Author Topic: Finally started down the path.  (Read 6548 times)

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Offline NatalieRene

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #160 on: March 21, 2019, 01:00:06 pm »
I made Shepard’s Pie for St. Patrick’s Day because I don’t like corned beef and cabbage and think of it as a punishment but couldn’t satisfy my harshest critic. XD



I started taking voice lessons online via a woman I met at a trans support group meeting some years ago (Nina Irani if you’re interested) but it’s going to be some time before I can consistently nail my female voice (i.e. train my muscles to create a new default.) Right now I still wake up sounding like Keanu Reeves. The voice I used in the above video was the best I could approximate in the moment and I chalk even that modest success up to the vocal training I did as a singer. I’m currently recording a new podcast series that will release sometime in April/May and my voice has thus far been utterly inconsistent. I’m, quite frankly, too mortified to listen.  All I can do is make light of it and own it. I’ll let you all know when it releases so you can share in my embarrassment. :P

If you have time you can talk with me on skype or something I’ll run you through the exercises my speech therapist taught me.

Offline barbie

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #161 on: March 21, 2019, 06:27:35 pm »
Among family members, parents, especially father, are always difficult. I try to put myself in my father's shoes. How would I respond if my son suddenly declares he is transgender, asking me help undergo GRS? This is a tough question, even to me as m2f transgender.

My father is very progressive compared with his age-mates at 80s. He says that he understands and supports gays and lesbians. He knows well about transgenderism. I know he tries hard to accept me. I am not on HRT, but still wearing skirts may annoy him. Of course, he always becomes happy whenever I visit his house 2 or 3 times every year. If I live with him, he may already have been accustomed to my new image like my wife and kids, and my colleagues and students. When having lunch or dinner together in restaurant, he just looks at me, and I know well that I am always his son, not daughter. Usually I do not wear makeup when I meet my dad. I try to wear very conservatively.

As I got a tenure position and everybody around me acknowledges my performance as a researcher and an educator, no serious challenge occurs at my work place. My wife is always supportive of me, and my kids just follow her. My sons already became adults, and the only thing they ask me is always money. My daughter at age 15 knows very well who I am. She is very curious and tries to open and touch every fashion and beauty items ordered and delivered from the internet. No problem with my kids.

My kids like my low and soft voice, as the voice of my wife becomes very sharp when she scolds them. This a reason why I am not willing to undergo VFS. I want to remain as a dad to my kids.

This is my short story so far, and may differ with yours in some respects.

barbie~~
Just do it.

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #162 on: March 23, 2019, 04:16:02 am »
I can think of three things.

Your mood is in a down-swing tainting your world view and being too sensitive
or
the novelty that is you is wearing off the others and they are shifting back to 'eh, whatever'
or, the third,
a combination of both.

Worry less about what you see in them around you and more about what you feel on the inside about how you are.
 ... yeah, I need to follow that one myself - it's hard. Especially if the mood is waning.

I'm in no place to advise or anything, I relate too well with ill perceptions in regards to me where none exist.

Those a keen observations. That was certainly a bad day but between here and my Facebook, everybody was so loving and supportive that I got through it and the next was SO much better. Thanks, Faith!

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #163 on: March 23, 2019, 04:25:33 am »
Sabrina,

  Hang in there.  I understand some of what you are going through.  I came out to my sons about 6 months ago.  It went really well.  But, unfortunately I don't have the same interactions with them that I had before.  It is hard to put into words but things between us have changed.  I don't think for the better.  Am I happy that I came out to them?  Yes,  It was a good move and has really helped but I did fear this before.

I love what Faith said, "worry less about what you see in them and around you and more about what you feel on the inside."

Julie

Thanks for sharing your story, Julie. I tell myself all the time that I can’t control how people internalize my situation but that first interaction with my parents as Bree gave me hope and I ended up with a mouthful of sand when I realized it was just a mirage. It’s going to take a lot longer to reshape our relationship. Anyway, your relationship with your sons had changed but maybe it just hasn’t been tested yet. Sometimes people (my parents included I’m guessing) only really figure things out when centered around the concept of needing someone. Your boys will need you and in those times you’ll figure out who you are to each other now. I know it!

