Author Topic: What is your personal flavor of non-binary?  (Read 1483 times)

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Offline JB_Girl

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Re: What is your personal flavor of non-binary?
« Reply #20 on: June 14, 2018, 03:49:03 pm »
I still feel a gray area about the difference of NB and gender fluid.  In one hand you have all personalities with no fixed point and in the other you have all personalities with no fixed point except with leeway for change.
Where my question is, if I subscribe to NB do I need to find my personal place until I find who I am, or go the fluid route and occupy wherever and how much I want.
I think the latter.

How about that.  I don't come here for a year and almost immediately run into you!  How cool is that??  Gender fluidity and a non-binary identity I think go hand in hand and are really pretty normal.  This is about living authentically and honestly, not about what ought to be, but what is.  I am a woman, a flamboyant, sexy, and unique human being.  I am also a linear thinking engineer.  I am also at home in flannel and using a chain saw.  What is my gender?  What day is it?  For me to deny fluidity is for me to deny a part of what makes me fun and interesting.

Happy Pride  :icon_pepsi:
I began this journey when I began to think, but it took what it took for me to truly understand the what and the why of authenticity.  I'm grateful to have found a path that works and to live as I have always dreamed.

The dates are unimportant and are quite stale now.  The journey to truth is fresh and never ends.

Offline Theirsforever01

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Re: What is your personal flavor of non-binary?
« Reply #21 on: June 21, 2018, 08:47:59 pm »
I consider myself as both a male and female. Some days more one than the other, other days it is the opposite. All days I have both inside me. I label myself as bigender and I use almost any pronouns no matter where I am that day.

Offline Lady Lisandra

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Re: What is your personal flavor of non-binary?
« Reply #22 on: June 22, 2018, 02:20:08 am »
I think the label that fits me most is demigirl. I know I’m mostly female, and I’m really happy with with my female name and pronouns, at least much more than with my male ones, but I feel there’s something else inside (I’m AMAB). Male probably? I don’t know.. After transitioning I started to accept the male side of me that I had hated before. I realized that what I really hated was the male that I was expected to be, and not the one I really was. I just never had the chance to be me and lived always up to the other’s wishes.

I still have some of my male clothes. Most of my old shirts and vests. I have lots of female clothes also, Although sometimes I wish I had more dresses.

Like the OP, I wish I looked like those bishonen anime characters, but not the masculine ones. I like the fabulously beautiful characters that you can’t tell whether they’re male or female. At least some days. A mixture of bishonen and Bifauxnen if that makes any sense? I like the look that makes people ask me if I’m a boy or a girl. I am a little bit too fat for those looks, but as soon as i have money I’d like to do start some physical activity, probably martial arts to get rid of that fat and tone my muscles a bit.

I have long hair and I’m trying to make it white. I either tie it in a bun to give it a short/ medium length look or leave it loose, sometimes in a wuxia novel style. I believe the short like style gives me a more feminine look.

- Lis -

Offline MoreThan2

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Re: What is your personal flavor of non-binary?
« Reply #23 on: June 22, 2018, 08:08:38 pm »
I'm genderqueer. I don't really think of myself as male or female but rather just "other". Not a mix or anything like that just "other".
My sibling is genderfluid, but my identity is pretty stagnant. I used to ID as just male, because I was scared to be called "fake" but I've grown past that with the help of friends. As far as presentation goes though...very fluid! I pretty much wear whatever I want, from dresses to slacks. I love gothic lolita fashion especially.

Offline Cailan Jerika

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Re: What is your personal flavor of non-binary?
« Reply #24 on: June 26, 2018, 07:22:17 pm »
I am bi-gender, female and male. I have both types of bi-gender existance, usually I am one or the other, fluctuating from one to the other four or five time a year. I call myself "a very binary non-binary person" because my genders are both *very* binary, the middle ground is dysphoric.

