Author Topic: Poll: Being trans in a relationship  (Read 1931 times)

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Offline SashaHyde

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #20 on: March 31, 2018, 09:49:39 pm »
I haven't told her yet. She's bi and super lgbtq but I'm pretty sure she wants to spend her life with a man. She always joked she would oate women after me but she made a comment a few months ago about spending her life with a guy. I suspect she thinks I would make an ugly woman but has no idea the power of hormones and surgery, lol.
I'm sure she'll be hurt, she will probably support me though and we may even stay together for a bit but I don't think we'll be spending our life together as I transition. and who knows maybe I won't the further I go. There are some experiences that I may want to experience that I may not want a partner for ie non committed threesomes. I may end up more attracted to men who knows.
We'll see....

Whelp I'm a mixed nut at the moment. The gf broke up with me yesterday. I think she thinks shes doing me the favor. Shes a bit of a mess and she admits it. I thought about telling her but decided not to. Its fairly amicable but things are going to change. I suspect she thought everything would stay the same. Its not going to. Shes not kicking me out as we have a spare bedroom but I think I should find a place.
I'm torn. I wanted to spend my life with her when we met but due to the way events transpired, being where I am, wanting to transition., things are different. She was definitely a huge contributing to me realizing I'm trans because we weren't close like I wanted us to be. Had we had the close intimate relationship I had wanted, I may never have figured things out for many more years. So in a way I should be grateful. We had a child like relationship that wasn't sexual.
I was cute and innocent but alas I suppose it couldn't last.
We are supposed to talk when she gets back from visiting her family this weekend.
My head is swimming

--Sasha
--Sasha  :P

Offline natalie.ashlyne

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #21 on: March 31, 2018, 10:05:38 pm »
I am single, I would like to be in a relationship I have never been in a relationship with the sex I am now attracted to, I have fooled around prior to transitioning with males. I am not interested and dont want just sex. I want love and will wait till I find it. I am more outgoing not as shy

Offline SashaHyde

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #22 on: March 31, 2018, 10:49:15 pm »
Yeah at this point I'm going to be concentrating on myself for a bit, meet new people, make new friends, and just live life. In my experience while really the relationship is over has been for a long time, a person needs to grieve and re-establish themselves. That can take a while after a long term relationship. 6 months. That will get a few meetings with gender councilor under my belt, start androgen blocker, maybe start estrogen. I know it will set me free such a change!

Love is what motivates me but I love sexual expression. I want to make love to a partner and have them as a best friend and someone I can count on.
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Offline Caroline Wolf

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #23 on: April 02, 2018, 03:43:45 am »
1) Are you currently in a relationship? How long have you been together?

- Yes, married since 13 years, started as an opposite-sex-marriage, and is planned to become a same-sex-marriage. We have, however, opened up our marriage from being monogamous to become polyamorous

2) What are your experiences with dating as a trans person? Have you been rejected because of it? Has being trans made you uncomfortable with dating?

- I've deliberately chosen to seek new partners (within our polyamorous context) on the open minded non-vanilla scene, where dating isn't a problem


3) Have you had difficulties with finding sex partners? Have your genitals been a problem?

- Nope, at least not yet (being pre-HRT mith male genitals)

4) If you were in a relationship when you came out as trans, how did your partner take it? Did you continue together? Did you break up because of it?

- It was quite difficult for my wife (a cis-woman) when I came out as trans, as she fell in love with a male and is also very much straight. We still love each other as persons and will continue to stay married, share the house and raise our children. But we will also seek new partners on the side. My wife already has a new male partner who will actually move into our (luckily big) house

5) Did you notice a change pre and after transitioning of how easy it is for you to find company?

- Not yet

6) Anything else you wanna share?

Offline ainsley

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #24 on: April 02, 2018, 05:47:33 am »
Met my wife 28 years ago this month. 
Started HRT 10 years ago. 
Celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary last December. 
Never dated since I transitioned.

Lucky!!
Some people say I'm apathetic, but I don't care.

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Online josie76

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #25 on: April 02, 2018, 08:12:34 am »
I've been in a single relationship for 11 years. Actually it is the only relationship I have ever had.

I wasn't openly trans even with myself when we dated.

