Author Topic: Finally started down the path.  (Read 5588 times)

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Offline Jennifer M

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #140 on: March 04, 2019, 10:49:51 pm »
I noticed a name change in my HRT thread (since I'm only on sporadically) so I looked around to find out what was going on.

You look like you're doing great for, what, 9 months on hormones? I can only wish for similar results. I know it's too late up top.  :'(

That manicure looks good.

@Dietlind, you might want to get that typo checked out.  ;)



Offline Julie -2010

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #141 on: March 04, 2019, 11:36:13 pm »
Sabrina,

  I just came across this posting.  Wow, thank you for sharing your path.  I loved reading it.

Julie
"me to be my true and authentic self, my own person, one who belonged to the infinitely loving Creator, with all the inherent flaws that come with it."  - Jonathan S. Williams

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #142 on: March 05, 2019, 08:38:30 am »
I noticed a name change in my HRT thread (since I'm only on sporadically) so I looked around to find out what was going on.

You look like you're doing great for, what, 9 months on hormones? I can only wish for similar results. I know it's too late up top.  :'(

That manicure looks good.

@Dietlind, you might want to get that typo checked out.  ;)

Hi Jen! I’m 8 months in and things are bordering on magical. Honestly, I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ve been following your thread closely and I’m excited that things are progressing for you. I know it’s been hard and that you still have some things to work out with your family.

I didn’t notice that typo! I think of all the terms I would use to describe myself even the worst aspects, petty is not one of them. lol. I take no offense. :P


Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #143 on: March 05, 2019, 08:39:15 am »
Sabrina,

  I just came across this posting.  Wow, thank you for sharing your path.  I loved reading it.

Julie

Thank you for reading, Julie!

Offline Dietlind

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #144 on: March 05, 2019, 06:50:40 pm »
Hi Jen! I’m 8 months in and things are bordering on magical. Honestly, I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ve been following your thread closely and I’m excited that things are progressing for you. I know it’s been hard and that you still have some things to work out with your family.

I didn’t notice that typo! I think of all the terms I would use to describe myself even the worst aspects, petty is not one of them. lol. I take no offense. :P
Now I feel like a piece of C******!  I hope you were able to mentally fill the missing R in!
And you are pretty, no doubts about that!







Offline Lacy

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #145 on: March 06, 2019, 08:47:12 pm »
Girl! I am so happy your visit with the parents went well!

Super cute picture and video! You dance like a rock star! And your voice is so lovely. Adorable!

I hope your relationship with them continues to thrive!
Lacy
She believed she could so she did!

The continuing story of my new life!




Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #146 on: March 08, 2019, 03:02:34 am »
Girl! I am so happy your visit with the parents went well!

Super cute picture and video! You dance like a rock star! And your voice is so lovely. Adorable!

I hope your relationship with them continues to thrive!
Lacy

Thanks, Lacy! I just can’t believe my parents are this chill about it now! Also the world didn’t end! Who knew!? XD

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #147 on: March 08, 2019, 03:13:40 am »
We went minigofling and I used the opportunity to get our annual photo of the whole gang taken by a third party. This is the one time you can see my whole outfit so although I was sweating my makeup off in the sweltering mid-morning heat, I include it here. I would’ve preferred you see this same outfit with the black sandals and more properly fab hair and makeup but I think it still works (as the cover of our new pop punk album: "BALLS, WHO'S GOT ‘EM?” XD)





Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #148 on: March 08, 2019, 03:17:04 am »
And here’s a special before and after with my longtime friend Donald. The first, taken almost two years ago at our first reunion at a Chicago steakhouse.



The latter, taken in front of the AirBnB just last week. What a difference a year and change makes!




Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #149 on: March 08, 2019, 03:58:10 am »
I had a strategy going into meeting my parents for the first time as Sabrina and I want to share it with you.

First, it was about choosing the right location for the big moment. While it was tempting to stage my Sabrina reveal at some fancy new restaurant we had never tried before I didn’t want there to be any unpleasant confrontation with challenging flavor profiles, or uncertain menu options. I wanted my parents to feel as comfortable and as in their comfort zone as possible. Since they were driving from an hour and half away just to see me I also didn’t want to choose a place that was far from where I was staying or that could conceivably lead to us getting lost. Also, I wanted the restaurant to be casual but not too casual, I wanted table service and a relaxed atmosphere where we could talk without being drown out. I actually did ask, at one point, where my parents would like to eat but they quickly deferred the decision to me. I accepted without argument and then, the day of made a final decision. I chose the Bonefish Grill and it was absolutely perfect.

