Author Topic: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?  (Read 1894 times)

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Offline natalie.ashlyne

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #20 on: March 06, 2018, 08:55:59 pm »
I do regret not transitioning sooner because a few reasons, I would have affected less peoples lives if I transitioned earlier. I would have got to live as myself and not a lie sooner I would have been happy with my self

Offline Mary1

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #21 on: March 06, 2018, 09:57:47 pm »
Excellent way to approach it.


 Reminds me of the the only thing worth remembering from a 3 day corporate rah-rah thing I was forced to attend about 12 years ago. 

Worry is wasted imagination.

I'll adapt the two for this thread

Don't regret or worry about the past which you can't change. Imagine the future which you can. 



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Yes leave the your family in the past

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Offline WolfNightV4X1

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #22 on: March 07, 2018, 01:17:15 am »
Would have been nice to be transitioned socially by at least middle or high school, or have full freedom to wear boys clothes like I would have wanted to instead of being stuck in gender roles my whole life, but that was hardly possible in my household.

Honestly, my window for transition was at just the right time, if I had discovered earlier, I would have been more miserable (than I was) for a longer time, but instead I found out at the peak of my young adulthood where I could act and make decisions, so I'm very fortunate that I was only Pre-T for four years at most



Offline TaiseiReborn

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #23 on: March 08, 2018, 09:03:30 pm »
I would say yes I wish I did, but now that I have lived a bit more in my life and gotten a tad bit older I'm glad I didn't.

While I was happy to fully realize I was trans as a teenager; I don't think I would have handled things as well as I might now. So basically in short not really

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Offline ghost0001

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #24 on: March 09, 2018, 07:54:15 am »
Every day of my life.  I'm 39, I would have been 12 if I started then, in the 80s. 

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Offline PollyQMcLovely

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #25 on: March 09, 2018, 01:32:40 pm »
If I had transitioned earlier in life(I use the conditional past perfect because I only have 2 months of HRT behind me) I believe I could have avoided many extended and involuntary stays in psychiatric wards and bouts of homelessness and addiction and other awful things. I can't be certain of that but after deciding to take this path seriously my mental health has noticably improved, I think.

November Fox

Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #26 on: March 10, 2018, 11:07:19 pm »
Yes I do.

I believe your twenties are an important part of your development and a great time to go crazy and explore. I explored plenty, but in hindsight I wish I could have transitioned in my teens, so that I could have had some sort of wild guy-experience.

It isn’t a realistic wish though. I was in a traumatic situation at the time and any gender issues would have been completely devastating. Things in life happen at the right time.

Offline smart_michelle

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #27 on: April 28, 2018, 03:17:11 pm »
Yes and no.

Yes, as I would have loved to grow up female, and experience growing up female and  life as my daughters are doing.

No, as my lovely daughters might not have happened!

No internet when I was growing up and any portrayal of anyone transgender on TV was very much in the pantomine dame or very camp sort of style. So I had no idea of other people like me and (although this is not the case now) my parents weren't supportive back when I was 8. So I had to work things put for myself for such aong time.

(Had a lovely day with my parents today! They are just regarding me turning up at their house as normal everyday as it was before I transitioned recently. Went out with my mum for the first time today too!)

Michelle

Offline Angela H

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #28 on: April 29, 2018, 06:32:01 am »
I think it's really healthy to have that kind of attitude that I see many of the posters in this thread have of not regretting what you can't change.

And maybe after I've transitioned I'll be able to get to that point where it no longer bothers me anymore, but right now?
Right now (bearing in mind I haven't started HRT yet), it's completely, totally maddening(!) that I could have gotten on hormones a decade ago if I had been brave enough to be honest to my family about my real self. I wasted ten years of my life being totally miserable and made transitioning that much harder for no reason at all!  >:(

Quote
But, sure, it would have been nice to know when I was younger, and still had hair.
Oh my God! Yes, that too!  :'(


Sorry if I came across like I'm whining. I really am grateful for all the blessings in my life, but it's really hard for me to not regret the wasted years right now.  :'(

Offline Danielle M

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #29 on: April 29, 2018, 02:14:20 pm »
The ideal time would have been in middle school before testosterone fully ruined my body,face and voice. I would have passed way better.  Also it would not have impacted on so many family members (kids etc.)

