Author Topic: JanePlain my introduction.  (Read 2047 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline JanePlain

  • This road has a few bumps I wasn't expecting.
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 670
  • Reputation: +9/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Janes not here!
JanePlain my introduction.
« on: September 20, 2018, 09:42:32 pm »
This week is my first serious visit sign up intro etc.  I came here with a fair amount of anxiety worrying about fear of discovery to look seriously at my gender problem.  I've known for a long time but the era I came from people transitioning were a news worthy oddity. 

Quite a few years ago I did a long boring mental health test which resulting in the doctor saying that the results were pretty ordinary other then, "Your really in touch with your feminine side"  I wasn't surprised or willing to even discuss it. For whatever its worth in the last couple of days I've tried a number of on line tests which all say the same thing.

I found Lynn Conway's site mostly because of the technical history she created but hearing her story inspired a little bit less fear.  I have a friend who was gender confused. (Not probably the right term)  She had tried living as a gay male which was a failure.  Based on my own well closeted feelings I suggested it might be possible she might be dealing with gender issues.  So happy ending - She transitioned and lives the whole happily married with the white picket fence thing. 

I admit I'm still deep in fear and some denial.  I'm post Orchiectomy have gone from trying to testosterone myself into masculinity to saying to hell with it a short time ago and using overseas pharmacy estrogel.  I understand this is not the best way to go about HRT but I have hormone labs every 6 months (coming up soon)  Maybe it will force a conversation with my endo or she will assume not using an aromatace inhibiter is letting testosterone convert to estrogen.  So big other event was I did another to hell with it and made an appointment to get an appointment with a gender therapist to talk things over a few days ago.  Per the time I was told it would take to make an appointment I think gender issues must have become fairly common as it appears there is quite a long list of people waiting to talk to someone.  So in the meantime I signed up here to get some free advice. 
"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Offline Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 33,870
  • Reputation: +53/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • northernstargirl@susans.org
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2018, 10:08:19 pm »
@JanePlain 
Dear JanePlane:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.... and writing your interesting and detailed introductions posting..

The good news is that because of your posting many of our members are now aware of your arrival here and you can be expecting them to share their thoughts with you relevant to you questions and concerns.

This is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
Be aware that there are a lot of members here that can identify with your situation as you feel free to share it.
 
Please allow me to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice that you had signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
 ***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace. 
I have included Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place.  Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle


Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:

Things that you should read
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline V M

  • The Female Clint Eastwood
  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 24,697
  • Reputation: +177/-0
  • The Butterfly flutter by smile upon you
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2018, 10:20:40 pm »
Hi Jane  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M
The main things to remember in life are Love, Kindness, Understanding and Respect - Always make forward progress

Superficial fanny kissing friends are a dime a dozen, a TRUE FRIEND however is PRICELESS

 
- V M

Offline Jessica

  • I love you. No...... I might not know you, but if folk can hate for no good reason, I can love.
  • *
  • Posts: 7,973
  • Reputation: +60/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2018, 10:33:26 pm »
Welcome Jane 🙋‍♀️ I’m Jessica!
It’s great that you’ve made the steps to talk to a gender therapist.  Just being able to say your feelings aloud can be a enlightening moment.
And I am surprised that your endo has not figured things out yet, she needs to read your chart better.

I see our resident Northern Star*Girl @Alaskan Danielle has greeted you with some very handy links to the site rules and helpful tips.  Please be kind to her and give them a look see!


Hugs and smiles from a California girl

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."



Offline Carolina

  • *
  • Posts: 77
  • Reputation: +3/-0
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2018, 10:43:16 pm »
Dear JanePlain,

  Welcome from a simple closet crossdresser who is also fairly new to Susan's.  I've found a lot of things here that are wonderful and have helped me to a more complete understanding of who I am (and, come to think of it, who I am not). 

  If you explore the forums a bit you will find things that you'll want to comment on, sharing with others your personal experiences.  And they will appreciate it.  And occasionally you'll think of something that you want to learn more about and you can start your own thread and see what other people have to say.

