Author Topic: MTF New to all this, well new to coming out to others  (Read 266 times)

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Offline Marianna

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MTF New to all this, well new to coming out to others
« on: May 17, 2018, 02:48:42 pm »
Well where do I start, I am in my mid forties and have known there was something not quite right since I was 8 years old. I was born male but since 8 years old always had the desire to dress as a girl. I kept this well hidden apart from the few times my mum caught me, she obviously asked why but I just didn't know the answers. I have had a few long term relationships but could never tell any of my girlfriends my real feelings although I did share dressing with a few of them. I met the love of my life in my early thirties and married a few years later. I also dressed with her but could not tell her my true feelings at the time. We have since had a gorgeous daughter who is now 4 years old.
I felt life was then complete and we had everything we wanted, however it wasn't quite complete in my head.
So now to present day, I actually managed to tell my wife about 6 weeks ago that I am transgender, which she has taken quite well considering such a bombshell. She said she should have known with the clothes etc but never guessed as I have worked self employed in quite a male orientated world. We have a FTM transgender friend whom we confided in about 3 weeks ago and I think he was very surprised but supportive. I have since come out to my mum and our nearest neighbours who have all been very accepting.
The problem we now have is trying to explain it to my wife's parents who are very proud of what we have achieved together. My wife gets upset every evening as she is trying to go through in her head what she is going to say to them. I have said I will do my best to explain but she is very worried. Any help here would be greatly appreciated as I think once they know my wife can settle a bit more. She has been absolutely amazing, even going as far as shopping and buying clothes for me. She has also made suggestions for my hair etc which I am now trying to grow longer.
My main concerns when coming out were my wife and young daughter so they must come first. Has anyone else been in a similar situation as we are wondering whether we should say anything to our daughter although she sees me in dresses or skirts everyday.
I will just end this with a lovely tale, my wife bought us matching dresses which we were wearing and our daughter asked if we had one the same for her.
I would love to hear any advice to help my wife.

Online Alaskan Danielle

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Re: MTF New to all this, well new to coming out to others
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2018, 03:53:41 pm »
Hello Marianna   Thank you for your very informative and interesting introduction post.  I am happy that you joined us and are now posting.
I see that you are new here and may have questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances. 
Be aware that there are lots of members here that can identify with the issues that you brought up in your introduction posting. 
WELCOME to Susan's Place.  You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others about your common trials, tribulations, and successes in your life journey.
It is nice that you have signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have a successful moment you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and get involved at your own pace.  Be sure to look at the Links that I posted below, there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.
Again, Welcome.

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Offline DawnOday

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Re: MTF New to all this, well new to coming out to others
« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2018, 05:05:21 pm »
Marianna: I was married for 33 years before I came out. Now 35 years. My wife and I have two wonderful adult children. I told my wife about cross dressing since before we were married but the discussion never went further than that and I continued crossdressing. My mental stability continued on a downhill spiral. I've never been violent but boy can I be sarcastic. I realized it gets old after a while. It finally brought me to the point of breakdown and I had to finally declare what I have known all along. I am transgender. I have always been transgender just didn't have the courage to admit it. I finally did about two years ago, presenting to the wife and kids my reasons for being as I am. My wife has been wonderful and the kids? They have been so understanding I wish I had come out sooner. My confusion was spurred by medical malpractice that was prevalent from the late thirties to the mid seventies. The drug DES is still in use but not to prevent miscarriages as it was found to have no effect. Turns out there was zero testing. In the process there were more than ten million victims. I happened to be one of the lucky ones where the drug did effect my brain development and I developed with defective boy parts, heart disease, diabetes, depression. Overall out of the 10 million, 1.5 million approx. were born transgender. You might consult and review the symptoms as you are on the cusp of that golden age where everything occured.  HughE just posted again in the last few days the whole breakdown of DES poisoning. Very informative. You have a rare relationship. Be happy and don't do anything to blow it. We can turn our situation into a positive. It can't hurt to join a support group and introduce your wife to other significant others.
Dawn Oday