Yes in a way. Just sex in general has always been some kind of an issue for me. It was never quite right as a guy. I just never fit the "normal" male role. I think we all have instincts in our minds that relate to sex separate from the physical attraction part. I've never known or felt how to initiate or quite what is right for a guy to do it. -\ :P/- I tried to work with what I was born with, but in some way it does not work all the things right in my head. IDK how to explain that.  ::)

Lets see how my wife took my being real.? This is still a mixed situation. She was very supportive of me finding myself but also has a great deal of anger about our past together. My being unable to be a "normal" guy in a relationship and sex caused us many problems. I tried. Thing is in everyday interactions with the world I had a lifetime to observe HOW to be like a guy. In love however, I could not BE a guy. Today we go back and forth. We both love the other deeply. But she doesn't really find femininity at all attractive. She internally wants to be touched and approached the same as my internal wants are. No matter how much I try, I am still the same as before. We have kids together, so most of the time I am learning how to try to just be a friend and hope she can keep doing the same.

I am very much more open these days. After very little getting to know someone I find myself sharing about my kids and family and my true personality. I want friends. I like socializing with other women in particular. It leaves me feeling good and good about myself.
On the downside of being publically trans, guys seem to get their internal homophobia triggered by just seeing me. The other day I had to go to an autoparts store in my old hometown. Lets just say the uncomfortable feelings were eminating from all the guys working there. I have found the local chain store here where we are living now has several women working there. Makes it way more comfortable for me. Anyway interacting with guys is stress inducing in genderal and I've hit the point where I keep an eye out over my shoulder in public. I am not physically strong anymore and I'm living in an area with a large population of much more extreme christians like penecostals and baptists. Fortunately the local Catholic church and school has been very accepting even if many parents see me as a "dad" just a bit weird.

04/26/2018 bi-lateral orchiectomy

A lifetime of depression and repressed emotions is nothing more than existence. I for one want to live now not just exist!


Offline RobynD

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #26 on: April 03, 2018, 04:48:42 pm »
1) Are you currently in a relationship? How long have you been together?

My wife of 20+ years and i separated late last year, about 3 yrs into my transition. I'm poly and currently have two partners, a cis man and a cis woman. The latter person and i mainly live together. Both relationships came while i was separating from my spouse.

2) What are your experiences with dating as a trans person? Have you been rejected because of it? Has being trans made you uncomfortable with dating? I'm sure i've been rejected in some form or another, but i am both persistent and i feel dating is critical to my emotional health, so i pursued it fairly hard.

3) Have you had difficulties with finding sex partners? Have your genitals been a problem? Don't really pursue sex partners outside the dating relationship. Being poly takes time and attention both are finite.

4) If you were in a relationship when you came out as trans, how did your partner take it? Did you continue together? Did you break up because of it?
Initially she was supportive as a way to deal with the dysphoria, we grew apart to some extent and she became less supportive. Now we are working at being friends.

5) Did you notice a change pre and after transitioning of how easy it is for you to find company? I suspect it has been harder, but the data sort of indicates otherwise. There are other factors such as effort and age at work. I am pretty satisfied with the relationships i am in.

6) Anything else you wanna share? Relationships take effort. Poly is in many ways far better than monogamy, but that is my bias and monogamy has its wonderful moments too.



Offline cartowheel

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #27 on: April 03, 2018, 06:45:36 pm »
1) Are you currently in a relationship? How long have you been together?
Yes, I am.  I am engaged to a gender-nonconforming cisgirl, and we've been together for almost 10 years (this June).

2) What are your experiences with dating as a trans person? Have you been rejected because of it? Has being trans made you uncomfortable with dating?

Never actually dated while identifying as trans.  My current fiancee is the only person I've been with sexually or romantically since before I started my journey.  However, I feel like I would have an issue with dating if I was ever single - being trans, genderfluid, and having social anxiety does that to a person.

3) Have you had difficulties with finding sex partners? Have your genitals been a problem?
Not necessarily.  My fiancee needed some time to absorb the whole thing, and, fortunately, was able to understand and keep up with any issues or changes I might have needed to vocabulary, how I prefer to be touched, etc. after coming out.  Other than that, we've never had issues.

4) If you were in a relationship when you came out as trans, how did your partner take it? Did you continue together? Did you break up because of it?
As I said, it took her a little bit of time to herself to come to terms with the whole thing, but remembered that I am still the same person and she identifies as pansexual anyway.  We are still together and don't have any plans to change that.

5) Did you notice a change pre and after transitioning of how easy it is for you to find company?
Not necessarily.  A lot of people who knew me before had a smooth change from one pronoun to another and one name to another.  But...  I'm noticing that I'm not getting flirted with nearly as much, unless I'm in a feminine day.  Must be that I don't quite pass just yet.
Began questioning: Around 2011?
Chose to identify as a genderfluid transman: Around 2014ish
Came out completely: 2017
Began using new name: 2017
Starting HRT: 2018
Complete legal name change: 2018

Offline Degenderate

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #28 on: April 10, 2018, 05:49:30 pm »
1) Are you currently in a relationship? How long have you been together?

