Author Topic: Misgendering at work and my response  (Read 391 times)

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Online Devlyn

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Misgendering at work and my response
« on: April 18, 2018, 07:11:37 pm »
My place of employment has been really good with my transition. There have been a few ups and downs, a few slips with my old name, but no big deal. Everyone corrects themselves and moves on, which is how I like it. In December of 2017 I changed my gender and reported it to the woman in the office that does the administrative duties for the company. She has essentially failed to start referring to me as female, and actively uses he, him, his pronouns on me. This morning she used he on me three times in the span of a few minutes. I said "It's she, by the way." Then I sent this to her, to my boss, and to the owner, which is the entire company.  :D

"As we know, I have been transitioning from male to female for several years. I updated my legal gender identity in December 2017, and with that comes the expectation of being seen and addressed as female. Overall, things have been great, and I thank everyone for that.

However, there is still room for improvement. I understand everyone is putting a lot of effort into properly addressing me, and I’m aware there are going to be slips. While intent is the key, and I’m sure there is no malice intended, it still stings when someone refers to me as male.

Looking forward to the day when the slipups are all behind us.

Sincerely, Devlyn"

Online Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Misgendering at work and my response
« Reply #1 on: April 18, 2018, 07:34:47 pm »
My place of employment has been really good with my transition. There have been a few ups and downs, a few slips with my old name, but no big deal. Everyone corrects themselves and moves on, which is how I like it. In December of 2017 I changed my gender and reported it to the woman in the office that does the administrative duties for the company. She has essentially failed to start referring to me as female, and actively uses he, him, his pronouns on me. This morning she used he on me three times in the span of a few minutes. I said "It's she, by the way." Then I sent this to her, to my boss, and to the owner, which is the entire company.  :D

"As we know, I have been transitioning from male to female for several years. I updated my legal gender identity in December 2017, and with that comes the expectation of being seen and addressed as female. Overall, things have been great, and I thank everyone for that.

However, there is still room for improvement. I understand everyone is putting a lot of effort into properly addressing me, and I’m aware there are going to be slips. While intent is the key, and I’m sure there is no malice intended, it still stings when someone refers to me as male.

Looking forward to the day when the slipups are all behind us.

Sincerely, Devlyn"


Devlyn:  A very good and well crafted response...  I noticed that you did not name the office woman perpetrator... I am thinking that perhaps that was a very smart move on your part... she knows who she is so hopefully her associates will also know.
Please keep us posted.  It would be interesting if they responded to you in writing or just a verbal reply???
Hugs,
Danielle
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Online Devlyn

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Re: Misgendering at work and my response
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2018, 07:42:15 pm »
The only reply was my boss. He came downstairs and said "Good email."  :)

Offline Doreen

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Re: Misgendering at work and my response
« Reply #3 on: April 18, 2018, 08:13:58 pm »
The only reply was my boss. He came downstairs and said "Good email."  :)

Glad they're taking it well, and huge kudos to anyone transitioning ON the job, that's definitely harder to do.. and keep the job.   Wonderful to hear success stories and how not everything is doom & gloom.

Offline Mendi

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Re: Misgendering at work and my response
« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2018, 09:01:01 pm »
Well written and good, that you stand up for yourself!

The world wont change, if everyone just keeps quiet...
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Offline Ms. Bee

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Re: Misgendering at work and my response
« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2018, 10:24:02 pm »
Nice to hear stories of transitioning on the job. I will be changing on the job in the coming weeks. Any advice please share

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Re: Misgendering at work and my response
« Reply #6 on: April 19, 2018, 12:28:55 am »
I sent a similar email a while back. In an official communication with parents there were far too many 'hims' in it for my liking. Annoying since that particular parent never saw me present that way. If it happens in meetings I quietly request that it doesn't happen once the meeting is over. we are getting there slowly.
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Offline Sparklefish

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Re: Misgendering at work and my response
« Reply #7 on: April 19, 2018, 01:03:24 am »
I just wanted to say good for you for writing that email. You faced your issues head on! Bravo

Offline christinej78

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Re: Misgendering at work and my response
« Reply #8 on: April 19, 2018, 01:40:28 am »
My place of employment has been really good with my transition. There have been a few ups and downs, a few slips with my old name, but no big deal. Everyone corrects themselves and moves on, which is how I like it. In December of 2017 I changed my gender and reported it to the woman in the office that does the administrative duties for the company. She has essentially failed to start referring to me as female, and actively uses he, him, his pronouns on me. This morning she used he on me three times in the span of a few minutes. I said "It's she, by the way." Then I sent this to her, to my boss, and to the owner, which is the entire company.  :D

"As we know, I have been transitioning from male to female for several years. I updated my legal gender identity in December 2017, and with that comes the expectation of being seen and addressed as female. Overall, things have been great, and I thank everyone for that.

However, there is still room for improvement. I understand everyone is putting a lot of effort into properly addressing me, and I’m aware there are going to be slips. While intent is the key, and I’m sure there is no malice intended, it still stings when someone refers to me as male.

Looking forward to the day when the slipups are all behind us.

Sincerely, Devlyn"


Devlyn,              19 April 2018

I like the way you write; you have a unique way with words. Good for you; I'm sure the dingbat knows exactly who she is.

Have a question for you:

How long did it take after your orchi for the "Calm" to settle in and what did it feel like?

The reason I ask is that yesterday I had to go to Lowe's for an irrigation part. I got there fine as usual. On the way back I was feeling a little different, kind of not in my usual hurry up mode. I didn't roar out onto the freeway, didn't try to pass anyone, drove under the speed limit, and just enjoyed the short trip home. When I got here I decided to take a nap, which is something I rarely do. It was five days since my orchi, I'm hoping the aggression I have had controlling me is starting to disappear. Thanks in advance,

Best Always,
Christine

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Offline lc100

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Re: Misgendering at work and my response
« Reply #9 on: April 19, 2018, 12:33:26 pm »
Wow, you are very brave to write that to them! While it was very professional and nice, I imagine it would still be hard to do. You sound very brave, though. Awesome that your boss said that about the email, too! Good luck, hope the one lady improves over time, for your sake.



Offline Gertrude

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Re: Misgendering at work and my response
« Reply #10 on: April 19, 2018, 03:11:50 pm »
Some people are stuck. Hopefully she’ll become less stuck.


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Re: Misgendering at work and my response
« Reply #11 on: April 19, 2018, 04:52:49 pm »
   Devlyn, you describe it perfectly when you say it stings. I got 'he's' from two people today. These two are allies, one is a friend. I have spoken to them, joked with them about it trying to be kind, and corrected them and yet it still sneaks out. Some days I take it in stride okay. Today, I was just ticked off about it. I wanted to yell, "It hurts people!" There is another guy who I don't know if he knew 'previous me' or not, but he seems to think it is a joke. I want to say, "How would you like it if I let it slip all the time and called you a 'bald headed' jerk?" "Oh whoops, I'm sorry! It slipped!"
   Maybe I am under a misconception Devlyn, but this is an honest question. I thought you see yourself as more gender fluid than binary. Should I be surprised that misgendering bothers you? I had the impression that it wouldn't.
 Moni
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Online Devlyn

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Re: Misgendering at work and my response
« Reply #12 on: April 19, 2018, 05:27:50 pm »
It's funny, isn't it? I am genderfluid but my presentation is exclusively female. I think it was that she basically said "I told him he really knew his part numbers."   

The flurry threw me off my game.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Offline HappyMoni

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Re: Misgendering at work and my response
« Reply #13 on: April 19, 2018, 05:53:12 pm »
Wow that's a '3 fer' on the ignorant scale. Just glad they didn't say 'big fella' on top of it. Jees, sorry Dev!
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
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HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner- in Baltimore)

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