Author Topic: How far into Hrt did you have your first male fail and how did it occur?  (Read 2273 times)

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Offline JudiBlueEyes

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Somewhere past a year in.  Wife took me to her nail parlor to get my eyebrows waxed, but insisted I go in boy mode.  I wore a baggy men’s T shirt over women’s straight leg jeans, carried a man bag, hair pulled back in a low pony tail, no make up.

Woman at desk talks to my wife, looks at me, and says, “and what will she be having?”

Best.  Fail.  Ever.

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Offline Drexy/Drex

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About 1 1/2 years into HRT. I began transitioning late in life but have made up for it!

I was shopping in a large Department Store in NYC (Century 21) and was in the women's  clothing section. I needed to pee and I saw a store clerk so I asked her "excuse me, where is the nearest restroom?". I left out "women's" and wasn't sure to use "men's" since I wasn't sure how passable I was as a gal.  She pointed to the women's restroom and I immediately froze at the thought that I would be using a public women's restroom for the first time. Before I could make an excuse like, "ok, I'll use it later"....the clerk responded, "here honey, why don't you give me the items you have and I'll hold on to them while you use the restroom."

At this point, there was no turning back. It felt like an out-of-body experience as I made my way to the restroom. I mentally prepared myself for screams of "it's a man....call the manager". So avoided all eye contact as I entered the bathroom. Out of my peripheral vision I saw 2 women talking by the sink washing their hands. I saw an empty stall (the one next to it was being used). I literally ran to get inside the stall as I was still expecting a negative reaction. I, of course made sure to squat to pee. I was hoping for the women to be done so I can wash my hands in the sink but they were still there and gabbing (tourists), so I summoned courage to go to the sink. I avoid all eye contact and much to my surprise, no one noticed or said anything.

I thought this was pure chance but a few weeks later, I was shopping in a Whole Foods and needed to use the restroom. There was a store clerk adjusting her apron. The men's room was on the left and the women's on the right. I made a beeline for the men's restroom. Before I could open the door, the store clerk said, "no it's this door" and giggled, pointing to the women's bathroom. Ever since those experiences, I use a women's public restroom all the time - airports, restaurants, cafes, public spaces, etc.

Although I begin transitioning late, it does help that I am 5'4".

That's trippy 😊 what an adventure
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Offline krobinson103

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I remember the first bathroom visit. was at the airport waiting for wife to arrive. The plane was delayed for two hours. Even dressed gender neutral then I knew a visit to the boys room would be... interesting. So I waited till  had no choice and just went. There were some people there. Didn't look twice. went to stall did my thing, left. World did NOT melt down.

I think the best male fail was when I was at a restraunt dressed fem as I always do. (In fact my profile pic was taken that night) and my daughter needed to go so I ask where the bathroom was despite my daughter calling me 'dad' they still showed me to the woman's room. That made me pretty sure I pass... :)
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Offline Dee Marshall

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I had to go into my file of old sig lines to figure this out. I started HRT on September 7, 2014 and had my first male-fail on April 22, 2015. So that would be, um, 7 and a half months. I was dressed gender neutral and hadn't gone full time yet. I remember hitting a point not too long after when I was stuck in the middle. Visible changes had slowed down and I realized that I would stay in those doldrums unless I made an effort to present female. Now, after almost four years, it doesn't take a great deal of effort, but if I make no effort I WILL be misgendered.

It's a little disheartening, really.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!

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Offline VickyS

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Well, not on HRT yet but I have had a couple.

I was sitting in my wife's classic van with her and this guy comes over and calls us ladies then starts talking about the van.  I was BEAMING!! but my wife hated it.  ;D ;D

Another time (2 weeks ago actually) I was in a pub getting a soft drink at the bar and this guy nudges my arm accidentally and says "sorry love".  Needless to say I got the drinks and grinned all the way back to the table.

The only thing I can think it can be is perhaps the long hair, bare hairless arms, long fingernails and I'm just under 5' 7" with a slimish frame.

