Author Topic: Is this dysphoria?  (Read 543 times)

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Offline Lady Love

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Is this dysphoria?
« on: May 01, 2018, 08:10:48 am »
I know I am a real trans person whether I have dysphoria or not, but I am trying to figure my life in retrospect somewhat now. I have always wanted to get healthy and I had wanted to be seen as a strong man... but I could never manage to stick to diets and wasnt really interested in my body, I just wanted other people to find me attractive. Now I want to work out so I can look good for me :3

So my question is basically, is apathy towards your body and feeling a disconnect with your sexuality and relationships dysphoria? I think being in a loving relationship where I could explore my feelings and not feel judged is how I figured it out.

When I was a man, it just felt like I was going through the motions looking for stereotypic cishet love. I realized that until I got my current girlfriend I never really opened up to anyone all the way and I discovered my gender through intimacy with them showing me what I wanted. I think that's why I always say I'm bigender. Because I am not dumping my male self down the trash chute, I am finding the woman who actually feels lovingly connected to herself (especially body) and others in a more authentic way.

Anyone else have experiences like these?

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Offline Deborah

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Re: Is this dysphoria?
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2018, 09:31:57 am »
Yes.  That describes my attitude towards physical fitness.  Before I got the dysphoria under control I used to run a lot.  It helped put a damper on the dysphoria but it became unhealthy because my main motivation was really just to be better than everyone else to prove myself.  That was not sustainable because I would always eventually crush my body with chronic exhaustion. 

Now it’s different.  I still really enjoy exercise and fitness but now it’s for myself.  So I can pay attention to my body and back off when necessary to make it all long term sustainable.  My sport of choice though has shifted from running to powerlifting which I have now been consistent with for 11 months.  With long term HRT heavy weights will not make you any bigger than a comparative sized CIS female doing the same work.  It will however make you stronger than most of the other people, male or female, in anyplace other than a dedicated powerlifting gym where the men will be stronger.


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Offline Lady Love

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Re: Is this dysphoria?
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2018, 10:20:30 am »
Yes.  That describes my attitude towards physical fitness.  Before I got the dysphoria under control I used to run a lot.  It helped put a damper on the dysphoria but it became unhealthy because my main motivation was really just to be better than everyone else to prove myself.  That was not sustainable because I would always eventually crush my body with chronic exhaustion. 

Now it’s different.  I still really enjoy exercise and fitness but now it’s for myself.  So I can pay attention to my body and back off when necessary to make it all long term sustainable.  My sport of choice though has shifted from running to powerlifting which I have now been consistent with for 11 months.  With long term HRT heavy weights will not make you any bigger than a comparative sized CIS female doing the same work.  It will however make you stronger than most of the other people, male or female, in anyplace other than a dedicated powerlifting gym where the men will be stronger.


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Wow, that sounds cool :0 i love swimming but have never really had a regular fitness program. I love walking my dog, so I might work on doing that in good cardio routine.

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Offline Janes Groove

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Re: Is this dysphoria?
« Reply #3 on: May 21, 2018, 11:40:12 am »
Definition of gender dysphoria:

“The specific character of despair is precisely this: it is unaware of being despair.”

― Søren Kierkegaard
Assigned Male at Birth - 1958
Came out as Gay  1994
Came out, started living full time - Thanksgiving 2015
Started HRT - 5-27-2016

Estrogen HRT = the surprising arrival of a rainbow within me.

Offline Sephirah

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Re: Is this dysphoria?
« Reply #4 on: May 21, 2018, 03:13:47 pm »
Definition of gender dysphoria:

“The specific character of despair is precisely this: it is unaware of being despair.”

― Søren Kierkegaard

That's kind of the thing. When someone asks me if something is dysphoria, I tend to equate it to whether something is the opposite of euphoria. And I'm not 100% sure, in this case, it is. But I also don't think it necessarily has to be.

You don't have to be utterly miserable in your own skin to desire to change it. Feeling nothing towards how the world perceives you to be is just as potent as feeling abject misery. It depends on how people have conditioned themselves to cope with life. Throughout my time here I've seen no end of people say they felt no unhappiness with how they looked. That, when they look in a mirror, they see someone who, under any other circumstances, they would consider quite attractive and the reason they wanted to become themselves was because they just didn't feel "right" in their own skin, you know?

That's the main thing, for me. It's not so much to do with whether anyone goes through life without realising who they are because other things got in the way, or because the realisation was so emotionally overloading that they just became numb to it all, or because they detested the way they were from the time they were able to form thoughts. We all arrive at the same place. More to do with the deep-seated desire for change, until we end up at the place where we are able to embrace ourselves.

That is what matters. Where you end up. Not so much where you came from.

I can very much relate to having zero interest in your body, though. I spent a good deal of my life feeling that way. And sometimes still do. Is it dyphoria? I don't know. Is it not feeling right in your own skin? Absolutely.
Natura nihil frustra facit.

Offline Lady Love

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Re: Is this dysphoria?
« Reply #5 on: June 16, 2018, 04:04:30 am »
Definition of gender dysphoria:

“The specific character of despair is precisely this: it is unaware of being despair.”

― Søren Kierkegaard

That's a great quote, man oh man do I love Kierkegaard.

That's what I was thinking, Sephirah. I didn't even think about the fact I felt that way until it stopped. I haven't exactly met anyone as a man who talk about being connected to their body so I hadn't considered it.

Thanks for the replies everyone!


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