Offline Rachel_Christina

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #30 on: April 29, 2018, 02:24:14 pm »
Aw god for sure.
The worst part about it is you still remember how you used to look. How dinky and cute you used to be.
I feel clunky compared to 15 years ago



Offline SeptagonScars

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #31 on: April 29, 2018, 07:19:51 pm »
Do you wish you had transitioned earlier? When?
- Well, I think I came out and sought transition at a good time of my life, but I wish I had been granted hrt and surgery much sooner than I did. I came out at age 19 and should have gotten hrt around 1,5 year later when I got my diagnosis, but didn't actually get it until I was 24. That I'm still bitter about.

Are you regretting not doing it back then; or do you just now have a suitable life situation for it?
- I don't know, at this point it doesn't really matter all that much if I had started at age 21 instead of age 24. I don't actually regret my "denial period" in my teens, cause I think it taught me very valuable things, and made me extra certain that I'm really trans and needed to transition. So for that reason, I don't regret not having come out sooner than I actually did.

Or are you those people who don't believe in regret? Do you want to view it the way that you'll take full responsibility for you actions/inaction and are just okay with how your life went?
- More so that I don't believe in coincidence, and think everything happens for a reason. And when I look back at my past, it makes sense and I don't really wish to change anything. So, in that way, I don't really regret anything, even bad stuff in my past. And also, it tends to feel better when I can accept reality rather than wish it was different.

But "taking full responsibility" is something I've always been avoiding and evading my entire life. That's not my cup of tea. I slither away instead and let someone else deal with my cr*p, and then I come back and am like "thank you so much, I feel sooo bad for having avoided this issue, but my anxiety is so brutal with me right now..." despite not even having anxiety about it. I'm a snake, I know. So no, I don't tend to take responsibility for my actions, I hand that over to others instead, whenever I can. In terms of my transition though, perhaps that doesn't apply.

Or are you content you transitioned at the time you did? Or are doing it? Is this just the perfect time for it? Why?
- I think it happened when it was supposed to. Had I done it earlier risk is I hadn't been ready and it would have been too overwhelming. Had I waited longer I probably wouldn't have survived. So it was probably pretty good timing. It's more so that I regret not being more harsh on my gender therapists who treated me badly/unfairly when I should have spoken up. The timing of my transition mostly just is what it is. I was very confused about my gender as a kid and teen, so I couldn't have reasonably begun transition at that kind of age, even though I knew what being trans was from around age 12, and it would have been unlikely I could have gotten any medical treatment like hrt at any age under 18 anyway. Even if my parents would have allowed for me to, I don't think the doctors would have. It's very rare that trans people who are minors here get to start anything medical other than blockers. So then what's the point.

I was halfway out of the closet a few months before turning 16, even bought some male clothes (that I still have and still fit) and practiced binding my chest, and talked to my mother about it a little. She was not amused by my idea and tried to talk me out of it. That was what kinda scared me back into the closet, and I didn't actually come out then. Like I didn't make an official announcement, and my mother didn't say anything about me going back to living as a girl again. She told me to "do the best of what I've got" and I interpreted it as that I should try to be a girl instead. I don't regret going back into the closet at that time, because trying that hard for the next 4 years to "be a girl" really taught me how much I wasn't a girl and could never be. I wasn't really ready to come out and live as a guy, until after those 4 years of denial. It was kind of my "baptism of fire" to really know that transitioning was gonna be worth it.
Mar. 2009 - came out as ftm
Nov. 2009 - legal name change
Mar. 2010 - officially diagnosed with GID
Aug. 2010 - started T, then stopped 1 year after
Aug. 2013 - started T again, kept taking it since
Mar. 2014 - top surgery
Dec. 2014 - legal gender marker changed
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Jul. 2018 - came out as cis woman and began detransition, applied for name change
Sep. 2018 - stopped taking T - name change approved
Oct. 2018 - got new ID-card

Gender plans: breast reconstruction surgery, change legal gender marker back to female, stay off T.

Offline ReplacementSarah

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #32 on: April 29, 2018, 08:23:05 pm »
Well, on one hand I'm just starting down the road of transition, and I wish I could have transitioned like yesterday. However, practically speaking, the answer is no. If I transitioned earlier I likely wouldn't have my kids and I love my kids more than anything.

Offline Angela H

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #33 on: April 30, 2018, 02:29:02 pm »
Well, on one hand I'm just starting down the road of transition, and I wish I could have transitioned like yesterday. However, practically speaking, the answer is no. If I transitioned earlier I likely wouldn't have my kids and I love my kids more than anything.

Aww, that's cute Sarah.

I think your kids are lucky to have you.  :D

Offline naa

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #34 on: May 01, 2018, 01:49:32 am »
I wish I'd started HRT and blockers earlier.  I love what they've done to me, but starting at the age of 35, there's a limit to what they can do.

