Author Topic: Karen...my journey  (Read 1716 times)

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Offline Karen

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #20 on: April 22, 2018, 04:59:24 pm »
     Hi Karen it sounds like you have made some big steps accepting yourself is one of the biggest that acceptance has helped me through some really hard times there lies a long road ahead while difficult at times it truly is the most wonderful journey you can take

     Bobbisue :)

Thanks Bobbisue...

I appreciate your words and encouragement.   I thought I had accepted myself...the scared and anxious part is dominant today.  Accepting and feeling validated felt good yesterday, and now the fear and stress has stepped up big time.  I know it will pass and all will be great...we are going to make it that way!

And tonight I am updating my wife on this, as she was away for a girls week end.  I hate putting her through this.  We will make it!

Thanks again Bobbisue, and all of you amazing people.  The empathy and support I feel here is incredible. 

Karen
Karen

Offline Jayne01

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #21 on: April 22, 2018, 05:08:36 pm »
Thanks Bobbisue...

I appreciate your words and encouragement.   I thought I had accepted myself...the scared and anxious part is dominant today.  Accepting and feeling validated felt good yesterday, and now the fear and stress has stepped up big time.  I know it will pass and all will be great...we are going to make it that way!

And tonight I am updating my wife on this, as she was away for a girls week end.  I hate putting her through this.  We will make it!

Thanks again Bobbisue, and all of you amazing people.  The empathy and support I feel here is incredible. 

Karen
Total acceptance can take time. The fear enters your mind which starts creating doubts. You are correct, it will pass. Hang in there and ride it out. You will find that the acceptance becomes more of the normal and the fear eventually fades away.

I find my fear and doubts increase every time I update my wife with something that upsets her. I need to remind myself that she is also processing things. She has been very clear that she isn’t leaving me, so my fears are unfounded, but they are there nonetheless.

I hope it goes well with your wife tonight.

Take care.

Jayne



Offline Laurie

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #22 on: April 22, 2018, 06:45:24 pm »
  Hi Karen,

  I'm Laurie and frankly do not remember if I had stopped by to say hi to you before or not. I will apologize and welcome you to Susan's Place just in case I hadn't previously done so. I see you know your way around already as I have seen and read some of your posts in other threads. As the other have said you are wanted and welcome here and many of us have been through similar things ourselves. I can sympathize with on on the circumstances with your wife but will refrain from giving you advice except to say talk with her. Communication is the key in any relationship.
  I  screwed up with my wife and family long ago. I didn't know what was wrong with me beyond a wish that I could have been born a girl and a life long history of crossdressing. As a result I didn't like myself, was an angry, insecure man with very low self esteem. I had to go through self loathing, alcoholism, and drug abuse, family alienation and divorce before beginning to change things. Still I did not discover that I was transgender until about a year and a half ago. I began transition and coming out. My failures didn't end there. No, I had to lose my rekindled relationship with my daughter and her family including my 5 grand children. This path can be hard as hell. I wish I had it to do over.
  Unfortunately my story isn't that unusual, but it doesn't have to be that way. You are doing the right things. Use those therapists. Be open and honest with them and with your wife. encourage your wife to be the same with you and her therapist. It will take time but good outcomes can be had.
  I have met several couples in my travels and they amaze me. Especially the wives. Their's is a rough road also some rougher than ours. In all of the ones I've met, their devotion and communication with each other stand out. If you two work at it together you can find the solution if there is one to be had. Good luck.

 Hugs,
   Laurie
Hi, I'm Laurie

“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,

May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone




Online Charlie Nicki

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #23 on: April 22, 2018, 07:05:54 pm »
Hi Karen! Glad you're on the journey to find yourself. Hugs and the best of energy from the other side of the screen!

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Offline Karen

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #24 on: April 22, 2018, 07:26:22 pm »
You are all amazing.  What a gift and blessing.   Thank you for sharing and your encouragement. 

Do any of you have experience with antidepressants early on?   Any advice?

And do any of you have experience with T blockers early on?  Any advice?

As you may have seen my therapist has recommended both.  I am thinking about the antidepressants first, until I get into see an endocrinologist. 

Thanks

Karen
Karen

Offline pamelatransuk

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #25 on: April 23, 2018, 08:21:17 am »
I have read some of your other posts Karen and I am so pleased that you benefitted and discovered so much at your therapy session.

As you may know I started therapy last year and it has been really worthwhile for me also.

It is expected to feel both elated and scared and back and forth between them.

I note you have been recommended T blocker in due course. I have been on T blocker and on estrogen 11 weeks and I am already feel calm and peaceful and have much less aggravation and stress. I know I and all others must wait for the physical changes.

I wish you every happiness on your journey,

Hugs


Pamela



Offline Laurie

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #26 on: April 23, 2018, 12:59:41 pm »
You are all amazing.  What a gift and blessing.   Thank you for sharing and your encouragement. 

Do any of you have experience with antidepressants early on?   Any advice?

And do any of you have experience with T blockers early on?  Any advice?

As you may have seen my therapist has recommended both.  I am thinking about the antidepressants first, until I get into see an endocrinologist. 

Thanks

Karen

 Hi Karen,

  I have some recent experience with an antidepressant. My therapist referred me to a psychiatric nurse practitioner for an anti depressant when I was depressed and on the verge of suicide. She prescribed an SSRI called Sertraline which is generic Zoloft. It took about 2 months to kick in but once it did my outlook on life began to improve. I was able once again to get out and meet with friends. Friends that were very concerned for my well being. Visiting them further improved my demeanor. Shortly after I visited with another member her and she now has a girlfriend though what she sees in me I'll never know. I do know that she has given me a reason to live again. I have also just returned home from a 7 week road trip where I met more members strewn all across this country and back. Most of them for the first time.
  If it was for the antidepressant I would probably not be here today to answer your question. I had made my plans and was only waiting for spring to go carry them out. I would say that taking my medications allowed me the time to feel better and that led to finding another reason to live. I just wish it hadn't taken 2 months to work.  I am taking it still and I'm not sure I should stop anytime soon as the issues that made me depressed are still there.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Hi, I'm Laurie

“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,

May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone




Offline Karen

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #27 on: April 23, 2018, 02:29:54 pm »
Hi Karen,

  I have some recent experience with an antidepressant. My therapist referred me to a psychiatric nurse practitioner for an anti depressant when I was depressed and on the verge of suicide. She prescribed an SSRI called Sertraline which is generic Zoloft. It took about 2 months to kick in but once it did my outlook on life began to improve. I was able once again to get out and meet with friends. Friends that were very concerned for my well being. Visiting them further improved my demeanor. Shortly after I visited with another member her and she now has a girlfriend though what she sees in me I'll never know. I do know that she has given me a reason to live again. I have also just returned home from a 7 week road trip where I met more members strewn all across this country and back. Most of them for the first time.
  If it was for the antidepressant I would probably not be here today to answer your question. I had made my plans and was only waiting for spring to go carry them out. I would say that taking my medications allowed me the time to feel better and that led to finding another reason to live. I just wish it hadn't taken 2 months to work.  I am taking it still and I'm not sure I should stop anytime soon as the issues that made me depressed are still there.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Thanks Laurie..

I appreciate you being so open.   This gives me confidence to make the next step.  I already wish the 2 months was gone.  I need a positive frame of mind to navigate all of this.  Thank you.  Karen
Karen

Offline Karen

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #28 on: April 23, 2018, 02:32:59 pm »
I have read some of your other posts Karen and I am so pleased that you benefitted and discovered so much at your therapy session.

As you may know I started therapy last year and it has been really worthwhile for me also.

It is expected to feel both elated and scared and back and forth between them.

I note you have been recommended T blocker in due course. I have been on T blocker and on estrogen 11 weeks and I am already feel calm and peaceful and have much less aggravation and stress. I know I and all others must wait for the physical changes.

