Author Topic: Randi's transition (in)decision  (Read 11284 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline randim

  • *
  • Posts: 652
  • Reputation: +6/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #220 on: June 16, 2020, 12:25:47 pm »
I hope it works out that way.  The real drawback will be feeling comfortable around my wife.  She ain't at all happy with it. But yes, it does feel like a relief.  My sisters-in-law sent me lovely, supportive emails.  Whether they will feel the same when they actually see me dressed is still to be answered.  It's a lot easier to be supportive in the abstract.

Offline RandyL

  • *
  • Posts: 1,098
  • Reputation: +11/-0
  • Gender: Questioning
  • Non-binary
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #221 on: June 16, 2020, 01:27:36 pm »


...What will they think of me?  What will they think of me if/when they see me dressed? I guess we'll find out...
This can produce some moments that you just have to laugh about.

Several years ago before I was out to anybody besides my wife, we went for a hike. I was wearing a wig and a bra (this was before doing this became sensitive to my wife). We encountered an old friend from our parenting years some 25 years in the past. The friend couldn't figure out who I was and tried guessing our son's name. I corrected her, no it's me, but without explanation. My wife thought it was rude not to explain, but I wasn't up to that yet. I still giggle a bit wondering what that friend thought of me, rude as I may be.

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Casting about for my best path forward...

Offline Wendi

  • *
  • Posts: 1,784
  • Reputation: +3/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #222 on: June 16, 2020, 02:42:23 pm »
This can produce some moments that you just have to laugh about.

Several years ago before I was out to anybody besides my wife, we went for a hike. I was wearing a wig and a bra (this was before doing this became sensitive to my wife). We encountered an old friend from our parenting years some 25 years in the past. The friend couldn't figure out who I was and tried guessing our son's name. I corrected her, no it's me, but without explanation. My wife thought it was rude not to explain, but I wasn't up to that yet. I still giggle a bit wondering what that friend thought of me, rude as I may be.

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk
I don't think that was rude. Obviously they noticed a huge difference.

When and if you feel like divulging information you can.

Sent from my SM-G986U using Tapatalk

Started HRT 1/3/2019




Offline Allie Jayne

  • *
  • Posts: 1,773
  • Reputation: +17/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #223 on: June 16, 2020, 09:10:13 pm »
I found it rewarding once I told people as did my  wife. It was easier for me to go out dressed as I felt liberated.

Sent from my SM-G986U using Tapatalk

Randi, Wendi has a great point. A big part of spouses lack of acceptance comes from the fear they will be embarrassed by other people Looking down upon you both. My wife was so much like this, last Xmas she said she would never be seen with me outside our home, but when I didn’t get any negative reactions, she softened. Late January we went on a driving holiday in another state for 10 days, and near the end of that trip, I asked her how she was going with my appearance as a woman through this time, and she was confused for a few seconds, and admitted she hadn’t been conscious of my appearance for most of that time. She has since softened more and was not unduly worried when we were with her friends. Because I am not being ridiculed in public as she expected, a great deal of her resistance to being with me in public has gone.

The more people who see you and support you, the less grounds she will have for her fears.

Hugs,

Allie

Offline davina61

  • *
  • Posts: 4,882
  • Reputation: +12/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • The ramblings of an old dear
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #224 on: June 17, 2020, 02:56:06 am »
the reason my ex kicked me out, her embarrassment or perceived embarrassment anyway. Lately she has been treating me normally !! Take it small steps at a time and when she sees no one is throwing stones I am sure she will come round.
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,970
  • Reputation: +23/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #225 on: June 17, 2020, 07:41:54 am »
I think my wife will follow Davina and Allie's spouses, I will have to leave.  The shock of seeing me dressed female will be too much for my wife to tolerate and I know that she is vulnerable to outside opinion.  I hope that once the personal and public shock is over that we can reconcile.
[img[/img]The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline randim

  • *
  • Posts: 652
  • Reputation: +6/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #226 on: June 17, 2020, 08:50:34 am »
@RandyL @Wendi

Hard to imagine anybody not id'ing me off the jump, but who knows?  It is true that hair *really* changes things.  :D

@Allie @davina61

You may be right.  Certainly, as trans, it made a huge difference to me to see that sky did not, in fact, fall because I stepped out of the house dressed.  Maybe Kristin will find her fears wildly exaggerated but we'll see.  I hope so, but this is still very much in the air. I mentioned that Kristin had forwarded my coming out letter to some of her friends.  One of the them shared it with her husband, and he called me last night to offer support.  Very touching actually.  During our conversation we discussed a former fraternity brother of his who had transitioned, and started a relationship with a woman afterwards.  So we were talking and I say something like many couples adapt and consider it a sort of lesbian relationship.  Kristin heard snatches and afterwards was vehement in saying we were not in a lesbian relationship and I was not a woman and she wasn't calling me "she." So, let's just say, there are still miles to go here.

