Author Topic: Therapy topics and issues  (Read 364 times)

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Online gingerViktorKay

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Therapy topics and issues
« on: July 22, 2018, 06:55:22 pm »
I've seen a few different therapists and whenever they bring up crossdressing I believe they hesitate to write me the letter for the Endo. My answers are always the same, because they are true.

When asked about crossdressing I say that I am a person who likes to wear jeans, shirts, and sneakers.

When asked about wearing a bra I advise them that I don't have a reason to wear a bra because I do not have breasts.

When asked about wearing panties I let them know that they don't fit, so I don't wear them. I also let them know that I have problems with tucking. I've been dysphoric for years and when I was questioning whether or not I should transition and did some male enhancements. In hindsight I really regret that, but at that time in my life it was solid gold. It just makes me even more dysphoric now. :(

After talking to most people they determine that I am a 'straight acting' gay guy and I don't correct them. A 'straight acting' gay guy is more acceptable than being transgendered. This is useless to me and does not help me in any way.

One therapist demanded that I show up 'dressed up' and I told her that I like to wear jeans, shirts, and sneakers. And that was the end of our therapy. I do not have a crossdressing fetish and therapists seem to think that it is required to transition. I feel discriminated against. Not every woman wears dresses, heels, and what not.

A bit about me...
I was born in the late 70's and my mother had fertility problems and sought medical help. I have an older brother that looks quite andro, but not as much as me. He is also bisexual. Anyhow, when I was in my 20s I tried to find a guy and it did not work. Either they were not interested in me or me not interested in them. There were not many fish in the sea so to speak, so I rationalized that I would just be a lesbian. So, I found a woman, built a house, got married, and had kids. I wanted to have at least one kid and fertility back in the early 2000s was not an option. It was really expensive and still is. It kinda makes sense.

Coming out...
To make things even more interesting is that when I came out to my ex-wife, she advised me that she was a lesbian when she was younger. I kind of laughed and said how funny it is that she is in the closet being a lesbian and I am trans. I thought to myself that this odd. A transwoman decides that she could not find a guy and decided to be a lesbian and actually finds a lesbian. Holy cow, "We're lesbians!" How could this be? The world can be such a strange place.

My point is...
I am so frustrated and angry. That is actually me in the photo and I can't understand why a therapist would not just write me a letter. I am pretty sure that within six months I would male fail. I am starting to believe that the therapist that I've seen in the past are incompetent. I've decided that if therapy fails me again I am going to DIY my transition. A couple years ago I had my T and E checked and I had a T of 300 and E of 80. It seems obvious to me that not only am I trans mentally, but also overwhelmingly physically as well.

I believe that my personal life and hormone levels clearly indicate that transitioning is the logical step. I do not understand why it is so hard.
40yo MtF
<abducted by aliens twice maybe three times> pretty sure they probed me

Offline Kendra

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Re: Therapy topics and issues
« Reply #1 on: July 22, 2018, 09:10:25 pm »
I'm sorry to hear about roadblocks and hope you can quickly get past those.  Big hug.

If I understand correctly, you set out to do the right thing... found a local therapist (actually several) and answered every question with 100% honesty and in a very logical way. 

If I was in your shoes, at this point I'd find an Informed Consent clinic and proceed with carefully made decisions as an adult.  Depending on which country/region you are in, Planned Parenthood can be an excellent option.

And thank you for your post as you brought up a topic that's been back of my mind for awhile. 

I went "full time" less than a month before GCS, and my GCS was a half year after beginning HRT.  Prior to GCS I had never "tucked."  I am not encouraging anyone to follow my particular schedule or sequence, it is the right one for me and we are each unique.  I found an excellent therapist and other medical professionals, but if we had disagreed on how strict to interpret WPATH I have the following thought: if push came to shove, has anyone shown me an absolute definition of "male" or "female" clothing?  In any court of law (pick a country) is there a legal definition of what gender this particular article of clothing is?  If I say "size 9 jeans" many people know size 9 is women's.  But where is that legally defined?  "Appropriate" is not a standard or actual definition.

