Author Topic: Irrational Fears Question?  (Read 504 times)

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Offline Gabrielle66

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Irrational Fears Question?
« on: September 19, 2018, 03:02:58 pm »
Alright, I know I've kind of jumped in here with both feet and starting posting but I do have so many questions and concerns about where this journey is heading. So I have this totally irrational fear about HRT. I've read here and there on various sites and articles that some women feel a shift in their sexuality after being on HRT. If they were attracted to women previously they find themselves more and more attracted to men. Like suddenly a man smells good and women just smell like friends. This really freaks me out. I am very attracted to my wife of 18 years. I love every curve and I honestly believe that I would be devastated if I woke up one day and just felt meh when I saw her. I know that the hormones aren't supposed to change you like that but as I said in the title it is a crazy fear I have. Have any of you ladies experienced this shift in your sexuality after starting HRT? Thanks for listening. Love and faith.

Gabrielle

Offline Faith

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Re: Irrational Fears Question?
« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2018, 03:05:58 pm »
nope, not as far as preference. I am not a good study for that though, I don't have interest in either gender except for my wife .. she's got me hooked.



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Offline Sarah1979

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Re: Irrational Fears Question?
« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2018, 03:19:25 pm »
As I've never been in a relationship with anyone, male or female, feel free to take my thoughts with a giant grain of salt, but I feel that there is a difference between attraction, and love.  I think the love you have for your wife will never change, and likely is a large part of the attraction you have for her.  So, in short, I think you will have very little change in your feelings towards her.  However, HRT does tend to make your libido crash pretty hard,  (I considered this a blessing when I was on it, and can't wait for it again!)

Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Irrational Fears Question?
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2018, 03:25:41 pm »
It happens, but it does not seem to be very common.

I was only ever attracted to women.  I have been on HRT for over a year and a half now, and I am still only attracted to women.  Well, my wife, specifically.  But if that relationship ended for some reason, I would only be interested in other women.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change

Offline DawnOday

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Re: Irrational Fears Question?
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2018, 03:48:56 pm »
I've been married for thirty five years and she is my second wife. I love my wife but I am not attracted to her. She is more of a great friend. She is not the be all, end all of my existence. We have two children who are in their 30's. I'm not sure how it happened because my peter was the model for "little smokies", :D I have a hard time believing I am capable of satisfying anybody. Most my friends are women as I have always been able to relate to them. Men not so much. I love woman, I want to be one, I have always wanted to be one for as long as I can remember. The thought of penises repulses me. But, that didn't stop me from living the lie, until I couldn't any longer. I guess I am not looking for sex, I prefer companionship, someone to talk to and just enjoy life without the disappointment.
Dawn Oday

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Offline ErinAscending

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Re: Irrational Fears Question?
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2018, 04:18:01 pm »
The few women I know from chatting around to whom this seemed to happen, figured out for their own reasons that they started out being attracted to guys...  But buried it in favor of focusing on women because they were trying to present as people saw them.  Then they repressed the entire thing and convinced themselves they only liked women despite in all probability being Bi all along.

This is an interesting subject to me specifically as it seems that is exactly what I did.  I can't (for various reasons) even start hormones yet but after digging up a massive treasure trove of old memories from childhood and my pubescent years which I had completely blocked out, I have to say there was always something "there".  It was just always framed during that time in my life as "Fantasy" so I had to shut it off.  Would never have had a chance anyway as I was not and am not attracted to gay guys...  They would have to like women because that would be me, right?  <3  My first crush in life period was an obvious cis-hetero male...  Yup.  No chance in hell. 

Now that I'm seeing things in life without the memory blocks in place I can say for sure (pre-hormones) that I definitely have and have had an interest in guys too.  No doubt.   :laugh:

I also have a wife.  And as long as I do I won't acting on these feelings even if I have the chance.  But if things deteriorate anymore between us (which it seems to be headed that way) and I find myself available again, I do think I would head straight to getting this body corrected (as I really DON'T like to use the parts I have) and maybe see what I've been missing.  It's not much of a priority for me but I would think when (or should) I get that far I would definitely want to give it a try.

