual (and attracted to woman only as a sexualization of wanting to be female), but I'm now wondering if it's more like the character in the book, where my actual sexual orientation will show itself after I deal with the whole trans thing.

I don't know, it sounded like something to think about...

I felt confused about my orientation as well. My therapist told me I am sexually attracted to man and romantically to woman. I have accepted this as my "orientation" if I might say so. Perhaps something to look into when you talk to your therapist?
I am a K. MacPhee girl, re-born on October 4 2017 in Raleigh/Durham NC. USA
I was AMAB on May 6 1963 in Dordrecht, the Netherlands.

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Offline Light_of_Elune

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Re: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?
« Reply #31 on: February 17, 2018, 06:41:40 pm »
So today I completely shaved my face for the first time in years. I've always been pretty okay with my face, but I just remembered why I always have a beard. My chin looks awful. Hopefully it's just because I'm overweight and not something genetic. Here are some pictures.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1V19qD1HQ_Jv4zE3eWOo2_7L66arrF7T6

The first is me a few weeks ago, the second is me now holding my head at a normal pose, and the third is me now holding my head forward to stretch my neck and hide my fat chin.

The reason I'm posting pictures is because I wanted to ask some people who are more experienced with this sort of thing: given longer hair and proper makeup, would it be difficult to feminize my face? This is honestly a big worry of mine if I decide to go the transition route (right now I'm in the non-binary dude camp, but that's mainly just while I figure things out).

On a completely unrelated note, I'm playing World of Warcraft again. If anyone here wants to be WoW friends, I'm currently playing Horde on Wyrmrest Accord. My character is an Orc Mistweaver Monk named Joraghacor. Just whisper me and say you're from Susan's Place and I'll add you as a friend. I'm part of a trans-friendly guild called Breadsquad.

Offline JulieAllana

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Re: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?
« Reply #32 on: February 17, 2018, 07:59:48 pm »
    I have seen some AMAZING tranformations of male to females.  I would recommend that you search out some before and after pictures.  There are a few threads here on Susan's but I am sure there are plenty on the internet.  It was looking at these types of photos that have really given me the courage to move forwards.  I was of the opinion that I would never have a feminine face.  While there are no guarantees, looking at others' transformations have really helped me.  No WoW for me, hehe...I have enough distractions.

         Julie
1/4/18 - Admission to self of trans - Start of transition
2/10/18 - First time out in public
2/12/18 - Ears Pierced
2/16/18 - Started Laser Hair removal on face
7/4/18 - Down 101 pounds since 1/4/18.  Maybe start HRT at 210-15

Offline Danielle79

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Re: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?
« Reply #33 on: February 18, 2018, 10:53:46 pm »
So today I completely shaved my face for the first time in years. I've always been pretty okay with my face, but I just remembered why I always have a beard. My chin looks awful. Hopefully it's just because I'm overweight and not something genetic. Here are some pictures.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1V19qD1HQ_Jv4zE3eWOo2_7L66arrF7T6

The first is me a few weeks ago, the second is me now holding my head at a normal pose, and the third is me now holding my head forward to stretch my neck and hide my fat chin.

The reason I'm posting pictures is because I wanted to ask some people who are more experienced with this sort of thing: given longer hair and proper makeup, would it be difficult to feminize my face? This is honestly a big worry of mine if I decide to go the transition route (right now I'm in the non-binary dude camp, but that's mainly just while I figure things out).

On a completely unrelated note, I'm playing World of Warcraft again. If anyone here wants to be WoW friends, I'm currently playing Horde on Wyrmrest Accord. My character is an Orc Mistweaver Monk named Joraghacor. Just whisper me and say you're from Susan's Place and I'll add you as a friend. I'm part of a trans-friendly guild called Breadsquad.
I think you'll be fine. Estrogen has a subtle effect on the distribution of fat on your face. It's surprising how much it helps.

It's hard to tell without a side view of your face, but you don't seem to have a lot of heavy masculine features. I know cis women with dimples in their chin, so I wouldn't worry about that.