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #164 on: March 23, 2019, 04:34:49 am »
Hi Sabrina,
                   I can relate to the workplace vibe we end up dealing with. Initial coming out seems to have a better than real aspect. Then it sinks in everywhere and the crew needs active reassurance and interaction to make them feel positive about the trans scenario.

 I believe things can sour if we dont take the initiative to keep things upbeat and team spirited.

 Leaving trans things to fate, I believe, can slide into negative territory if we arent careful.

 I can see you are naturally switched on and innately positive - I wish I had dose of your intrinsic buoyancy.

  Your story is so dynamic and inspiring!

 Best regards, Kirsten


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Thanks for your thoughts, Kristen and you make a great point! Sometimes I feel like I have to be switched on at work just so that I can keep up that “there goes a happy trans woman” ball in the air because if I drop it people might associate me and my condition with unpleasantness. I want to be the fresh air in that stagnant basement news lair. But...

sometimes I don’t feel that way. I don’t always come in wearing a pretty dress and shoes. Sometimes I catch a hoodie and doc martens day and I don’t wanna wear my thick makeup. So I also have to assume that everyone has those days and that showing me outward kindness because I’m different, is one of those things people sometimes don’t feel like doing.

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #165 on: March 23, 2019, 04:53:21 am »
Hi Sabrina:

It is amazing what a personal emotional mine field we walk transitioning.  On my thread I keep complaining about how tough it is to transition at 63 years of age and all the life long luggage I had to deal with. 

Reading your thread, I was jealous (in a positive way) about your girlfriend experiences, how fortunate you were to be so young and how beautiful you looked but you also have your own mine field to walk.

We are all so vulnerable and we are so quick to be unfairly self-critical.

I have found so many times when I thought I was the focus of some one's anger that it was always something or some one  else.   

I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling.  I know that you will shake it off.  Be confident that you are a warm and caring person. 

Massive hug,

Emma

Massive hug back at ya, sister! Everyone here and in my life and on my other social media pages has been super kind and supportive and helped me shake it off with the quickness. The very next day I went into the office and realized it was almost entirely in my head. I had many lovely conversations, someone complimented my shoes and I met several new people.

I know you’ve had it rough and if reading my thread allows you to live these years vicariously through me, then I’m happy to have given you that. I only hope things continue going as well and that any adversity I meet I can do so with a big smile and a plucky attitude. We all do have our own minefields to walk, but we walk it together and we learn from others stumbles and successes.

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #166 on: March 23, 2019, 05:02:51 am »
Among family members, parents, especially father, are always difficult. I try to put myself in my father's shoes. How would I respond if my son suddenly declares he is transgender, asking me help undergo GRS? This is a tough question, even to me as m2f transgender.

My father is very progressive compared with his age-mates at 80s. He says that he understands and supports gays and lesbians. He knows well about transgenderism. I know he tries hard to accept me. I am not on HRT, but still wearing skirts may annoy him. Of course, he always becomes happy whenever I visit his house 2 or 3 times every year. If I live with him, he may already have been accustomed to my new image like my wife and kids, and my colleagues and students. When having lunch or dinner together in restaurant, he just looks at me, and I know well that I am always his son, not daughter. Usually I do not wear makeup when I meet my dad. I try to wear very conservatively.

As I got a tenure position and everybody around me acknowledges my performance as a researcher and an educator, no serious challenge occurs at my work place. My wife is always supportive of me, and my kids just follow her. My sons already became adults, and the only thing they ask me is always money. My daughter at age 15 knows very well who I am. She is very curious and tries to open and touch every fashion and beauty items ordered and delivered from the internet. No problem with my kids.

My kids like my low and soft voice, as the voice of my wife becomes very sharp when she scolds them. This a reason why I am not willing to undergo VFS. I want to remain as a dad to my kids.

This is my short story so far, and may differ with yours in some respects.

barbie~~

Thanks for sharing, barbie. I know that I’m lucky to have a parent half as understanding as my father has been. I admire your strength.


