Author Topic: Its been awhile  (Read 601 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Christy Lee

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 393
  • Reputation: +5/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Sharingan
Its been awhile
« on: May 02, 2018, 07:47:28 am »
Hey

So today i spoke with a Gender Therapist well he was more of a General Psychologist,  but he is also a Gender Therapist Deals with Disphoria etc, i chose this route because i also have some other stuff to talk about for now as well, and anyway i mentioned while talking about my other issues how i have thoughts about my Gender, as one of the things i would like to talk about, and at the end of the session he said what issue is more important for you for the next session after covering everything else through out the first session and i said i think my gender thoughts are the most important so in 3 weeks i will be chatting with him again for the whole session

kinda nervous
Whose that girll?
ITS CHRISTY

02/05/2018
Started Therapy

Offline Jessica

  • "If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 3,314
  • Reputation: +25/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Its been awhile
« Reply #1 on: May 02, 2018, 08:45:54 am »
Hey

So today i spoke with a Gender Therapist well he was more of a General Psychologist,  but he is also a Gender Therapist Deals with Disphoria etc, i chose this route because i also have some other stuff to talk about for now as well, and anyway i mentioned while talking about my other issues how i have thoughts about my Gender, as one of the things i would like to talk about, and at the end of the session he said what issue is more important for you for the next session after covering everything else through out the first session and i said i think my gender thoughts are the most important so in 3 weeks i will be chatting with him again for the whole session

kinda nervous

You opened the door, it’s hard to go through, but the wind is at your back and Forward you go!

... it's like running a car on ethanol when it's supposed to take gasoline... it'll work, but it's eventually gonna break down until you put it on the proper fuel.

Offline Christy Lee

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 393
  • Reputation: +5/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Sharingan
Re: Its been awhile
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2018, 08:35:37 am »
So my next Therapy session is this Wednesday i cant believe its been 3 weeks already since the last session, i am abit nervous about honestly its the first time in my adult life that i will be talking about them
Whose that girll?
ITS CHRISTY

02/05/2018
Started Therapy

Offline Christy Lee

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 393
  • Reputation: +5/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Sharingan
Re: Its been awhile
« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2018, 04:48:03 am »
Its really strange talking about feelings that your use to repressing

its also really strange hearing a psychologist talking about the potential of you going on hormones in the future still To be discussed further, but yes really strange in a good way but i think still there was this small voice inside GOING NO WTF ARE YOU DOING? STAHP
Whose that girll?
ITS CHRISTY

02/05/2018
Started Therapy

Offline Eryn T

  • The Talkative One
  • Friend
  • ****
  • *
  • Posts: 291
  • Reputation: +4/-0
  • Gender: Female
    • TransGaming on Youtube
Re: Its been awhile
« Reply #4 on: May 30, 2018, 04:58:06 am »
lol, that voice sounds a little like 'John', Christy.

Is it normal to have sessions being so far apart? TO me it feels like it's been forever since I last talked to mine! And it is really great getting to share, and have them support you and ask questions and provide insight with their professional knowledge.  I'm going to my therapist tomorrow!  So, very excited!

Hormones are I would say in large part, something we all want to participate in, but it is kinda crazy that you basically are agreeing to permanently change your physical appearance from what it was. It can feel slightly uncomfortable to think about(im not on HRT yet) at times, but it's still something that I feel a desire for more than anything!
Looking to make and keep friends! Spreading the love, now that I can truly love myself!

Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,237152.msg2131598.html#msg2131598

Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd5cx6Iok3BQYrGwdYbVqWA

Twitter: https://twitter.com/_TransGaming_

Offline Christy Lee

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 393
  • Reputation: +5/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Sharingan
Re: Its been awhile
« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2018, 05:05:22 am »
Its new to me

my first appointment was 3 weeks ago, my next appointment is in 2 weeks time

Good luck tomorrow )
Whose that girll?
ITS CHRISTY

02/05/2018
Started Therapy

Offline Christy Lee

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 393
  • Reputation: +5/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Sharingan
Re: Its been awhile
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2018, 06:59:55 am »
Discussing my thoughts with my psychologist today hearing him ask about weather wanting to be a woman is something i want i answered most of the time yes (i really wanted to say all the time, but the transphobic feelings were fighting back a little bit) but it wasnt as hard as what i imagined it to be

He was asking because of HRT

It kinda made me really happy to hear him asking me that in a way but also still abit silly
Whose that girll?
ITS CHRISTY

02/05/2018
Started Therapy

Offline Kendra

  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 3,365
  • Reputation: +132/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Its been awhile
« Reply #7 on: May 30, 2018, 10:40:47 am »
Over time all this will become more familiar.  You are quickly gaining experience.  I bet next time, if you want to answer a particular way to a question asked by your psychologist you won't hesitate as much.

