Community Conversation > Significant Others talk

Sexually inflexible

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GwenFTW:
You are married to someone who wants to try to stay together through your transition.  However, this person is sexually uninterested with your body after transitioning. You are in your thirties.
 
Would you stay with them and why?

KathyLauren:
My wife lost interest in sex 10 years before I transitioned, for normal age-related reasons.  I stayed with her because we were married and I still loved her.  Then I transitioned, and she stayed with me because we were married and she still loved me.

My sexual orientation appears to be asexual with lesbian tendencies.  The asexual part may be why not having sex any more wasn't a huge deal to me.  But this happens for natural as well as transitional reasons, so it is something that many couples have to deal with.

GwenFTW:
Updated the question with my age, as you've made it relevant.

Devlyn:
Well, if sex is a prerequisite to a relationship for you, there really isn't a choice, is there?

Sylvia:
This is an interesting question for me as a SO whose partner is 3 months into HRT. We are much older (I'm nearly 60) but we still have a good sex life, so it IS important to us. The sexual attraction part is very relevant to the partner, many of us say we can't suddenly become lesbians if we just aren't! We married men. At least we thought we did! Of course, sex isn't important to everyone and love and companionship is enough. But as you are in your 30s it may be a bit different, and we all have our needs. Some people choose to be polyamorous. Myself, I am trying to adapt, but my partner hasn't changed that much yet, apart from a bit of boob growth. I don't find them at all attractive, but am not repulsed either - I seem them as part of him now. However, he still presents male, uses male pronouns and has no intention of coming out or for full transition. Maybe if his body changed too much, I couldn't deal with it. But I would certainly try to adapt as much as possible.
It all really depends on you and your wife and what you want out of life, and what your relationship is like. Maybe with time, she could learn to adapt? I've surprised myself (and him!) with how accepting I am being. A few months ago I told him I'd be out of the door if he transitioned.
Feel free to PM me, or your wife can, I'd be happy to talk.
Syl

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