@Emma

I have long believed this was what you thought, and the source of your reluctance to share much with your wife.  It is a rational, understandable concern.  I would encourage you though, to not just present Emma to her as a fait accompli. Consider this analogy.  Marriage as a contact.  Transitioning presents a major rewrite of that contract.  She will be less willing to agree to it if you just present it to her for her signature than if she has input into the rewrite.

Now, this is part of the thinking why I have gone so slow and been willing to try androgyny so much.  But it has not been wildly successful! So, obviously I am really not one to be offering advice.  But I do think you have a better chance of staying together the sooner she is involved in the process. I do understand though, this is as deep and personal as it gets so maybe there isn't much that can be done about the rewrite. Only you can say.


Offline Oldandcreaky

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 565
  • Reputation: +9/-0
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #227 on: June 17, 2020, 10:14:04 am »
Quote
Marriage as a contact.  Transitioning presents a major rewrite of that contract.  She will be less willing to agree to it if you just present it to her for her signature than if she has input into the rewrite.

Such sagacity.

On a different note, I am saddened to read about how many wives fear the loss of status. Even it were to happen, their vows must not have included "for worse" and "for poorer."

Offline randim

  • *
  • Posts: 652
  • Reputation: +6/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #228 on: July 10, 2020, 01:56:10 pm »
Hi all, Haven't been by in a while.  Felt the need to ramble a bit.

Things continue to be .... interesting .... at home. Kristin and I spent a week at the coast with a couple that had received my coming out letter but the topic never came up.  Guess it is up to me to break the ice on that, but it's awkward and difficult to bring up.  Of course, I was in boy mode mostly so that was a factor.

I kind of stay in an andro mode most of the time now (lots of women's shorts and sandals and unisex tees) but I have started to push it a bit more without bad results (wearing some femme tops, using a purse some) and Kristin has made noises that it wouldn't bother her if I shaved my legs.  Think I will have to take her up on that.  She is making an effort to avoid the "pops" language that bothers me (though she ain't anywhere near using female pronouns for me or gendering me as female).  Starting to feel like I *need* some new clothes because I can actually wear them now.  So it feels like there is some progress, howbeit agonizingly slow.  And I don't know.  I think there are plenty of lines that if crossed will lead to domestic strife.  It's still an open question to me how far I have to go in my transition, and just how safe my environment really is.  But life is for learning, as the song says.

Really tired of the virus.  It has put beard removal on hold for me.  I am in a high-risk demographic, as it Kristin, and those types of services are quite iffy. If it were just me I would risk it, but it doesn't feel right to put her at risk also. And the support group I was attending has not met in months.  I think we may try to get together outside somewhere next scheduled time if the weather is good.

Been spending a lot of time on twitter lately.  Interesting platform.  So huge, and many trans people on it.  But most of them so much younger. It is certainly interesting.  I haven't stuck my nose in the TERF wars much, but man, are they raging.  Real internet trench fighting.  Unsurprisingly, not many are having their minds changed.  :laugh:

If anyone has not watched Disclosure yet, I highly recommend it, though it is quite painful at times.  There is one interview with a trans women commenting on a TV show featuring parents of trans children that absolutely had me in tears.  Which, btw, is no mean feat, estrogen or no. It is good.

Hope everyone is staying safe and healthy.  These are not normal times, and boy do I wish they were.










Offline Maddie

  • Family
  • *
  • Posts: 1,909
  • Reputation: +14/-0
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #229 on: July 10, 2020, 02:21:44 pm »
Hi Randi :)

So much uncertainty yes!

Glad you are making progress with your clothes at home.  Hope you can keep stepping it up

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,970
  • Reputation: +23/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #230 on: July 10, 2020, 02:47:36 pm »
Randi I am with you, slow and steady with transitioning. Really no choice during the pandemic. It gives our spouses more time to process.

