Author Topic: Finally started down the path.  (Read 6851 times)

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Offline Linde

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #120 on: February 09, 2019, 12:54:41 pm »
Saying Goodbye.


And that’s when it hit me.

The enormity of “his” life. So full of light and love and laughter. So many beautiful, bittersweet memories... that we shared; he in the driver’s seat and me a passenger. All that pain that he endured for me, to keep me safe, at last, at rest. I don’t know what the future holds but I know that I will live a full, sparkling life worthy of his sacrifice. I’m so grateful to the big guy but it’s okay... he can rest now.

I GOT THIS.
This si so very well and nice said, and I actually drives tears into my eyes, bcause I know that moment is not far away for me, too.
I really liked the guy I was, he worked hard to be a real man who he never could be, but he tried hard, each time over again,  until he finally broke down, and gave up to make room for the she in me!
I am glad that he did all what he did, because without him, the she would be nothing!

Thank you Elle, for putting it so nice, and now I have go, to find something to mop up the tears in my eyes!

Hugs
Linde
« Last Edit: February 10, 2019, 12:01:54 am by Dietlind »
Feb 2019, bi-lateral orchiectomy
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Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #121 on: February 09, 2019, 05:58:44 pm »
Saying Goodbye...

I GOT THIS.

I feel the same way about 'him'. She never could have survived the late 60's, 70's, and 80's. 'He' protected her through all those years, until one day 'he' realized she was now strong enough to survive on her own. 'He' certainly had faults, but 'his' last act was what allowed her to live. I owe 'him' my life.

Love always -- Jessica Rose
My journal thread - Jessica's Rose Garden
My National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out - Jessica Rose
My GCS Thread - GCS and BA with Dr. Ley on 21 Feb 2019 - Jessica_Rose
23 Mar 2017 - Started Estradiol  //  16 Feb 2018 - Full Time!  //  21 Feb 2019 - GCS w/Dr. Ley
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot



Offline Lacy

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #122 on: February 11, 2019, 04:52:26 pm »
Saying Goodbye.

And that’s when it hit me.

The enormity of “his” life. So full of light and love and laughter. So many beautiful, bittersweet memories... that we shared; he in the driver’s seat and me a passenger. All that pain that he endured for me, to keep me safe, at last, at rest. I don’t know what the future holds but I know that I will live a full, sparkling life worthy of his sacrifice. I’m so grateful to the big guy but it’s okay... he can rest now.

I GOT THIS.

Maybe it is the higher dosages, but this got me all teary eyed! I never really thought about it that way. I always give others the benefit of mourning the lost "Man" they have known forever, but never really stopped to appreciate what living with him has done to benefit and protect me. I have always seen him as a negative, black tumor that I lived with. Some one who trapped me and held me back. When I look at things from a different perspective I realize there were things that wouldn't have happened without him.

Lacy
She believed she could so she did!

The continuing story of my new life!




Offline Jaime320

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #123 on: February 14, 2019, 10:33:34 pm »


The enormity of “his” life. So full of light and love and laughter. So many beautiful, bittersweet memories... that we shared; he in the driver’s seat and me a passenger. All that pain that he endured for me, to keep me safe, at last, at rest. I don’t know what the future holds but I know that I will live a full, sparkling life worthy of his sacrifice. I’m so grateful to the big guy but it’s okay... he can rest now.

I GOT THIS.

Bree,

When I grow up... I wanna be like... welll I admire your courage and your love for life. you’ve become an even more beautiful person,  but it’s not from the physical changes. You rocked even before.

Anyway, I can so relate to his protection. I doubt I’d be here without it. maybe one day soon he can finally rest. When that day comes I may donate his stuff, or build a pyre.

Offline KimOct

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #124 on: February 14, 2019, 11:04:33 pm »
Saying Goodbye.



I told myself I’d never be the type of person who would refer to their male persona in the third person, but here I am this morning doing just that. My life as a woman, and I can say that now without even a hint of a pause in my voice, is well underway. Day in and day out I live as a woman wearing the clothes, shoes and accessories which fit my body and my lifestyle. I realized today that I have no more use for “his” things and so I started to bag them for storage or donation.

And that’s when it hit me.

The enormity of “his” life. So full of light and love and laughter. So many beautiful, bittersweet memories... that we shared; he in the driver’s seat and me a passenger. All that pain that he endured for me, to keep me safe, at last, at rest. I don’t know what the future holds but I know that I will live a full, sparkling life worthy of his sacrifice. I’m so grateful to the big guy but it’s okay... he can rest now.

