Author Topic: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?  (Read 894 times)

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Offline Marcieelizabeth

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Hi Ladies! 

I am not out to but a few friends and my wife, and I am growing some obvious boobs, and wearing some make up and women's androgynous clothes, so I get questions sometimes.  Sometimes it is about my "bag" that is a colorful purse that I bought at an artsy women's shop, or sometimes about my beard being gone, or how young I look, I  LOVE THESE, but I have to respond...

I sometimes just smile and say Thanks, Oh I bought the  bag at a shop to carry all the junk I want...or try to look their eyes up from my chest and just challenge them and they do not say any more, or just say Oh thank You I have lost some weight. and hope they will leave it at that.

The hardest thing is giving hugs and having them feel the bra I am wearing...I just say - Oh it is a compression shirt...HA!

Others of you who are not out completely how do you defer questions, or comments so you do not have to be confronted about the changes going on?

Anyone have funny stories? 

Cannot wait to hear! 

Love and Hugs, Marcie


First memory of cross-dressing - age 8 - 1967
Marcie Since 6-17-17   :D
Out to wife 6-27-17  :D :D
Started HRT 10-13-17  :D :D :D
First time completely me at therapy on 10-31-17 <3
Started Finestrade on 11-1-17 <3
 Estradiol and Spiro to therapeutic levels on 12-4-17
Went out totally as Marcie with friends sans beard 3-24-18
Estradiol increased second time 3-27-18


...it makes me smile to know its me, fearful about losing the good things in my life, anxious about every single step, doubting my resolve, determined to stop living a lie,  VERY hopeful for the future as myself, Marcie, and I am thankful to have this safe place

Offline Kendra

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2018, 12:09:35 pm »
When people asked me I would say oh thanks I'm just making a few changes.  Keep in mind the same people might see you later on and remember what you said earlier.  A few changes can mean anything and some things are personal. 

Nobody pressed for more information, but if someone had and I didn't think it was their business I would have said I'm taking care of my health.  Press further and I'd tell them it's personal.  You don't owe anyone like that an explanation, any more than you would ask them for a copy of their most recent medical check-up.

After I went full-time, if anyone seemed surprised I told them: yep I made a few changes. 
Assigned male at birth 1963.  Decided I wanted to be a girl in 1971.  Laser 2014-16, electrolysis 2015-17, HRT 7/2017, GCS 1/2018, VFS 3/2018, FFS 5/2018, GCS-2 & BA 7/2018. 

Offline LeahJoFoxtrot

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2018, 12:12:30 pm »
Hi Ladies! 

I am not out to but a few friends and my wife, and I am growing some obvious boobs, and wearing some make up and women's androgynous clothes, so I get questions sometimes.  Sometimes it is about my "bag" that is a colorful purse that I bought at an artsy women's shop, or sometimes about my beard being gone, or how young I look, I  LOVE THESE, but I have to respond...

I sometimes just smile and say Thanks, Oh I bought the  bag at a shop to carry all the junk I want...or try to look their eyes up from my chest and just challenge them and they do not say any more, or just say Oh thank You I have lost some weight. and hope they will leave it at that.

The hardest thing is giving hugs and having them feel the bra I am wearing...I just say - Oh it is a compression shirt...HA!

Others of you who are not out completely how do you defer questions, or comments so you do not have to be confronted about the changes going on?

Anyone have funny stories? 

Cannot wait to hear! 

Love and Hugs, Marcie

You're wearing makeup while out with people who already know you as a male? Nothing wrong with that but I would wonder about anyone I knew as male suddenly carrying a purse and wearing makeup (unless maybe they were gay and thats a big maybe). I guess I am further inquiring if wearing women's clothes and makeup is seen as out of character for you or not by the people asking about you. If it is seen as out of character for you, and you feel safe and comfortable doing so, you can tell them about your journey. Otherwise, well, I would be hard pressed to find an explanation and would probably go into guy mode until I was ready to come out to more people. To be clear, no value judgements are being made here on anything you are or are not doing!

Be well Marcie!

Offline Kendra

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2018, 12:19:24 pm »
Makeup can be nonbinary.  In guy mode I started adding a touch of foundation under eyes on mornings where I had too much dark circle in that area.  Little bit of powder makes forehead less shiny. 

Some young men in Seoul Korea routinely wear a small amount of makeup as they care about their looks. 

Depending on color, larger purses and handbags don't look that different than a bag some guys would carry.  The difference is how you carry it. 
Assigned male at birth 1963.  Decided I wanted to be a girl in 1971.  Laser 2014-16, electrolysis 2015-17, HRT 7/2017, GCS 1/2018, VFS 3/2018, FFS 5/2018, GCS-2 & BA 7/2018. 