Oh and at work when I'm carrying or lifting something large, one of the warehouse lads will ask if I'm ok with that or do I want them to carry it for me.  ;D
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Offline Sienna Grace

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Mine happened at the dentist of all places. The receptionist had me booked under my male name... I’d just had my then very short hair done and was dressed femininely - I told her my appt name she said ‘oh ok you’re keeping his appt? No I am him, I replied. Shocked she smiled, laughed and apologised, saying she had no idea. best dentist trip of my life. We both laughed, I told her she’d made my day and the world was wonderful. That was about 6 months in to HRT.

Offline Faith

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If you define male-fail as ma'am or miss or lady'd with "No makeup, androgynous clothes, not trying, etc" ... I'll come back if it ever happens.
I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.


Offline Donica

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I'll have to say, not me yet either. But like Faith says, I too will be back when it happens.

Hugs,
Donica.
Rebirth June 9, 2017. Started HRT August 22, 2017. Came out June 16, 2017, Full time July 9, 2018.
Started FHR August 9, 2018, Started VFT September 19, 2018, Name and Gender change October 19. 2018.

Offline DeniseGrace

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No idea how far in, several months is my best guess.

Mostly being called "Miss" in stores, or if with another woman it would be calling us "ladies".

Also had men in cars yell things to\at me when walking down the streets. Kind of a compliment in a bizarre way I guess.

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DeniseGrace

Online CynthiaAnn

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I recall my first "male fail, was in Oct 2010, I was growing my hair out and wore some nail polish, this was about 8 months before starting HRT, and I was called ma'am at the grocery store, I was simply wearing jeans, tee, my hair was not down to my shoulders yet.

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Offline alyssalove2790

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I can't recall when was the first ''male fail'' I've had... it's been years before even being aware of the trans movement! I've always had long hair and little to no beard... I was at a grocery store, and a clerk was trying to get my attention ''Excuse me madam, the counter here is open.'' I let it go obviously then I heard it again, I've looked over my shoulder to see the scene... and to my surprise she was referring to me! She went super uncomfortable at the situation but I just smiled and told that it's funny (but it felt really affirming!). We went on about hair care and yadda yadda what she thought was female afterwards!

I've had a number of these situations, until I went part time female (going out female, working male), I've always been gendered female ever since! I'm now full-time female!

...Actually, I don't know if I can call that a ''male fail'', but one of the HR workers had to do a double-take she didn't recognize me with my city clothes on!
2018/**/** Coming out
2019/01/15 Begun HRT! Low dose Cypro and E.
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Offline NatalieRene

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My first male fail, at least at work before coming out, was with a group of coworkers out doing some kind of team building exercise. We stopped to get food and the waiter asked what would she want. My coworkers chimes in on que he’s a guy. This was about 8 or 9 months in. I’m sure that I’ve male failed before that but never quite so publicly.

This is the photo and I got some raised eyebrows going into the men’s room when I took this photo after everyone else had cleared out.

Offline Michelle_P

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Oh, about 50 years before I started, when I was being a 15 year old hippie chick in San Francisco.  The good old days.

I had male fail while out and dressed in my 60s, before I started HRT as well.  Typically while going out to breakfast before assorted appointments.  My makeup drill at the time took around 45 minutes, though.  Now when running around in my daily routine it takes about 90 seconds.
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Online CynthiaAnn

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My first male fail, at least at work before coming out, was with a group of coworkers out doing some kind of team building exercise. We stopped to get food and the waiter asked what would she want. My coworkers chimes in on que he’s a guy. This was about 8 or 9 months in. I’m sure that I’ve male failed before that but never quite so publicly.

This is the photo and I got some raised eyebrows going into the men’s room when I took this photo after everyone else had cleared out.


Yep, it was time to turn in your man card  :)
kindness is love nurturing your soul....
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Offline josie76

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That's an interesting question. When people started calling me mam or avoiding calling me mam or sir because they weren't sure. That would have been about a year into hrt. However a few months after starting I had men hold the door open for me going into gas stations. I was on the road working so I stopped at a lot of gas stations through a week. At one stop the only people inside we're the two young women working. As I walked to the back one said to the other, "did you see that girl?". To which the second said ,"you mean that guy?". The first responded, "that's a girl!". I had only minor breast growth and was wearing sports bras and a tee shirt under my work uniform. I can only guess she thought I was FTM instead.

What was weird was guys holding open doors stopped for a while. As I went from I guess looking FTM to noticably trans to looking feminine. Now they hold the door again at least sometimes. Looking "trans" weirded guys out. Appearently looking FTM they still think they see female.
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Offline NatalieRene

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Yep, it was time to turn in your man card  :)

The funny thing is they didn’t notice the changes until after I came out and then showed up presenting female. I don’t understand how men can not see the obvious until it smacks them in their faces for being so visual based.

Offline steph2.0

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There were times in the past, long before I considered transitioning, when I was “correctly gendered.” Even before I grew my hair out, over 20 years ago now (!) I kept it at least halfway down my ears, though it was a guy’s cut. Seen from the back, I’d occasionally be called “ma’am” but that was always immediately corrected when I turned around. It was still a thrill back then, though I couldn’t tell anyone about it.

Since going full-time, it’s so important to me to be correctly gendered that I’m still a bit terrified of trying male-fail. I refuse to go out, even walking the dog in the neighborhood - where I’m still constantly misgendered by those who’ve known me so long - without at least a little makeup and jewelry. It’s possible my FFS back in December may have helped, but I still don’t want to push it - I haven’t been misgendered by a stranger in a very long time, and don’t want to feel that sinking feeling now. Maybe after my upcoming facelift and when the hair grafts finally grow in...


Stephanie


Assigned male at birth 1958 * Began envying sister 1963 * Knew unquestioningly that I was female 1968 * Acted the male part for 50 years * Meltdown and first therapist session May 2017 * Began HRT 6/21/17 * Out to the world 10/13/17 * Name Change 12/7/2017 (Girl Harbor Day) * FFS With FacialTeam 12/4/2018 * Facelift and Lipo Body Sculpting at Ocean Clinic 6/13-14/2019 * GCS with Marci Bowers 9/25/2019

Offline VickyS

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Had one a few weeks ago when I went for a day out with my wife.

I was dressed male, with t-shirt, coat, jeans and trainers, all which could be unisex.  We went into a cafe and I entered first, said good morning face on to the owner (a middle aged lady) then held the door open for my wife (who is on crutches), then we sat down and ordered.  When the food and drinks arrived, the owner said 'there you go ladies'.  I was genuinely shocked as it was totally unexpected.  My wife was livid and said she'd never go out with me again.  ::)

I'm not on HRT yet and am 44 years old.  It doesn't happen very often but when it does, it's nice and gives me hope.  ;D
Came out to self: mid Oct 17                   Last haircut: 3rd Nov 17       
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Offline VickyS

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There were times in the past, long before I considered transitioning, when I was “correctly gendered.” Even before I grew my hair out, over 20 years ago now (!) I kept it at least halfway down my ears, though it was a guy’s cut. Seen from the back, I’d occasionally be called “ma’am” but that was always immediately corrected when I turned around. It was still a thrill back then, though I couldn’t tell anyone about it.

All the signs were there! lol.  Actually, Steph, that reminds me of the first time I went out on a works 'do'.  Like a Christmas works outing.  I was 18 at the time, so it must have been around 1992.  I had a shortish male haircut but one of the waitresses called me 'miss' at which point, the accounts lady from our works nearly exploded with laughter.  The waitress apologised but I told her it was fine and it really was.  I remember thinking - I'm totally fine with that.  It feels nice!  Although I was in a (hidden) gay relationship at the time I had no idea I was trans...  ::)
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Came out to wife: 17th Jan 18                 Therapy started: 1st Mar 18
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Offline jkredman

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How far into Hrt did you have your first male fail and how did it occur?
« Reply #39 on: March 30, 2019, 07:29:44 pm »
I won’t call it male fail, but a moment of acceptance!!!!

For me, to was when my wife and I were dressing to attend a concert.  She looked at me and asked:

     What are we Girls going to wear?


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