I took about twelve months from when I first went to a therapist to when I socially transitioned. Nine months of that time was spent on HRT. I found that to be a good amount of time for the estrogen to kick in and for my hair to grow out. I might have been able to shave off a couple of months had my circumstances been different, but not much more than that.

Since you have dark hair, your beard shadow might be an issue. You can buy foundation that will help, but you may want to start facial hair removal once you go on HRT (assuming you do, of course). You have dark hair and fair skin, so you should be a very good candidate for laser. After several monthly sessions, your beard shadow should be far less evident, and that makes a huge difference with passing.

Hair doesn't have to be long to help you pass. It just has to complement the shape of your face. Your hair grows about six inches per year. That should be enough for a good stylist to do their magic. One tip: bangs are really great for passing since they shorten the face.

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Offline Light_of_Elune

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Re: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?
« Reply #34 on: April 02, 2018, 11:34:03 am »
I think you'll be fine. Estrogen has a subtle effect on the distribution of fat on your face. It's surprising how much it helps.

It's hard to tell without a side view of your face, but you don't seem to have a lot of heavy masculine features. I know cis women with dimples in their chin, so I wouldn't worry about that.

I took about twelve months from when I first went to a therapist to when I socially transitioned. Nine months of that time was spent on HRT. I found that to be a good amount of time for the estrogen to kick in and for my hair to grow out. I might have been able to shave off a couple of months had my circumstances been different, but not much more than that.

Since you have dark hair, your beard shadow might be an issue. You can buy foundation that will help, but you may want to start facial hair removal once you go on HRT (assuming you do, of course). You have dark hair and fair skin, so you should be a very good candidate for laser. After several monthly sessions, your beard shadow should be far less evident, and that makes a huge difference with passing.

Hair doesn't have to be long to help you pass. It just has to complement the shape of your face. Your hair grows about six inches per year. That should be enough for a good stylist to do their magic. One tip: bangs are really great for passing since they shorten the face.

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*Necromancer by Judas Priest starts playing in background*
Hey y'all, sorry it took me so long to reply (and excuse the shameless thread necro joke). I joined Twitter a few weeks ago with a female persona and made a few friends and have been spending all my time there, and I totally forgot about this thread until just now. If anyone's still reading this thread, online I'm going by the name Jaycie now, with she/her pronouns. My twitter is @TheCrankyWizard, if anyone is interested in following me.

It's reassuring to hear that my face will probably transition well. Honestly, by biggest worry about it is the chin flab, since it seems to be a genetic thing. All of my family members on my dad's side have that, no matter how skinny they are. It seems to me like it'd be an easy fix with surgery if I really wanted to get rid of it, though, so I guess it's probably not a big deal in the long run.

I'll probably start laser as soon as I'm 100% sure I'm going to transition. I know it takes a while to finish and would probably be much less embarrassing to do it as a man. My mom and brother have been taking the news (about me being trans) fairly well, but I'm still only about 90% on all of this.

As for hair, I want it long just because I want long hair, not just to make passing easier. My mom has long hair and I've always like how it looks. Ultimately, I'd like to have a ponytail or something similar that reaches half-way down my back, but to start I'll settle with just a short ponytail. And yeah, I was planning to have bangs, since my mom has always had them. Now that I think about it, I seem to be modelling my female image after her a lot. She's awesome, so that's okay.

One other idea I had was to use accessories to feminize my face. I was thinking maybe some low-key earrings (something I could get away with in dude mode too), and fake glasses. Do y'all think the glasses would help, or would they be too much? I've got perfect eyesight, so they're not necessary at all.

Offline dee82

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Re: I think I might be trans, but how do I know for sure?
« Reply #35 on: April 06, 2018, 08:48:09 pm »
Hi Zachariah!

Just want to say how helpful I found reading this thread and your journey. Something that caught my attention was your lack of gender dysphoria in an earlier post. It sounds like you have moved on from then, but I am similar to how your were then. I don't feel any dysphoria, but that has never made me doubt who I am.

About the glasses. I don't think that is too much. I need glasses, and have been looking at feminine frames, more and more. I think they can make a huge difference. Also, I see cis gendered folk wearing glasses purely for reasons of fashion, so why not you too?

Dee.

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