Been with my partner for 7 years


2) What are your experiences with dating as a trans person? Have you been rejected because of it? Has being trans made you uncomfortable with dating?

Haven't dated since I learned I was trans


3) Have you had difficulties with finding sex partners? Have your genitals been a problem?

In a monogamous relationship, so same as above


4) If you were in a relationship when you came out as trans, how did your partner take it? Did you continue together? Did you break up because of it?

He was astoundingly kind and considerated about it when I came out around 9 months ago. He still is to this day, I couldn't ask for someone more compassionate and laid-back. That said, we have some tough decisions to figure out on the horizon. I'm currently staying in the closest and pre-everything for his wellbeing, as we are both quite certain that he will lose a significant amount of his friends and family if I come out. We've been doing everything we can to get by that way, but it hurts more every day, so we're working on finding out what our best option is going forward.
Even with the social aspect aside, he's straight and concerned about how he would feel if I medically transitioned. He is fully in love with who I am, and has no issue with being with me as a man - he's even generally more attracted to more masc-leaning cis women anyway - but he would understandably be unsure about how he would react to my body changing.


5) Did you notice a change pre and after transitioning of how easy it is for you to find company?

Sadly, N/A
Adrian - 28 - FtM

Offline SeptagonScars

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #29 on: April 23, 2018, 05:24:26 am »
1) Are you currently in a relationship? How long have you been together?
- No, I'm single. Although I have a "friends with benefits" that may or may not lead to more, but I kinda hope not. I like him and am attracted to him, but not romantically. We met about a year ago, but we don't meet up often. A bit long-distance. We're not committed and I still sleep around with others on occasion, which he knows about. He's a gay cis guy, and a lot older than me. He's pretty average looking except from being 6'5" tall (2 meters), he's 68 yo and I wouldn't have guessed he's gay if I hadn't read it on his online profile on the dating site we met at. He's fine with me being trans and usually calls me his "boy" but on rare occasion he slips up and calls me "girl" which he corrects immediatedly. That makes me feel off, but the trans stuff is very new and confusing for him so I cut him some slack about it.

2) What are your experiences with dating as a trans person?
- It's been both a good and bad addition, I'd say. It's been both frustrating and an advantage, for me.

Have you been rejected because of it?
- I probably have been but can't remember any such occasion, it doesn't get to me if I'm rejected for any reason. I just shrug and move on to the next one. I'm very open about being trans in dating situations, so most who aren't into that simply don't approach me. However some guys I have been with expressed clear regret afterwards because of me being trans. That stung.

Has being trans made you uncomfortable with dating?
- Yeah, I hate that I have to bring up being trans to all potentials and it's annoying that so many still misunderstand it. But other than that, it doesn't keep me from dating and seeking sex partners. Nowadays it's more of an asset for me, cause many guys like that I have something "extra". And it gives me an excuse to post nudes of myself for hookup sites cause easier to explain my gender situation with pics than words, and oh boy, does it give me attention!

3) Have you had difficulties with finding sex partners? Have your genitals been a problem?
- Nah, it's been ridiculously easy. I get objectified a lot and many see me as "best of two worlds." Hardly all trans people like that (leaning to fetishisation), but I actually like it a lot, to be someone's fantasy and slightly worshipped. My genitals are far more likely to be raised to some kind of pedestal, and no one's ever told me they wished I had something different. They all really like my snatch. I get tons of messages from guys wanting to have sex with me, on hookup sites. Sometimes I get hit on at places like tumblr or facebook too. In real life not so much though, cause well, I don't go out and there's nowhere to go.

4) If you were in a relationship when you came out as trans, how did your partner take it? Did you continue together? Did you break up because of it?
- No, I was single when I came out as trans. Had just broken up with my manipulative second boyfriend half a year earlier. Took a few years before I got into a new relationship again. I met my third boyfriend shortly before I came out though, for a one night stand. And 2 years after that we became a couple. So he knew me both before and after coming out as trans. He's bi.

5) Did you notice a change pre and after transitioning of how easy it is for you to find company?
- Yes, definitely. It's much easier for me now to find company. I've gotten much more confident now that my body aligns much better with how I see myself gender-wise and it's more fun and exciting for me to be sexual now, and that confidence attracts people too. Also, I really enjoy dating in the gay world so much more than the straight world. Here I can be very sexual and myself and feel welcomed. A lot of people still call me a total sl*t anyway, but I take it as a compliment and I nurture that reputation. I was seen as a straight woman pre-transition but now live as a gay man post-transition, is what I mean by entering the gay world.

