Author Topic: People that intentionally go out of their way to ... think they're 'outing' you  (Read 834 times)

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Offline Maid Marion

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Yes, I do think you need to defend yourself.  Maybe something along lines of self deprecating beauty or fitness humor that cuts to the bone?

Offline Angelic

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I feel I need to explain something: I'm also an actress (mostly all improve to be honest though)... as she is as well, but sometimes the ones not actively doing the skit are in the practice 'audience'.

Every time I say a line its like she's heckling me.. I never did it to her.  And every time its a rude man-reference.  We'll see how this weekend goes.  IF SHE DOES IT again, I am not backing up.  I will single her out and embarrass the crap out of her, probably make lesbian inference.  Two can play this 'game' and .. like I said in my experiences 'ignoring' them only emboldens them.   Also I can't just vanish.. I am on stage.  Vanishing is not an option. 

Perhaps I'm insecure but she sure as hell isn't doing it to anyone else.. and frankly I am taller than all the other girls.  She's being a royal ****** fill in the blanks.  I'm past being bullied.  I can and will strike back, and harder.  If you have ever worked as a nurse you understand the bitchy backstabbing that happens behind the scenes.  I usually refused to participate ... didn't mean they didn't go behind your back & make things worse for you though.  You really do have to confront the troublemaker.

Watch children's shows, and observe how mafia diva types frame other girls who don't go along with the show. Then use the same narcissistic promqueen methods on them.

Remember, you have to fight fire with fire. Weapons are only evil if it ends in a bad result. In war, guns are used by both sides, both sides.
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Offline Donica

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Here's the thing about ignoring problems.. they tend to escalate and the instigator gets braver in their bs.  I have seen this in the past.  Staring works great if you're in the time and place to do so, but most often this won't work.

Oh, I've dealt with her 'type' in the past. (Type: Loser and Jerk).  Believe it or not though, DIRECT confrontation where you make very clear their behavior is unwarranted, unwanted, and will face immediate reaction has been very effective in handling this nonsense in the past.

I don't seek fights, but if someone is rearing their ugly head constantly you do need to handle it in the end. 

I would have to disagree here. In my experience, It is ignoring the instigator that cuts far deeper than anything you could possibly say or do. After all, the instigator is trying to upset you and get attention that they think is clever, by trying to get a response out of you. Ignoring the instigator is not in any way making them braver, it is actually making them angrier and is the reason they escalate with their BS. The more one ignores this type of behavior, the angrier they get. Eventually the instigator will be seen by everyone as the true bitch they may be. It may even be possible to further irritate the instigator with a simple smile. In short, Ignoring the instigator makes them angry and responding only serves to satisfy their warped sense of being. For what it's worth, That's my two cents.

Hugs Doreen!
Donica.
Rebirth June 9, 2017. Started HRT August 22, 2017. Came out June 16, 2018, Full time July 9, 2018.

Offline MissyMay2.0

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I would have to disagree here. In my experience, It is ignoring the instigator that cuts far deeper than anything you could possibly say or do. After all, the instigator is trying to upset you and get attention that they think is clever, by trying to get a response out of you. Ignoring the instigator is not in any way making them braver, it is actually making them angrier and is the reason they escalate with their BS. The more one ignores this type of behavior, the angrier they get. Eventually the instigator will be seen by everyone as the true bitch they may be. It may even be possible to further irritate the instigator with a simple smile. In short, Ignoring the instigator makes them angry and responding only serves to satisfy their warped sense of being. For what it's worth, That's my two cents.

Hugs Doreen!
Donica.
I would like to add that if the bully is getting positive feedback from their peers the dynamic changes, so if other people in the class are laughing or doing other things to show approval, then ignoring the bully probably won’t be effective, which is why getting the instructor involved may be a good choice.

Offline Lady Sarah

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I would like to add that if the bully is getting positive feedback from their peers the dynamic changes, so if other people in the class are laughing or doing other things to show approval, then ignoring the bully probably won’t be effective, which is why getting the instructor involved may be a good choice.

I've had teachers that were about as bad as the bullies, with an exception. My bad teachers ridiculed me, abusing me psychologically. The kids that bullied, abused me physically as well as psychologically.  In adult life, I am free of the school environment. If someone treats me in a way worse than I like, I have options. I am free to leave. If leaving does no good due to persistence, I have other options at my disposal.

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Offline Donica

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I would like to add that if the bully is getting positive feedback from their peers the dynamic changes, so if other people in the class are laughing or doing other things to show approval, then ignoring the bully probably won’t be effective, which is why getting the instructor involved may be a good choice.

Perhaps? But wouldn't that make everyone giving the bully positive feedback worthless bitches with a warped sense of being? I have to admit, when I was young and harassed by bullies, most of the time a good punch in the nose turn the tables, putting the bully in there place. But that still brought trouble on me in the form of law, legal or school principal. Ignoring them still pissed them off, which was funny to me. In all honesty, there isn't mush one can do when dealing with the stupid.
Rebirth June 9, 2017. Started HRT August 22, 2017. Came out June 16, 2018, Full time July 9, 2018.

Offline Virginia

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Offline Doreen

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I actually did confront the individual before the event, but I tried to not be accusatory (too much) about it.  I just asked if she had a problem with me because it seemed she did by some of the comments she made.  She was all "WHO ME???"  and I was like, ok if there is no problem that's great :)  I spent some time with her after that just to try to get to know her better.

It was effective because ever after that she's been kind and friendly.  Confrontation need not be actually confrontational. There are good and bad ways to go about it, but in my experiences it almost always ends the conflict.

Of course it won't always work.. people are complex social creatures with their own agenda... but in the end most people are more interested in friendship than adversity.  Sadly not everyone is that way... sometimes they'll create more drama just because they can, and you need to deal with it accordingly.

Offline Allison S

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You're right Doreen. And you handled that situation really well... I'm taking notes for sure

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