Offline Marcieelizabeth

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2018, 12:43:24 pm »
I have been wearing make up fopr about three months, not a word from anybody, the "purse" about the same.  I just deflect comments.  People are largely either ignorant of these things, or it does not register for the most part...amazingly at least as I have found! 

Love and hugs, and no judgement. 


First memory of cross-dressing - age 8 - 1967
Marcie Since 6-17-17   :D
Out to wife 6-27-17  :D :D
Started HRT 10-13-17  :D :D :D
First time completely me at therapy on 10-31-17 <3
Started Finestrade on 11-1-17 <3
 Estradiol and Spiro to therapeutic levels on 12-4-17
Went out totally as Marcie with friends sans beard 3-24-18
Estradiol increased second time 3-27-18


...it makes me smile to know its me, fearful about losing the good things in my life, anxious about every single step, doubting my resolve, determined to stop living a lie,  VERY hopeful for the future as myself, Marcie, and I am thankful to have this safe place

Offline Kendra

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2018, 01:03:03 pm »
I think coming out was more difficult before 2007.  And then smartphones became available and so many people wander around staring at a tiny screen.   ;)
Assigned male at birth 1963.  Decided I wanted to be a girl in 1971.  Laser 2014-16, electrolysis 2015-17, HRT 7/2017, GCS 1/2018, VFS 3/2018, FFS 5/2018, GCS-2 & BA 7/2018. 

Offline KatieP

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2018, 02:04:03 pm »
I am still not fully out at work, but I have worn mascara virtually every day at work for the last 30 years. Literally, I have not had one person ask about me wearing mascara. There are people at work who know and who have been with me completely presenting as female. In those first discussions, I have always asked if they noticed the mascara (and the sports bra to keep the girls from being so obvious), and every single one has said they never noticed either. "I just thought you had genetic enviable lashes..." or some sort.

I think you can go a long ways, even in fairly conservative spaces, without people noticing. It seems they are as self absorbed as we are... :-)

Kate

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #7 on: April 20, 2018, 08:56:50 pm »
I'm not fully out at work either.  My coworkers just tell me they like my new look.  I wear makeup, eye shadow, eye liner, rouge, and tinted moisturizer everyday.  I sometimes have lipstick on too.  Nobody at work has said anything.  On the other hand a rider in the vanpool has ragged on me about it one day when I wasn't riding to the other people on the van.  Another rider told me.  Personally I could care less.  I like wearing makeup.  When the other person told me, I just said I like it.  He didn't care either way.

Basically my whole plan and so far it's worked is I just own up to it.  When people notice my nails, I say arent they great?  When they comment on my jacket I tell them where I got it, and yes it's a women's only store.  I find that if they see me as enjoying my new style they kind of go along with it, and enjoy it with me.

Bari Jo
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different

Offline Ellement_of_Freedom

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #8 on: April 20, 2018, 09:59:03 pm »
You're wearing makeup while out with people who already know you as a male? Nothing wrong with that but I would wonder about anyone I knew as male suddenly carrying a purse and wearing makeup (unless maybe they were gay and thats a big maybe). I guess I am further inquiring if wearing women's clothes and makeup is seen as out of character for you or not by the people asking about you. If it is seen as out of character for you, and you feel safe and comfortable doing so, you can tell them about your journey. Otherwise, well, I would be hard pressed to find an explanation and would probably go into guy mode until I was ready to come out to more people. To be clear, no value judgements are being made here on anything you are or are not doing!

Be well Marcie!

I was thinking the same thing! If you are wearing makeup, a bra, and carrying a purse I think it's only natural that people will be curious. If you don't want the questions you might have to tone it down... or just come out!

Offline Donna

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #9 on: April 20, 2018, 10:02:14 pm »
I kept it to simple ladies Tees and jeans at work. Light nail polish and of course my bras. When I finally came out at work in February it was due to not being able to hide the breast growth and the weight lose. No one had said anything up to them. When I finally came out the board president said she had just assumed it was gyno. She did start to wonder just before I came out after commenting about her nail polish color.
Everything has been super easy since then.
December 2015 noticed strange feelings moving in
December 2016 started to understand what my body has been telling me all my life, started wearing a bra for comfort full time
Spiro and dutastricide 2017
Mid year 2017 Started dressing and going out shopping etc by myself
October T 14.8 / 456
Came out to my wife in December 2017
January 2018 dressing androgenes and still have face hair
Feb 2018 Dressing full time in female clothing out at work and to friends and family, clean shaven and make up
Living full time March 1 2018
March T 7.4 / 236
April 19th eligard injection, no more Testosterone
June 19th a brand new freshly trained HRT and transgender care doctor for me. Only a one day waiting list to become her patient 😍

[/

Offline Ellement_of_Freedom

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #10 on: April 20, 2018, 10:11:53 pm »
I kept it to simple ladies Tees and jeans at work. Light nail polish and of course my bras. When I finally came out at work in February it was due to not being able to hide the breast growth and the weight lose. No one had said anything up to them. When I finally came out the board president said she had just assumed it was gyno. She did start to wonder just before I came out after commenting about her nail polish color.
Everything has been super easy since then.

