Author Topic: Confused about what to do  (Read 734 times)

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Offline TaiseiReborn

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Confused about what to do
« on: February 05, 2018, 11:12:37 am »
So I haven't posted in a while due to my job and I think I need to give a little back story. I'll admit some of this I wrote yesterday before work in a depressed state for my blog and tried to clean it up a bit; I'm still kind of in one so please bare with me.

So where I work at we have been a bit short staffed ever since I arrived as a manager  and it was just my boss and I handling things for approximately a year. over the course of time at work we got a new person to help us out with things and he's knowledgeable and has helped us out a bit. Didn't care for him at first but overtime he became a friend someone you could trust, we were kind of like brothers ( before I decided to transition). He was even helping me learn a few things and eventually became someone who I would go to for any questions I had on procedures. So for a while he was helpful in giving me the information to try and get a promotion. Overtime though he started to show more of his personality, berating not only the staff but myself. Given that I was following in his lead I would find myself getting swept into it and for a while people thought I was harassing them as well.



Well over the next few years I didn't score high enough several times despite doing everything I did which ranged from working OT, helping out whenever I can such as switching my schedule to help as much as possible. I would also  learn as much as possible and taking on even impossible tasks along with finishing another manager's task once she came back from leave. Often my boss was also joining in on the harassment in a sense with him and for the most part I would just smile, joke and kind of laugh it off; but I think overtime it began to have an effect on me.  To give you an example of some of the harassment that would be stated is "No wonder your wife doesn't want to spend time with you" or "No wonder your wife doesn't love you." Are just some of the things that I would hear quite a few times a week as well as being called stupid. Now mind you this is something I would hear quite a few days of the week, for months and now going on about three years worth of hearing this.

Most of the time I would just brush it off and go on about my day not give him any of my attention on the matters, but I think after a while it started to work it's way into my head and began to cause troubles in my relationship. Looking back I would say the majority of our discussions or fights were because certain words he said had wormed their way into my head and wasn't necessarily what she did but what I had heard and subconsciously was staring to see as true. Not only that but because of working all the OT and switching my schedule around I began to lose sight of what it was like to live outside of work. Several things that I once loved to do like gaming, martial arts or even being outside took a back seat due to the amount of time I spent there. Even now as I sit to try and play a game I just lose interest after a few minutes and just want lay on the couch and do nothing. I finally broke and told my wife yesterday about a text he had sent because I chose not to take OT ( and essentially lose some of my down time ) in which he of course replied how my wife doesn't want to spend time with me, all because I had asked a few questions. My wife and I had a bit of a discussion over text about this as she was at work at the time and finally thought it best for me to transfer to another store, start fresh almost. The fact that I keep getting scored low enough not to be promoted, how I'm always being used in a sense and not to mention the name calling as well. I think it was finally too much and I'm just starting to break at this point.

There are a few things I've missed but really don't feel like writing too much at this point. I guess I just wanted to vent a bit more about this and get it off my chest finally.

Offline TaiseiReborn

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Re: Confused about what to do
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2018, 11:44:22 am »
I wanted to add I had emailed HR about asking for a transfer, the first time around they told me I had to talk with my manager who has to talk with the manager of the place I want to transfer to. This would have caused issues so I emailed them again and let them know a bit more, thankfully they gave me a phone number for employee relations which I hope will allow me to just transfer outright; trying my best not to get anyone in trouble for my actions as I feel I should have stopped this long ago.

Offline Charlie Nicki

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Re: Confused about what to do
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2018, 12:45:08 pm »
Your manager is an awful manager and shouldn't be doing any of that. Heck, he shouldn't even be working there anymore! Something like that wouldn't fly in the company I work for, and I'm HR so I know what I'm talking about. You must have a hotline to report this kind of behavior, and you can do it anonymously. If you don't have such thing then definitely tell HR all of it. They'll know what to do.
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Offline TaiseiReborn

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Re: Confused about what to do
« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2018, 01:46:54 pm »
Well I have told HR just to allow me to transfer and move me if possible only problem is I would have to talk to the store manager who would have to talk to the other store I would like to transfer to. Last time I did this I got rated so poorly I didn't get much of a raise, and I'm sure the same would happen here although I told HR about my transition they said I would still have to talk. Although I got a phone number for contacting relations just trying not to get any one in trouble though as I know they have families so I would hate to see anyone lose their job even if they are cruel.