So when the question came to me, I considered: the clothing I had been wearing the majority of the time, and part of the time, and was planning to wear in the future is clothing that can indeed be worn by an individual in any gender role if they decided to.  With clothing size adjustments I am not aware of any article of clothing that would be physically impossible for the other "gender role" (as WPATH calls it) to wear.  I am comfortable with a loose interpretation because I do not accept a rigidly defined gender binary, much as I think it's quite possible for an individual to be ambidextrous. 
Assigned male at birth 1963.  Decided I wanted to be a girl in 1971.  Laser 2014-16, electrolysis 2015-17, HRT 7/2017, GCS 1/2018, VFS 3/2018, FFS 5/2018, GCS-2 & BA 7/2018. 

Offline Anne Blake

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Re: Therapy topics and issues
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2018, 09:30:28 pm »
It seems to be quite the predicament being you. You appear to have a good handle on who you are and are seeking to live that way but the therapists don't see it as fitting into their boxes. It would put into question which one of you truly needs the therapy...but that is beside the point.

When I first was introduced to myself I didn't understand anything about the transgender world or it labels or distinctions. I tried cross dressing for a very brief period of time, perhaps just a few weeks, and that helped me realize that I am a woman and that cross dressing and its requisite deconstruction each time just amplified my dysphoria. Now you are comfortable in jeans while I have always been a skirt and top girl but either way, living as you need to be is so different than cross dressing (not belittling cross dressing in any way!). I am surprised that your therapists are unable to see that. Is it that they are perhaps not gender therapists and not knowledgeable about our world?

What ever the case, perhaps it is near time to take Kendra's suggestion and seek out an "informed consent" solution and be done with it. If that is the path you choose, keep in mind that if you feel a need to move on to surgical solutions you will need to find therapists that will support you.

Good luck in your journey,
Tia Anne

Online gingerViktorKay

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Re: Therapy topics and issues
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2018, 03:12:48 am »
Thank you to the both of you. Unfortunately there is no informed consent where I am at. I am in the US.

I do not have a problem wearing a bra when I need one, but now just seems silly to me. Girls do not wear bras until they develop breasts so, I do not understand why someone would try to force that on someone. It isn't a requirement anymore from what I understand.

I dressed a couple times when I was younger and it made me feel bad. i did not have the body for it. My hips were too narrow, my shoulders too wide, and I didn't have breasts. I did squats and other exercises to build my hips and butt. They worked wonderfully and now I have one less problem to worry about. My shoulders are smaller now so that isn't an issue.

I've done all this hard work and therapists are throwing me under the bus when it comes to a letter.

Maybe I should go to therapy in a dress and act like some prissy drama queen! I think that is what they expect :(

What is so wrong with the way that I am that I can't get a letter? Am I too "normal acting?"  Oh well...
40yo MtF
<abducted by aliens twice maybe three times> pretty sure they probed me

Offline LizK

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Re: Therapy topics and issues
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2018, 06:53:46 am »
Hi Ginger

I understand your frustration and it sounds a lot like you have been let down by so many who want to hear you follow the script. Your reasons are very sound and deserve to be heard. Unfortunately many are not as strong as you and buckle to the demands made upon them in order to get the help they need.I hope you find a decent therapist. There is no one way to be trans and it is a shame that you have not found anyone yet who understands that. I admire you for sticking to your guns.

Take care


Liz
"You can't change the past but you can change the way you view it"

"Let the beauty of what you love be what you do" Rumi

                                        By Wild Sayings for Wild Women

HRT since 17 May 2016
Fulltime from 8 March 2017
GCS Scheduled November 28 2018
Transition Begun 25 September 2015   

 

Online KathyLauren

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Re: Therapy topics and issues
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2018, 08:07:32 am »
Hi, Ginger.  That sucks that your therapists have been acting as gatekeepers.  Crossdressing is not a requirement for being trans.  Therapists ask about it because it is a useful diagnostic: it is pretty easy to diagnose someone with a history of crossdressing as trans.  Without that history, the therapist's work is harder.

