Author Topic: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?  (Read 1708 times)

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Offline Sleepykitty123

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #20 on: July 18, 2018, 11:35:00 pm »
From personal experience, I would have to say the internal feelings that once you get older, youre less likely to pass (That of which is true and not true for some MtF's and FtM's) hits you worse the longer you put off transitioning, when I turned 18, I felt like i was losing time and was putting off the inevitable. Im 21 now and have been on HRT for about 8 monthes, and I feel as if my life is finally turning around!

Offline Danielle Kristina

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #21 on: July 19, 2018, 02:33:21 am »
From personal experience, I would have to say the internal feelings that once you get older, youre less likely to pass (That of which is true and not true for some MtF's and FtM's) hits you worse the longer you put off transitioning, when I turned 18, I felt like i was losing time and was putting off the inevitable. Im 21 now and have been on HRT for about 8 monthes, and I feel as if my life is finally turning around!

I'm 37 and just beginning to transition.  I have seen others on here much older than myself who started well past 37 and they look beautiful!  Speaking for myself, I never wanted to be trans and I looked for any way possible not to be.  I finally got to the point where I could no longer ignore my feminine feelings.  I haven't started HRT yet, but during my last therapy session my therapist and I discussed it and she is preparing the letter necessary to make that happen.  I'm excited about taking HRT and I can't wait!  Still, even without hormones it feels great becoming more and more like myself.  So far I've taken little steps such as ear piercings, peeing sitting down, women's deodorant, hair conditioner, and a few other little accessories.  None of these are big changes, but I'm more feminine than I was before I accepted myself as trans.
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Offline Kirsteneklund7

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #22 on: July 19, 2018, 03:07:56 am »
That's interesting Danielle. When I started therapy I was hoping to have a condition that was easy to fix and easy to put to bed. After much discussion in therapy & finding out what it wasn't- it turned out I was trans and had to find a way of dealing with it. I asked a very experienced doctor with many
transitions behind them-" what do people with my profile do?"
 Answer- " They normally transition in the end."
 That terrified me at the time but after a while I have come to terms with it.
 To be honest I would love to transition at some point. At the moment I'm getting all the ducks in a row.
 Must go now. Looking forward to see how your transition goes. Wishing you the best.
 Kirsten.

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Online warlockmaker

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #23 on: July 19, 2018, 03:17:38 am »
We were all born as males and raised as a male with all their mental hangups. Thus, to be girly was a no no and to think of being female was definitly a no no. Our penis was suppose to be our banner of pride. Even now, so many true males would rather die than lose their penis. So we grow up in the society of men, men do not talk about their feelings and especially any gender thoughts, so we remain ignorant  Thus we begin our charade of life as a male.

For me I dreamed of being a female every night. My world was gay or straight, I was not gay, so I assumed I was a quarky male with fantasies. When I found out about tgs it was in the body trade and it was only later that I knew tgs could be normal working people.As a buddhist and Eurasian my family duties and responsibilities were very intense, in my maturing years. So, I lived each day to the best I could and became an exceptionally successful Alpha male, beautiful wives, great businessman and a world class athelete. On reflection, it seemed I had to prove to myself that indeed I was a male. Thus to excel in male values was essential.

Then as I aged into my late fifties, I began to feel the great urge to be female. So my responsibilities duties now complete and not willing to be at my deathbed and not living my life to the fullest I started this journey. An amazing journey that for me was also spiritual. I am at peace.
When we first start our journey the perception and moral values all dramatically change in wonderment. As we evolve further it all becomes normal again but the journey has changed us forever.

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Offline Kirsteneklund7

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #24 on: July 19, 2018, 06:18:38 am »
Good evening Warlockmaker,
It really reassures me and makes me feel glad that your journey brought you peace.
I have learnt a few things from your pieces as well.
 All the best to you, Kirsten.

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Offline Ryuichi13

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #25 on: July 19, 2018, 11:49:22 pm »
*snip*

We were all born as males and raised as a male

I WISH! 