If I'd started even just a few years earlier, my hairline would be in a better place.  A few years earlier than that, maybe I'd have got a bit more boob growth.  It's hard to say.

Ideally, I'd want to skip the testosterone based puberty I went through entirely.  But that can't happen, and the changes I've managed to get do really make me happy.

Offline ReplacementSarah

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #35 on: May 01, 2018, 08:28:06 am »
Aww, that's cute Sarah.

I think your kids are lucky to have you.  :D

Thanks, Angela!  :D

Offline Sena

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #36 on: May 15, 2018, 10:57:34 am »
Not so much regret as frustration becaus of some mistakes and misinformation that where made not only by me but also the gender clinic it took about 5 years longer for me to start with hormones then i did.

Offline Maybebaby56

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #37 on: May 28, 2018, 04:42:53 pm »
Hello everyone,

I am late to this thread but wanted to respond because it is something I tortured myself about for many years.

When I was 13, in 1970, I was sent to a psychoanalyst by my parents, for reasons that were never explained. One day, he asked me, "Is there anything you want to talk about?". An innocent question, perhaps, but there was one subject that absolutely dominated my existence, and that was I wanted to be a girl.  I wanted to leap out my chair and tell him my deepest, darkest secret, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

He doodled on his notepad, and I suffered in silence for 51 minutes.  Then he said, "Well, our time is up." I was relieved to get out of there, but deeply disappointed that I didn't speak up.

Years later, after I started my transition at age 56 (a partial explanation of my screen name, if anyone was wondering), I related my story to a friend, and told her how much I lamented the fact I didn't say anything so many years ago.  "I could have started hormones! I wouldn't have had to go through puberty as a male!  I would have a woman's shape, and a woman's voice!".

She responded, "Are you crazy? Do you know what they would have done to you? They would have tried to cure you, that's what."

She was right.  In 1970 transsexualism was a mental illness. I once exchanged e-mails with a woman on this site who is about my age.  She was caught wearing her mother's lipstick when she was 12.  She was sent to a mental institution for three years.  She was forcibly drugged, given electroschock, and beaten and raped by the staff.

As much as I wish that I could have transitioned in my teens, it was a different world then. I believe there is a reason my transition finally happened so late in my life. Medical science and mental health treatment have advanced, social acceptance is much greater, and most importantly, I was finally strong enough mentally to make the tremendous leap.

I will never be a pretty young woman, but I did get a lifetime of male privilege as a consolation prize, which meant a good career and salary, without which I would not have the insurance coverage and financial resources I needed to transition.

Better to grow old as the woman I longed to be than the man I despised. You have to seize the opportunities life gives you.  In 30 years, there will probably be lab-grown vaginas or penises, and the medical treatments will likely be more effective and rewarding than they are now.  But those aren't options now, so I choose to be happy with what I have been able to do.

That's really all any of us can do, or endeavor to do - be happy with who we are.

With kindness,

Terri

       
"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives" - Annie Dillard

Offline Maria77

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #38 on: May 29, 2018, 08:34:19 am »
If I had transitioned young, likely I would have died of AIDs back in the 80s.  So I do, but the specific context might not have worked out for me.

Offline Sojourn

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Re: Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?
« Reply #39 on: May 31, 2018, 09:22:48 pm »
I know it's cliche, but I knew I was trans when I was 2 years old. I even told my parents "I want to be a girl" for a few months and soon learned how shame felt. (Eventually, my mom asked me why, and, for some reason, was relieved when I said "because girls are pretty". Like that lessened the severity of the situation. ) I wish I could have transitioned young. I wish I'd never gone through male puberty. I wish I didn't have to go through hours of painful electrolysis. I wish I weren't the height I am (5'10"). I wish my voice had never deepened forcing to either train my voice to be higher or consider surgery. I wish people didn't have the natural urge to stare at me when we pass on the sidewalk. It's only natural to stare at an anomaly, so I don't blame them... People are often quick to say "but your struggles make you stronger and give you character." From a psychological perspective, I understand why people would say that, but it's bs. Shitty is shitty. I wouldn't say I'm regretful. It just wasn't possible for me to transition young. I was, unfortunately, born in 1987, and grew up in the South. I'm moreso pissed at society for not allowing me to be myself. I considered running away to a liberal city, leaving my zealous Christian family and friends, and transitioning at 18. That's the only way I could have started earlier, but I probably would have wound up homeless or dead. Part of me still wishes I'd done that. Whenever I see "trans kids" like Jazz Jennings I'm both happy to see society changing and profoundly jealous. I'll stop my rant now.

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