Author Topic: On hormones but not trying to pass  (Read 357 times)

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Offline lc100

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On hormones but not trying to pass
« on: April 19, 2018, 11:47:48 am »
Has anyone else started hormones without truly passing, or being out/trying to pass in regular life, etc.? I know of few people online (YouTube, blogs, etc.) who started hormones without trying to truly pass for at least a few months/longer than that. It's usually trans women I've seen that do that, and seeing a variety in experiences like that makes me feel happy.

I think my situation is so insanely specific that I just feel awful about not trying to pass even though I started T on March 30th. My problem isn't that I'm trying to pass but can't, it's that I am not out to most people, and kind of do this thing where I dress as androgynously as I can in certain settings, and completely feminine in others.

I know not everyone is hot pre-T, not everyone is a YouTuber who has been out or able to present the way they want before and in the early months of being on hormones. But I feel insecure about this, and just insecure outside of others experiences because of how unhappy I am in my current situation.

Ramble aside, I'm basically just wondering if anyone else pretty much didn't try too hard to pass when starting hormones or before that, pre-T even? Assuming you had somewhat of an option to pass, but something was holding you back, or you simply didn't try. Dunno if this is worded right, I'm a bit of a mess lately.

Anyway, hope everyone is doing well. I miss this site. I should update with happier stuff, haha.



Offline Doreen

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Re: On hormones but not trying to pass
« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2018, 11:54:43 am »
Has anyone else started hormones without truly passing, or being out/trying to pass in regular life, etc.? I know of few people online (YouTube, blogs, etc.) who started hormones without trying to truly pass for at least a few months/longer than that. It's usually trans women I've seen that do that, and seeing a variety in experiences like that makes me feel happy.

I think my situation is so insanely specific that I just feel awful about not trying to pass even though I started T on March 30th. My problem isn't that I'm trying to pass but can't, it's that I am not out to most people, and kind of do this thing where I dress as androgynously as I can in certain settings, and completely feminine in others.

I know not everyone is hot pre-T, not everyone is a YouTuber who has been out or able to present the way they want before and in the early months of being on hormones. But I feel insecure about this, and just insecure outside of others experiences because of how unhappy I am in my current situation.

Ramble aside, I'm basically just wondering if anyone else pretty much didn't try too hard to pass when starting hormones or before that, pre-T even? Assuming you had somewhat of an option to pass, but something was holding you back, or you simply didn't try. Dunno if this is worded right, I'm a bit of a mess lately.

Anyway, hope everyone is doing well. I miss this site. I should update with happier stuff, haha.

Wait.. you're telling me you're not some gorgeous model that transformed into some muscle bound hot dude live on youtube?? Say it aint so!!! My expectations are so shattered :( :( 

All joking aside, Do whatever is comfortable for you.  Many people take hormones without transitioning because of job, feelings they won't pass, or simply that's as far as they want to go :)  Your life is yours to live.

That being said, I did take T* for 3 months, to see if it'd somehow help my chronic fatigue & lack of endurance.  It did absolutely nothing other than bump it from 0 to higher female limits.  I stopped taking it for the very reason most f2m's want it... I didn't want the side effects.  I couldn't pass as a dude now if I tried. (Was wearing an oversized tshirt, baggy scrub pants and an overly greasy & dirty looking jacket outside today... still got mammed).

Not sure if this perspective helps, but there is no right or wrong way to do it.  Ultimately its whatever you're comfortable with, and the changes to your body you're ok with.  It helps to learn others life experiences though.

Offline lc100

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Re: On hormones but not trying to pass
« Reply #2 on: April 19, 2018, 12:03:27 pm »
Wait.. you're telling me you're not some gorgeous model that transformed into some muscle bound hot dude live on youtube?? Say it aint so!!! My expectations are so shattered :( :( 

All joking aside, Do whatever is comfortable for you.  Many people take hormones without transitioning because of job, feelings they won't pass, or simply that's as far as they want to go :)  Your life is yours to live.

That being said, I did take T* for 3 months, to see if it'd somehow help my chronic fatigue & lack of endurance.  It did absolutely nothing other than bump it from 0 to higher female limits.  I stopped taking it for the very reason most f2m's want it... I didn't want the side effects.  I couldn't pass as a dude now if I tried. (Was wearing an oversized tshirt, baggy scrub pants and an overly greasy & dirty looking jacket outside today... still got mammed).

Not sure if this perspective helps, but there is no right or wrong way to do it.  Ultimately its whatever you're comfortable with, and the changes to your body you're ok with.  It helps to learn others life experiences though.

Haha, the joke does help me stop being self-absorbed and sad for a minute. Thanks for that. And trust me, your perspective does help! I think it's simply a problem of getting caught up in what is perceived as the "normal" experience when in reality, I know and have seen so many unique people on hormones.