I'd gladly trade my vagina for a penis any day of the week!  Even a four inch one would be fine!  :)

I'm not at peace...yet.  But its something I'm working towards.  I'm happy finally being able to wit with my legs splayed without someone looking at me weird, or being able to finally grow a beard, even though its still currently sparse.  Every day, I feel a little more masculine, a little more like how I should have been when I was born.  Male.   

One day at a time...one day at a time.

Ryuichi



Online warlockmaker

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #26 on: July 20, 2018, 01:18:16 am »
Or for those mtf you were all born female you were raised as females with all their hangups. For me one aspect of  peace means respecting others by understanding them. As former males or females we know how difficult our peers are in accepting change. It may not happen in our lifetime but it will change. I am happy that the next generation of tgs will have a more normal life because of us.
When we first start our journey the perception and moral values all dramatically change in wonderment. As we evolve further it all becomes normal again but the journey has changed us forever.

SRS January 21st,  2558 (Buddhist calander), 2015

Offline pamelatransuk

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #27 on: July 20, 2018, 07:41:05 am »
I gave my views at comment 10 which are similar to those of so many other respondents here. Definitely it hits with greater ferocity as we get older.

The pleasing result for society as a whole (and I accept society still has a long way to go to change and remove the taboo) is gradually trans people accept earlier in life before the GD reaches the point where the point where "the dam is burst" and hence transition earlier.

Likewise I am glad future generations of trans people will have a better life than us and with teenagers we are starting to witness that already!

Good fortune to all.

Pamela



Offline TonyaW

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #28 on: July 20, 2018, 08:18:52 am »
.I would add one thought. I think when we are younger, the world is more full of possible outcomes. An appealing possible outcome in our heads is that we can beat being trans or fight it off. Not speaking for anyone else here, but once I popped the cork of that bottle and let out the possible thought of becoming me, Monica, well, it became an unstoppable freight train of needing progress toward that goal. If for some reason, I had to go back, my life would essentially be over.

Don't know how many times that I tried to convince myself that I made my life  choices and I could live without transitioning. I'm not saying that I regret those choices that previously pushed me away from transition, just that once I realized that I actually could transition even at 54 years old,  I knew I had to and have not once ever thought that I was making a mistake or that I didn't need to do this. 

You speak for me also about not being able to go back. No way I could do it and have no idea how if I'd survive if forced to.


I look at it as a mental repetitive stress injury.

 Another analogy would be a psychological yip. Look up yip. You’ve done it 10,000 times and all of a sudden you can’t do it anymore.


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I like that repetitive stress injury analogy because its takes the what finally pushed you over the edge question out of it.  It wasn't just the last drink that made you too drunk, it was all of them before that too.

And don't say yip when there are golfers around.

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Offline Gertrude

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #29 on: July 20, 2018, 10:54:22 am »
Don't know how many times that I tried to convince myself that I made my life  choices and I could live without transitioning. I'm not saying that I regret those choices that previously pushed me away from transition, just that once I realized that I actually could transition even at 54 years old,  I knew I had to and have not once ever thought that I was making a mistake or that I didn't need to do this. 

You speak for me also about not being able to go back. No way I could do it and have no idea how if I'd survive if forced to.


I like that repetitive stress injury analogy because its takes the what finally pushed you over the edge question out of it.  It wasn't just the last drink that made you too drunk, it was all of them before that too.

And don't say yip when there are golfers around.

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Yip applies to a lot of things. I've had it happen playing the drums. BTW, my dad was a greenskeeper. :)

Offline Sephirah

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #30 on: July 20, 2018, 05:28:36 pm »
So my question is why do these feelings get stronger with age?

Just a few reasons off the top of my head. I'm sure there are more.

1. You've done everything else you can think of to work out what the issue is, and nothing has come close to a resolution.

