Author Topic: Logistics of transitioning & general advice  (Read 294 times)

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Offline blackcat

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Logistics of transitioning & general advice
« on: April 17, 2018, 08:50:48 pm »
What was your plan for transitioning? Is there anything you wish someone would have told you before you started? When did you get top surgery relative to starting T?

Of most intrigue: how did you deal with coming out at work? I can't imagine it would be easy to hide the effects of T on the voice.

I work in a salon and I deal with the same clients regularly. (In addition to reasons of health and peace of mind) I think getting top surgery first and then starting T immediately after would be the power move for my situation. I would have to alter my schedule while I'm recovering from surgery anyway, and when I come back with no chest, the cat is going to be out of the bag.

Financially, the best time for me to do all of this would be next March.

I also want to spend every day between now and then working out LIKE CRAZY to get myself into mint condition before starting any of this. I read that building upper body is good for top surgery, strong abs are better for getting a hysto, and being at your ideal weight before starting is best generally. I saw some surgeons offer lipo.

Plus, if I kick up my workout habits now, I'll have a great system established that will let me start building my physique on T.  :)

I know some people also suggest taking T before top surgery for reasons of fat/muscle redistribution, but seeing T's effects on my body before getting rid of what isn't supposed to be there would cause me an IMMENSE amount of distress. I don't want to be in a situation where I'm forced to bind, either.

SO MUCH PLANNING

Offline Ryuichi13

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Re: Logistics of transitioning & general advice
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2018, 10:55:10 pm »
I decided to start on T before getting any of my surgeries, as I'm still debating on which ones I want.  I also decided that having my body go through changes BEFORE I have surgeries would be better for me, as there would be changes that might not happen/might happen after any potential surgeries that I might want to change or might not need.

I didn't know that I could have had top surgery before starting T, but since I had come to the above decision, I'm glad I started T first.

I'm disabled, so I don't have to worry about coming out to coworkers, but I DID have to come out to my currently non-transitioning boyfriend's family, as well as to my family.  Basically, they see that I'm still the same person that they know and love. 

Hopefully, your fellow employees as well as your clients will see the same basic person they know, only more confident, happy with himself and more self-assured.  The physical changes, while possibly drastic (for example, a deeper voice, facial hair, a more muscular body and male pattern hairline will all be possible, depending on your genes), does not mean you'll suddenly become a stranger.  You'll just become a physically male version of you.  Hopefully, they'll understand that fact.

Good luck bro!

Ryuichi



Offline Kylo

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Re: Logistics of transitioning & general advice
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2018, 05:07:46 am »
Didn't do any planning, besides getting off any estrogen based products a year + in advance and losing weight. If you are already fairly slim just try to stay that way for the top surgery, if not and you've got to lose a bunch of weight I think the 'damage' on the chest is already done so to speak, the surgeon will correct it as best they can... losing a bunch of weight after already being heavy won't reverse the effects its already had on the size of the bust so you might as well just go in to the surgeon with that and let em know what they're dealing with. I'd also recommend binding AFTER surgery for a while to keep the scars neat.

I have my own business so there was no coming out to anyone at work. There's also a bunch of IRL people I didn't bother coming out to at all, they just figured it out as time went on.

I started HRT in Oct 2015 and had chest surgery approx six weeks ago. Overall it's all been a breeze. No complications, besides a slight issue with the GP not being totally up on T dosages. Not fully through yet ofc, still have to make decisions about hysto and other stuff and still have to attend the GIC. Personally I didn't get to decide when the surgery would be but given I'm using the NHS I'm fortunate enough to get it as is, and didn't wanna delay any decision made on their end; I noticed they usually insist you take T for a year at least before they will sign you off on surgery and will look at the blood work regularly to see if all is in order. If you do it private in some place outside UK I've no idea how that works. I'm on their schedule and timelines for this, basically... but on the plus side I only have to pay directly for T.

And on that note, I keep a year's surplus supply of T in the flat just in case there are any supplier problems. Which there sometimes is.   


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Offline Pao

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Re: Logistics of transitioning & general advice
« Reply #3 on: April 19, 2018, 11:01:31 am »
I am right in the middle of all this right now.

I started T last may, but became to uneasy about coming out to fam and work and came off for a few months. I ended up in a few psyche hospital, not just because of the hormones, but it became exceedingly clear I have to do something about this.