Most of the time I'm either all girl or all guy, but sometimes, between "gender swings" I spend a few weeks experiencing both at once, which freaks me out and is dysphoric as hell. I lose my sense of who I am and mourn the "passing" of the gender I am swinging away from, but then as my other side gets stronger, I get all happy and embrace the next swing.

I usually present fully femme, but mostly because I'm still "getting to know" my guy side," figuring out my style as a guy, and accumulate clothes. I wear my hair in a pixie cut that is easily styled into either masculine or feminine appearance, and I'm on testosterone (a little over a year) to transition my body, including top and bottom surgeries, while I intend to maintain my femme presentation as my primary social identity.
Cailan in guy mode, Jeaniveve (Jean) in girl mode, but usually a girl and a guy happily sharing one body.








Offline DPS

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Re: What is your personal flavor of non-binary?
« Reply #25 on: July 01, 2018, 12:37:13 pm »
When I have to label it I either call my gender: bigender or genderfluid. I feel most comfortable just calling myself male and female, though. I always feel like a mix. I use both pronouns (he/she). Never They/them. Gender neutral pronouns feel like they erase my gender and it makes me uncomfortable. Its not attached to clothes unless Im trying to pass, which I rarely do now. I do like it when others see me as a man, but I dont really fight for that recognition. Too much work, and it means having to pretend Im not female and act unnatural. I just wanna be myself.


Offline Cailan Jerika

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Re: What is your personal flavor of non-binary?
« Reply #26 on: July 06, 2018, 04:10:10 pm »
When I have to label it I either call my gender: bigender or genderfluid. I feel most comfortable just calling myself male and female, though. I always feel like a mix. I use both pronouns (he/she). Never They/them. Gender neutral pronouns feel like they erase my gender and it makes me uncomfortable. Its not attached to clothes unless Im trying to pass, which I rarely do now. I do like it when others see me as a man, but I dont really fight for that recognition. Too much work, and it means having to pretend Im not female and act unnatural. I just wanna be myself.

Wow, my gender twin, except for the clothes thing! I'm with you on the "they" causing dysphoria, for the same reason - it erases both of my genders. I tell people to use he or she, whichever feels more natural to come out of their mouth at the moment. I doubt I'll ever pass as a guy, though it would feel amazingly good if it happened while I am on a guy swing.

If you're ever in the Seattle area, I'd love to meet you in person!
Cailan in guy mode, Jeaniveve (Jean) in girl mode, but usually a girl and a guy happily sharing one body.








Offline SeptagonScars

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Re: What is your personal flavor of non-binary?
« Reply #27 on: October 21, 2018, 04:00:59 pm »
While I'm still in the process of figuring out if I might be nonbinary, I'll mostly answer your post as a way for me to dwell deeper into my own mind, using your questions as a guide. But whatever answers I'll come up with might still be of interest for you and/or others reading this.

As I see it, I'd say I'm pretty much an opposite of "neither" or no gender. I feel strongly that I'm in the "both" category. I did read up a bit about "androgyne" which seems to be strikingly accurate, while other terms come close but don't quite click with me. I've not yet settled for any particular label though, but that's where I'm nosing around.

I lived as a (trans) man for 9 years until I realised that was not right for me, so I began to detransition, but to live as a 100% cis woman does not sit right with me either. I regret top surgery so I'm dysphoric about my chest, but other than that... I actually feel really connected to both the female and male traits of my body as it is now.

I've long struggled to separate what is gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia of what I've experienced, but the less of the latter I have (it's healing away), the more I understand my true connection to my body and what I really want with it. Because I've already transitioned, but went too far towards male for my comfort, I now need to be careful I don't "back-track" too far towards female again. And as finding that balance may not be entirely easy, I'd rather do too little now than too much again.

How much of each gender I feel that I am in percentages is very hard to tell, cause it depends on the aspect. But if I'd combine all aspects together and calculate out an average, perhaps I'm quite 50-50, or leaning slightly female.

