Author Topic: When will I come out  (Read 181 times)

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Offline punky_glitter

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When will I come out
« on: February 08, 2018, 08:18:47 pm »
I've been thinking a lot and that's always no good. I want to come out to school but I haven't the faintest idea how. I almost came out five times today and I don't know why I didn't. I didn't because I know everyone is going to say it's too hard or complex. It's going to be strange and maybe they'll doubt me or call me names. I don't think my friends would call me names, but I am slightly worried about them not liking me anymore or maybe even making fun of me. I trust my friends but I've never done anything like this before. How do I come out anyway?
One of the times I almost came out I was talking to someone about Pride this year and how I'm taking my boyfriend and they said that it's okay that we're a straight couple and go to pride. While I am a pansexual, it also urks me to hear that I am in a straight relationship because that doesn't feel right. I am not a girl and he is a boy. Which wouldn't be straight. But also we are straight passing since I am biologically female and he is biologically male. Should I accept my privilege of being a straight couple and just let that statement bother me and move on? I should I correct people? I mean, I wouldn't say its a gay relationship, it's more of a queer one? Maybe someone can help with that too.
It's going to be confusing for people to call me by my name (Patricia) and use he him pronouns since one is feminine and one is masculine. I understand that.
Part of me loves my name and part of me doesn't change it because I'm too afraid to be complicated or a burden. I am out to my boyfriend as well as my trans friend, but I know neither of them use my pronouns because I've asked them not to. It's just that it hurts and feels disgusting every time I hear someone use she to refer to me. Nothing wrong with she's, it's just who I am not.
Due to the fact that when I spend one on one time with either of them, they don't use my pronouns which is fine. I feel like I don't have space where I am who I am freely. I feel like at school I'm not myself and I feel like at home I'm not myself. I've never heard anyone call me he ever, and that really bothers me. But how are they supposed to know unless I come out?
That brings me to this, do I come out one person at a time or in a group? Do I ask for them to use pronouns right away or give them time to know I'm non binary and then ask? How do I explain my relationship with my boyfriend? How do I start the conversation about coming out?
Thank you to anyone that helps.
He/Him
I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun
They can take your bathrooms, they can take your binders, the can take your makeup
but they can never can they ever take who you are.

You are always valid


Offline Drewtuna

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Re: When will I come out
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2018, 09:44:56 pm »
Idk if any of these questions are still pertinent since you posted earlier this month, but Ima go for it anyway, so if you see this, cool cool.

As far as coming out goes, when I came out I ordered it by people I trust, so I told my girlfriend I was NB first, (she's pan, and she helped me to put language to my identity. but we've since broken up, things got weird since I started hormones) and then I told my brother, then my mom, and finally dad. I told all them in person, but it was hard for me to say exactly what I wanted to say. With my brother it took me like four hours just to say it.  when I told my momi walked into her bedroom and tried to have a conversation. I was shaking at the foot of her bed in a little ball, and I didn't tell her about my pronouns at that point. I told my dad last. We where going on a camping trip in Yosemite, and we're planning on going on a hike together, we Hiked up a trail to some falls were we had lunch, and I told him then so the hike back he could think and brood, or whatever that is my dad does. I told him I am non binary and what pronouns to use. I would not recommend this if you don't know if your parent is gonna support you, cause being in the woods alone with them could be potentially dicey..... TBH, unless your like a super confident person who doesn't give a heck, it's just scary.

After that I sent a mass email to extended family, I trusted they would be cool, if not sorta avoid my identity, but it was easier to do that over email cause you don't have to be direct.

I think I'd just advise telling them your identity and your pronouns when you come out to somebody. I don't think you should feel like you have to explain to somebody why you feel the way you do tho. Like that's just them trying to invalidate you if they need to know why you identify the way you do. But if they're curious about your identity that's different, but there's a difference between the two.

I still don't know how to correct people, sometimes I'll just repeat the fragment of the sentence they just said wrong with my correct pronouns in it, I think that's the best way.

If you can find any gender queer people at your school or wherever you are presiding, it might be good to talk with them so you have people you know will keep an eye out for you. I'm lucky enough to go to an arts high school in the Bay Area so there's more queers than christians at my school. It's kinda funny.

Anyway, if you havnt already, good luck, and hope all goes well for you. I hope you have supportive people around you too.



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Offline punky_glitter

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Re: When will I come out
« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2018, 01:05:25 pm »
So
I actually came out to friends at school two days ago.
When I posted that I was already out to my boyfriend, but not my parents or people at school.
I came out to my mom about a week ago, and my dad knows but I haven't personally talked to him about it. My boyfriend has always been supportive of me.
My friends, I was insanely worried about. I said I am non binary and my pronouns are he him his and not to call me a boy or a girl. The overwhelming majority have given me massive support and have said that if I do decide to change my name they will be okay to transition that. And they have already gotten used to the pronouns. My more uneducated friends were semi-confused, one was confused and one was very confused. One just didn't understand non binary right off the bat, and then the other at first thought I was a trans man even though I specifically said I'm not a boy and then thought that I had female and male genitals and that was confusing for me because I have no idea how they got that out of what I said lol. They both were confused and asked if I was straight or gay or what and I've always been pan, I've always been open about this but because my pronouns are "male" they assume that I'm a straight male???????? It was confusing for me lol. But all the confusions and questions were cleared up as I don't get too frustrated about it, and as long as they aren't trying to deliberately hurt me then I'm pretty open minded about
questions.

TL;DR I came out to friends and close family and everyone really received it well and there were a few questions and confusions which is to be expected. So pretty quickly I will be socially transitioning and not just with my close friends and family. The counter at the bottom probably needs to be fixed lol. But the next step is to come out to my teachers and stuff so that they can also start using the pronouns.
He/Him
I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun
They can take your bathrooms, they can take your binders, the can take your makeup
but they can never can they ever take who you are.

You are always valid


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