6) Anything else you wanna share?
- I'm not good with relationships (the serious kind) and casual sex is much easier for me to do and handle. I've been in 4 serious relationships in total, 2 before I came out and 2 after. All of them were messy, complicated, 2 were abusive and 3 of them ended badly. Only one of my exes I'm still in contact and friends with. At this point I really don't date anymore, but more so just sleep around and then if it would lead to something more with someone casual, that might become a serious relationship. Maybe. But I also want to wait with anything such, take a loooong break from serious relationships, cause I have a lot of issues I want to sort out first (not trans related), which I'm working on but it takes time. The single life is doing me a lot of good. So I'm not really looking for love at this point, but at some point in the future I know I will again. I know I'm not unlovable, trans or otherwise, and I handle solitude rather well as long as I get some sex from time to time. So I'm fine with being single and I'm not worrying about that.
Mar. 2009 - came out as ftm
Nov. 2009 - legal name change
Mar. 2010 - officially diagnosed with GID
Aug. 2010 - started T, then stopped 1 year after
Aug. 2013 - started T again, kept taking it since
Mar. 2014 - top surgery
Dec. 2014 - legal gender marker changed
*
Jul. 2018 - came out as cis woman and began detransition, applied for name change
Sep. 2018 - stopped taking T - name change approved
Oct. 2018 - got new ID-card

Gender plans: breast reconstruction surgery, change legal gender marker back to female, stay off T.

Offline Alanna1990

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #30 on: April 23, 2018, 11:29:51 am »
1) Are you currently in a relationship? How long have you been together?
I am, we've beet together for 6 months, living together for 3

2) What are your experiences with dating as a trans person? Have you been rejected because of it? Has being trans made you uncomfortable with dating?
pretty much, I was rejected quite a bit because of it, but I wasn't really uncomfortable dating

3) Have you had difficulties with finding sex partners? Have your genitals been a problem?
well, I wasn't looking for a sex partner, so when it finally happened it felt natural, so I guess no, and yes, those parts have been a problem, the only rule we have about them is that they must not be touched

I always felt very uncomfortable with my ex, she was a girl and expected me to do male things with her, it always felt wrong but at the time I thought it was only my obsessions playing tricks on me.

4) If you were in a relationship when you came out as trans, how did your partner take it? Did you continue together? Did you break up because of it?
It was horrible, the relationship crashed and burned, She made me ran from home.

5) Did you notice a change pre and after transitioning of how easy it is for you to find company?
after transitioning and finding myself comfortable with my body it was very easy to find new company, before everything I didn't even have friends, now I even have fans where I live haha

6) Anything else you wanna share?
be happy with your choices.

Offline Gertrude

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #31 on: April 23, 2018, 01:06:46 pm »
Been married over 23 years. I don’t know what I’d do if I was single again. I have a coworker that’s been divorced a year plus and it’s not easy. I don’t think I would be looking for a relationship right away.


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Online Mariah

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #32 on: April 23, 2018, 01:24:29 pm »
My responses are in bold. Hugs
Mariah
Has being trans affected your dating potential?

1) Are you currently in a relationship? How long have you been together? Married, We have been in a relationship officially since September 2016.

2) What are your experiences with dating as a trans person? Have you been rejected because of it? Has being trans made you uncomfortable with dating? My spouse is genderfluid. I wasn't rejected by anyone I dated because of it. No it hasn't at all.

3) Have you had difficulties with finding sex partners? Have your genitals been a problem? No and No.

4) If you were in a relationship when you came out as trans, how did your partner take it? Did you continue together? Did you break up because of it? They already knew in the case of my spouse. However, as far as others in the past took it well. Yes, we did.

5) Did you notice a change pre and after transitioning of how easy it is for you to find company? All dating experiences were after already having transitioned.

6) Anything else you wanna share? Nope

---
I can't really answer these questions myself... Been together forever with my spouse who has always seen me as a guy despite me being pre-everything. She loves me as a person and sex has never been a problem, so...! And she's totally straight. I'm a pretty lucky guy I'd say  ;D!!!
If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me.
mariah2014@susans.org
I am also spouse of genderfluid person.

Offline Sarah_P

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #33 on: April 23, 2018, 05:56:26 pm »
I'm currently in a relationship with another trans woman. We're both polyamarous though, so we do look for other partners as well. I'm pan, but she's into women - or rather femininity (as long as someone presents feminine enough, she's into them). We'd like to find a woman to date / fwb as a couple, but so far we've not had any luck.

