Author Topic: Coming out.  (Read 228 times)

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Offline AllieT90

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Coming out.
« on: July 11, 2018, 08:50:21 am »
Ok, since I already did my introduction, I figured I'd share how I'm coming out, which I currently am right now. Growing up I had my best friend, and I told him while I was in High School, and he was accepting of it, and didn't judge, but recently after my divorce I got in a depressed state, and messed up alot of my relationships. So around March of this year I was talking with my middle sister. (I'm the oldest, and we have a younger sister as well) and I just randomly came out to her. I have no idea why, but the moment just seemed right. She was completely accepting, helps that she is bi herself, and her best friend's sister transitioned, so there was experience there, and she's helped me grow in confidence to even start thinking about transitioning. Next I told my little sister, and she as well was accepting of it.

Then came my parents, I kind of did a round trip with them after I set up an appointment to talk to a counselor. Figured that this was something i was going to do, so they should know about it, since they're separated, I decided to visit one right after the other. I started with my dad. At first he didn't know what being Transgender meant, but after explaining to him what I was, he asked if that meant I was going to be like "Bruce Jenner".  ::) Told him that I definitely do plan on transitioning, and he told me that no matter what he's my father and will love me regardless. So that went well. My next stop was my mom's. This one was iffy. I told her, and she flat out told me that I'm not, and she doesn't think I am, and she wished that i had talked to a counselor before I told her, because the counselor "Would have told me that I only think this way because my dad 'abused' me as a kid, and if I acted a certain way I was acting like a female, and that's why I think I should be." Then said like my dad that she's my parent, and would love me regardless. On June 20th, 2018 I had my first appointment with my counselor, and it felt....freeing. Like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest, and that I was ready to just take this head on. A week or so after I asked my ex-wife to come over and I told her as well. She told me that she backed it 110%, but needed some time to process it all.

So going back to my parents. I recently called July 9th, 2018 to schedule my first HRT visit, and I went over to my mom's after to visit so my kids can play in the pool since it was 90 degrees, and I told her that I was going to be starting my HRT in August. That's when she lost it. She was really hoping that my counselor would have told me I wasn't trans, but she told me that I need to go and talk to another counselor "If you had cancer you'd want to go and see another doctor, and get a second opinion, and you're not trans because that's just people who want to be female to sleep with a man." Well needless to say that made me angry, how could someone not understand and put down a group of people, one that I'm a part of and not even know the real truth. So my dad texted me and was complaining the the Yankees were  losing, which being a Yankees fan I would have complained about it too but I was dealing with my mom, so I wasn't in the best of moods as it is. and told him why I was upset, and then he went on about how he doesn't think I should transition, and he's worried about what people will say and think about me, and that's where I stand right now. I haven't really talked to them the last couple days, I want to let things blow over, and I'm debating if I even should or just let them be and just be around my sisters who are accepting.

Offline Charlie Nicki

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Re: Coming out.
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2018, 10:35:23 am »
You need to give them time to cope. Their initial reaction is out of fear for your safety and out of love. All you can do is explain calmly why you feel the way you do and be patient, they will understand and will support you as they said. You've had a lifetime to deal with your feelings, they didn't get that chance, just a brief coming out moment before you start...So you have to let them cope, mourn, react, and be empathetic with them. The process is hard on them as well.

Offline Johnni Gyrl

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Re: Coming out.
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2018, 02:21:26 pm »
I hope you won't mind that I had to stifle a giggle at your Dad's initial reaction. This is not to trivialize your situation at all, and not meant to insult in any way. Simply, that's just like my Dad would have reacted if he were here ( rest his soul ) though he might have went even further with something along the lines of: "Does that mean you'll be prancing around in a dress like some girlied up nancy boy?" (lol)

It is heartening that you Dad has actually heard of Bruce Jenner, meaning he must keep up with news and social trends somehow. My Dad was the same, though very much a "man's man" - he would have heard of the tv show and perhaps even watched it to try and understand. I think my Father would have come round in the end, after doing his usual research and having a very long think about it. Which might have taken weeks, if not months at times. But in the end, I think he would have supported me, even if he didn't like it or agree with it. I hope yours does too. Good luck with the rest of the family too.

Offline AllieT90

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Re: Coming out.
« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2018, 09:57:01 am »
@Charlie Nicki

I'm dealing with alot with my mom right now, she keeps arguing with me that I'm going too fast, I'm not doing the research, and need to pump the breaks a bit. I scheduled my HRT really quickly after I came out to them, and she keeps harping me on slowing down. She's not getting that it's not something new to me. I've felt this way for a long time, and getting my hormones is the start of making me feel like me, and that it's something I have to do. It's frustrating that she keeps trying to argue with me, and I'm doing my best to be calm about it, but she just isn't listening to me at all...ugh!

@Johnni Gyrl
Haha, it's ok. thee giggling is ok, I kind of did it when he told me too, and so did my counselor as well, so it's more than ok. And I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. Seems like he would have been there for you after it sunk in, and would have been a real nice person to help you through it all.

But a little update from the other day, I talked to my cousins about this. The 2 that I grew up around, and looked up to my whole life with them being 4 years older than me. and they were both ok with it. one more than the other. The first was just a little worried about the surgeries and such, and the second was completely and 100% for it, and was really glad when he said he could hear the difference in my voice, and just how happy I was to be talking about it, and he backed me for that.

Offline Charlie Nicki

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Re: Coming out.
« Reply #4 on: July 12, 2018, 11:06:24 am »
@Charlie Nicki

I'm dealing with alot with my mom right now, she keeps arguing with me that I'm going too fast, I'm not doing the research, and need to pump the breaks a bit. I scheduled my HRT really quickly after I came out to them, and she keeps harping me on slowing down. She's not getting that it's not something new to me. I've felt this way for a long time, and getting my hormones is the start of making me feel like me, and that it's something I have to do. It's frustrating that she keeps trying to argue with me, and I'm doing my best to be calm about it, but she just isn't listening to me at all...ugh!

Does she need to know every step you're taking? Unless you were doing something extremely noticeable like getting face or breast surgery, you might just leave out some details of your process so she doesn't feel like you're moving too fast and you can get some peace.

Offline AllieT90

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Re: Coming out.
« Reply #5 on: July 13, 2018, 12:40:48 pm »
That's probably my best bet. She doesn't need to know much of anything at all, but the start I figured I'd give her a heads up of, ok it's starting now. But well hindsight is 20/20. guess I know better now.

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