You need a better therapist, or informed consent.  I thought informed consent treatment was easier to obtain in the US than elsewhere.  Maybe just ask your GP for a referral to an endocrinologist.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change

Offline Harley Quinn

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Re: Therapy topics and issues
« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2018, 09:43:13 pm »
Yeah... I would either tell them what they want to hear, give them their show, or find another therapist.  In reality, "cross dressing" has nothing to do with being trans.  If you're a trans woman, then by definition, you've always been a woman... so anything and everything you've ever done is as a woman.  Perhaps a woman acting as a man for a period of time, but always a woman...  I told my therapist that and I got no further questions.  I completely agree with your rational answers, that (to me) speaks to your state of mind and your ability to understand your decisions.  I don't know a therapist that wouldn't sign off right there and then.  In all honesty, that's really all they are there for... to do a quick sanity check and ensure you fully understand the consequences of your decisions.
« Last Edit: July 30, 2018, 12:18:53 pm by Harley Quinn »
At what point did my life go Looney Tunes? How did it happen? Who's to blame?... Batman, that's who. Batman! It's always been Batman! Ruining my life, spoiling my fun! >:-)

Online gingerViktorKay

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Re: Therapy topics and issues
« Reply #7 on: July 30, 2018, 11:22:56 am »
Yeah... I would either tell them what they want to hear, give them their show, or find another therapist.  In reality, "cross dressing" has nothing to do with being trans.  If you're a trans woman, then by definition, you've always been a woman... so anything and everything you've ever done is as a woman.  Perhaps a woman acting as a man for a period of time, but always a woman...  I told my therapist that and I got no further questions.  I completely agree with your rational answers, that (to me) speaks to your state of mine and your ability to understand your decisions.  I don't know a therapist that wouldn't sign off right there and then.  In all honesty, that's really all they are there for... to do a quick sanity check and ensure you fully understand the consequences of your decisions.

thanks. i appreciate the idea.
40yo MtF
<abducted by aliens twice maybe three times> pretty sure they probed me

Online gingerViktorKay

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Re: Therapy topics and issues
« Reply #8 on: August 02, 2018, 09:30:21 am »
Today is an important day, because I am seeing a new clinic and have switched my primary care physician there. Once I see my new primary care physician, I will get a referral to an onsite therapist. Once I am done with the therapist I will receive the referral to the onsite endocrinologist. This is what I've been told, but I am skeptical because I've been lied to a few times.

I believe that I may be a bit overly cautious. I don't think that I needed to review the WPATH SoC, but I'm very nervous. I've had nothing but bad results with several therapists.

I can't seem to shake the bad feeling. I've been let down so many times.
40yo MtF
<abducted by aliens twice maybe three times> pretty sure they probed me

Online gingerViktorKay

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Re: Therapy topics and issues
« Reply #9 on: August 02, 2018, 05:41:14 pm »
WoW!!! My appointment ended with me visiting an endo at the end of this month to begin my official transition. I am glad that I do not have to self medicate. They fast-tracked me :)
40yo MtF
<abducted by aliens twice maybe three times> pretty sure they probed me

Offline Anne Blake

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Re: Therapy topics and issues
« Reply #10 on: August 02, 2018, 06:27:11 pm »
Wow, congratulations!!! Now sit back, remember to breathe and relax as much as you can because the wild ride is just about to begin.

Well done sister!

Tia Anne

Online gingerViktorKay

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Re: Therapy topics and issues
« Reply #11 on: August 02, 2018, 06:37:51 pm »
Thanks!
I am glad I started my face lasering awhile ago. I heard that it hurts worse on hormones. Now I have to start working on my voice.
40yo MtF
<abducted by aliens twice maybe three times> pretty sure they probed me

Offline Maid Marion

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Re: Therapy topics and issues
« Reply #12 on: August 02, 2018, 06:56:27 pm »
Congratulations Ginger on getting fast tracked!

Online gingerViktorKay

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Re: Therapy topics and issues
« Reply #13 on: August 02, 2018, 07:06:29 pm »
Woo Hoo 8/27
40yo MtF
<abducted by aliens twice maybe three times> pretty sure they probed me

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