Author Topic: Forcing self to come out.  (Read 433 times)

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Offline EllieJune

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Forcing self to come out.
« on: April 19, 2018, 10:40:47 pm »
So here lately I have been going to therapy and last week did my psych evaluation to get on hormones. I feel like this is a very sloooooow process. So in the mean time I have been more feminine by my mannerisms, skin care, nail care and such. I feel amazing! But, at work I feel my coworkers had taken some sort of notice to this change and I am somewhat scared to be out to family and work. To combat this fear I decided to force myself to dress in full girl mode and watch a drag queen show this weekend - somewhat fitting or ironic, I know. Lol.

Again, the fear is there since I live with my family. I am scared I'll run into family on my way out and they'll have questions. I am not emotionally ready to come out to the people close to me, but I want to BE me. Is this normal and a healthy approach?
2017 - First steps realizing trans
2018 - HRT
2019 - Full time?
2020 - Become rich??? lol

"They hate us cuz they ain't us"

Offline Dani

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Re: Forcing self to come out.
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2018, 06:10:02 am »
Transitioning is a big change and there is a lot of uncertainty.

For myself, I started to wear androgynous clothing when I began to show changes in my body, but not enough changes to  be gendered as my preferred identity. I never felt the need to suddenly start "dressing to the nines" to confirm my gender. I just sort of gradually eased into it.

Years ago, WPATH standards required a year of cross dressing to confirm some notion that if you don't like the current women's fashion, hair styles or make up, then you are not a candidate for gender surgery. What a crock! Thankfully, this is no longer a requirement.

Christine Jorgenson has stated that by those standards, she would have been denied gender surgery because she rarely cross dressed before transitioning.

My advice is to just do what you feel comfortable doing at the time. There is no need to force anything. Just be your honest self. Other people will pick up on your transition sooner or later and if they express concern, then you may gently let them know how you feel.

I wish you the best and take care.  :angel:



Online KathyLauren

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Re: Forcing self to come out.
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2018, 07:56:03 pm »
Everyone has their own needs and desires when it comes to transitioning, so there is no right or wrong way to come out.  You have to do it the way that seems best to you.

Personally, I came out to those closest to me first, and then to more distant associates.  So (1) wife, (2) neighbour/ally, (3) family, (4) friends, (5) everyone else.  But if it works for you to do it a different way, that's what you should do.

Things to consider when coming out are who is going to gossip to whom, and who is going to be offended if they don't hear before someone else.  You can't keep everyone happy, but giving consideration to those factors when choosing the order to come out might make your life a bit easier.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change

Offline JudiBlueEyes

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Re: Forcing self to come out.
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2018, 08:25:19 pm »
I don't know if you can ever be truly ready to come out to family.  It seems such a stressful endeavor.  Wanting to be YOU is all it takes to muster the courage to make that first overture and tell them.  It can be scary to come out to co-workers but that will pass and life will go on.  Do you know what your company's policy on discrimination is? 

Offline Donna

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Re: Forcing self to come out.
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2018, 11:00:33 pm »
Every one progresses at their own pace. There is no right or wrong way. Some of us take years and some do it in a flash. All you can do is what is right for you. My wife has been more concerned than I have and it’s sort of been seamless. I don’t know if it’s my age or just my no BS attitude. I have gained a lot from therapy and I hope you can as well. Give yourself time
December 2015 noticed strange feelings moving in
December 2016 started to understand what my body has been telling me all my life, started wearing a bra for comfort full time
Spiro and dutastricide 2017
Mid year 2017 Started dressing and going out shopping etc by myself
October T 14.8 / 456
Came out to my wife in December 2017
January 2018 dressing androgenes and still have face hair
Feb 2018 Dressing full time in female clothing out at work and to friends and family, clean shaven and make up
Living full time March 1 2018
March T 7.4 / 236
April 19th eligard injection, no more Testosterone
June 19th a brand new freshly trained HRT and transgender care doctor for me. Only a one day waiting list to become her patient 😍

[/

Offline EllieJune

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Re: Forcing self to come out.
« Reply #5 on: April 22, 2018, 12:05:11 am »
So I bit the bullet and did it. Make up, shape wear, padded bra. I went to a bar that was hosting a drag show so I though "might as well go". I'm glad I came. Sure I spent 30 minutes in the parking lot fighting my anxiety. Seeing everyone dance made me a bit dyshoric but I know I'm time ill have the confidence to dance with then later.

This feels like an actual thing, you know,  not just banter with my therapist. It's my confirmation. Now time to sneak back home and hope no one saw me on my way out in full girl mode.
2017 - First steps realizing trans
2018 - HRT
2019 - Full time?
2020 - Become rich??? lol

"They hate us cuz they ain't us"

Offline JudiBlueEyes

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Re: Forcing self to come out.
« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2018, 10:40:19 am »
Congratulations!  That first time is surely anxiety inducing but it gets better and easier now.  Sounds like you did enjoy yourself.  Yes, its a "thing"! 

Offline Donna

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Re: Forcing self to come out.
« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2018, 11:06:18 am »
Congrats and it’s a great first step. They get easier from here until one day you will just dress and walk out the door like you always have. Only you will be 180 degrees different.
December 2015 noticed strange feelings moving in
December 2016 started to understand what my body has been telling me all my life, started wearing a bra for comfort full time
Spiro and dutastricide 2017
Mid year 2017 Started dressing and going out shopping etc by myself
October T 14.8 / 456
Came out to my wife in December 2017
January 2018 dressing androgenes and still have face hair
Feb 2018 Dressing full time in female clothing out at work and to friends and family, clean shaven and make up
Living full time March 1 2018
March T 7.4 / 236
April 19th eligard injection, no more Testosterone
June 19th a brand new freshly trained HRT and transgender care doctor for me. Only a one day waiting list to become her patient 😍

[/

Offline EllieJune

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Re: Forcing self to come out.
« Reply #8 on: May 01, 2018, 03:11:11 pm »
Update

So I decided to cast my anxieties to the side, called in sick at work, dressed in full girl mode and went to the city.  It was a 1 hour drive singing to girl metal, lol. Make up was done, 24hr no smudge lipstick was good. I felt wonderful. For the first time in my life I feel... right. Sure I still have anxieties and depression but I feel like me. I was complimented so many times in my makeup despite the fact I still had verrrrry small stubble coming in.
I had a drink and burger at Dave and busters and the bar guy was soooo nice. Everyone was so nice to me I love it so much... also heeled boots - They make you feel powerful as you walk around. Clnk clnk clnk. Today was a good day, what is next is to tell my family... in a few months....
2017 - First steps realizing trans
2018 - HRT
2019 - Full time?
2020 - Become rich??? lol

"They hate us cuz they ain't us"

Offline Roll

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Re: Forcing self to come out.
« Reply #9 on: May 01, 2018, 03:17:22 pm »
Amazing!!! I wish I could work up the nerve to do that right now.
~ Ellie
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I ALWAYS WELCOME PMs!
(I made the s lowercase so it didn't look as much like PMS... ;D)

An Open Letter to anyone suffering from anxiety, particularly those afraid to make your first post or continue posting!

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5/21/18 - FIRST DAY OUT AS ME!!!!!!!!!
6/08/18 - 2,250 Hair Grafts
6/23/18 - FIRST PRIDE!
8/06/18 - 100%, completely out!
9/08/18 - I'M IN LOVE!!!!


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