I don't switch between feeling either male or female, and I don't think I have two genders; but rather I feel both at the same time as though they're the same, constant, androgynous gender. I'd say I'm a highly gendered person, but of a quite evenly blended mix. Although I think I only have one gender, it's extra everything.

I don't know if I'd be dysphoric if I could look entirely male or entirely female again, but I get very strong negative feelings towards the thought of removing any sexed trait from my body, and often positive feelings towards adding any sexed trait to my body. I'm not quite sure what to make of that, but maybe I just feel a strong connection to having lots of different sexed traits from both sexes because I feel so highly gendered. I think my gender in and of itself, is pretty stagnant, and not fluid, but shows itself in different ways sometimes.

Currently I'm presenting more female than I'd like, mostly due to my family not being entirely supportive of my detransing. They constantly judge my style negatively, tell me I don't hide my stubble well enough, and hint at that I "failed as a guy and now fail as a girl"... so that's very yikes. That's a bull I'm gonna need to grab by the horns eventually, but I'm procrastinating.

And I also fear facing transphobia in public, but not as much. Being read as a feminine man is so much scarier than being read as a masculine woman ever was for me in the past. That is a very new situation for me to suddenly be in as an afab person, and I've not yet figured out how to handle it properly.

I wish to present more distinctly both male and female, with like a beard to go with my deep voice and feminine style, while also still wearing my (currently) detachable D-cups. But apart from my presentation, I almost have my ideal body already. Only thing I know for sure I need to fix, for the sake of my mental well-being, is to get breast reconstruction surgery, and stay off testosterone. I'm alright with pretty much all the permanent changes I got from the testo, but I dislike some of the non-permanent ones, and I don't wanna get more back hair... so that's why I'm gladly going off it. Enough is enough, kinda.

I'd like a constant, androgynous presentation rather than to switch between presenting male and female. And now my body also allows for me to do so without much effort. It actually would require less effort than presenting as either female or male. I like both being referred to as he/him and she/her, but I don't like being referred to by gender neutral pronouns. I never correct people though, and when asked so far in my detransing I usually just say it doesn't matter and let people pick whichever one they want.

As for my attraction to others, I'm very bisexual (equal attraction to both sexes) with no distinct type for either or any gender, as far as I can tell. Although I do have a preference for alternative fashion styles, and I'm very picky about a partner's personality and how compatible we are.
Mar. 2009 - came out as ftm
Nov. 2009 - legal name change
Mar. 2010 - officially diagnosed with GID
Aug. 2010 - started T, then stopped 1 year after
Aug. 2013 - started T again, kept taking it since
Mar. 2014 - top surgery
Dec. 2014 - legal gender marker changed
*
Jul. 2018 - came out as cis woman and began detransition, applied for name change
Sep. 2018 - stopped taking T - name change approved
Oct. 2018 - got new ID-card

Gender plans: breast reconstruction surgery, change legal gender marker back to female, stay off T.

Offline anzu2snow

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Re: What is your personal flavor of non-binary?
« Reply #28 on: October 21, 2018, 08:07:41 pm »
I'm agender and afab. I don't feel like I'm masculine or feminine. I know some people who are agender say that they are of center with either of them, but I don't feel that way. My grandpa has always said that everyone has masculine and feminine sides. It's just some people lean more to one side than the other. It felt wrong every time he said that. On the other hand, I strongly suspect that he might be bigender. He seems to be 'equal' with those. When I came out to him and said that I'm neither masc. nor fem., it sounded like I broke him. He kept asking how that was possible. He is 92 years old, and I came out a year ago to him. I understand it might be hard to understand for him. He understood things pretty quickly when my parent, who's a trans woman and his daughter-in-law, came out to him. A binary trans person is easier to 'get'. He hasn't really talked to me since that phone conversation.