I GOT THIS.

Hi Elle - I haven't been in your thread before but I am going to join the party fashionably late if that's OK.  I remember the day I took all my male clothes to Goodwill.  Bags and bags of them.  I took a pic of the pile too.  Have it somewhere. 

When I dropped those clothes off I realized OK this is it.  I am really doing this.  I never have looked back.  No regrets.  My life is harder in some ways than it used to be but I still wish I had done it years ago. 

I notice many people see their male and female personas - I can see that, it is common.  I just don't feel it.  For me I am the same person that did all of those things and lived that life - this is just another chapter - a much delayed one.
The first transphobe you have to conquer is yourself

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #125 on: February 16, 2019, 01:35:31 pm »
The whole family went for manipedis this morning, all of us first timers. You can probably tell by the photo that we had a blast. I got a gel french manicure on the recommendation of my sister who said it’s “elegant and goes with everything.” but I kept it springtime down below with orange sunset on my toes. So enamored were the techs with my daughter that they did her nail art free of charge. :D It was pricey but I’ll definitely come back for fill ins and maybe make it a seasonal thing for the works. My partner could not get enough of the massage chair!






Online ChrissyRyan

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #126 on: February 16, 2019, 01:37:33 pm »
The whole family went for manipedis this morning, all of us first timers. You can probably tell by the photo that we had a blast. I got a gel french manicure on the recommendation of my sister who said it’s “elegant and goes with everything.” but I kept it springtime down below with orange sunset on my toes. So enamored were the techs with my daughter that they did her nail art free of charge. :D It was pricey but I’ll definitely come back for fill ins and maybe make it a seasonal thing for the works. My partner could not get enough of the massage chair!






Nice!


Chrissy
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others.

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #127 on: February 16, 2019, 01:49:06 pm »

Bree,

When I grow up... I wanna be like... welll I admire your courage and your love for life. you’ve become an even more beautiful person,  but it’s not from the physical changes. You rocked even before.

Anyway, I can so relate to his protection. I doubt I’d be here without it. maybe one day soon he can finally rest. When that day comes I may donate his stuff, or build a pyre.

Thank you, Jaime! That’s sweet of you to say.

If it can happen for me, it can happen for anyone. There were times when i had made peace with living as a man. I’m as surprised as anyone that I got here. I hope you get where you want to go too.

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #128 on: February 16, 2019, 01:53:43 pm »
Hi Elle - I haven't been in your thread before but I am going to join the party fashionably late if that's OK.  I remember the day I took all my male clothes to Goodwill.  Bags and bags of them.  I took a pic of the pile too.  Have it somewhere. 

When I dropped those clothes off I realized OK this is it.  I am really doing this.  I never have looked back.  No regrets.  My life is harder in some ways than it used to be but I still wish I had done it years ago. 

I notice many people see their male and female personas - I can see that, it is common.  I just don't feel it.  For me I am the same person that did all of those things and lived that life - this is just another chapter - a much delayed one.

More than OK! Glad to have you on board! Thanks for reading my stories. I often go back and forth with this, especially in conversations with my partner. I feel silly referring to the old me as a separate person, especially since I still retain the same feelings and memories of my biggest moments; my wedding day, the birth of my daughter, half off all you can clams at the Clam Shack (I might be making that last one up.) I agree, it’s as much a chapter close as it is a funeral for me.

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #129 on: February 16, 2019, 01:59:21 pm »
Maybe it is the higher dosages, but this got me all teary eyed! I never really thought about it that way. I always give others the benefit of mourning the lost "Man" they have known forever, but never really stopped to appreciate what living with him has done to benefit and protect me. I have always seen him as a negative, black tumor that I lived with. Some one who trapped me and held me back. When I look at things from a different perspective I realize there were things that wouldn't have happened without him.

Lacy

I was crying so hard. SO HARD. Like big sloppy One Piece tears...


Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #130 on: February 16, 2019, 02:06:04 pm »
I feel the same way about 'him'. She never could have survived the late 60's, 70's, and 80's. 'He' protected her through all those years, until one day 'he' realized she was now strong enough to survive on her own. 'He' certainly had faults, but 'his' last act was what allowed her to live. I owe 'him' my life.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

and what a life, at that! You’ve done ‘him’ proud, Jessica.