Congratulations! How lovely, it must be a relief. Are you having laser and/or electrolysis for your facial hair?

Offline Donna

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #11 on: April 20, 2018, 10:35:04 pm »
Congratulations! How lovely, it must be a relief. Are you having laser and/or electrolysis for your facial hair?

I’ve been fortunate to never have very fast facial hair growth. It take me about three days to get a 5 o’clock shadow. I have theee problem spots. The end of the mouth at the moustache, just in front of the ear lobs and either side of my chin. I would have to do electrolysis for that as the whiskers are white.
December 2015 noticed strange feelings moving in
December 2016 started to understand what my body has been telling me all my life, started wearing a bra for comfort full time
Spiro and dutastricide 2017
Mid year 2017 Started dressing and going out shopping etc by myself
October T 14.8 / 456
Came out to my wife in December 2017
January 2018 dressing androgenes and still have face hair
Feb 2018 Dressing full time in female clothing out at work and to friends and family, clean shaven and make up
Living full time March 1 2018
March T 7.4 / 236
April 19th eligard injection, no more Testosterone
June 19th a brand new freshly trained HRT and transgender care doctor for me. Only a one day waiting list to become her patient 😍

[/

Offline Kiera

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #12 on: April 21, 2018, 02:49:25 pm »
I think you can go a long ways, even in fairly conservative spaces, without people noticing. It seems they are as self absorbed as we are... :-)

Marcie, Kate lol my youngish boss/sole owner, an ultra-conservative, highly pious religious type, recently commented in passing "what nice hair you have" when, at work, it's always neatly wrapped back in a ponytail? Ex says hiding, putting hair up under work cap makes me look even more girlish so perhaps I should try that with him next?

It's been three years Am about to ask for a substantial raise . . .

Noticed in new HR policy manual, which we all had to ack by signing, under "discrimination" (lol a room full of bearded truck drivers actually needs two hrs "harassment training"?) 'gay', 'lesbian' and 'transgender' is only implied, completely unnamed by the phrase "and other protected classes"?

Yea Right!!

More than one person has told me I am a "favorite, highly valued employee" and suspect most have adopted the "don't ask don't tell" policy but, if asked directly, I'd have absolutely no problem telling 'em "I'm transgendered"!  ;D  ;)

Many funny stories from my former airline job (now retired) everyone knew me as "ponytail" and will never forget two huge, black co-workers busting out in laughter after my exclaiming "I positively will not allow "another girl" at OUR work station"!

When SENIOR one usually gets one's way!

A new, attractive young black girl did not say a word to me for weeks 'cause she thought I was "gay or something" (due to way I sit?)  until, finally, I told her "no, am married have kids" and we wound up being the best co-workers ever!

At the time I was in great shape @160lbs wish I was there again!
"But it's no use now," thought poor Alice, "to pretend be two people!
"Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!"

Offline Jin

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #13 on: April 23, 2018, 11:49:12 am »
I tell them: "If we can't have fun with our clothes, why wear them?"
I love it most when I get compliments from other women. Oh wait, I love it most when guys make a pass at me!
I guess I just love it all.
I yam what I yam, and that's all what I yam.
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A wise person can learn more from fools than a fool can learn from a wise person.

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #14 on: April 23, 2018, 12:28:32 pm »
I'd tend to agree. Youre pretty much "out" with a purse, make-up, women's clothing and underwear. The only way to deflect the questions would be to go to telling them it was bet that went bad, or you're a cossdresser. There's not much of a good "excuse" to explain all of it away.
At what point did my life go Looney Tunes? How did it happen? Who's to blame?... Batman, that's who. Batman! It's always been Batman! Ruining my life, spoiling my fun! >:-)

Offline barbie

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #15 on: April 23, 2018, 12:44:49 pm »
Yes. I also tended to be afraid of coming out at work place about 15 years ago. But in a few years, people around me became familiar with my new change, far more than I initially assumed. People are flexible regardless of their education, age or religion.

At the initial stage, some people may ask questions, or even argue with you. It can be a bumpy journey, but time will eventually solve all problems.

Assertive attitude is important. Be confident, and most people will follow you.

barbie~~
Just do it.

Offline Daniellekai

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #16 on: April 24, 2018, 12:57:49 am »
I get asked all kinds of things at work, I just answer every question with absolute honesty... Only one time I was asked with no beating around the bush if I was trans. I still answered honestly, but with a sarcastic tone. So far I think a couple people get the shtick for what it really is, but for the most part nobody knows anything more than that I'm looking more feminine lately.

Makes it easier that I don't fit the mainstream mold at all so their questions don't lead them in the right direction unless they just come out and ask it.



Offline Donna

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #17 on: April 24, 2018, 07:59:29 am »
People for the most part don’t ask any thing about it at work. One older couple tried to understand but had difficulty. When I said transgender they thought drag. I said no it’s transwomen as I’m living as a women which then then equated to cross dressing.  I explained that difference. Then she exclaimed that she had a wig too and would bring it down to show me, I just went about my work as I was done with that conversation.
December 2015 noticed strange feelings moving in
December 2016 started to understand what my body has been telling me all my life, started wearing a bra for comfort full time
Spiro and dutastricide 2017
Mid year 2017 Started dressing and going out shopping etc by myself
October T 14.8 / 456
Came out to my wife in December 2017
January 2018 dressing androgenes and still have face hair
Feb 2018 Dressing full time in female clothing out at work and to friends and family, clean shaven and make up
Living full time March 1 2018
March T 7.4 / 236
April 19th eligard injection, no more Testosterone
June 19th a brand new freshly trained HRT and transgender care doctor for me. Only a one day waiting list to become her patient 😍

[/

Offline Marcieelizabeth

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #18 on: April 25, 2018, 07:19:05 am »
I am still not fully out at work, but I have worn mascara virtually every day at work for the last 30 years. Literally, I have not had one person ask about me wearing mascara. There are people at work who know and who have been with me completely presenting as female. In those first discussions, I have always asked if they noticed the mascara (and the sports bra to keep the girls from being so obvious), and every single one has said they never noticed either. "I just thought you had genetic enviable lashes..." or some sort.

I think you can go a long ways, even in fairly conservative spaces, without people noticing. It seems they are as self absorbed as we are... :-)

Kate

Kate - this is exactly my experience.  It is not at all what I expected, and it is great as I would be going crazy if I had to keep it all bottled up and out of the possible view of others.  I only survive by taking small steps and reaping whatever good feelings I can get from them, until I can come out fully!  Thanks for the reply!

Love and Hugs, Marcie


First memory of cross-dressing - age 8 - 1967
Marcie Since 6-17-17   :D
Out to wife 6-27-17  :D :D
Started HRT 10-13-17  :D :D :D
First time completely me at therapy on 10-31-17 <3
Started Finestrade on 11-1-17 <3
 Estradiol and Spiro to therapeutic levels on 12-4-17
Went out totally as Marcie with friends sans beard 3-24-18
Estradiol increased second time 3-27-18


...it makes me smile to know its me, fearful about losing the good things in my life, anxious about every single step, doubting my resolve, determined to stop living a lie,  VERY hopeful for the future as myself, Marcie, and I am thankful to have this safe place

Offline Marcieelizabeth

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Re: NOT OUT at work, anywhere, and get asked so I resopond...how do you?
« Reply #19 on: April 25, 2018, 07:20:59 am »
I get asked all kinds of things at work, I just answer every question with absolute honesty... Only one time I was asked with no beating around the bush if I was trans. I still answered honestly, but with a sarcastic tone. So far I think a couple people get the shtick for what it really is, but for the most part nobody knows anything more than that I'm looking more feminine lately.

Makes it easier that I don't fit the mainstream mold at all so their questions don't lead them in the right direction unless they just come out and ask it.

Danielle - Yes that is what I am doing too...being honest but sometimes in a manner they do not know I mean it!  Thanks for sharing!

Love and Hugs, Marcie


First memory of cross-dressing - age 8 - 1967
Marcie Since 6-17-17   :D
Out to wife 6-27-17  :D :D
Started HRT 10-13-17  :D :D :D
First time completely me at therapy on 10-31-17 <3
Started Finestrade on 11-1-17 <3
 Estradiol and Spiro to therapeutic levels on 12-4-17
Went out totally as Marcie with friends sans beard 3-24-18
Estradiol increased second time 3-27-18


...it makes me smile to know its me, fearful about losing the good things in my life, anxious about every single step, doubting my resolve, determined to stop living a lie,  VERY hopeful for the future as myself, Marcie, and I am thankful to have this safe place

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