I've been trying to meet up with some guys, but every one so far has either flaked out for some reason or another, or thrown up a few too many warning signs after chatting online (or NOT chatting, as the case may be). Maybe I'm too paranoid, but I'd rather play it safe.
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Offline Allison S

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #34 on: April 23, 2018, 08:53:32 pm »
I'm surprised I haven't seen this until now.. well guess I have to respond anyway

1) no, seems no one wants me
2) I haven't really "dated" much as trans. But what I have experienced consisted of this: guys can be jerks. More so if they know your trans.
3) my genitals are a problem I try to ignore. I don't sleep around since I started hrt. I've had a random guy ask me to blow him on the street as I was walking by.. nasty
4)na
5)no, well kinda. I just don't think I'm where I wanna be yet though. Not for a while at least
6) If I knew I'd be single/never really be in a relationship for so long then I never would've wasted so much time agonizing or going on terrible dates...

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Translady

Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #35 on: May 26, 2018, 12:05:14 pm »
Currently I'm single with a few potential relationship opportunities nearing. I'm pretty optimistic about them and think I'll get the opportunity to soon enjoy my first true opportunity for a serious relationship. It is however typically really quite difficult until recently due to the fact that most men are either ignorant of transsexual issues or they are concerned about what other men may think of them if they get into a relationship with a transsexual. I have dated and my dating experiences have been positive. The difficult thing though is that men that are attracted to me feel concerned about what others may think about them if they find out they considering dating me or starting a relationship with me, a transsexual. The other issue with dating is of course not always truly knowing whether they are or aren't transoriented or heterosexual. Personally, I'm only attracted to men that are either transoriented or heterosexual. It's difficult to meet transoriented and heterosexual men. It's really easy for me to meet men for meaningless flings and I've done it a few times though now I'm exclusively interested in meeting someone to establish a traditional type relationship. I'm confident and comfortable with the fact that I'm a transsexual female with male genitals. The only concern that I have about that is how others think of me and that's pretty much only because I'm eager to meet someone for a relationship. I'm a transsexual female since my earliest memories many decades ago so I was already transsexual before my first dating experience and relationship experience.

Translady

Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #36 on: May 28, 2018, 09:21:23 am »
It's like when heterosexual men are attracted to me and interested, and then they learn that I have male genitals, which I almost always mention to them early on, they go crazy and then they leave. If they already know prior to me telling them, then usually I tend to get concerned that maybe they are homosexual, even though I know it's unusual for a homosexual man to feel attracted to someone like myself.

Offline Maria77

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #37 on: June 05, 2018, 10:04:32 pm »
I’ve been with my husband 16 years now.  Before that I went through a promiscuous period and it was very easy to find sex, a little harder to find boyfriends.  In my experience most str8 guys don’t care about trans status unless their friends know and it sort of outs them.   I also had girlfriends after I transitioned.  So dating wasn’t much of a challenge.  I did fall into a group of  after hours club hipsters back then, so they may have been more progressive than the averge group of men.

Offline DustKitten

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Re: Poll: Being trans in a relationship
« Reply #38 on: June 06, 2018, 07:12:29 am »
1) I'm not currently in a relationship; I was with a trans guy for three years until two months ago. The last half-year of our relationship he moved away (I was supposed to follow after he found a place and I'd saved some money), but then he found another guy and we agreed to shift to a poly relationship between the three of us. After a while, they both stopped talking to me (they said they were "too busy and stressed") and I broke up with my original boyfriend; the newer one then broke up with me.

2) I've just started transitioning, so I don't have much experience with dating "as trans", but all my partners have known about my identity, and they all accepted me for it (though they were also all trans guys).

3) I kind of have issues finding partners, but no so much because of my identity or appearance (I've often been told I'm quite attractive as a guy, idk how I'll look if I ever pass). I have problems because I'm picky; I have to have someone who's my type, who'll accept me for who I am without judging me, and that can be hard to find. That's probably also why I've exclusively been with trans men until now; I'm attracted to all genders, but I feel like trans people judge me less than any cis person would.

4) A year into my first relationship I came out as trans, and we didn't break up over it. Everyone I've been with since has known before dating me. I will say that, from the opposite side of things, being with my last boyfriend when he started hormones was a little stressful. His mood and sex drive changed, his body was constantly re-shaping itself from one week to the next, and it was just really hard to deal with someone I loved so much suddenly changing so quickly. Even the way he smelled was different. Considering I'm trans myself, I'd say that'd be extra hard for a cis person to handle.

5) idk yet, but I'm not expecting to be with anyone for at least a couple of years while transitioning. I'm hoping to use the time to make friends and improve my life in other ways so I'll be better prepared for a relationship when I'm ready to have one again.

6) Nope.