Offline Julie -2010

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #167 on: March 24, 2019, 08:58:23 pm »
Your boys will need you and in those times you’ll figure out who you are to each other now. I know it!
Thanks Sabrina,  I do hope I can figure it out. 

Julie
"me to be my true and authentic self, my own person, one who belonged to the infinitely loving Creator, with all the inherent flaws that come with it."  - Jonathan S. Williams

Offline NatalieRene

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #168 on: March 26, 2019, 12:20:28 pm »
Thanks for your thoughts, Kristen and you make a great point! Sometimes I feel like I have to be switched on at work just so that I can keep up that “there goes a happy trans woman” ball in the air because if I drop it people might associate me and my condition with unpleasantness. I want to be the fresh air in that stagnant basement news lair. But...

sometimes I don’t feel that way. I don’t always come in wearing a pretty dress and shoes. Sometimes I catch a hoodie and doc martens day and I don’t wanna wear my thick makeup. So I also have to assume that everyone has those days and that showing me outward kindness because I’m different, is one of those things people sometimes don’t feel like doing.

You don’t have to always put on a mask to meet expectations. I transitioned so I wouldn’t have to do precisely this. Everyone has a range of mood me and frankly if you didn’t have down days how would ounkbow you are having an especially awesome day?

Offline Faith

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #169 on: March 26, 2019, 12:51:54 pm »
Thanks for your thoughts, Kristen and you make a great point! Sometimes I feel like I have to be switched on at work just so that I can keep up that “there goes a happy trans woman” ball in the air because if I drop it people might associate me and my condition with unpleasantness. I want to be the fresh air in that stagnant basement news lair. But...

sometimes I don’t feel that way. I don’t always come in wearing a pretty dress and shoes. Sometimes I catch a hoodie and doc martens day and I don’t wanna wear my thick makeup. So I also have to assume that everyone has those days and that showing me outward kindness because I’m different, is one of those things people sometimes don’t feel like doing.


I've come to work depressed and down many times after my coming out. Sloppy clothes, no make-up, hair tied back gruesomely ...  I get concern, not avoidance. They all have their down days, I'm most certainly allowed mine and so are you.

You don’t have to always put on a mask to meet expectations. I transitioned so I wouldn’t have to do precisely this. Everyone has a range of mood me and frankly if you didn’t have down days how would ounkbow you are having an especially awesome day?

no masks!!   <<-----
I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.


Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #170 on: April 16, 2019, 08:49:07 am »
Spring is finally here and I’m all for it.

Without dysphoria clouding my confidence, I’ve found myself running around completely carefree in shorts and a tanktop. This is, to be frank, unfathomable. I was always self conscious as a dude, and would often cover myself head to toe on even the warmest days. Though I had gotten a little more relaxed as I got out of my twenties I was still the guy who wore black jeans to the beach. An act of bullheadedness I still haven’t lived down.

But... those days are done. The warm weather gives me life. Though, I am struggling to find makeup I don’t immediately sweat through lol. I’d prefer not to wear any but I’m still fighting the beard. Man, it’s starting to feel like Gandalf and the Balrog. I’ve been zapping hairs like this for a thousand years. When will it be done!? Probably when I go fully grey er... I mean WHITE. (Gandalf joke)

I had my first Twitter DM from a dude hitting on me. And a day later my second and now my third. It’s a nice bit of validation but also what do they expect is going to happen? lol Being a girl (okay, woman) on the internet is not pretty.

Other than that I’m in like FULL MOM MODE now in how I live and present myself. I’m wearing a tunic with yoga pants and shades. That’s how I’m going to work. :P I pretty much come and go around town without comment except on my height which the children in my daughter’s daycamp seem endlessly thrilled by. They claim I move quicker than the other moms and they think I probably got that from playing basketball. I do have some fabulous twirls and pivots in my arsenal now.

Okay, I just wanted to say Happy Spring to everyone! Let you know I was doing good. I hope it’s warm wherever you are.
I’m off to finish watching this episode of Crazy Ex Girlfriend!

Much love,

Bree.

Offline bonkatie

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #171 on: April 16, 2019, 11:39:21 am »
Nice post. So happy for you!

Kate


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Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #172 on: May 04, 2019, 05:49:02 am »
Hello all!

After several alluring teases the warm weather is finally upon us here in NJ and I’m absolutely here for it. Finally I get to play with some transitional spring/summer looks including these EXTRA pants I got from Old Navy with all over daisy print that make my butt look large (in a good way!) BA-DONK? XD

Anyway a picture speaks a thousand fabulous words!



I felt like this outfit was a risk from top to bottom but somehow it came together and got my squad’s approval(which given my history of not getting their approval shows how far I’ve come with these fashion experiments!)

Speaking of warm weather clothes a short sleeve shirt I ordered arrived here last week. It’s from a design painted by the professional vulgarian, artist of Bojack Horseman, and all around icon of ladyship, Lisa Hanawalt. I love how colorful it is and... horses. I could have gotten one delightfully covered in naughty bits but I don’t think I want that kind of attention.  ;D



I actually wore it on a mini vacation down to Cape May (a kind of old seaside resort town at the end of New Jersey) with the fam which you can see here:




I know I was telling you all how excited I was to attend my friends’ wedding on Easter weekend and it did not disappoint! I decided to wear the dress I bought for sentimental reasons when I was out dress shopping with K and the squad for the rock and roll wedding plus I finally have comfortable, chic heels that go perfectly with it. DESTINY!




BOOM. Did I mention it was a nerd wedding and they totally got the real Chevy Impala “Baby" from Supernatural for us to take pictures with?!? There are some of me in the trunk looking smexy, but they ARE NOT flattering in the least. Hahaha. Know your angels angles, girl. XD

At the wedding, a couple thin Moscow Mules deep and I started getting my flirt on (harmless fun!) Have to say that I was vibing pretty well with HAMBONE, THE KARAOKE KING OF LYNDHURST, NEW JERSEY. (For real, that’s how he was introduced to me) Sorry ladies, he’s married. XD

I think I graduated to hair flip levels of flirtosity.

That same weekend someone confessed their love to me over Facebook. He’s a part-time mall santa so I definitely am developing a type...but no, he’s a cool guy just, you know, I’m married, he’s older, I don’t even know if I like men that way. THE USUAL. It was good practice on graciously acknowledging but not encouraging further feelings.

The more I write about it, the more I see that I’m a woman-in-training still XD because so much of this is new territory to me.

Lastly, two more stories and then I’ll skedaddle. This week I submitted my name change paperwork and got a haircut. It’s been a long time coming. The new cut is similar to the old but I ditched the layers and have committed to a look that reads female no matter how I style it.



My longtime friend Y said, “you’re getting better at this.” and well, I have to agree. I think I’m pretty much “there,” which is why I’ve started to ask myself those bigger questions. Like, what kind of woman do I want to be? What kind of life do I want to have?

This is going to sound like humble bragging but I swear it happened and I swear it took me by COMPLETE surprise. I was walking through downtown Nyack in Orange County, NY with a couple of friends to join them for lunch on a stolen day off, when an elderly black woman flagged me down with an “excuse me, Miss!" and said to me, “I’ve been watching you coming down the street for a couple blocks now and I just have to tell you that you are a beautiful girl.” After I thanked her she paid an almost-too-late compliment to the other woman in my party “not to say that you aren’t beautiful too...” but the message was loud and clear. I, a transwoman, was singled out as the beautiful woman amongst us. Rude, but I’ll take the win for all the years that I was passed over. :D

I swore earlier to COMPLETE surprise but I was also starting to get used this idea because I thanked her but didn’t correct her even in a self deprecating way. I am beautiful! Aesthetically pleasing to the eye, I won’t say I’m not? But, in a grander sense perhaps? Before I even walked that street I helped several people get tickets in the parking lot or stepped aside for those in a rush. Maybe that colored my aura?

I’m kind, considerate, courageous, loyal, loving, joyful, exuberant, one with my surroundings. Qualities that make a person beautiful inside to out. So much of my time (and this goes for many of us) in transition is dedicated to developing my exterior (sometimes for reasons of survival) that I often forget about the interior.