2. You've tried to go the other way and be as close to your birth gender as possible, and it's just made you more miserable.

3. People you've had to be responsible for / care about / were there to take your attention off yourself have gone and you're free to be alone with your own feelings.

4. You've reached a point in your life where other people can't tell you how to feel anymore, and how you should be living your life. You don't feel the need to fit in.

5. You have a sort of internal timer that keeps poking you in the brain and saying "You know you really should do something. I'm not going to go away and the more you try and ignore me, the more I'm going to bother you."

6. You're more aware and knowledgeable about what these feelings are, and what to do about them.

7. A lifetime of denial that these feelings exist just hasn't worked, and like holding it behind a dam... the cracks begin to show.

8. You feel like at an earlier time in your life, you had time to wait and see. But now that time is running out.

9. You're just tired of living a lie.

10. A mixture of 1-9. ;D
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Offline Danielle Kristina

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #31 on: July 20, 2018, 05:55:53 pm »
Just a few reasons off the top of my head. I'm sure there are more.

1. You've done everything else you can think of to work out what the issue is, and nothing has come close to a resolution.

2. You've tried to go the other way and be as close to your birth gender as possible, and it's just made you more miserable.

3. People you've had to be responsible for / care about / were there to take your attention off yourself have gone and you're free to be alone with your own feelings.

4. You've reached a point in your life where other people can't tell you how to feel anymore, and how you should be living your life. You don't feel the need to fit in.

5. You have a sort of internal timer that keeps poking you in the brain and saying "You know you really should do something. I'm not going to go away and the more you try and ignore me, the more I'm going to bother you."

6. You're more aware and knowledgeable about what these feelings are, and what to do about them.

7. A lifetime of denial that these feelings exist just hasn't worked, and like holding it behind a dam... the cracks begin to show.

8. You feel like at an earlier time in your life, you had time to wait and see. But now that time is running out.

9. You're just tired of living a lie.

10. A mixture of 1-9. ;D

For me, I would say it is a 10 - a mixture of 1-9.  5, 6, and 7 are definitely the top three, with 5 being the strongest.  I had attempted to purge just before my inner girl came bursting out.  It's as if she said almost word for word on 5.


Danielle
April 19, 2018: First post here on Susan’s Place
April 27, 2018: First session with my gender therapist
July 30, 2018: Received my HRT letter
September 3,2018: Came our for the first time

Becoming me more every day!!!

Offline TranSketch

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #32 on: July 20, 2018, 07:00:14 pm »
I started process a few months ago, I’m 28 so not sure if my age group applies to this but so knew from a young age I felt off and something was wrong so naturally as a kid I did say something but at that time your hormonal/indecisive as you’re just a kid so parents brush it aside like it’s just a thing you think about then it’ll go, it only intensified as I got older and in the end at 28 when no one could question my wanting to do this and it being just a “phase” I had to go for it, I have one life and I don’t want to waste my life on putting on a male act for much longer than needed which is why I’m now on HRT stuck with an itchy right (developing) breast and reminding myself that in the end this is what I wanted XD I never originally thought in my 20s I’d be enduring puberty again but here I am doing it anyway, life’s to short to not act on something like this.
Life is fleeting, so may as well kick back and pull up a chair.

Offline suzannemarie

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #33 on: July 21, 2018, 02:17:11 am »
For me , I think it was hormonal . I hit 45 last year and my sex drive went down ( much to my relief) . With that I felt my desire to be feminine getting stronger . Despite what I thought was a strict sexual desire , it became less so ..and more about letting a part of myself get out and flourish .

Offline pamelatransuk

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #34 on: July 21, 2018, 07:26:06 am »
Just a few reasons off the top of my head. I'm sure there are more.

1. You've done everything else you can think of to work out what the issue is, and nothing has come close to a resolution.

2. You've tried to go the other way and be as close to your birth gender as possible, and it's just made you more miserable.

3. People you've had to be responsible for / care about / were there to take your attention off yourself have gone and you're free to be alone with your own feelings.