I wish you every happiness on your journey,

Hugs


Pamela

Thanks Pamela..

I appreciate your experience.  All he is suggesting is T blockers to help reduce dysphoria, but not estrogen....to avoid changes to my physical body. 

My understanding is that T blockers alone can help reduce dysphoria, but may not be sustainable without estrogen...??

Thanks

Karen
Karen

Offline Jayne01

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #29 on: April 23, 2018, 03:46:41 pm »
Thanks Pamela..

I appreciate your experience.  All he is suggesting is T blockers to help reduce dysphoria, but not estrogen....to avoid changes to my physical body. 

My understanding is that T blockers alone can help reduce dysphoria, but may not be sustainable without estrogen...??

Thanks

Karen
Hi Karen,

I don’t want to ruin any hopes you may have. Hormones affect everyone in different ways. I started on estrogen only. Initially a very low dose, but by 2 months I was on a very high doses. It did nothing for my dysphoria. I took a month break from any kind of HRT and then started in full dose of Spiro, Estrogen and Progesterone. I have been on HRT continuously for about 7 1/2 months now. In January, I got an estrogen implant, which delivers a much higher dose than pills or gels. I saw my endo yesterday and my T levels are almost zero, at the bottom end of the female range and my E is middle to high for a female that isn’t pregnant. The HRT has had little effect on my dysphoria. It has worked wonders to calm my mind and tame the angry man inside my head, but the dysphoria has remained the same. It is also working quite nicely on the physical changes. In some ways, the dysphoria has become worse because I can think more clearly now which has made me realise how badly I want to be female. Due to other circumstances I haven’t been able to do anything about how I present. Presenting male with what I now know to be a clearly female brain has made my dysphoria go insane.

This is just my experience and it differs to many other people. Hopefully T blockers alone are able to help you.

As for the anti depressants, I have a very small amount of experience. I tried them for a while a couple of years ago when I started on this journey. I was reluctant to try them because I wanted first to try and help myself without using drugs. They didn’t seem to have any effect on me at all. I am told that I have a very strong immune system which may explain why many medications don’t work on me. Therapy helped me with my depression. It saved my life. Personally, I would try the T blockers and therapy before anti depressants.

As I said, everyone gets affected in different ways. I just wanted to offer you my personal experience so that you get a different point of view.

I think the reason T blockers are not sustainable in the long term is because your body needs sex hormones (either T or E) to help maintain bone density. Someone jump in and correct me if I am wrong on that.

Keep us updated on how you are going.

Jayne




Offline Karen

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #30 on: April 23, 2018, 04:17:42 pm »
Hi Karen,

I don’t want to ruin any hopes you may have. Hormones affect everyone in different ways. I started on estrogen only. Initially a very low dose, but by 2 months I was on a very high doses. It did nothing for my dysphoria. I took a month break from any kind of HRT and then started in full dose of Spiro, Estrogen and Progesterone. I have been on HRT continuously for about 7 1/2 months now. In January, I got an estrogen implant, which delivers a much higher dose than pills or gels. I saw my endo yesterday and my T levels are almost zero, at the bottom end of the female range and my E is middle to high for a female that isn’t pregnant. The HRT has had little effect on my dysphoria. It has worked wonders to calm my mind and tame the angry man inside my head, but the dysphoria has remained the same. It is also working quite nicely on the physical changes. In some ways, the dysphoria has become worse because I can think more clearly now which has made me realise how badly I want to be female. Due to other circumstances I haven’t been able to do anything about how I present. Presenting male with what I now know to be a clearly female brain has made my dysphoria go insane.

This is just my experience and it differs to many other people. Hopefully T blockers alone are able to help you.

As for the anti depressants, I have a very small amount of experience. I tried them for a while a couple of years ago when I started on this journey. I was reluctant to try them because I wanted first to try and help myself without using drugs. They didn’t seem to have any effect on me at all. I am told that I have a very strong immune system which may explain why many medications don’t work on me. Therapy helped me with my depression. It saved my life. Personally, I would try the T blockers and therapy before anti depressants.

As I said, everyone gets affected in different ways. I just wanted to offer you my personal experience so that you get a different point of view.

I think the reason T blockers are not sustainable in the long term is because your body needs sex hormones (either T or E) to help maintain bone density. Someone jump in and correct me if I am wrong on that.

Keep us updated on how you are going.

Jayne

Thanks Jayne..

Very helpful.  My reference to reducing dysphoria was in the broader sense...anxiety and calmness, which it sounds like worked for you.  I had not even considered gender dysphoria / physical dysphoria going through the roof...which I guess is how we find out how our mind is truly wired.     Good and even scarier for me.     

Side note, here's my day.  Started out sad and anxious about taking this to the next level and impact on my life (still learning to be focused and confident on key actions and decisions vs what might happen or others views).  Put on some very light make up, helped acknowledge "me".   Had a good and sensitive talk with my wife.   Got into work and the business of the day...having fun and in the game.  Mid day and mid afternoon, just wanting to go home and be my female me.   

You are not the first one to say avoid anti depressants...and focus on HRT.   My other therapist said keep your mind free so you can confront your feelings and understand them.   My issue is my anxiety level is so high, there are times I don't think I am going to make it.

Thanks for the help and advice!!!

Hugs

Karen
Karen

Offline Jayne01

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #31 on: April 23, 2018, 04:23:32 pm »
I get the anxiety. There are ways to manage it. I big part of it is finding a way to say to hell with what other people think. Yesterday I was walking around the city during busy lunch hour dressed in women’s clothes, no makeup and a ridiculous looking patchy beard. It didn’t bother me. There is no way I could have done that a few months ago. Give therapy a chance to help with your anxiety before resorting to medication. Figure out what is bothering you the most and start working on that with your therapist.

Jayne



Offline Maybebaby56

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #32 on: April 23, 2018, 05:25:55 pm »
Hi Karen,

I just found your thread, believe it or not, a mere month after you started it. (I really must start paying more attention.)

Just to add my little bit of input to an already well-developed thread.

On therapy:
My therapist never once told me I was transgender.  She has been a gender therapist for over 30 years. She listened, and she affirmed, and she kept me out of dark places. That's it. I came to my own conclusions. Therapists are not mind-readers.  No one can tell you what you are thinking, so for your first (idiot) therapist to come out and declare, "You are a fetishistic transvestite and have autogynophiiia" is insane. That's not therapy. That's a bunch of judgmental crap. She is a charlatan and did damage to you. I am so sorry you had to endure that.

On hormones:
Unfortunately, the meme "YMMV" applies here. Everyone is different.  Jayne01 got no relief from HRT. I got tremendous relief. The androgen blockers were a Godsend to me, as they eliminated my libido. In retrospect, I think when one is just starting out, anti-androgens may have more impact than estrogen. That's just my opinion, based on my reaction. It stopped the testosterone poisoning. It stopped the "fetishistic transvestism", which is to say I no longer resorted to the desperate ploy of cross-dressing (as it is defined) to relieve my gender dysphoria. That was worth the price of admission right there.

My first endocrinologist was very conservative, and it was three months before he even put me on a half-dose of transdermal estradiol patches. After five months, he increased the dosage, but my E2 levels were still in the male range. That said, it made a big difference. My dysphoria was gone. It was like a missing piece of my brain was now operating.  My identity as a person was no longer this blurred, distorted image.  I was female, there was no question.  That's when I knew I would do whatever it takes to transition. That decision dd not eliminate my fear, far from it, but it changed my transition from a dream to a goal.  And as you probably already know, the difference between a dream and a goal is having a plan.

On plans:
They don't work. I was outed to my kids by accident. I was outed to my co-workers because of an overheard conversation. To paraphrase another meme, "All transition plans fail upon first contact with reality."  So why have a plan?  To remind yourself what you are trying to achieve. To acknowledge who in your life is important to you. To have an internal compass when things get really tough. There will be lost friends. There will be crappy reactions at work. And very possibly some family members will turn their backs on you, or just tell you, "Good luck and I hope you find happiness, but I can't deal with this.  I'm out." That is a completely valid response. No one owes us acceptance.  Not your kids, not your wife.  They didn't sign up for this, you did. Don't be angry and don't be overcome with grief.  Initial reactions are not final reactions.  This is going to be a long road, Karen.  Take some deep breaths, and buckle up.

On you:
There is so much to admire about you. You are honest, and you are caring. You don't want anyone to get hurt. You just want to be happy.  I totally get it.  I am not a doctor, but I would counsel caution on taking anti-depressants.  You are in a very stressful situation that is causing you depression.  That's not a psychopathology, that's life! You don't need drugs, you need inner strength.  It's in there somewhere.  You may not believe that, but I didn't believe it either. I thought there was absolutely no way I could transition.  I was 100% certain I did not have the courage or the strength. Yet here I am.

On me:
I need to shut up now, lol, but I am a fan of yours and will be quietly rooting for you from the sidelines. If you ever want to chat, please do not hesitate to PM me. I will always respond. I'm on this site pretty much every day now.

With kindness,

Terri   


 
« Last Edit: April 23, 2018, 07:02:28 pm by Maybebaby56 »
"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives" - Annie Dillard

Offline Karen

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #33 on: April 23, 2018, 07:25:32 pm »
Hi Karen,

I just found your thread, believe it or not, a mere month after you started it. (I really must start paying more attention.)

Just to add my little bit of input to an already well-developed thread.

On therapy:
My therapist never once told me I was transgender.  She has been a gender therapist for over 30 years. She listened, and she affirmed, and she kept me out of dark places. That's it. I came to my own conclusions. Therapists are not mind-readers.  No one can tell you what you are thinking, so for your first (idiot) therapist to come out and declare, "You are a fetishistic transvestite and have autogynophiiia" is insane. That's not therapy. That's a bunch of judgmental crap. She is a charlatan and did damage to you. I am so sorry you had to endure that.

On hormones:
Unfortunately, the meme "YMMV" applies here. Everyone is different.  Jayne01 got no relief from HRT. I got tremendous relief. The androgen blockers were a Godsend to me, as they eliminated my libido. In retrospect, I think when one is just starting out, anti-androgens may have more impact than estrogen. That's just my opinion, based on my reaction. It stopped the testosterone poisoning. It stopped the "fetishistic transvestism", which is to say I no longer resorted to the desperate ploy of cross-dressing (as it is defined) to relieve my gender dysphoria. That was worth the price of admission right there.

My first endocrinologist was very conservative, and it was three months before he even put me on a half-dose of transdermal estradiol patches. After five months, he increased the dosage, but my E2 levels were still in the male range. That said, it made a big difference. My dysphoria was gone. It was like a missing piece of my brain was now operating.  My identity as a person was no longer this blurred, distorted image.  I was female, there was no question.  That's when I knew I would do whatever it takes to transition. That decision dd not eliminate my fear, far from it, but it changed my transition from a dream to a goal.  And as you probably already know, the difference between a dream and a goal is having a plan.

On plans:
They don't work. I was outed to my kids by accident. I was outed to my co-workers because of an overheard conversation. To paraphrase another meme, "All transition plans fail upon first contact with reality."  So why have a plan?  To remind yourself what you are trying to achieve. To acknowledge who in your life is important to you. To have an internal compass when things get really tough. There will be lost friends. There will be crappy reactions at work. And very possibly some family members will turn their backs on you, or just tell you, "Good luck and I hope you find happiness, but I can't deal with this.  I'm out." That is a completely valid response. No one owes us acceptance.  Not your kids, not your wife.  They didn't sign up for this, you did. Don't be angry and don't be overcome with grief.  Initial reactions are not final reactions.  This is going to be a long road, Karen.  Take some deep breaths, and buckle up.

