Author Topic: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?  (Read 791 times)

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Offline KarlMars

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What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« on: April 18, 2018, 08:01:08 am »
I heard some people talking badly about other transgender people on the bus and decided not to say anything because they weren't talking to me, but I have imagined scenarios in my head of things people may say in the future ( I start T in August) and what I will say back to them. Does anyone have any examples of comebacks they've said and would you like to share your situation?

Offline Gertrude

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #1 on: April 18, 2018, 08:45:11 am »
If it’s not addressed to you, saying something could be looking for trouble. The question is, what will be solved ? Changing peoples hearts and minds from the outside is rare. I’m big enough they might think twice about stepping up to the plate, but I don’t bounce like I used to.


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Offline KarlMars

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2018, 09:08:56 am »
If it’s not addressed to you, saying something could be looking for trouble. The question is, what will be solved ? Changing peoples hearts and minds from the outside is rare. I’m big enough they might think twice about stepping up to the plate, but I don’t bounce like I used to.


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I won't say anything to people who aren't talking directly to me. I can ignore passive aggressivness. I was think more along the lines of if someone said something to me in a bathroom.

Offline KathyLauren

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #3 on: April 18, 2018, 09:23:31 am »
I won't say anything to people who aren't talking directly to me. I can ignore passive aggressivness. I was think more along the lines of if someone said something to me in a bathroom.
If someone said something to me, I think I would go for minimal engagement.  "Hon, I'm just here to pee," or something to that effect.  I would avoid saying anything provocative like "Mind your own ... <snip> ... business," or attempting to educate them, however tempting, because the objective is to avoid escalation. 

I want them to shut up and leave me alone, but telling them that may not be the best way to achieve it.  If just leaving will accomplish it, that's what I am likely to do.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change

Offline KarlMars

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2018, 09:34:47 am »
If someone said something to me, I think I would go for minimal engagement.  "Hon, I'm just here to pee," or something to that effect.  I would avoid saying anything provocative like "Mind your own ... <snip> ... business," or attempting to educate them, however tempting, because the objective is to avoid escalation. 

I want them to shut up and leave me alone, but telling them that may not be the best way to achieve it.  If just leaving will accomplish it, that's what I am likely to do.

What about since I'll be in the men's restroom saying "Don't bother me,please." If he said something first.

Offline Lady Sarah

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2018, 11:21:03 pm »
Confronting others is rarely a wise choice. However, if you don't care, and just want to be left alone, "that's not what your mom said" might shut up some. Unfortunately, it could lead to worse problems.
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Offline Sparklefish

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #6 on: April 19, 2018, 12:21:04 am »
I really think you should listen to everyone here and not engage people who might potentially hurt you. There are some violent crazy people out there hon.I worry so much about the trans community's safety. I signed my son up for self defense classes in case he gets in a bad situation and has to defend himself. Maybe taking a class like that would make you feel better and you'd learn some handy skills in the process. Stay safe!

Offline barbie

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #7 on: April 19, 2018, 03:20:28 am »
I really think you should listen to everyone here and not engage people who might potentially hurt you. There are some violent crazy people out there hon.I worry so much about the trans community's safety. I signed my son up for self defense classes in case he gets in a bad situation and has to defend himself. Maybe taking a class like that would make you feel better and you'd learn some handy skills in the process. Stay safe!

The best skill for self defense is always running away.

Avoid any potentially-dangerous person or place.

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Offline Sparklefish

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #8 on: April 19, 2018, 08:22:57 am »
No I was suggesting self defense classes so that the he (sorry I can't see your name while I write this reply) can fight but so that he could deal with the feelings he is is feeling and feel empowered. I believe in learning self defense in case you are attacked. Too many trans people being attacked in murdered statistic wise. It helps me personally sleep at night knowing my son is equipped to handle himself if god forbid someone jumps him and he can't get away.

Offline ReplacementSarah

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #9 on: April 19, 2018, 09:49:42 am »
If you need to say something back to them: be polite, do your best to project confidence, don't say anything that will escalate the situation and speak loudly enough for anyone nearby to hear you. If possible, withdraw from the situation. You want to do your best to set yourself up as the non-aggressor in the minds of any potential witnesses in case something does happen.

Offline Gertrude

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #10 on: April 19, 2018, 03:09:30 pm »
I won't say anything to people who aren't talking directly to me. I can ignore passive aggressivness. I was think more along the lines of if someone said something to me in a bathroom.
Depends on what was said. It could range from “you’d have to stand on your mother’s shoulders just to kiss my arse” to “wouldn’t it be funny if a tranny kicked your arse”. I’d probably have an F word or two in there, said with a NY accent. Ymmv.