I kind of look at masc. and fem. stuff as just styles. Like, society labels something in those categories, and they're strongly considered that. However, I like some things from both sides as far as things like clothing. I'm noticing that my 'style' or 'expression' that way might be a little bit of both. I haven't experimented much with men's clothes and such yet. Some activities that are considered either I like both of, too. Video games, jewelry, anime (apparently the majority of people who watch it are male), dressing up, weight training, etc. It would be great if places like department stores would get rid of the 'men's' and 'women's' sections and just section it off by types. Things like formal wear, casual, punk, business, teen, and more. People could experiment without that societal pressure. Even cis people would benefit from that.

I was apart of a lot of girls/women's groups in the past, but never felt like I could relate gender-wise with the members. I thought for most of my life that since I didn't feel like a man, the only other option was for me to be a woman, like I was assigned. I wanted to 'blend', I guess. I heard about genderfluid eventually, but knew that wasn't it. Realized I was agender a little over a year ago, and everything clicked.

I've pretty much always felt like this. I realized I was different when I was very little in daycare, and adults were separating us by gender. Treating us differently and encouraging certain 'gendered' behaviors/roles for certain kids. They didn't want the girls and boys to be friends. I didn't understand that. It was weird and somewhat depressing to me. I tried to 'pretend', though. I really tried to play the role of a straight cis woman for most of my life. I blended in rather well, but it never felt right. I also realized that I'm aro ace a couple of years ago, which added another element to feeling like an 'alien' most of my life. Now, I don't have to pretend, because I'm out to everyone. I just haven't done much in the way of 'transitioning' or feeling more like myself.

I feel like a patchwork doll. I realized I have a lot of dysphoria, which I didn't think was what I was actually feeling most of my life. It was a confusing feeling for me. I'm most dysphoric about my chest. Got a binder last summer, but it can be a pain and will never completely flatten it. Hopefully in the future I can get top surgery. I also get thick facial hair under my chin and 'mustache' area. That adds to my dysphoria, and I'm constantly shaving it off. I might have some sort of hormonal issue with that. There's also something with 'downstairs', but it's vague in my mind. Going into a lingerie section has given me panic attacks. I remember my mom, who passed away 6 years ago, used to say that I had gender issues all the time. She wanted me to be more into feminine things. She even told my parent that she's the daughter she never had. She must have picked up on this stuff. Makes me wonder what she would have thought if I had come out to her.

Offline Sno

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Re: What is your personal flavor of non-binary?
« Reply #29 on: October 22, 2018, 05:18:10 am »
Welcome Anzu, and for your introduction - it could have been written by ourself. We are a patchwork (that’s we as an individual), and feel strongly alien - it is ok, there are others around, and yes, we do understand.

As for us - genderqueer is good, neutrois, demigirl is better.

(Hugs)

Rowan

Offline Mx London

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Re: What is your personal flavor of non-binary?
« Reply #30 on: November 01, 2018, 04:02:24 pm »
I'm afab but I'm genderfluid - I spend most of my time feeling outside of binary male/female.

I keep a diary of my gender identity to help me understand and track the fluctuations, I record 4 things:
-what gender I feel
-how that makes me feel about my body
-what I do with my clothes/hair/makeup
-overall mood

Based on this record, the time I feel most comfortable is when I feel on the feminine end of the male spectrum, but spend more time feeling generically at odds with my body.

My idea body would be a lean androgynous figure with wearing gothic/neu romantic/ strong patterns and colours style clothing. Lots of layers and billowy fabrics.


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Offline sally0196

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Re: What is your personal flavor of non-binary?
« Reply #31 on: November 04, 2018, 06:35:24 am »
I like to think of myself as a part-time woman.  I suppose I could also be a part-time man; but since I'm a man most of the time, part-time woman is a better description.  When I'm expressing either of my personalities, I am all in, meaning when I'm expressing my feminine side, my appearance, mannerisms and personality is all female.  When I'm expressing my male side it's all male, no blending of the other.  This works for me and it makes me happy and content.  If my life situation was different I could see myself presenting more as a woman, but I still don't think I'd give up my male side completely.

Hugs,

Sally

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