On you:
There is so much to admire about you. You are honest, and you are caring. You don't want anyone to get hurt. You just want to be happy.  I totally get it.  I am not a doctor, but I would counsel caution on taking anti-depressants.  You are in a very stressful situation that is causing you depression.  That's not a psychopathology, that's life! You don't need drugs, you need inner strength.  It's in there somewhere.  You may not believe that, but I didn't believe it either. I thought there was absolutely no way I could transition.  I was 100% certain I did not have the courage or the strength. Yet here I am.

On me:
I need to shut up now, lol, but I am a fan of yours and will be quietly rooting for you from the sidelines. If you ever want to chat, please do not hesitate to PM me. I will always respond. I'm on this site pretty much every day now.

With kindness,

Terri   


 

Thanks Terri.    This is amazing.  I appreciate your experience and how candid you are.   You are so good for our confidence and perspective.   

I hope to see my MD tomorrow for a referral to the Endo.    😍

Stay tuned.   

Karen

Karen

Offline Jayne01

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #34 on: April 23, 2018, 11:45:39 pm »
I should probably clarify something I said earlier about dysphoria and hormones. When I first started HRT, after reading so many positive reports of how the dysphoria goes away it reduces considerably, I was full of hope that the same would happen to me. When it didn’t, I was very disappointed and started doubting if I was even trans at all. Eventually I realised that the problem was my interpretation of the word dysphoria. I had a very black and white definition in my mind. To me dysphoria was the desire to be female. That desire never went away and has gotten even stronger with time. HRT did nothing to ease that desire. What HRT did do for me is clear my mind. It became crystal clear to me that inside this male body there is a woman crying to be let out. My desire to transition became stronger and I doubt that I can stop before I go the whole way. My perception of what dysphoria is initially confused me about how to interpret the effects of HRT. It took a while for me to sort through what used to just be noise in my head. HRT helped the noise go away.

I hope I haven’t confused you too much.

Jayne



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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #35 on: April 24, 2018, 07:51:29 am »
Hey no confusion. We all need to figure out what we are feeling and find the proper words and terminology to express it. No one ever said we would get it right first try.
December 2015 noticed strange feelings moving in
December 2016 started to understand what my body has been telling me all my life, started wearing a bra for comfort full time
Spiro and dutastricide 2017
Mid year 2017 Started dressing and going out shopping etc by myself
October T 14.8 / 456
Came out to my wife in December 2017
January 2018 dressing androgenes and still have face hair
Feb 2018 Dressing full time in female clothing out at work and to friends and family, clean shaven and make up
Living full time March 1 2018
March T 7.4 / 236
April 19th eligard injection, no more Testosterone
[/
[url=https://www.susans.org/forums]

July 23 appointment with urologist to set orchi date.

Offline Karen

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #36 on: April 25, 2018, 08:11:07 pm »
HI there.    Thanks everyone again for your care and support.   

After this past week end, a dear friend, one of 4 cis friends that know my situation, also coached me on one day at a time and focusing on what we can control.   It is helping.

- called a labour and human rights lawyer.  What an amazing person and so gracious.  He is a truly Ally.  He really helped me understand that my work should not be a major risk or issue from a job or career front.  He also introduced me to two local women who transitioned and I am having drinks with one next week.  She too was so gracious.

- booked meeting for Saturday with my wife and my TG therapist.  Looking forward to helping her understand what severe gender Dysphoria means and talking through how to help her.  We want to make this work. 

- booked Saturday meeting with my MD for referral to androcronolgist 😉   My Dysphoria has been worse than ever, and I hope the anti androgen helps.   It's wild...in male mode and in my head at work.  I get in my car and immediately feel a heart broken and waning to be me, putting on some lip stick, scarf, etc...anything to acknowledge me.  Wanting so bad to be my female self, at least at home, is so overwhelming.   

In spite of the increasing Dysphoria, I feel great about the steps and how amazing people are. 

Thank you all for your care.  It's good to have a good couple of days.