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Offline MaryT

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #11 on: April 19, 2018, 03:29:52 pm »
I think that there is a male instinct that says "a challenge must be accepted".  Mature males tend to control this instinct by thinking about the people who need them.  I agree with everyone who says that avoiding conflict is the best policy.  It may not always be possible even if you don't use a comeback, as bullies tend to be looking for trouble.  There is no point in making violence more likely, though.

For what it is worth, in such circumstances I sometimes tried to adopt the "John Wayne" look, i.e. "I'm not looking for trouble but I don't mind if I find it".  Whether it helped or not I don't know but I haven't been beaten up since leaving high school.  Unlike John Wayne, though, I'm only 5' 4''.  Once, when a drunk became very aggressive towards me, I shook his hand and asked him how he was.  That confused him long enough for me to quickly walk away.

Offline KarlMars

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #12 on: April 19, 2018, 08:51:18 pm »
Depends on what was said. It could range from “you’d have to stand on your mother’s shoulders just to kiss my arse” to “wouldn’t it be funny if a tranny kicked your arse”. I’d probably have an F word or two in there, said with a NY accent. Ymmv.


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Offline Doreen

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #13 on: April 19, 2018, 08:59:18 pm »
If someone said something to me, I think I would go for minimal engagement.  "Hon, I'm just here to pee," or something to that effect.  I would avoid saying anything provocative like "Mind your own ... <snip> ... business," or attempting to educate them, however tempting, because the objective is to avoid escalation. 

I want them to shut up and leave me alone, but telling them that may not be the best way to achieve it.  If just leaving will accomplish it, that's what I am likely to do.

I'd never .. ever .. had someone challenge me, scoff, snort, or whatever in the bathroom.  I sometimes strike up conversations (often if I'm with other girls I know). 

If someone acted like an ass I'd probably just raise one eyebrow (spock style).. then proceed to smile at them.  If they're psychotic bitches and do something crazy I'd obviously and quickly defend myself.  Ultimately NOT being aggressive is usually the answer.  Assertive, not aggressive, is usually what works.

Offline Gertrude

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #14 on: April 19, 2018, 09:02:44 pm »
Not my style.
Doesn’t have to be. 99.99% of the time, I mind my own business. Very few people have said anything about me one way or the other, but I’m 6’5 and most people leave me alone and I tend to leave them alone. That said, my 4th year Spanish teacher said I had a 5’2 Sicilian inside of me. Not sure what he meant, as I’m half Neapolitan.


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Offline JoanneB

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #15 on: April 21, 2018, 06:58:45 am »
The best skill for self defense is always running away.

Avoid any potentially-dangerous person or place.

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Never engage unless you know you can win. Verbally, there generally is no winning, especially against a group, AKA gang
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Offline big kim

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #16 on: April 21, 2018, 10:25:01 am »
Some chav told me to get my tits out. I said "Get yours out you fat bastard they're bigger than mine". He went bright red as everyone fell about laughing

Offline Donna

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #17 on: April 21, 2018, 10:42:24 am »
I’ve told people that I don’t need or care if the accept me. I’m happy and that’s all that’s important
I’ve said your opinion is none of my business
Last weekend I had a major job downtown and we where having lunch at a local coffee shop. My trans daughter was in the ladies room and two street people came in to use the room. When my daughter came out this young girl got really mouthy with my daughter. Well this got momma bear worked up. When she came out of the room she started again with my daughter and staff there trying to get them out of the shop. I got up and confronted both of them and it was interesting that as soon as a woman got up to do something about it all the men in the shop jumped in and we got these people out.
This is out of character for me but I couldn’t believe the protection instinct that kicked in.
December 2015 noticed strange feelings moving in
December 2016 started to understand what my body has been telling me all my life, started wearing a bra for comfort full time
Spiro and dutastricide 2017
Mid year 2017 Started dressing and going out shopping etc by myself
October T 14.8 / 456
Came out to my wife in December 2017
January 2018 dressing androgenes and still have face hair
Feb 2018 Dressing full time in female clothing out at work and to friends and family, clean shaven and make up
Living full time March 1 2018
March T 7.4 / 236
April 19th eligard injection, no more Testosterone
June 19th a brand new freshly trained HRT and transgender care doctor for me. Only a one day waiting list to become her patient 😍

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Offline Deborah

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #18 on: April 21, 2018, 11:06:26 am »
Nobody has confronted me directly.  The last time that happened over anything was in a bar about 40 years ago.  With that guy I just smiled at him and then walked away.  That ended it. 

More recently I have tried to educate people when I hear them talking badly.  For the most part that turned out to be a total waste of time and effort.  So mostly I just ignore them now.


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Offline TicTac

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Re: What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?
« Reply #19 on: April 21, 2018, 08:19:36 pm »
Conflict is pointless and no one really gets anything out of it except wasted time and a headache. Personally, I would just put some headphones on and then proceed to ignore them. The end problem solved.
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