I came out to my family, and restarted T.

I have now been on T for the second time 3 Months, making it a total of 6 months on T. I have come out to a few safe people at work, but not HR or officially set up any transition plan.

I have a few whiskers I shave. My voice gets crackly sometimes. It may have lowered a tiny bit, but nothing noticeable. I have gained a good bit more muscle, but t my job is very active. I am actually pretty worried about the same thing you are. One my biggest issues is not b I got able to bind due time health stuff, but having obvious facial hair, or hairy boobs.  However, the changes don't happen over night is what I am getting at.

Also, someone above talked about loosing weight not t helping the surgery, and I want t disagree. Part of the issue is sagginess and extra skin as well as extended nipple stalk. Depending on your age, health, and so on you can lose weight and have breast tissue shrink back.  I was almighty st 200lbs and dropped 60lbs and my chest reduce several sizes without sagging.

Another thing to think about is surgeon availability and waiting list.

Offline SeptagonScars

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Re: Logistics of transitioning & general advice
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2018, 07:19:05 pm »
What was your plan for transitioning?
- My plan was to get started on hrt sometime in 2010, then get top surgery soon after, hysto and legal gender marker change soon after that. Genital surgery I was unsure about back then too. Cause I came out in 2009 and got diagnosed in early 2010, but then the rest didn't happen quite that soon, to my dismay. I self-medded with T for a year to survive.

Is there anything you wish someone would have told you before you started?
- To really stand up for myself if the gender therapy clinic wasn't doing what they were supposed to. Cause they didn't, and I didn't know what do and felt so lost.

When did you get top surgery relative to starting T?
- I finally got top surgery in March 2014, which was about 7 months after I got to start T the legal way via endo in August 2013. So by then I had been taking T one way or another for about 1 year and 7 months in total. Now that was a little over 4 years ago I had top surgery, and I've been on T for almost 6 years in total.

Of most intrigue: how did you deal with coming out at work? I can't imagine it would be easy to hide the effects of T on the voice.
- I might be old(-ish) at age 29, but I've actually never had a job. Perks of mental disability, I guess. I went to school somewhat inconsistently up to age 22 (high school level stuff, no university) and got disability allowance at age 19 cause I was diagnosed as a total wreck. Since then I've been living on that and tried to study up my missing grades on and off for that past decade, with no success what so ever. I did come out at school when I was 20, before I had started taking T. Then came out again at a new school I had started a few monhs later when I had just started self-medding with T. Came out on the first day at school, and I think even within the first hour of being there. A bit unplanned, but it turned out well. We had some "getting to know each other" exercise in the class. The teacher told us students to say our names and one thing about ourselves that is easy to remember, and I just blurped out that I'm trans. I have a habit of being a bit impulsive. Everyone there took it well and some had a few questions about it that I gladly answered.

But for work... I really can't say much on that point. If I'll ever work in the future, which is uncertain due to my mental health issues (not so high-functioning aspergers and stuff relating to past trauma, although my issues have gotten a lot better these past 2-3 years), I will be fully passing as a man, have my male name and gender on all legal documents and thus coming out would be optional for me. Although that depends on the job... For the past several months I've been wanting, researching and planning at the best of my ability, to see if I can maybe become a sex worker (escort, at least for starters) as legally as humanly possible. I think it would be meaningful for me but also expect it to be harsh, no idea if I can even manage, but worth a shot cause I really want to. I may be starting rather soon, so at the very least I will be able to say I've tried it. In that kind of work, not even having had bottom surgery... yeah, I'm gonna have to be open about being trans. But that's not an issue for me. Everyone in my life knows I'm trans already and I prefer being open about it.
Mar. 2009 - came out as ftm
Nov. 2009 - legal name change
Mar. 2010 - officially diagnosed with GID
Aug. 2010 - started T, then stopped 1 year after
Aug. 2013 - started T again, kept taking it since
Mar. 2014 - top surgery
Dec. 2014 - legal gender marker changed
*
Jul. 2018 - came out as cis woman and began detransition, applied for name change

Looking into: going off T, breast augmentation/reconstruction, maybe voice training, change legal gender marker back to female, get a new ID-card, maybe get some laser hair removal.