Offline fleurgirl

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #131 on: February 16, 2019, 03:13:08 pm »
I'm devouring imaginary popcorn while reading your story. It's so interesting and enlightening and you are such an inspiration. You look great, by the way! I've gotten the hint that you work in TV production and I find that so fascinating. Props to you, girl!

- Fleur

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #132 on: February 21, 2019, 06:29:34 am »
I'm devouring imaginary popcorn while reading your story. It's so interesting and enlightening and you are such an inspiration. You look great, by the way! I've gotten the hint that you work in TV production and I find that so fascinating. Props to you, girl!

- Fleur

Thank you, Fleur! That’s such a pretty name! I’m super flattered that anyone would find me inspiring!

Offline Faith

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #133 on: February 21, 2019, 07:28:23 am »
I could type a bunch of words and say it all wrong. So a simple:
Thank You for your thread
will sum it up, I think.
I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.


Offline Emma1017

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #134 on: February 21, 2019, 07:49:32 am »
Hi Elle's Belles:

I am finally growing out of my protective cocoon to see, really see others here.  I just read your thread and want to say thank you!

You are living my fantasy and you are giving me hope that I have a chance. 

It gives me great joy to shake off the bleakness that has been infecting me for the last few months.


Massive hugs,

Emma

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #135 on: February 22, 2019, 04:27:40 am »
Hi Elle's Belles:

I am finally growing out of my protective cocoon to see, really see others here.  I just read your thread and want to say thank you!

You are living my fantasy and you are giving me hope that I have a chance. 

It gives me great joy to shake off the bleakness that has been infecting me for the last few months.


Massive hugs,

Emma


Well, you know what happens when you emerge from a cocoon right? You become a BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY that’s what! I’m glad you’re sharing your fab with the rest of the world. Thank you so much for reading. Massive hugs back at ya!

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #136 on: February 22, 2019, 05:20:09 am »
What’s in a Name?

Bond. James Bond. You know who that is from the moment he introduces himself. He’s got swagger!

As adorbs as I thought elle’s bells was for a nickname to use here, it was time to get real. I haven’t gone by Elle since a couple months after I started an account actually. In fact, it was never a great fit for me. For awhile I was like 90% sure I was going to use, Briana, the feminized version of my deadname because it would make the transition easy for everyone else including my family. I even wrote this super long sappy post about it on Facebook claiming that I found my inner zen penguin and with it acceptance of who I was  ::) but when it came time to give my name to my employer... I had to take minute.

What did I want from a name? Who was this person I was going to be for the next 40 years? Did I feel like a Briana? I was pretty sure I didn’t. I decided to sleep on it. Then about two days later I was scrolling through my Netflix account looking for something to watch, and my eyes lit upon a name: SABRINA.

...yes, as in the Chilling Adventures of a Teenage Witch... immaterial where it came from! XD

In that moment I got a glow, girls. I felt the future. As a tall person with large-ish features I’d always tried to encourage or choose pseudonyms that made me feel more slight, petit or were otherwise diminutive in some way. Ny nickname in college was Boo, and it was so small and round and cute. Elle was an accident that happened when I was drawing loops on a paper. It was soft and easy and feminine. Well, that ain’t me!

I’m bold, sassy, vivacious. I’m a people person! I want to dance! I want you to ask me to dance! I wear what I like and own it like I made it. I’m dramatic! I breeze into a room and make everyone a teensy bit happier and at ease. I care passionately! Love deeply! And yet, there’s something sad and mysterious about the name Sabrina too. I carry my sadness like a river that sometimes wears me down but softens those hard edges and reminds me of all the beauty in the world. I carry the sadness of others as if it were my own.

Also it’s just nice to say, Sabrina. I feel like an adult. I feel like a person. I want Doctors and Lawyers to call me that. Of course, everyone immediately took to calling me Bree, which I think is really cute and easy and also feels like me. XP

I offered my parents a chance to choose my middle name but they weren’t ready and I was. So I mulled it over a bit and decided to make it an homage to my hero, my grandfather Raymond but to give it a twist I spelled it as they do in Japan, a nod to my long history with that culture. Yes, like Rei from Evangelion! We actually were going to name our son, Rei, but that wasn’t meant to be. We ultimately chose not to have any more children. So I’ll carry that with me as well.

Also, Sabrina Rei just sounds cool. Like country music star cool.

I knew I’d made the right decision when my daughter called me and screamed my name over the phone after having to go to the doctor for a foot infection and being so scared. It broke my heart because she needed me, her mother, and I wasn’t there. I haven’t mentioned this but she doesn’t call me daddy anymore. We use maddy/maddie (mom-daddy) now or just Sabrina. She’s been really good about it. My parents use Bree all the time now too.

So I’m sorry elle’s bells, your time is up. Long Live Sabrina Rei!


Offline Jaime320

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #137 on: February 22, 2019, 08:09:15 am »
Aww I always like the Elle’s bells word play. Oh well. Bree fits much better anyway.

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #138 on: March 04, 2019, 08:11:18 am »
I went down to Florida for a long weekend of good food, fun and R&R with my childhood buds. They’ve known for a long time that I’m trans but this was the first time since I began transitioning that any of them would meet me as Sabrina. It went amazingly well and I had a total blast. I also got to meet my parents for the first time as Sabrina and I am happy to announce that it also exceeded my most hopeful expectations! Three days, lots of new challenges and not a sour note. I’m absolutely floating on a cloud!

We got an airBnB about 10 minutes from Disney Springs and stocked it with Prosecco, cider, meats and cheeses. We lunched on Cuban food and at night we dined at a rustic restaurant with a seasonal menu called the Rusty Spoon on Church St in downtown Orlando. Church St at night was LIT. So many people having such a good time, music, dancing in the warm night air. I got to wear my new mid heel sandals out with some shorts and my leopard print sweater for a fun and breezy look. Here’s some photos! Sorry, I’m the only one who takes photos usually so there aren’t any full body ones!




Our appetizer was deviled eggs and a super flavorful octopus and squid salad with chorizo and brussel sprouts.



My entree was the handout parpadelle with guanchale (pork cheeks) which was so authentic to how I had the same dish in Italy! It took me back there!



My friends weren’t always on board with my constant photo taking XD



The next day I met my parents for lunch and I want to talk more about that but for now I’ll share this photo of us which I think says everything I need to say.



To think the day would come when my parents would be smiling in a photo with me in a dress is almost too much XD I never dreamed it would happen and now it has!

I leave you all with this video I took to mark the occasion on Facebook please forgive my terrible voice. :D

(if it doesn’t work copy and paste in the following ht.tps://youtu.be/zw21sBQU-aw into your web browser and remove the extra . in ht.tps --Sorry it’s not showing up on my browser :/)

Offline Linde

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #139 on: March 04, 2019, 11:59:23 am »
I went down to Florida for a long weekend of good food, fun and R&R with my childhood buds. They’ve known for a long time that I’m trans but this was the first time since I began transitioning that any of them would meet me as Sabrina. It went amazingly well and I had a total blast. I also got to meet my parents for the first time as Sabrina and I am happy to announce that it also exceeded my most hopeful expectations! Three days, lots of new challenges and not a sour note. I’m absolutely floating on a cloud!

We got an airBnB about 10 minutes from Disney Springs and stocked it with Prosecco, cider, meats and cheeses. We lunched on Cuban food and at night we dined at a rustic restaurant with a seasonal menu called the Rusty Spoon on Church St in downtown Orlando. Church St at night was LIT. So many people having such a good time, music, dancing in the warm night air. I got to wear my new mid heel sandals out with some shorts and my leopard print sweater for a fun and breezy look. Here’s some photos! Sorry, I’m the only one who takes photos usually so there aren’t any full body ones!




Our appetizer was deviled eggs and a super flavorful octopus and squid salad with chorizo and brussel sprouts.



My entree was the handout parpadelle with guanchale (pork cheeks) which was so authentic to how I had the same dish in Italy! It took me back there!



My friends weren’t always on board with my constant photo taking XD



The next day I met my parents for lunch and I want to talk more about that but for now I’ll share this photo of us which I think says everything I need to say.



To think the day would come when my parents would be smiling in a photo with me in a dress is almost too much XD I never dreamed it would happen and now it has!

I leave you all with this video I took to mark the occasion on Facebook please forgive my terrible voice. :D

(if it doesn’t work copy and paste in the following ht.tps://youtu.be/zw21sBQU-aw into your web browser and remove the extra . in ht.tps --Sorry it’s not showing up on my browser :/)
You are a very petty girl, and I don't think your voice is bad!
Feb 2019, bi-lateral orchiectomy
June 10, 2019 Not enough Y chr detected to be male






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