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First indication I was different- 1956 kindergarten
First crossdress - Asked mother to dress me in sisters costumes  Age 7
First revelation - 1982 to my present wife
First time telling the truth in therapy June 15, 2016
Start HRT Aug 2016
First public appearance 5/15/17

Offline Donna

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Re: MTF New to all this, well new to coming out to others
« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2018, 05:38:49 pm »
I’ve been married to my current wife for 13 years now. She always suspected and had asked before if I wanted to be a female. I always denied it. Well a year ago I started on meds and progressed from there without looping her in. When my wife noticed the breast growth and weight lose we had to talk. We are working hard together to make this work.
We share and talk lots and it’s working. Told her in December and came out in February and started living full time in March.
All I can say about telling people is I took on all the burden of telling people myself. My wife did tell her sisters and her boys but left the explaining to me. Her dad and my mom both accepted it no questions asked. One of her sons has drawn the line in the sand that I can’t cross and that makes her sad as she can’t see the grandkids either.
You need to let them know you are the same person, you like the same things except you will look and act differently. Hopefully they are understanding and they need to see that she is good with it. That will make a big difference.
December 2015 noticed strange feelings moving in
December 2016 started to understand what my body has been telling me all my life, started wearing a bra for comfort full time
Spiro and dutastricide 2017
Mid year 2017 Started dressing and going out shopping etc by myself
October T 14.8 / 456
Came out to my wife in December 2017
January 2018 dressing androgenes and still have face hair
Feb 2018 Dressing full time in female clothing out at work and to friends and family, clean shaven and make up
Living full time March 1 2018
March T 7.4 / 236
April 19th eligard injection, no more Testosterone
June 19th a brand new freshly trained HRT and transgender care doctor for me. Only a one day waiting list to become her patient 😍


Offline V M

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Re: MTF New to all this, well new to coming out to others
« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2018, 06:48:28 pm »
Hi Marianna  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun


The main things to remember in life are Love, Kindness, Understanding and Respect - Always make forward progress

Superficial fanny kissing friends are a dime a dozen, a TRUE FRIEND however is PRICELESS

- V M

Offline Marianna

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Re: MTF New to all this, well new to coming out to others
« Reply #5 on: May 18, 2018, 03:01:52 am »
Hello everyone and thank you so much for all your kind comments.

DawnOday, I know exactly what you mean about the having the courage to admit it. It has taken me nearly 40 years to tell someone, although I think it really came down to the right person at the right moment. Even after finding the right person it still took me nearly 12 years to tell her but I am so glad that I have finally admitted it. The relief I felt after was like nothing I had felt before. However it was mixed feelings as I also felt guilty for not telling her earlier and for burdening her with all of it now. I think as we have been telling more friends, it is getting easier for both of us.
I am very glad to hear your wife and children have been understanding as it is a huge thing to get their heads around.
As to the DES situation I spoke to my mum about this and she cannot remember taking anything like that at the time of the pregnancy. That would have been a nice explanation as I still look for answers, I hope myself and my family will be very happy with the changes in the future but I am naturally inquisitive and would still like to know why.
We do indeed have a rare relationship, such deep love. My wife has noticed a lot of changes for the better in me since coming out so I think with time our love will increase even more.

Donna, funnily enough my wife asked me a couple of times more recently if I was transgender and I think I just laughed it off or changed the subject. She cannot remember but I clearly remember them as missed opportunities.
I noticed you quickly moved to full time after telling your wife, I have said to my wife we will take things at a pace that suits her so not too many changes too quickly, although I would love to change immediately to full time. I think she is trying to help me with my face and hair before the next stage so I could pass more easily.
I am happy to tell everyone now as I know I am truly myself, however my wife is nervous about telling her parents so I will let her wait until the right moment but will support her at the time.
I am really sorry to hear about her son and not being able to see the grandchildren, it is such a shame as you only live once so provided people are not hurting anyone then let them live as they wish, the world would be a lot happier place.

Again Many Thanks to everyone.