The other detail I agonized over was what to wear. In early talks my parents had suggested that they wanted me to present as gender neutral as possible and I had agreed a little too quickly to dress down in jeans and a flannel top. As the days and weeks went by it became apparent to me that, not only were they a little more open to my feminine side but that maybe dressing down was the exact wrong move. This was my big chance to define who Bree is in their eyes and hearts and if there’s one thing this transition is about, it’s being myself. I couldn’t dilute that. So I consulted my partner and we agreed that I should wear a dress, but what kind? What level of formality? Which shoes and jewelry should I wear with it? How about my hair? ponytail? up? down? So I went through my closet and I thought I’d found the right dress, but as the date came closer, I became increasingly sure it was not the right dress. The one I had chosen was a black number with mesh details and colorful, splashy embroidered flowers. Acceptable for an evening look, maybe even a lunch but not a lunch in Florida at a mid tier family restaurant. The heels I had for it were too prim. So instead I chose a super casual thin cotton Old Navy dress with tiny embroidered flower details, that you can kind of see in the photos of us above. I also wore my swimsuit underneath it and let the straps show through at the top. Hair and makeup were just kind of a blessing. Both turned out spectacularly with minimal additional effort even though I will admit to fussing over every last detail.

The message I sent them was, above all else, confidence. The woman I wanted my parents to see was a woman caught mid-stream. She had a life. She had plans. This wasn’t just a performance for their benefit. It was the result of a life being lived, and wise choices made to accomodate that life. This was a woman who knew how to dress for the moment, who knew how to handle herself in public and was unafraid to show herself to the world even in clogs that raise her 6’2” frame another two inches.

It worked. My parents saw who I wanted them to see. I didn’t feel like i had deceived them in spite of all this calculation because who I wanted them to see, was me. The real me.

I kept the conversation lively, engaging and mostly about them. XD I veered away from politics and the news and even pop culture. Choosing instead to share in life details. Only a few times did I tell them about life as a woman, but when I did, i held nothing back. I asked my mom about all her jewelry, her outfit, and she in kind asked about mine. I mean, I was genuinely interested and I found it so refreshing to talk plainly about such things but I also wanted her to talk to me like a fellow female and that was a great shortcut. It also allowed me to open a new channel with her, girl talk. In the week leading up to this meeting I had become especially txt friendly, sending songs and inspirational quotes I thought she’d like. In hindsight I was seeding the idea that her “new daughter” was awesome.

It totally worked. You know you’ve succeeded when your mother, asks you where you got your heels. XD

Obviously every parent and every situation is different but this is what worked so well for me and I hope it gives you all ideas in how to approach your big moments. The next huge family event will be my niece’s high school graduation in Austin in May. And that’s when I’ve decided to wear the dress I didn’t wear last week! So, look forward to lots of pics!


 

Online Faith

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #150 on: March 08, 2019, 06:03:14 am »
Sabrina, I am so happy for you (after finally getting caught up). Enjoy every moment of your youth and time with your parents. Some of us have neither, we live it though your stories. So ... post as much as you can. :)
I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.


Offline Lacy

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #151 on: March 12, 2019, 11:36:42 pm »
Sabrina,
I am so glad the world didn't end! You sounded so happy in your video! I had to rewatch it a few times! Your dance hand me rolling!

I think you made a great choice of outfits and planned your day well. You showed great care as to your parents feelings, while still proceeding with the steps you needed to take for yourself!

You go girl!
Lacy
She believed she could so she did!

The continuing story of my new life!




Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #152 on: March 13, 2019, 07:55:14 am »
I don’t have a mega posting to share at this time but I want to tell you all I had lunch with a girlfriend last Sunday whom I recently grew closer to and from the moment we started chatting, four hours flew by. It was like realizing that you’re on the slow router and switching to the 5G. THE GIRL TALK IS REAL and it’s wonderful.

Offline Dietlind

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #153 on: March 13, 2019, 03:15:51 pm »
I don’t have a mega posting to share at this time but I want to tell you all I had lunch with a girlfriend last Sunday whom I recently grew closer to and from the moment we started chatting, four hours flew by. It was like realizing that you’re on the slow router and switching to the 5G. THE GIRL TALK IS REAL and it’s wonderful.
Good that you had a chance to experience your first real girl talk.  You will discover over time that you can talk about a lot of different subjects among girls, of which guys have no idea that they need to be talked about!







Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #154 on: March 19, 2019, 06:33:09 am »
I made Shepard’s Pie for St. Patrick’s Day because I don’t like corned beef and cabbage and think of it as a punishment but couldn’t satisfy my harshest critic. XD



I started taking voice lessons online via a woman I met at a trans support group meeting some years ago (Nina Irani if you’re interested) but it’s going to be some time before I can consistently nail my female voice (i.e. train my muscles to create a new default.) Right now I still wake up sounding like Keanu Reeves. The voice I used in the above video was the best I could approximate in the moment and I chalk even that modest success up to the vocal training I did as a singer. I’m currently recording a new podcast series that will release sometime in April/May and my voice has thus far been utterly inconsistent. I’m, quite frankly, too mortified to listen.  All I can do is make light of it and own it. I’ll let you all know when it releases so you can share in my embarrassment. :P

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #155 on: March 19, 2019, 06:41:24 am »
Despite my successes, and my incredibly happy home life, dysphoria has been looming larger than usual these past few weeks. What makes it the worst is that I’m really trying and making an effort to be my best self and I feel like the energy I put into the world isn’t being returned in kind. People at work aren’t really smiling back at me anymore. Where once I thought they liked this new me, I’ve been sensing a shift in the story like some rumor went around without my knowledge. The woman in HR who helped me transition in the company is suddenly gone and I have no idea what ground I stand on now. Adding to this, I went from confident that my beard was on the ropes, to feeling like it just got its second wind and is now pummeling me with shadow. I can’t get to a laser appointment until mid April and so I have to just live with it until then. I don’t even know if what I’m seeing is what others see when they look at me or if I’m just freaking out. Then there’s my parents who seemed so accepting and ready to join me on this journey when I met them in person but who have routinely ignored my txt messages, left the photos I send uncommented upon, and look so sad and small when I video chat with them. I guess these are the doldrums.

At least Spring is around the corner.

Online Faith

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #156 on: March 19, 2019, 07:08:29 am »
I can think of three things.

Your mood is in a down-swing tainting your world view and being too sensitive
or
the novelty that is you is wearing off the others and they are shifting back to 'eh, whatever'
or, the third,
a combination of both.

Worry less about what you see in them around you and more about what you feel on the inside about how you are.
 ... yeah, I need to follow that one myself - it's hard. Especially if the mood is waning.

I'm in no place to advise or anything, I relate too well with ill perceptions in regards to me where none exist.
I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.


Offline Julie -2010

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #157 on: March 20, 2019, 10:07:07 pm »
Sabrina,

  Hang in there.  I understand some of what you are going through.  I came out to my sons about 6 months ago.  It went really well.  But, unfortunately I don't have the same interactions with them that I had before.  It is hard to put into words but things between us have changed.  I don't think for the better.  Am I happy that I came out to them?  Yes,  It was a good move and has really helped but I did fear this before.

I love what Faith said, "worry less about what you see in them and around you and more about what you feel on the inside."

Julie
"me to be my true and authentic self, my own person, one who belonged to the infinitely loving Creator, with all the inherent flaws that come with it."  - Jonathan S. Williams

Offline Kirsteneklund7

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #158 on: March 21, 2019, 07:46:37 am »
Despite my successes, and my incredibly happy home life, dysphoria has been looming larger than usual these past few weeks. What makes it the worst is that I’m really trying and making an effort to be my best self and I feel like the energy I put into the world isn’t being returned in kind. People at work aren’t really smiling back at me anymore. Where once I thought they liked this new me, I’ve been sensing a shift in the story like some rumor went around without my knowledge. The woman in HR who helped me transition in the company is suddenly gone and I have no idea what ground I stand on now. Adding to this, I went from confident that my beard was on the ropes, to feeling like it just got its second wind and is now pummeling me with shadow. I can’t get to a laser appointment until mid April and so I have to just live with it until then. I don’t even know if what I’m seeing is what others see when they look at me or if I’m just freaking out. Then there’s my parents who seemed so accepting and ready to join me on this journey when I met them in person but who have routinely ignored my txt messages, left the photos I send uncommented upon, and look so sad and small when I video chat with them. I guess these are the doldrums.

At least Spring is around the corner.
Hi Sabrina,
                   I can relate to the workplace vibe we end up dealing with. Initial coming out seems to have a better than real aspect. Then it sinks in everywhere and the crew needs active reassurance and interaction to make them feel positive about the trans scenario.

 I believe things can sour if we dont take the initiative to keep things upbeat and team spirited.

 Leaving trans things to fate, I believe, can slide into negative territory if we arent careful.

 I can see you are naturally switched on and innately positive - I wish I had dose of your intrinsic buoyancy.

  Your story is so dynamic and inspiring!

 Best regards, Kirsten


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Offline Emma1017

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #159 on: March 21, 2019, 09:03:48 am »
Hi Sabrina:

It is amazing what a personal emotional mine field we walk transitioning.  On my thread I keep complaining about how tough it is to transition at 63 years of age and all the life long luggage I had to deal with. 

Reading your thread, I was jealous (in a positive way) about your girlfriend experiences, how fortunate you were to be so young and how beautiful you looked but you also have your own mine field to walk.

We are all so vulnerable and we are so quick to be unfairly self-critical.

I have found so many times when I thought I was the focus of some one's anger that it was always something or some one  else.   

I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling.  I know that you will shake it off.  Be confident that you are a warm and caring person. 

Massive hug,

Emma


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