Community Conversation > Transsexual talk
Did you play with girls or boys as a child?
Victoria L:
I played with a mixture. I had an older sister, so I played with her toys in addition to the boys' toys that were given to me. However, a little later in my childhood, I did get a dollhouse that was a log cabin, it was a "dollhouse for boys", but I was fully into the whole dollhouse thing and wanted all of the little figures that went with it and was jealous of my sister's prettier dollhouses.
I played with some stereotypical boys things like the miniature car figures. But I never got into super heroes and action figures and stuff like that.
Were you bullied as a kid? In general? For your gender expression? For the way you played?
I was. I was bullied straight through high school. In middle school and high school I experienced being labeled gay a lot and didn't understand why. I had some awareness of me being a girl by elementary school, but didn't know what it meant and hid it entirely. In fact, middle school was my era of trying hard to be one of the guys. It didn't work.
Were you accepted in either group?
I really wasn't. I hung out with mixed groups of kids. Throughout my whole life I've had trouble fitting in in guys groups. About the only thing we could relate on was video games. lol
Did you feel you didn't fit in as a kid?
Yes, and I still don't fit in. =(
Were you uncomfortable in either group? Or in both? In which ways?
I don't know. Later on I became uncomfortable in guys' groups with the way they talked about women.
Did you play 'typical' games or with 'typical' toys for either gender? Were you a tomboy? Or a total 'femboy' ;D?
Um... As I said above, I played with miniature cars, which was a boys' thing. But I also liked playing with My Little Pony's and dolls/dollhouses. I liked playing role-playing with my sister a lot. I also played video games, getting mostly into what other girls were into (The Sims and Animal Crossing), and not what guys were into. (aside from Pokemon and the like, but its appeal is understood as wider now)
Did you socially isolate from other children? Were you a loner? If so, why did you prefer it this way? Are you an introvert by character or was this just bcos of social seclusion...?
Getting really psychological here, aren't we? :laugh: I am an introvert, kinda an ambivert. I like a lot of time to myself. When I was a kid, I don't remember. I know in high school I kept to myself a lot, outside of band.
How would you describe yourself as a child? Boisterous? Rowdy? Quiet? Sensitive?
Very sensitive. Very easy to pick on.
How did your dysphoria show through play and interaction with other children? Did you want to emulate certain behavior? Or repress something? Were you angry? Or just shut-down?
I don't know. I just know that when in a situation where boys and girls were separated I wanted to be with the girls.
Were you allowed to express gender non-conforming behavior as a child? By your parents and relatives? Teachers? Other children or adults...?
I mean my parents let me play with girls' toys, but once I got into my teens and came out as trans, it was not accepted.
Or did you grow up sort of gender neutrally? Was gender not really inforced on you?
I was raised clearly as a boy.
Did having siblings play a part in the types of toys you had access to or the games you played?
Yes. I had access to My Little Pony's and dolls because of my sister.
If you could change one thing about your childhood, what would that be?
I would have liked for the concept of transgender to have been much easier to learn as a child. I didn't learn it until I was 14. If I had been able to articulate these feelings a lot sooner, maybe I would have been taken seriously by family, I don't know. I just know I hate how I knew before puberty, but still had to go through male puberty because I didn't have any acceptance.
ronniekylie90:
Did you play with girls or boys as a kid? Or with both? Or mostly with girls/boys?
I mostly played with girls myself, I'd say, 95% girls and 5%with boys
Were you bullied as a kid? In general? For your gender expression? For the way you played?
I was quite very feminine, so I wouldn't say I was bullied per se, but I was quite obvious.
Were you accepted in either group?
I was more accepted in the girls group
Did you feel you didn't fit in as a kid?
Yes
Were you uncomfortable in either group? Or in both? In which ways?
Always felt more at ease with the girls, It always felt very natural to be around other girls.
Did you play 'typical' games or with 'typical' toys for either gender? Were you a tomboy? Or a total 'femboy' ;D?
Total fem, I'd get my dad to buy me barbies, and other dolly toys that were clearly targeted for girls. He did indulge me to be honest.
Did you socially isolate from other children? Were you a loner? If so, why did you prefer it this way? Are you an introvert by character or was this just bcos of social seclusion...?
No, I became more of a loner in my teens
How would you describe yourself as a child? Boisterous? Rowdy? Quiet? Sensitive?
Sensitive but also outgoing at times
How did your dysphoria show through play and interaction with other children? Did you want to emulate certain behavior? Or repress something? Were you angry? Or just shut-down?
This is a good question, I don't think I was emulating behaviours from other children, or girls. but I always felt very much like one
Were you allowed to express gender non-conforming behavior as a child? By your parents and relatives? Teachers? Other children or adults...?
Yes, and no. My dad would let me indulge more, buy me girl-y toys and things. like my first roller skaters were white and pink. My mum, not as much, and wanted my dad to be stricter on regards, but I did love wearing my mum's clothes and make up and shoes. even if she wasn't too approving.
Or did you grow up sort of gender neutrally? Was gender not really inforced on you?
/
Stevie Stevens:
Well, I was quiet and sensitive. I hung out with my older sisters and did things like cooking and baking with my mom, aunts and female cousins in the neighborhood. In school, my friends were the girls and my fellow sissies. I was slight in build and bad at sports. But I could sew! Of course I was bullied and called a sissy and a faggot. Really gravitated to my sissy friends for close friendship. Funny thing was we sissies gave the boys who bullied us in high school BJs. And yet they did not stop bullying us.
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Rachel Montgomery:
Mixed. I had friends that were boys and friends that were girls.
I did tea parties with my sisters and their friends and played with baby dolls and Barbie, and I shot BB guns and played with matchbox cars with boys my age. I loved toy airplanes of all sorts and would play by myself happily with them for hours. Whether it was my plastic Cessna 172, or my Cox PT-19 Line plane. I climbed trees, played jump rope, 4 square, hop scotch, fished, played softball, and organized football. I never played organized baseball.
Me playing football was important (at first) to my father, and I desperately wanted his approval (still haven't ever received that), so I did my best to be the best player I could. I eventually liked being a part of the team, and being accepted as one of the guys. I wasn't particularly athletic, a fact which was only made worse by my (then undiagnosed) intersex condition which caused me not to start puberty until an Endocrinologist treated it when I was 18. So, picture an athletically ungifted, closeted transgirl ahtlete without the benefit of male puberty trying to play football with mature 17-18 year old boys and you have some idea what a challenge it was to impress my father. I was physically like a 11 year old boy, playing high-school football in a futile attempt to win my father's approval. I never did impress him, not positively anyway, even to this day.
I did impress my team mates, who respected me for the persistent effort. If they ever let up, ever "didn't bring it", I would beat them. But, when they tried, they could generally beat me. I used good form, was focused, as tough as anyone and I was aggressive, but small, a step too slow and under powered.
One of my classmates (who was generally a jerk) started teasing me one day asking if I was really a girl and laughing at me for being less mature. But, some of the best athletes on the team came to my defense telling him that if he was half as tough and tried half as hard as me he might be something. When he was teasing me, I felt very "convicted". I felt guilty as charged, and I was ashamed. I wondered whether he was just being his typical jerk self, or this time he was asking a legitimate question.
But, my classmates generally liked and respected me. I wasn't one of the "outcast" class members, though I got along well with them too. I passed as a "normal boy" relatively well, given my physical limitations. Girls liked me. They just didn't have any romantic interest in me. I was like everyone's little brother, being both physically and emotionally immature.
Starting HRT at 18 was a difficult time for me. I knew I wanted to be a girl, but there I was taking male hormones. My parents insisted. I couldn't come out to them. If I had, I wouldn't have been allowed to transition. I probably would have been given ECT like a classmate of mine who came out gay. And, I told myself that male puberty would cure my desire to be a girl. I hoped it would. I would finally be able to be the son my dad wanted. It didn't do those things. It did all the things that male puberty normally does physically, but it didn't change me inside other than to make me more depressed and more dissatisfied with my body.
So, I wasn't the typical sissy, but I wasn't the typical boy either. Just a progressively more and more withdrawn and lonely mixed up kid, burdened with shame and depression.
Kaleig_hC:
--- Quote from: PurpleWolf on July 27, 2018, 11:33:36 pm ---A thread I always wanted to make:
Did you play with girls or boys as a kid? Or with both? Or mostly with girls/boys?
--- End quote ---
I tried to play with boys but it did not work very well
--- Quote ---General ideas:
Were you bullied as a kid? In general? For your gender expression? For the way you played?
--- End quote ---
I was bullied by boys especially because I was not into girls like they were.
--- Quote ---Were you accepted in either group?
--- End quote ---
I was hardly ever accepted by boys since they bullied me. I think would have been accepted by girls but fear kept me from trying.
--- Quote ---Did you feel you didn't fit in as a kid?
--- End quote ---
I certainly was a misfit. I never did feel I fit in anywhere.
--- Quote ---Were you uncomfortable in either group? Or in both? In which ways?
--- End quote ---
I was not uncomfortable around boys just bullied. I was uncomfortable around girls. I saw boys pester girls and they eventually have enough and snap back. I treat girls like they had the ability to beat me with a stick and would draw up and shake if they came into my personal space
--- Quote ---Did you play 'typical' games or with 'typical' toys for either gender? Were you a tomboy? Or a total 'femboy' ;D?
--- End quote ---
I play with my toys but when I played with my sisters I tried to roleplay more since that is the way girls play. Me and my youngest sister would play together with my action figures and her Barbie dolls.
--- Quote ---Did you socially isolate from other children? Were you a loner? If so, why did you prefer it this way? Are you an introvert by character or was this just bcos of social seclusion...?
--- End quote ---
Loneliness and seclusion were the themes of my childhood. May have had 3 friends the entire time.
--- Quote ---How would you describe yourself as a child? Boisterous? Rowdy? Quiet? Sensitive?
--- End quote ---
Quiet but always getting in trouble too until at least middle school.
--- Quote ---How did your dysphoria show through play and interaction with other children? Did you want to emulate certain behavior? Or repress something? Were you angry? Or just shut-down?
--- End quote ---
I think I used a video game addiction to shut down my dysphoria. I was able to suppress it for a number of years.
--- Quote ---Were you allowed to express gender non-conforming behavior as a child? By your parents and relatives? Teachers? Other children or adults...?
--- End quote ---
I suppress it with aforementioned video game addiction. It started to show itself once I got in college. My parents tried to stop from expressing it then.
--- Quote ---Or did you grow up sort of gender neutrally? Was gender not really inforced on you?
--- End quote ---
My father tried to gender police me though unsuccessfully. Once I saw it bothered him, I used it to get back at him for abusing me growing up.
--- Quote ---Did having siblings play a part in the types of toys you had access to or the games you played? (Btw there is a thread about siblings in general already: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,231263.msg2056553.html#msg2056553)
And an extra question I'd like for you to answer:
If you could change one thing about your childhood, what would that be?
--- End quote ---
I don't think I would have got to transition. I do wish I was not so afraid of girls. I had a group of children that tried their best to befriend me but I was too afraid of them. I would have been less isolated and made more friends and dealt with less depression. If I had developed better social skills as a child, I been better set up to succeed in life instead of being supported by my parents in my mid 40s.
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