Offline blackcat

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Re: Logistics of transitioning & general advice
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2018, 11:06:34 pm »
Thanks, everyone, for sharing! It gives me lots to think about.

I've been researching surgeons in the area like crazy. Some of my top picks had a minimum requirement for "living as your target gender" for 6-12 months, and others had no requirements, and were willing to work on a case-by-case basis, provided you have a therapist who will advocate on your behalf. So I've been scoping out price quotes, wait times, etc.

I'm the kind of person where if I had the choice between having to remain female to interact with the outside world, but have a legit male body in my private time at home; or pass to the outside world as male, but be stuck with a female body under my outfit, I would hands-down choose the former. All my dysphoria is body-related and social stuff is secondary. Having to bind for a year to prove I'm "ready" would make me insane, because it would only amplify the dissonance I feel. So I'm glad there are professionals who would be open to helping me, rather than forcing me to prove I'm trans enough by some arbitrary and psychologically damaging yardstick.

I meet with my therapist on Monday... so hopefully that will go well. I found an LGBT-specific center. Fingers crossed.

If anyone cares to share, have you had a hysto? Thoughts on that in general? It seems like a good preventative health measure for a number of reasons, AND my dysphoria has a lot to do with feeling like my uterus is this alien entity trying to hijack my life, my body not being my own because I am susceptible to pregnancy, etc. It has caused me so. much. anxiety.

Offline SeptagonScars

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Re: Logistics of transitioning & general advice
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2018, 12:39:18 pm »
I totally get you about having more dysphoria in regards to the body than the social aspects. Was/is the same for me. I think most decent surgeons/therapists would understand that, and it has been my personal experience that they generally do. I lived as my "target gender" and all that stuff, but passing wasn't all that important to me. Having a male-appearing body was always my number one priority, whether I passed with it socially or not.

I haven't yet had hysto but I will at some point soon-ish. I can give my general thoughts on it though. It's always been my intention to have a hysto, but then various life circumstances happened and I kept post-poning it. I don't worry much about it in regards to health cause my organs are peachy and don't cause any physical pain or cramping. But yeah, like you I also feel like my uterus is trying to hijack my life and it's making me tense and anxious too.

Mostly I'm tense about the risks of pregancy and returning periods. It's quite rare that periods return for trans guys who are on T but it can happen and it did for me already. I don't mean just spotting, but full on periods, while several years on T. So after that experience I'm constantly on edge about getting another "surprise period" and want to prevent that forever. A hysto would give me a lot of peace of mind.
Mar. 2009 - came out as ftm
Nov. 2009 - legal name change
Mar. 2010 - officially diagnosed with GID
Aug. 2010 - started T, then stopped 1 year after
Aug. 2013 - started T again, kept taking it since
Mar. 2014 - top surgery
Dec. 2014 - legal gender marker changed
*
Jul. 2018 - came out as cis woman and began detransition, applied for name change

Looking into: going off T, breast augmentation/reconstruction, maybe voice training, change legal gender marker back to female, get a new ID-card, maybe get some laser hair removal.

Offline invisiblemonsters

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Re: Logistics of transitioning & general advice
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2018, 08:07:48 pm »
when i first started my transition, there was a requirement to live as your "preferred gender" for like 6 months. it was ridiculous tbh but it got me my T and my surgery for free, so i did it. i don't know if it is still a requirement though. when i started my job, i didn't have my legal name change or my top surgery yet, but i was already on T for a year, so i didn't worry about coming out to people i worked with except HR because of my legal name. it wasn't an issue though and they didn't make a big deal about it. i got lucky too, because my T is covered under my benefits. when i had my surgery 3 months after being hired, no one questioned why. i told HR why and got them a doctors note, but that's about it. so i was on T for a year then got my top surgery a year later. i did it that way because i knew T changed your body, etc. within the first year a decent amount and would give me some idea of what i would be working with in regards of appearance, etc. all in all, i finished my transition (personally) within 2 years, including my legal name change.

as for weight loss and top surgery..it shouldn't have a negative effect on your results. i lost a significant amount of weight before my surgery, years of binding, and even had scars on my chest from a breast reduction years before my top surgery. i couldn't be happier with my results. there was no sagging skin when i lost weight, nothing. it just depends on your age, etc. i was in my early 20s when i had my top surgery so you should be alright.

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