Stay well and safe,

Emma
[img[/img]The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline randim

  • *
  • Posts: 652
  • Reputation: +6/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #231 on: July 10, 2020, 04:21:37 pm »
@Maddie

Thanks.  Realize I've been MIA from the boards for a while.  Hope things are going OK for you.  Really pulling for you to find the end of the rainbow.  Much love sis.

@Emma

Thanks.  Don't know if I what I'm doing is wise or foolish.  Just putting one foot in front of the other and seeing where the road leads.  Don't know where it does, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't lead back to the closet.  I know you agonize over all this as much as anyone ever has.  I hope you are able to find peace and happiness and can keep your relationship with your beloved. Big hugs to you dear.

Offline Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 29,910
  • Reputation: +42/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • northernstargirl@susans.org
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #232 on: August 12, 2020, 10:45:10 pm »
@randim
Dear Randi:
Where have you been??? ... you have not posted on your thread/blog for over a month now.   I am aware that you are always very active around the other various threads on the Forums but you have not been keeping me and the rest of your followers updated on your own thread.

I have found out from a reliable source that it is your BIRTHDAY on August 13 .. Thursday !!!!

Wishing you
....a very :icon_flower: :icon_flower: Happy Birthday :icon_flower: :icon_flower:

***NOTE: On your birthday be certain to check your profile for a special birthday surprise! :)

I hope that your special day includes time with family and friends...
... and with  Candles and CAKE.


HUGS and best wishes on your special day and birthday.
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline davina61

  • *
  • Posts: 4,882
  • Reputation: +12/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • The ramblings of an old dear
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #233 on: August 13, 2020, 02:32:19 am »
Happy birthday dear, may the next year bring you good fortune
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever

Offline Maddie

  • Family
  • *
  • Posts: 1,909
  • Reputation: +14/-0
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #234 on: August 13, 2020, 10:19:04 am »
Happy birthday Randi.
Miss you too
Have a great day

Offline randim

  • *
  • Posts: 652
  • Reputation: +6/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #235 on: August 13, 2020, 02:00:18 pm »
Thanks all for the well wishes.  Still here from time to time.  Not blogging much because so much seems repetitive.  Still struggling with marital problems, though maybe some progress there.  We'll see. Definitely some transition-related problems due to the pandemic. Beard removal, makeovers, ear piercings are kind of on hold.

Feel like I'm expanding the  boundaries at home a bit.  But is it enough?  I just don't know.  I do seem to be getting a lot more comfortable mixing and matching from the gender racks, but do want the option to lean heavily towards the femme end when the spirit moves me.  All my male underwear is tossed, and that's a good feeling.  Need to start scrapping some other stuff.  Not really wearing much that isn't off the women's rack these days, though a lot of it is very low-key. That seems like progress.

Some physical changes still happening. [tmi]Have discovered the dry orgasm.[/tmi]  Definitely not in Kansas anymore!  But I like it.  Feels a lot less masculine and more feminine. It would be nice if HRT would have more impact on this masc face.  Maybe with time.

Pondering what will feel like and constitute real progress.  I think getting to a point where I can do hair (even if it's a wig)  and makeup without reservation regularly would definitely feel like progress.  Incorporating jewelry into day-to-day life. Getting really comfortable doing business close to home en femme would definitely be.  I am carrying a purse a lot these days but often leave it at home if I'm going to the drugstore or grocery store close to the house. I need to get over that.

Just gotta start living it more I think. 

Offline randim

  • *
  • Posts: 652
  • Reputation: +6/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #236 on: August 13, 2020, 02:03:13 pm »
Happy birthday Randi.
Miss you too
Have a great day

Thanks Maddie!  Hope life is agreeing with you.  When last I heard, you were exploring some significant changes. I hope that is going well for you.  You definitely deserve it.

Offline RandyL

  • *
  • Posts: 1,098
  • Reputation: +11/-0
  • Gender: Questioning
  • Non-binary
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #237 on: August 13, 2020, 02:04:46 pm »
Happy birthday, Randi!
Love, Randy

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Casting about for my best path forward...

Offline randim

  • *
  • Posts: 652
  • Reputation: +6/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #238 on: August 13, 2020, 03:01:55 pm »
Thanks Randy!  I mean, the name alone ....

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,970
  • Reputation: +23/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Randi's transition (in)decision
« Reply #239 on: August 13, 2020, 03:15:05 pm »
A very Happy Birthday Randi!  I hope you have an excellent day!!!!
[img[/img]The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Tags: