Author Topic: How to Disclose without Disclosing?  (Read 218 times)

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Offline nightingale95

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How to Disclose without Disclosing?
« on: March 28, 2018, 04:39:31 pm »
Hi everybody,

I'm a stealth trans woman and have been on the dating scene for a little while and am fed up with disclosing to people and then getting dumped. I'm only looking for casual hook ups at the moment, so who that person is on the inside doesn't matter to me very much. They are attracted to me and see me as a cis woman and I don't want to ruin that for them, but I'm also pre-op so my pants never come off when I'm with anyone and they're going to want to know why.

What are some ways I can explain my hesitancy to undress fully without saying "I'm transgender"? Is there a way of describing it like its an intersex condition rather than me being born the opposite sex? Or is there some excuse I can use that would explain why I don't want to go that far (beside me being on my period... I see these people on a regular basis)?

I know what many of you are going to say: "Oh that's dangerous." Well, I'm only seeing other women at this time so it is statistically unlikely that I will be assaulted or battered or killed if they find out. Also, if they do find out, then whatever happens is on me.

It's really important to me that I remain a cis woman in their eyes. Coming out just make things weird for me and for them too because it's not what they're expecting.

Offline Alaskan Danielle

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Re: How to Disclose without Disclosing?
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2018, 04:53:23 pm »
Hi everybody,

I'm a stealth trans woman and have been on the dating scene for a little while and am fed up with disclosing to people and then getting dumped. I'm only looking for casual hook ups at the moment, so who that person is on the inside doesn't matter to me very much. They are attracted to me and see me as a cis woman and I don't want to ruin that for them, but I'm also pre-op so my pants never come off when I'm with anyone and they're going to want to know why.

What are some ways I can explain my hesitancy to undress fully without saying "I'm transgender"? Is there a way of describing it like its an intersex condition rather than me being born the opposite sex? Or is there some excuse I can use that would explain why I don't want to go that far (beside me being on my period... I see these people on a regular basis)?

I know what many of you are going to say: "Oh that's dangerous." Well, I'm only seeing other women at this time so it is statistically unlikely that I will be assaulted or battered or killed if they find out. Also, if they do find out, then whatever happens is on me.

It's really important to me that I remain a cis woman in their eyes. Coming out just make things weird for me and for them too because it's not what they're expecting.

Nightingale:
  Well, here is my 2 cents worth on the subject.  Hesitancy is OK and does not have to be explained in any kind of detail....  they might just think that you are taking things slow, which is what has been happening in the dating scene forever.

Fine, on a casual date or budding relationship that involves a hug, handholding and a quick kiss I would not necessarily disclose either, BUT if it goes beyond that as I described and definitely before my pants come off,  the right thing to do is to disclose BEFORE those things go beyond casual. 
It is only fair to the man or woman that you are involved with and it is the right thing (and the safe thing) to do
 ... just my opinion.

My dad always told me that "If you can't be good you need to be very careful."
Best wishes and please do be careful.
Danielle

Offline nightingale95

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Re: How to Disclose without Disclosing?
« Reply #2 on: March 28, 2018, 05:07:01 pm »

Nightingale:
  Well, here is my 2 cents worth on the subject.  Hesitancy is OK and does not have to be explained in any kind of detail....  they might just think that you are taking things slow, which is what has been happening in the dating scene forever.

Fine, on a casual date or budding relationship that involves a hug, handholding and a quick kiss I would not necessarily disclose either, BUT if it goes beyond that as I described and definitely before my pants come off,  the right thing to do is to disclose BEFORE those things go beyond casual. 
It is only fair to the man or woman that you are involved with and it is the right thing (and the safe thing) to do
 ... just my opinion.

My dad always told me that "If you can't be good you need to be very careful."
Best wishes and please do be careful.
Danielle

Well what I'm thinking is more like I will do stuff for them but they won't have to reciprocate for obvious reasons...

If they are attracted to me as a woman and I am a woman I don't think it's wrong to hide it from them. It's just something that is... and it's all casual anyway. I'm not going for anything long term.

They're going to ask though and they're going to wonder. And I absolutely don't like anyone touching me down there ever, so it's not like they'll ever have to deal with it. It might sound odd but I've gotten by without having anyone do anything to me when we're having sex... I just like doing things for others.