Thank you for the reminder, and hope your health is doing okay!



Offline Devlyn

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Re: On hormones but not trying to pass
« Reply #3 on: April 19, 2018, 12:08:57 pm »
Just for perspective, I'm genderfluid. If someone comes up to me and says "You're not a woman." I just passed.

Try not to worry about other people and what they think of you.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Offline Colleen_definitely

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Re: On hormones but not trying to pass
« Reply #4 on: April 19, 2018, 12:10:20 pm »
I was on HRT for 4 months before going full time.  There's nothing wrong with waiting a bit for hormones to give you a bit of help before presenting, in fact I think it's a really great idea so long as you can handle living as assigned for a bit longer.

Offline BlueJaye

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Re: On hormones but not trying to pass
« Reply #5 on: April 19, 2018, 12:14:59 pm »
Yep, I just started HRT a week ago and I am not even remotely passable.

I sought HRT because I really needed relief from gender dysphoria. My end goal wasn’t necessarily to pass as a woman or transition fully. I just really wanted relief. I was feeling more suicidal than I had in a long time and decided it was time to finally pursue medical treatment.

And the results have been great. I feel so much better emotionally, and calmer. So much that at this point I have stopped caring whether I go further in transition or not. The desire to be fully feminine in appearance is still there, but for the first time in my life I feel like I could be okay just looking like a feminine guy.

I don’t know if this will all change as I get further down the HRT road, but right now I am happy and content for the most part.

HRT makes a big difference whether you pass or not.

Offline BlueJaye

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Re: On hormones but not trying to pass
« Reply #6 on: April 19, 2018, 12:15:49 pm »
Just for perspective, I'm genderfluid. If someone comes up to me and says "You're not a woman." I just passed.

Try not to worry about other people and what they think of you.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

I love your attitude!

Offline lc100

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Re: On hormones but not trying to pass
« Reply #7 on: April 19, 2018, 12:29:21 pm »
Just for perspective, I'm genderfluid. If someone comes up to me and says "You're not a woman." I just passed.

Try not to worry about other people and what they think of you.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Always people such as yourself that make me brighten up! Thanks so much, your perspective and outlook are awesome. :D

I was on HRT for 4 months before going full time.  There's nothing wrong with waiting a bit for hormones to give you a bit of help before presenting, in fact I think it's a really great idea so long as you can handle living as assigned for a bit longer.

Thank you for your input! Yeah, that sounds about right in regards to how I expected, and want to go about my transition, despite sometimes feeling mood-swingy and not confident about it. Thank you again, this helps a lot!

Yep, I just started HRT a week ago and I am not even remotely passable.

I sought HRT because I really needed relief from gender dysphoria. My end goal wasn’t necessarily to pass as a woman or transition fully. I just really wanted relief. I was feeling more suicidal than I had in a long time and decided it was time to finally pursue medical treatment.

And the results have been great. I feel so much better emotionally, and calmer. So much that at this point I have stopped caring whether I go further in transition or not. The desire to be fully feminine in appearance is still there, but for the first time in my life I feel like I could be okay just looking like a feminine guy.

I don’t know if this will all change as I get further down the HRT road, but right now I am happy and content for the most part.

HRT makes a big difference whether you pass or not.

Oh wow, congrats on starting hormones recently as well! I'm so glad that mentally, you are doing so well after starting. Good luck, and I hope to see more of your journey later on. Thank you for your input, as well! :D



Offline krobinson103

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Re: On hormones but not trying to pass
« Reply #8 on: April 19, 2018, 03:27:21 pm »
Is started HRT six months back. I went full time at the same time. Did I pass? Not all. Did I care? Not at all. About three months later I looked female enough to pass at a distance, and at 5 months I pretty much passed most of the time. I think the key was simply not caring what people thought. :P
Where am I going today? I don't 100% know. Will I enjoy the ride there? Absolutely.

Offline KathyLauren

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Re: On hormones but not trying to pass
« Reply #9 on: April 19, 2018, 03:28:04 pm »
I started HRT three months before going full-time.  (I will be one year full-time tomorrow.)  For those months, I was still presenting as male.  Now, I try to present a credible femme appearance, but I don't get bent out of shape about whether I pass or not.  I yam what I yam.  It's all about being real for me.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change

Offline Doreen

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Re: On hormones but not trying to pass
« Reply #10 on: April 19, 2018, 03:32:44 pm »
I started HRT three months before going full-time.  (I will be one year full-time tomorrow.)  For those months, I was still presenting as male.  Now, I try to present a credible femme appearance, but I don't get bent out of shape about whether I pass or not.  I yam what I yam.  It's all about being real for me.

Back when I first 'started' ... sorta? (I cheated the whole HRT thing anyways through biology).. they told me I'd have to live a year full time before the therapist would recommend HRT.  He later tried to cheat me out of surgery letters too.

My conclusion? I just went to the family physician, told him what I wanted & why, and he ordered it.  Turned out I just needed a slight bump anyways and no spiro.  Life is fun like that.  I later bypassed every single hoop they threw in my way by simply not caring & doing it my way anyways lol.

I bet timeline 'follow the law' harry benjamin SOC yesmen folks hate me. I don't care.  I did it my way, and turns out I didn't need the hoops anyways.  I'm 'special' (so my mom always told me lol!)

Offline krobinson103

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Re: On hormones but not trying to pass
« Reply #11 on: April 19, 2018, 03:36:46 pm »
Back when I first 'started' ... sorta? (I cheated the whole HRT thing anyways through biology).. they told me I'd have to live a year full time before the therapist would recommend HRT.  He later tried to cheat me out of surgery letters too.

My conclusion? I just went to the family physician, told him what I wanted & why, and he ordered it.  Turned out I just needed a slight bump anyways and no spiro.  Life is fun like that.  I later bypassed every single hoop they threw in my way by simply not caring & doing it my way anyways lol.

I bet timeline 'follow the law' harry benjamin SOC yesmen folks hate me. I don't care.  I did it my way, and turns out I didn't need the hoops anyways.  I'm 'special' (so my mom always told me lol!)

Pretty much did the same thing. Did it 'off the grid' for a while then went to my GP signed an informed consent form and just did it. He looked at me, laughed and said "If I don't help you, you'll do it anyway" and ordered HRT for me. Going to have to tick a few boxes for orchie though (needs surgery letter). Other than that they can keep their 'time lines' and 'expectations."
Where am I going today? I don't 100% know. Will I enjoy the ride there? Absolutely.

Offline Kylo

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Re: On hormones but not trying to pass
« Reply #12 on: April 19, 2018, 04:24:02 pm »
I didn't ever try to pass. I just wear what I wear and do what I do and if other people don't see a man then they don't see a man and I don't care. It's rare that happens but I don't care if it does. I never ask people specifically to call me something, or give them information about all that, or ask them to use pronouns. I just wing it and unless they come up to me specifically to ask (which is hardly ever) then maybe they'll get an answer if I feel like talking about it.

As time went on with T it became impossible to hide what was happening to me, so, I just let people react however they were going to react to it.

Offline Deborah

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Re: On hormones but not trying to pass
« Reply #13 on: April 19, 2018, 04:39:59 pm »
I didn't ever try to pass. I just wear what I wear and do what I do and if other people don't see a man then they don't see a man and I don't care. It's rare that happens but I don't care if it does. I never ask people specifically to call me something, or give them information about all that, or ask them to use pronouns. I just wing it and unless they come up to me specifically to ask (which is hardly ever) then maybe they'll get an answer if I feel like talking about it.

As time went on with T it became impossible to hide what was happening to me, so, I just let people react however they were going to react to it.
^This

The dysphoria is gone.  I feel good.  My wife and I get along now for the first time in several decades.  Nothing else matters.


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Offline CarlyMcx

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Re: On hormones but not trying to pass
« Reply #14 on: April 19, 2018, 07:59:27 pm »
I lived for more than a year on hormones as a feminine/androgynous guy, dressing fully female only for therapy while on hormones.  Then I came out full time except for work.  My therapists were okay with everything because I am in a very dangerous line of work (criminal defense attorney).  I finally came out at work and went full time a month ago, after my legal name and gender change and after almost two years on hormones.

Therapists now can be very accommodating if you have a compelling reason for going on HRT without coming out first—or you can just go get HRT on informed consent.

Offline Charlie Nicki

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Re: On hormones but not trying to pass
« Reply #15 on: April 19, 2018, 11:09:41 pm »
Well I've been on hormones for 9 months and still live as a man. I've had a couple of situations where people somehow read me as female, but I'm not deluding myself, I don't pass nor am I trying to at the moment (my pic is edited, I don't look like that). I'm just waiting for HRT to do its job and once I feel comfortable then maybe I'll start trying.

So short answer, no, you're not the only one :)

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Offline LilDevilOfPrada

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Re: On hormones but not trying to pass
« Reply #16 on: April 20, 2018, 10:47:00 am »
I have been on hormones since 2011, never tried to pass even once because I live by the belief that if I dont 100% pass then I wont try. I seem to be in the minority of the community as many are willing to be outed and live with a stigma, but me? Nope.

I really dont mind being seen as male when I know I aint and my HRT has done so much, I dont see a reason to force myself into situations I know I will be embarrassed and so I just dont.

I mean I let out my female voice once and I didnt hear the end of it for 6 months so yea its okay I can wait. I survive it by looking forward and having goals plus I dont come from a background that has given me the privileges for FFS surgery or anything soon after HRT.
Awww no my little kitten gif site is gone :( sad.
 

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