HRT very gradually causes physical changes, but I found the more rapid impact was emotional, and changes to sensory perception.  In my case that was very positive. 
Assigned male at birth 1963.  Decided I wanted to be a girl in 1971.  Laser 2014-16, electrolysis 2015-17, HRT 7/2017, GCS 1/2018, VFS 3/2018, FFS 5/2018, GCS-2 & BA 7/2018. 

Offline Eryn T

  • The Talkative One
  • Friend
  • ****
  • *
  • Posts: 291
  • Reputation: +4/-0
  • Gender: Female
    • TransGaming on Youtube
Re: Its been awhile
« Reply #8 on: May 31, 2018, 10:49:45 pm »
I understand that excitement completely, Christy!

I saw my therapist today, and it felt like they were trying to dig around for personal trauma and other things, but it felt like anything they asked I explained in such a way that it just made everything so clear that this is what I need to do with my life.

And my next session is the 20th, she wants to start talking about HRT then, too! Things are moving incredibly fast, and while I'm very happy about it I'm sure it's still too fast for my wife to be comfortable, so I don't really know when I might start HRT, but I hope it's soon!

She also complimented me on my nails, my eyebrows, my dress, mannerisms, and voice- I have basically 100% transitioned in spirit already, just can't do my makeup yet lol
Looking to make and keep friends! Spreading the love, now that I can truly love myself!

Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,237152.msg2131598.html#msg2131598

Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd5cx6Iok3BQYrGwdYbVqWA

Twitter: https://twitter.com/_TransGaming_

Offline Christy Lee

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 393
  • Reputation: +5/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Sharingan
Re: Its been awhile
« Reply #9 on: June 11, 2018, 07:56:47 am »
I am seeing my Therapist again for the 3rd time This Wednesday....

I understand that excitement completely, Christy!

I saw my therapist today, and it felt like they were trying to dig around for personal trauma and other things, but it felt like anything they asked I explained in such a way that it just made everything so clear that this is what I need to do with my life.

And my next session is the 20th, she wants to start talking about HRT then, too! Things are moving incredibly fast, and while I'm very happy about it I'm sure it's still too fast for my wife to be comfortable, so I don't really know when I might start HRT, but I hope it's soon!

She also complimented me on my nails, my eyebrows, my dress, mannerisms, and voice- I have basically 100% transitioned in spirit already, just can't do my makeup yet lol

Sorry for the very late reply,

I have been through some traumatic events in my 20's which also prevented me from doing this earlier... sort of or atleast i felt like i couldnt so we are also talking about that stuff, but i mentioned to him how everything correlates to how i am now and he gets it i think, just by talking things through asking right questions and what not

I havent dressed in girl mode yet, its abit of a disphoric thing for me, Dissociative internalized transphobia, which ill be discussing with him on Wednesday, i dont think i will start HRT for awhile, even tho we discussed it last session, and it was nice to hear, i have a myriad of things to go over with him, including coming out to my mother and just transition clothing wise its something that has made me feel quite disphoric about although i do keep finding myself looking at what women are wearing and thinking could i wear that? or ooo id love to wear that..etc so i think im close it also makes me feel disphoric to think about as previously mentioned
 
Over time all this will become more familiar.  You are quickly gaining experience.  I bet next time, if you want to answer a particular way to a question asked by your psychologist you won't hesitate as much.

HRT very gradually causes physical changes, but I found the more rapid impact was emotional, and changes to sensory perception.  In my case that was very positive.

Again sorry for the late reply
I am naturally a private person IRL, and whenever i have seen a Therapist in the past i have never really talked about this sort of stuff before and it still surprises me that i managed to say it out loud like that to someone even if it felt very strange, but also very good at the time but since its kinda weird and i kinda feel abit more apprehensive about going this time, but on the other hand, i feel kinda excited to talk about it idk...

