Author Topic: How do I tell my mother I think I might be intersex?  (Read 520 times)

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Offline anoncole

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How do I tell my mother I think I might be intersex?
« on: February 05, 2018, 03:47:43 pm »
This is probably a really common question, but anyway,
I'm a teenage trans guy living with my mom. I'm out to her as trans, but I feel like telling her I could be intersex would be a lot more awkward. (a bit TMI ahead) I have a more masculine build than other AFAB people in my family, as well as a small abnormality inside of my vagina that feels like a very small penis(about the size of the tip of my thumb), but I do menstruate. I've know about this for a few years now, but never told anyone else for fear of an uncomfortable conversation. I've felt a horrible uncertainty since, and I really want a professional medical opinion, but I can't get to that step without first telling my mom. I realized there's no way to approach it without it being uncomfortable, but how exactly should I go about this?
And also, if I am intersex, can I still go on HRT when I am older?
(Never used a forum, hope I'm doing this right)

Offline Kendra

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Re: How do I tell my mother I think I might be intersex?
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2018, 04:19:58 pm »
Hello anoncole, welcome to Susan's - thank you for joining and for posting.

Others may have different views and more experience on this topic than I have, but my recommendation is: if your mom already understands you are transgender, I wouldn't hesitate bringing up the possibility you might be intersex.   It's just a possibility and not a final answer.  I can understand the conversation is extremely personal and difficult, but if you already have a good relationship with your mother this is something where she may be able to help obtain additional assistance. 

HRT involves many factors, medical history and routine tests.  I wouldn't worry too much about it at this point (I think you will be fine), as the most important thing is to be completely honest with any qualified medical professional so they can help you make the best decisions for your future.  This is one reason the medical field has strict confidentiality regulations, so patients can be more comfortable discussing topics that may be very personal. 

Since this was your first post I'll add information we provide to new members - to help with initial navigation and explain the site's guidelines.

Things that you should read

I also want to mention the Youth Talk forum, focused on topics for members under the age of 18.

I am glad you are thinking about your future and considering important questions.  I wish you the best, and a warm welcome.

Assigned male at birth 1963.  Decided I wanted to be a girl in 1971.  Laser 2014-16, electrolysis 2015-17, HRT 7/2017, GCS 1/2018, VFS 3/2018, FFS 5/2018, GCS-2 & BA 7/2018. 

Offline Lady Sarah

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Re: How do I tell my mother I think I might be intersex?
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2018, 06:39:50 pm »
Find out if you can be examined and tested. This will go a long way to concluding whether or not you are intersected. Bringing this up with your mother intelligently might get her to get you tested.
started HRT: July 13, 1991
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trach shave: November, 1998
married: August 16, 2015
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Online Dena

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Re: How do I tell my mother I think I might be intersex?
« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2018, 07:42:30 pm »
Welcome to Susan's Place. It's possible what you are describing is your clitoris which in sexual development is the equivalent of a penis. In some women it's larger than normal. It will also grow under the influence of testosterone and can have the appearance of small penis. Some FTMs are comfortable with this growth and don't desire additional surgery and others desire surgery to produce something larger. Being intersex is relatively rare so you might consider waiting until a doctors visit and take it up with your doctor first. If the doctor agrees with you, then discuss it with your mother.
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Offline Sharon Anne McC

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Re: How do I tell my mother I think I might be intersex?
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2018, 07:21:09 am »
You wrote that this growth is inside your vagina.

Where?  At the end of the canal?  That might be an enlarged cervix.

Another possibility is a growth or tumor.

Yes, go to your doctor for an examination.


1956:  Birth (AMAB)
1974-1985:  Transition (core transition:  1977-1985)
1977:  Enrolled in Stanford University Medical Center's 'Gender Dysphoria Program'
1978:  First transition medical appointment
1978:  Corresponded with Janus Information Facility (Galveston)
1978:  Changed my SSA file to Sharon / female
1979:  First psychological evaluation - passed
1979:  Began ERT (Norinyl, DES, Premarin, estradiol, progesterone)
1980:  Arizona affirmed me legally as Sharon / female
1980:  MVD changed my licence to Sharon / female
1980:  First bank account as Sharon / female
1982:  Inter-sex exploratory:  diagnosed Inter-sex (genetically female)
1983:  Inter-sex corrective surgery
1984:  Full-blown 'male fail' phase
1985:  Transition complete to female full-time forever
2015:  Awakening from self-imposed deep stealth and isolation
2015 - 2016:  Chettawut Clinic - patient companion and revision
Today:  Happy!
Future:  I wanna return to Bangkok with other Thai experience friends


Offline mm

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Re: How do I tell my mother I think I might be intersex?
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2018, 12:59:19 pm »
Best to see a dr and get examined and see what you learn.