4. You've reached a point in your life where other people can't tell you how to feel anymore, and how you should be living your life. You don't feel the need to fit in.

5. You have a sort of internal timer that keeps poking you in the brain and saying "You know you really should do something. I'm not going to go away and the more you try and ignore me, the more I'm going to bother you."

6. You're more aware and knowledgeable about what these feelings are, and what to do about them.

7. A lifetime of denial that these feelings exist just hasn't worked, and like holding it behind a dam... the cracks begin to show.

8. You feel like at an earlier time in your life, you had time to wait and see. But now that time is running out.

9. You're just tired of living a lie.

10. A mixture of 1-9. ;D



For me, I would say it is a 10 - a mixture of 1-9.  5, 6, and 7 are definitely the top three, with 5 being the strongest.  I had attempted to purge just before my inner girl came bursting out.  It's as if she said almost word for word on 5.


Danielle


Dear Sephirah and Danielle Kristina

We have corresponded on many other threads before but this really is an enthralling topic.

I agree all 9 apply to me also. The most significant ones for me are 5 and 6 followed by 3 and 7.

Hugs

Pamela 



Offline Charlie Nicki

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #35 on: July 23, 2018, 06:08:33 am »
I can't explain it but it seems like frustration just gets bigger and bigger. And in my case, realizing I was close to 30 and the feelings were not going away, meant I had to do something about it and stop wasting my time.
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Offline Karen

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #36 on: July 23, 2018, 12:45:25 pm »
This is a topic my therapist and I have been discussing at length lately. I know for me one reason is because my mind is more relaxed. I’m very goal orientated and I have to have something to achieve, it’s not so much the goal that kept me focus as it was the chase of the goal. I have achieved every goal in life I set for myself and I have nothing left to accomplish. There is nothing more male version can do or has left to accomplish. For the first time in my life I have reached a placed where I can relax and think about what I really want and I am to focus on my true feelings. Being in that state has made what I have felt even strong and real me is now screaming to get out and that it is finally her time. This is just one reason, the other reason is that like a few people have said before hormones start to change at a certain age and you become even more aware of your true feelings.
V/R
April

This is so my story.   As a young person I filled my bucket list with big goals - spouse, kids, career, etc.   And, as my bucket list came to empty...blessed as a male and nothing more I could ask for... my questions about my gender and why I felt the way I did got louder and louder.  And one day last August the dam broke wide open... 

They say in mid life, you become more internally oriented / reflective, and that if you have any unresolved emotional or personality items they are certain to come out.   No kidding....   When we say we don't chose this, it could not be more true.    I love the real me, but I would much rather not to have to face this.   

Hugs

Karen
Karen

* felt different like I did not fit, with strong feminine feelings and gender questions my entire life
* Sept 2016 - January 2017 real began to seriously question and research gender
* August 2017 friend explains transgender and gender vs sexual orientation, and immediately felt shock and begin to believe I maybe transgender
* March 2018 after 3 therapists, accepts I am transgender and am transitioning
* July 18, 2018 began HRT

Offline DawnOday

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #37 on: July 23, 2018, 04:33:42 pm »
I changed because I could no longer live angry. I could no longer pretend to be something I knew I was not. Actually I quit crossdressing for about 13 years. But then the desires came back even more prevalent than before.I knew this time it was more than crossdressing. I could no longer ignore it. I know I am coming to the climax of a very blessed life and I just could not imagine leaving the world as a lie. I want my life to mean something to others so I am hoping that by donating my body to research we can gain more clarity on how and why this affects us. Think of it as throwing a hand full of crap against the wall to see if anything sticks. My most profound wish is that the Julia's, Roll's, Maddie's, Archlord's and others can live their lives in peace and find some normalcy. I hope ignorance dies.
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First indication I was different- 1956 kindergarten
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Offline Karen

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #38 on: July 23, 2018, 04:41:54 pm »
Thanks for sharing. 

If I can ask, what was your final straw?  Did you have family and career considerations?  And if so, how did you handle those?

Thank you.

Karen
Karen

* felt different like I did not fit, with strong feminine feelings and gender questions my entire life
* Sept 2016 - January 2017 real began to seriously question and research gender
* August 2017 friend explains transgender and gender vs sexual orientation, and immediately felt shock and begin to believe I maybe transgender
* March 2018 after 3 therapists, accepts I am transgender and am transitioning
* July 18, 2018 began HRT

Offline Stella Stanhope

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Re: Why do transgender feelings get stronger with age?
« Reply #39 on: July 23, 2018, 05:06:22 pm »
Good question Daniella!

I think that ultimately the fact that we are self-conscious and aware beings who are aware of our own mortality is the main reason why pressure builds in individuals the older they get. Some people handle it better than others though. For many though the pressure eventually breaks through and that's when crises begin, be that quarter-life, mid-life etc. It's a very strange experience knowing that you'll never do a particular thing, or that  you'll never have the chance. When you're young (unless you've had a hopeless life from the start) there's this general, subconscious feeling of being able to do anything and having the time to do it. Life stretches out endlessly. it's only when you start to age that life starts to take on a definable measurement and then you begin to sense the time slipping away. Life is like a day - before 12pm/noon it stretches out infinitely. Then, afternoon comes and time feels shorter. And then evening arrives and it's the last chance before nightfall to do make a move. 

I've certainly noticed a massive shift in my perception of myself and the world in the five years between being in my late twenties and early thirties. (which feels like it'd be around 3pm - 4pm on a clock). There's no longer a sense of indefinable time or of opportunity. There's instead an increasing sense of a grounded "well, this is me and this is what I was, and that's it. One day I won't be here and the world will go on". It can humble you and makes you realise that you aren't this unique being with the world being the stage for a drama revolving around you. Instead, you realise that you just exist in a massive machine you can't comprehend. And yet, at the same time, it can sharpen and refine the want and need to do things that you really must before it's too late. It can make you essentially strip back all of the jumble and noise of the endless possibility and opportunity of youth and force you to think about what you absolutely need and want as those endless opportunities and time thin out. It's both a horror and a liberation. What's the things you'd be devastated that you never got to do? Who is the person that you need to be in order to be at peace with getting older?

That's been my thought process in the past few years. Growing older and still having trans feelings means that while i've now lost the androgyny that would have made transitioning socially worthwhile, I also realise that i'll never be a square-jawed hunky male either. When I was younger I used to think that eventually I'd become a proper man and this trans issue would go away. But now that I'm past my physical prime and on the slide to middle-age, I don't have to worry about loosing out on being the proper young man family wanted me to be. That option has now gone. So it's quite simply now a question of - do I want to be middle-aged, bald, ugly and profoundly physical male locked into the social role that my appearance demands, or do I want to be middle-aged, slightly less ugly and with just enough femininity to pull off some of the appearance that I want and hopefully some closure to my feelings. It's a depressing outcome either way, but it's getting easier to make the decision. I wouldn't be risking a healthy 20-something body anymore if i transitioned, I'd be risking a 30+ body which will most likely start to initiate problems on its own soon anyway, regardless of if I transitioned or not.

Sometimes having choices removed for you by ageing process makes the process of deciding easier, even if it's not ultimately very rewarding as a result of this process.

  I also agree with this, too!
Quote
My unscientific theory is that with age cis women tend toward the masculine especially at menopause. Men tend towards the feminine at the same age. I think for a lot of us mental will + natural androgens keep our femininity suppressed.  When cracks appear in the dam wall the whole thing tends to collapse. Mental will can be more exhausting at middle age as well.
When males and females get dumped by their hormones at andropause or menopause, it does seem to sometimes reveal feelings previously covered or controlled.




There are no more barriers to cross... But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis... I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.

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