In A way, it feels very Adult of me, in deciding to finally deal with this, whatever the outcome may be
Whose that girll?
ITS CHRISTY

02/05/2018
Started Therapy

Offline Christy Lee

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 393
  • Reputation: +5/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Sharingan
Re: Its been awhile
« Reply #10 on: June 13, 2018, 10:12:57 am »
Third session was easier to talk about the Gender stuff as we call it, but also so much harder to talk about everything else and how it correlates

im very surprised ive done it and come this far already, almost chickened out and didnt go to my 3rd session

BUT he wants me to come out to mum, that was a huge part of the session today, i told him how scared that makes me/has made me in the past

Talked abit about my father not accepting me, not rejecting me either but what effect that had on me, i accept that it was the 90s but it was still hard to not feel supported

Also talked about my sexuality, the fact that i am bisexual and how i have a problem with Labels and sterotypes in general

Lastly Horomones were mentioned again and also this time i talked about how ive considered GRS, but we both agreed that wasnt a decision to be taken lightly and not for awhile yet hormones he feels like i need to come out to my mother first i think, i also told him i feel female, and asked about his dealings with other trans and he said that most have felt the way i do when they first come to him

I feel like he gets me, back in 2 weeks, the 2 weeks from last session to today, i ran through so many conversations with him in my head.... i feel like i covered about maybe 70% of it in the session today
Whose that girll?
ITS CHRISTY

02/05/2018
Started Therapy

Offline PollyQMcLovely

  • *
  • Posts: 248
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Its been awhile
« Reply #11 on: June 13, 2018, 10:31:14 am »
hormones he feels like i need to come out to my mother first i think

Do you feel like you need to tell your mom before you start HRT? Do you have a strong desire to start?

he said that most have felt the way i do when they first come to him

The wording here seems to imply there is an appreciable number of patients who no longer feel that way after coming to him. Am I reading that right?

Offline Christy Lee

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 393
  • Reputation: +5/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Sharingan
Re: Its been awhile
« Reply #12 on: June 13, 2018, 05:34:39 pm »
Do you feel like you need to tell your mom before you start HRT? Do you have a strong desire to start?

The wording here seems to imply there is an appreciable number of patients who no longer feel that way after coming to him. Am I reading that right?

I kinda need to tell her as i am living with her still atm got quite stuck in Intruding Life events during my 20's, yes becoming a Woman is all i think about most of the time

You are half right, he helps those who feel this way and dont want to transition not to, or if they do want to he helps them in deciding that and then refers them to a Psychiatrist who can help them better achieve this goal
Whose that girll?
ITS CHRISTY

02/05/2018
Started Therapy

Offline Sephirah

  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 4,992
  • Reputation: +307/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Its been awhile
« Reply #13 on: June 18, 2018, 04:30:27 pm »
Christy, you've come such a long way. I'm really, really proud of you. The hardest step after admitting something to yourself, is admitting it to other people. Taking it out of your hands and into an area where you can't control the reactions.

You've done really, really well, and taken a lot of big steps. You should be very proud of yourself, okay? And keep that inside you to draw on if you feel like stuff is getting too hard. You CAN do it.

Keep going, okay? I believe in you. And I'm so proud of you. *extra big hug*
Natura nihil frustra facit.

Offline Christy Lee

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 393
  • Reputation: +5/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Sharingan
Re: Its been awhile
« Reply #14 on: June 19, 2018, 07:14:43 am »
Thank you Seph :) thank you for listening to my whining at the start of the year/end of last year, and thank you to this site for creating an outlet for me to vent my feelings that ive kept locked up inside for so long and also thanks to others who tried to help me even if it seemed like i may not have wanted to listen at the time it still helped

I still have quite a ways to go tho but i am starting to realize that wanting to be female for so long was just me wanting to feel complete ....  i guess, it is scary to talk about it with someone in person i am still so surprised i went the second time after admitting i wanted to be a women to him little own a third, part of me was trying to talk myself out of it but i feel like i can talk freely with him now so im glad i got it out of the way

*hugs*
Whose that girll?
ITS CHRISTY

02/05/2018
Started Therapy

Offline Christy Lee

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 393
  • Reputation: +5/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Sharingan
Re: Its been awhile
« Reply #15 on: September 06, 2018, 10:02:27 am »
Doot doot dooo

Update time

So my GP knows, and he was very accepting actually, he told me that he has Trans Women who have already undergone transition but has never been with anyone through the process before, however he referred me to a Psychiatrist who was recommended to me by the Psychologist i have been seeing and will be working together with both of them to help me through my transition

He asked me he said, just how far do i intend to go? and i said all the way with bottom surgery and everything, one thing he asked me, what do  i want to be called from now on and he said will it still be chris, and i said yes but really wanted to say Christy ..... maybe next time

Still havent told my mum yet tho it is causing some anxiety and abit of depression there tho which im working on
Whose that girll?
ITS CHRISTY

02/05/2018
Started Therapy

Tags: