Author Topic: SO having trouble adjusting.  (Read 332 times)

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Offline Lady Love

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SO having trouble adjusting.
« on: May 14, 2018, 06:27:11 am »
Hi all,

I came out to my SO about the fact I am transgender about three weeks ago. They were initially super supportive and are still trying to be but lately they have been grappling with their female iddntity. They have read about transitioning online and have become scared that my personality will change or one of us will stop being attracted to each other.

For some background on us, she is enby but from a very traditional family, so the idea of getting pregnant from a sperm bank is a little weird for her. We are both pansexual, but she has concerns she may be "more straight than she thought." She is always the type to be scared of change, so I expected her to be concerned to some degree. I think after time passes and she sees I am still me she will feel better.

In the meantime, does anyone have some advice or resources they could recommend? My girlfriend has depression and OCD so I just want to ease their mind while making it clear that this needs to happen and isn't going away

Hugs,
Bren

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Offline Eryn T

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Re: SO having trouble adjusting.
« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2018, 08:46:30 am »
I wish I could offer some real world advice, hun. But I'm not quite there yet in my own relationship.

There's this post(and other stickies posts like in significant other board, etc) that I think might help answer a few questions/concerns: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,220120.0.html

For me, I think one big concern for many spouses is not being necessary to the relationship, as they are a cis female, at least in my case, even before becoming trans my wife has expressed concern of me not needing her because I work and do most things a traditional wife would do.

For me, I am a little concerned my feelings might change, but I really think being trans just helps clear the path to your emotions. Things you loved before, you now love even more, it's like increasing your capacity for it since you're no longer limiting yourself.

I do hope things work out for you two, and good job on telling her! Hang in there, girl!

Sorry I wasn't more helpful(or at all lol)

Much love,

Eryn
Looking to make and keep friends! Spreading the love, now that I can truly love myself!

Transition Blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,237152.msg2131598.html#msg2131598

Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd5cx6Iok3BQYrGwdYbVqWA

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Offline gallinarosa

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Re: SO having trouble adjusting.
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2018, 10:14:38 am »
No matter how LGBTQ-friendly/ally or bisexual your spouse is, your revelation is likely going to cause her to feel unstable and uncertain and to question her own identity in a number of ways. And if you are only three weeks in, it might continue for awhile. The best bet for her would be to find a therapist, preferably one who has dealt with gender issues before, to help her in her own journey. And in the meantime work as hard as you can to strengthen all parts of your relationship, wherever you can improve it. Especially communication. Make sure she doesn't feel like you are keeping secrets from her because one of the initial things is making sure there are no trust issues. Let her help set the pace. If she asks you a question, it is because she is ready to or needs to hear the answer. If you are not out to friends and family, she will benefit from finding people she can talk to: therapist, best friend, people online... PM me if she is looking for others in the same situation.

Good luck! It might be a bumpy ride but at the same time it might bring you closer together :)

Offline Lady Love

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Re: SO having trouble adjusting.
« Reply #3 on: June 16, 2018, 03:14:37 am »
Thanks for the support y'all, she is more comfortable again now, something clicked for her where she realized that despite presentation changing I am still me. I will probably change some over the years but who doesn't.

 I actually just got my E prescription. She said she wanted to come with me and stayed the whole time. Which is also good because the doctor was able to reassure her. Things have been a lot better and I can tell she can see the difference without feeling I am slipping away :)

Cheers,
Bren


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