To answer your question:  I don't think for the people who experience anything like this that it's the hormones that "Do it".  Maybe starting HRT can trigger the predisposition but that's all it would be.  At least that's what I think using myself as an example.  If it does happen then all that means is that is who you really are!  That's a good thing!   ;)
« Last Edit: September 19, 2018, 06:17:06 pm by ErinJohnson »
Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes. - Oscar Wilde

Offline Nikkimn

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Re: Irrational Fears Question?
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2018, 01:02:31 am »
Your fear is valid. Over several months I went from completely into women and not at all men to almost 180 the other direction. I would say I’m bisexual or heteroflexible. My wife turned from being very attractive to me to more like a friend I sometimes play with. Now I’m finding men to be more attractive then women. It sucks but that’s who I am and I wouldn’t consider being a male just because it’s inconvenient. We’re sticking together we’re just adopting a polyamorous lifestyle to accommodate the orientation change. I would say be prepared for some kind of shift for some people it’s not as dramatic as mine but you could go straight to bi of bi to gay or straight to gay. Bottom line is it doesn’t matter Just go with the flow and like who you want to like. It’s normal to be afraid of the unknown but I guess my mentality is I’m going to make lemons into lemonade. Who knows maybe you’ll not change at all maybe you will but you’ll still find your wife attractive and also men attractive.


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Offline Gabrielle66

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Re: Irrational Fears Question?
« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2018, 10:41:17 am »
I honestly can't imagine myself ever not loving my wife as much as I do today. It seems almost irrelevant since she is opposed to all of the things that are happening. We had a rough talk last night and it seems pretty clear that eventually the changes will be too much for her to bear. It is killing me to break her heart. Love an faith

Gabrielle

Offline SaraDanielle

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Re: Irrational Fears Question?
« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2018, 11:46:03 am »
I may be unique in this, but I if I were being honest with myself - part of my experience withmy transexualism is rooted in my adoration for the female.  I'm pretty sure that is not going away.

As I've explored my female side over the years I've found my fantasies have certainly transformed to a sexual interest in the male penis.  That happened  before HRT. 

But - after almost 5 months on HRT - the thought of actually touching a live man - yikes no way - men are gross :)

That's just my experience. 




Offline Kirsteneklund7

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Re: Irrational Fears Question?
« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2018, 12:11:47 pm »
Hi Gabrielle 66,
 The chances are with HRT your love and attraction to your wife will remain or increase. It may not be the same for her though. She may continue to love you but there is a good chance the natural chemistry will change.

 Your harder edged male smell will change to a softer sweeter female smell. Your disposition will fall towards a more feminine style. This means her sexual attraction to you may stop or a different attraction dynamic may develope.

 For you HRT won't really make you do anything that already isn't within you. It is an irrational fear that HRT will stop your attraction to your wife.

 ( I experienced this ).

 Wishing you both a loving future,

      Kirsten

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Offline Nikkimn

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Re: Irrational Fears Question?
« Reply #10 on: September 24, 2018, 01:20:13 am »
Hi Gabrielle 66,
 The chances are with HRT your love and attraction to your wife will remain or increase. It may not be the same for her though. She may continue to love you but there is a good chance the natural chemistry will change.

 Your harder edged male smell will change to a softer sweeter female smell. Your disposition will fall towards a more feminine style. This means her sexual attraction to you may stop or a different attraction dynamic may develope.

 For you HRT won't really make you do anything that already isn't within you. It is an irrational fear that HRT will stop your attraction to your wife.

 ( I experienced this ).

 Wishing you both a loving future,

      Kirsten

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It’s not an irrational fear and it can and does happen. It’s really one of those YMMV kind of things. My gender therapist says most experience a shift in sexual orientation of some kind they may suddenly find the other sex more attractive or in some cases change orientations or fall somewhere in the middle. It’s not something to be AFRAID of but to keep an open mind about. Also I’ve heard many trans woman say this that their attraction to women may also be more closely tied to envy than attraction. They want to be a woman so badly they end up being attracted to women to get closer and live vicariously through them. I think socialization also creates peer pressure to develop attractions during our teenage years so that may have been an influence as well. Transitioning post puberty changes the end result. Some people may shift some people may not. Hormones are extremely powerful and everything changes. How can you expect to be the same person you were?


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julia-madrid

Re: Irrational Fears Question?
« Reply #11 on: September 24, 2018, 01:46:10 am »
Hi all

Let's separate out three related concepts:  love, sexual attraction, and psychology.   If you love someone, chances are that your love will remain strong regardless of HRT, and maybe even become stronger if you work positively at your relationship.

The sexual attraction part becomes harder to nail down, but let us say that HRT (estrogen), may make some transwomen more sensitive to how men smell.  This was my case, at least.  But whether HRT itself may change your orientation, I think this is more debatable.  (For example, pumping a gay man full of testosterone is unlikely to make him straight, you'd probably agree.)

The psychology part:  many of us, when we transition, have to do a lot of questioning, and part of this could take us into the territory of whether our public orientation is indeed our true orientation.  Many people impose upon themselves an orientation for reasons which are guided by morals, personal goals, and social acceptability.  So it is possible that some people, as part of their transition, may question their true orientation and decide that hiding it is no longer necessary.

Therefore, taking these three things together, yes, someone's orientation could change.  But, Gabrielle, the HRT is unlikely, of itself, to change you.  If anything, HRT would give you an additionally overlay on top of your existing sexuality.

I would classify myself as innately bisexual,and I had relationships with both genders before I transitioned.  That hasn't changed, but I did, finally, stop feeling guilty about my sexual choices - that was the key change.

Regards to all!
Julia
« Last Edit: September 24, 2018, 05:48:22 am by julia-madrid »

Offline Virginia

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Re: Irrational Fears Question?
« Reply #12 on: September 24, 2018, 07:59:49 am »
I am very attracted to my wife of 18 years. I love every curve and I honestly believe that I would be devastated if I woke up one day and just felt meh when I saw her. I know that the hormones aren't supposed to change you like that but as I said in the title it is a crazy fear I have.
No fear is irrational. This would be a good topic to discuss with a therapist to begin to undertsand what it is rooted in.

Regardless of whether HRT affects a person's actual sexual "preference," in most cases it will affect their sex "drive" making it a very real possibility that one day you will wake up and "just feel meh" when you see your wife.

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Offline LizK

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Re: Irrational Fears Question?
« Reply #13 on: September 24, 2018, 08:47:41 am »
It took me a long time to admit to myself that I am attracted to men on the basis they are attracted to me as a woman. When ever I had sex I would fantasise about being the woman...in fact all my fantasies involved good looking well muscled , handsome, cute, big, powerfully built, well tanned, budgie smuggler wearing, did I mention cute   guys.....phew!! :icon_redface: :icon_redface: I digress...My orientation never changed I have now just allowed myself to accept and enjoy.

I have been married to a wonderful woman for 33 years and I love her more than anybody I have ever loved in my life...we have been celibate for many years initially because of medical conditions then later through choice. I cannot see a time in the future where I will be able to have a relationship with a guy but that's ok too.

I would doubt if you have never honestly found guys attractive that you suddenly will after taking HRT...I am sure its possible but that does not mean you will not still be attracted to you wife or that its a forgone conclusion.

Take care

Liz
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Offline Paige

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Re: Irrational Fears Question?
« Reply #14 on: September 24, 2018, 02:40:27 pm »
Hi Gabrielle66,

Remember it takes quite a while for HRT to change your body.  If you are freaked out by anything along the way, such as a change in who you're attracted to, you can always reduce your dose or stop taking entirely.   

Take care,
Paige :)

Offline mako9802

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Re: Irrational Fears Question?
« Reply #15 on: September 25, 2018, 12:13:56 pm »
You will not suddenly start liking men....but if you did have a desire a slight desire it may bring that to the surface.   I always described my self as bisexual with a preference for women.  Now my craving for men is heightened I still like women but men even moreso now.

Offline pamelatransuk

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Re: Irrational Fears Question?
« Reply #16 on: October 01, 2018, 08:55:13 am »
I know that the hormones aren't supposed to change you like that but as I said in the title it is a crazy fear I have. Have any of you ladies experienced this shift in your sexuality after starting HRT? Thanks for listening. Love and faith.

Gabrielle

Hello again Gabrielle

My understanding on this subject is that one's sexual orientation can change on HRT but in most cases as in mine it does not. As you love your wife so great, your love should remain for her and perhaps be enhanced. Your sexual orientation may or may not change and my advice would be to have an open mind and wait and see.

I am mainly asexual with minor lesbian tendencies.

Hugs

Pamela



I've been married for thirty five years and she is my second wife. I love my wife but I am not attracted to her. She is more of a great friend. She is not the be all, end all of my existence. We have two children who are in their 30's. I'm not sure how it happened because my peter was the model for "little smokies", :D I have a hard time believing I am capable of satisfying anybody. Most my friends are women as I have always been able to relate to them. Men not so much. I love woman, I want to be one, I have always wanted to be one for as long as I can remember. The thought of penises repulses me. But, that didn't stop me from living the lie, until I couldn't any longer. I guess I am not looking for sex, I prefer companionship, someone to talk to and just enjoy life without the disappointment.

Hello again Dawn

I never married but otherwise your summary applies to me so well! Just to be precise I have one addition if I may please: "The thought of body hair and of penises repulses me".

Hugs

Pamela



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