So, when I got home, I volunteered to help out at the Book Fair at my daughter’s school and later, during a parent/teacher conference, let slip that I love reading to children and was immediately nominated to read to her class.
That happened yesterday and it was... EVERYTHING. My daughter told me afterwards that she was “proud of me.” You may now melt. XD

There’s no reason why I couldn’t have done these things as a man but now that I’m comfortable with who I am inside and out, I realize that I have SO MUCH I want to share with others and this is just the beginning. I’ve even gotten comfortable with the word mom and if there was any worry about me amongst the other parents I didn’t sense it. I hope my story can inspire you to keep going. I don’t know how much more I can share here without creating the opposite of my intended effect. I don’t want to rub my success in anyone's face. I worked hard for this and I feel I’ve earned it, but I’m also blessed with privileges I did not earn.

We each have our story and the obstacles to our happiness that need to be overcome. This is mine. I’ll see you at the 1 year mark when it may be time for me to graduate from this thread and step aside so another girl can get the encouragement and love she needs to blossom as I surely have under the safety and love of your care. Thank you all again.

GO OUT THERE AND BE YOUR BEST SELVES!

Love,

Bree

Online Alice V

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #173 on: May 04, 2019, 07:04:17 am »
Quote
“excuse me, Miss!" and said to me, “I’ve been watching you coming down the street for a couple blocks now and I just have to tell you that you are a beautiful girl.”
Well, I agree with her ;) Congratulations :)
Such positive post making my day much better :) Your success is definitely inspiring.
Thanks for sharing ^_^
"Don't try and blame me for your sins,
For the sun has burn me black.
Your hollow lives, this world in which we live -
I hurl it back."©Bruce Dickinson

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Offline bonkatie

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #174 on: May 12, 2019, 01:17:29 pm »
OMG what a wonderful post.  Thank you, gorgeous!

Kate


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Offline barbie

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #175 on: May 13, 2019, 04:35:09 pm »
Anyway a picture speaks a thousand fabulous words!

Yes. Indeed it does.
You and your family look happy!
My wife and kids also say like that.

barbie~~
Just do it.

Offline sarahc

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #176 on: May 13, 2019, 09:29:03 pm »
There’s no reason why I couldn’t have done these things as a man but now that I’m comfortable with who I am inside and out, I realize that I have SO MUCH I want to share with others and this is just the beginning.

^ This! ^ This! ^ This!

My therapist and I were talking about this very thing today. I'm dealing with some rough spots in my transition with my mom, and it's very challenging for me to deal with. But I kept coming back to the reason I chose to transition was because right now, I am NOT comfortable with who I am on the outside, and because of that I CANNOT share nearly as much as I want to because I CAN'T TALK ABOUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE, which is that I am transgender! And because I can't do that, I can't form deep friendships with anyone.

Anyway, thanks for the totally inspiring and heart-warming post...it really does help.

Sarah

----
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244009.0.html)
Hope to go full-time: July / August 2019
FFS / SRS: 2020

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #177 on: June 04, 2019, 08:05:58 am »
Well, I agree with her ;) Congratulations :)
Such positive post making my day much better :) Your success is definitely inspiring.
Thanks for sharing ^_^

I’m glad I could help brighten your day :D

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #178 on: June 04, 2019, 08:06:31 am »
^ This! ^ This! ^ This!

My therapist and I were talking about this very thing today. I'm dealing with some rough spots in my transition with my mom, and it's very challenging for me to deal with. But I kept coming back to the reason I chose to transition was because right now, I am NOT comfortable with who I am on the outside, and because of that I CANNOT share nearly as much as I want to because I CAN'T TALK ABOUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE, which is that I am transgender! And because I can't do that, I can't form deep friendships with anyone.

Anyway, thanks for the totally inspiring and heart-warming post...it really does help.

Sarah

My pleasure. It’s why I write here still.

Offline Sabrina Rei

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Re: Finally started down the path.
« Reply #179 on: June 04, 2019, 08:06:56 am »
OMG what a wonderful post.  Thank you, gorgeous!

Kate


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Back at ya, beautiful!

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