Karen



« Last Edit: April 26, 2018, 12:53:00 pm by Karen »
Karen

Offline Jayne01

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #37 on: April 25, 2018, 09:32:37 pm »
HI there.    Thanks everyone again for your care and support.   

After this past week end, a dear friend, one of 4 cis friends that know my situation, also coached me on one day at a time and focusing on what we can control.   It is helping.

- called a labour and human rights lawyer.  What an amazing person and so gracious.  He is a truly Ally.  He really helped me understand that my work should not be a major risk or issue from a job or career front.  He also introduced me to two local women who transitioned and I am having drinks with one next week.  She too was so gracious.

- booked meeting for Saturday with my wife and my TG therapist.  Looking forward to helping her understand what severe gender Dysphoria means and talking through how to help her.  We want to make this work. 

- booked Saturday meeting with my MD for referral to androcronolgist    My Dysphoria has been worse than ever, and I hope the anti androgen helps.   It's wild...in male mode and in my head at work.  I get in my car and immediately feel a heart broken and waning to be me, putting on some lip stick, scarf, etc...anything to acknowledge me.  Wanting so bad to be my female self, at least at home, is so overwhelming.   

In spite of the increasing Dysphoria, I feel great about the steps and how amazing people are. 

Thank you all for your care.  It's good to have a good couple of days.

Karen
Hi Karen,
It is so good you have some friends who know your situation and are willing to help you through the rough times.

I was pretty certain that Canada is pretty good with work laws for equal opportunity and human rights issues. I’m glad the lawyer was able to ease your mind on the work front. Also great that you are meeting up with one of the women the lawyer introduced. I have never met a woman who has transitioned (at least not that I know of).

It will take effort from both you and your wife. You both want to make it work, so that is a great start. Try to understand the challenges the other person is facing, then you can customise your journey to what best suits your individual needs. Compromises will have to be made. In my case, I have to move at what seems slower than snails pace for my wife to be able to keep up. I don’t want to move forward with her falling too far behind. We are in this together. Don’t forget to include your wife in your journey. It can be easy to get caught up in the excitement of finally treating the dysphoria. A positive step forward for you can seem like another nail in the coffin for your wife, until she has time to adjust to a new normal, then the process repeats with the next step. At least that is how it is in my situation. I hope the Saturday meeting goes well!

I hope an anti androgen can help get your dysphoria to a more tolerable level. As a wise friend just told me in my own thread (thank you Kathy), keep taking steps towards your goal, even if small steps are all you can take for now. Each step, no matter how small, will get you closer to where you need to be. For me, knowing that I am taking positive steps towards my goal helps keep the dysphoria tolerable. I have accepted that this is a long process along a very bumpy road, but I have an end goal in sight and I am now doing my best to enjoy the journey towards that goal.

Hang in there, Karen. You are doing great. Keep us updated on your progress.

Jayne



Offline Laurie

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #38 on: April 26, 2018, 12:00:20 am »
  Hi Karen,

  Girl, you had me googling androcronolgist it almost sounds right but I believe you meant an endocrinologist. They are the ones with the goodie if your MD can't get them for you. An anti androgen could very well help you with that dysphoria. Others have said it does. Your doctors are the ones that can tell you better the possibilities of the different drugs used in transition.
  Those steps you are taken are all good ones and should help you and your wife. I'll have my fingers crossed for you both.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Hi, I'm Laurie

“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,

May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone




Offline Karen

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Re: Karen...my journey
« Reply #39 on: April 27, 2018, 08:43:05 am »
Thank you for your encouragement and support. 

Yes, bad spelling...endocrinologists... :)

I will let you know how the week end goes.  My wife seems to have moved into a very supportive place... She says she feels positive and empowered, and is getting good support from her naturopath and therapist.  In fact last nigh she texted me and said "I can look after the family and house.  You can lean on me."  This is the best news of any, as I take these next steps and oddly, at the same time feel like I am losing control of this.   

Lots of positive things happening,with a dysphoria level that seems to be growing at hyper speed. 

Thank you all for your care and support. 

Karen



Karen