Offline Charlie Nicki

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Re: Confused about what to do
« Reply #4 on: February 05, 2018, 03:08:30 pm »
Well I have told HR just to allow me to transfer and move me if possible only problem is I would have to talk to the store manager who would have to talk to the other store I would like to transfer to. Last time I did this I got rated so poorly I didn't get much of a raise, and I'm sure the same would happen here although I told HR about my transition they said I would still have to talk. Although I got a phone number for contacting relations just trying not to get any one in trouble though as I know they have families so I would hate to see anyone lose their job even if they are cruel.

Sounds to me like you are sacrificing your own career and sanity for someone who doesn't deserve it.
Latina :) I speak Spanish, English and a bit of Portuguese.

Offline TaiseiReborn

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Re: Confused about what to do
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2018, 04:34:10 pm »
True I guess I just can't bring myself to sell mess someone up else's life up despite how wronged I may have been. I started thinking of just getting a new job but after being at the company for 10 years it's hard to walk away from.

Offline Lady Sarah

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Re: Confused about what to do
« Reply #6 on: February 05, 2018, 10:02:31 pm »
One person having a corrosive attitude can bring out the worst in others. It can actually be infectious. I can understand it if you think bring down a horrible person could affect your employment or livelihood. If that is not the case, you may actually be just permitting it to continue, by not reporting it.
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Offline TaiseiReborn

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Re: Confused about what to do
« Reply #7 on: February 06, 2018, 03:27:59 am »
One person having a corrosive attitude can bring out the worst in others. It can actually be infectious. I can understand it if you think bring down a horrible person could affect your employment or livelihood. If that is not the case, you may actually be just permitting it to continue, by not reporting it.

I honestly thought about just leaving the company and going to Costco I know it's like running away from my problems; but at the same time I think I've been trying to leave for a while also. Yet you are right I am just permitting it to continue and if I leave who's to say who might be the next person, this also isn't the first instance of this as well.

Offline Igknight

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Re: Confused about what to do
« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2018, 03:35:24 am »
Your manager is an awful manager and shouldn't be doing any of that. Heck, he shouldn't even be working there anymore! Something like that wouldn't fly in the company I work for, and I'm HR so I know what I'm talking about. You must have a hotline to report this kind of behavior, and you can do it anonymously. If you don't have such thing then definitely tell HR all of it. They'll know what to do.
HR is never about protecting employees; it's about protecting the company. I learned that the hard way.

Contact OSHA and THEN contact HR. Nobody wants OSHA poking their nose into their business. Would know, both of my parents are small business owners and my dad and I have spoken about this extensively.

https://www.osha.gov/SLTC/workplaceviolence/
True I guess I just can't bring myself to sell mess someone up else's life up despite how wronged I may have been. I started thinking of just getting a new job but after being at the company for 10 years it's hard to walk away from.
Sounds to me like this person's life is already messed up. You'd be doing them a favor by giving them a wake-up call. Do you know how many people stopped being scumbags as soon as I stood up to them? Every so often I check back on people I've stood up to and most start to rethink their attitudes when enough people call them out.

Offline Charlie Nicki

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Re: Confused about what to do
« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2018, 06:19:40 am »


HR is never about protecting employees; it's about protecting the company. 

I disagree. It depends on the company but saying HR only cares about the company and not the employees isn't true.

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Latina :) I speak Spanish, English and a bit of Portuguese.

Online Allison S

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Re: Confused about what to do
« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2018, 07:58:20 am »
Every workplace is different. HR is helpful with some things at my job in my case. Though not all my questions are answered I'm satisfied for the most part. Also a trans coworker at another location transitioned on the job and really got the help they need. But I think sometimes it is a bit of a fight.

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Offline Igknight

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Re: Confused about what to do
« Reply #11 on: February 15, 2018, 07:57:37 pm »

I disagree. It depends on the company but saying HR only cares about the company and not the employees isn't true.

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You're welcome to disagree, but please note I'm referring to the department itself, not specifically the individual(s) who hold a position in HR. Those employed by HR can care about employees but their primary objective is to protect the company from lawsuits. That's the entire reason why HR departments exist. It's cheaper to pay someone to mediate employee relations than pay for a lawyer.

Offline TaiseiReborn

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Re: Confused about what to do
« Reply #12 on: February 18, 2018, 02:58:27 pm »
I'm sorry about the late reply all but hopefully this will settle some things. Yes our HR handles quite a few things, but my last question sent to them they came back with employee relations. Not sure if that is part of the HR field but they told me I could report the behavior to them.

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