  Its also good to wander through some of the introductory stuff.  You can learn things there -- among which is the "post count" that moves you up in "status".  Once you have posted a certain amount of times (15? 16?) your "status" changes from that of a visitor to that of a newby member which opens up certain privileges to you.

  So welcome to Susan's, we're happy that you have decided to take the step of visiting us and we hope you'll stay around for awhile.  Somewhere here you will find something that will feel just right to you.

    Carolina

 

Offline JanePlain

  • This road has a few bumps I wasn't expecting.
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 670
  • Reputation: +9/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Janes not here!
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2018, 09:42:36 am »
Welcome Jane 🙋‍♀️ I’m Jessica!
It’s great that you’ve made the steps to talk to a gender therapist.  Just being able to say your feelings aloud can be a enlightening moment.
And I am surprised that your endo has not figured things out yet, she needs to read your chart better.

I see our resident Northern Star*Girl @Alaskan Danielle has greeted you with some very handy links to the site rules and helpful tips.  Please be kind to her and give them a look see!


Hugs and smiles from a California girl

Its confusing and too long of a story but my Endo is expecting to see a sudden rise in estrogen since I I was told I must stop taking an aromatace inhibitor.  I imagine my fiddling with dialing down my testosterone and adding estrogen will probably result in a conversation (assuming I can stutter out something)  Historically without the aromitase inhibitor the results for me were female levels of estrogen and at the same time normal male levels of testosterone.  Whatever you say thats a screwed up mix and makes things very weird.  I was having that going on for 4 months this time around and I thought this is as good an excuse as I'll ever have to do this for real.  Kind of that "just do it" moment to juggle hormones and to make a call to a gender therapist.  I've presented male so long to my doctors I have to admit that will probably be the most difficult part of this.
"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Offline KathyLauren

  • *
  • Posts: 6,626
  • Reputation: +79/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Casting off dull certainty
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2018, 11:25:33 am »
Hi, Jane.  Welcome to the forum!

I've known for a long time but the era I came from people transitioning were a news worthy oddity.
It sounds like we may be of a similar age.  I am 64, and, yes, that kept me from admitting the truth even to myself for a long time.

It is a good move to see a gender therapist.  They can help you figure out who you are and what you need.

I would recommend coming clean with your endo about your self-medication, just so they understand what is going on.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2019-10-18 Phone consultation for GRS; 2020-03-11 GRS!; 2020-09-30 New birth certificate




Offline JudiBlueEyes

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 2,068
  • Reputation: +13/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2018, 12:44:14 pm »
Hello Jane.  I'm in the same age group as Kathy, so you're not alone.  I do recommend a therapist.  it will make a world of difference.

Judi
Wind blew in, cloud was dispersed
Rainbows appearing, the pressures were burst
Breezes a-singing, now feeling good
The moment had passed like I knew that it should

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 2,185
  • Reputation: +25/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2018, 01:50:34 pm »
Hey Jane:

I am still very new here as well but I absolutely echo the advice given above to get a gender therapist.  I had never been to a therapist in my life until last February when I was at a very dangerous point in my life.  Between my great therapist and the incredible people who helped me here, I am finally coming to good terms with a lifetime of pain and shame.

As I have learned, everyone is here for you.

Best regards,

Emma
  The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Janes Groove

Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2018, 02:51:26 pm »
Welcome to the site Jane.

If you are self medicating I strongly suggest you go to a clinic and get checked out.   No one has to know. You can keep it 100% on the down low.  If you are in the USA you can go to a Planned Parenthood Clinic and they will know all the right tests to do, how to interpret the results,  and it's not very expensive.  They will do it and no one has to know.  You may have to pay out of pocket if you don't want your insurance to know but it's worth every penny.  You could seriously mess yourself up and totally endanger your future happiness.


Offline JanePlain

  • This road has a few bumps I wasn't expecting.
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 670
  • Reputation: +9/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Janes not here!
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #10 on: September 23, 2018, 10:13:46 am »
Thank you for the welcome.  I started following one of your threads and its very positive to see your success.  Its addictive reading material.   I don't know what else to say I feel kind of star stuck.

@JanePlain 
Dear JanePlane:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.... and writing your interesting and detailed introductions posting..

The good news is that because of your posting many of our members are now aware of your arrival here and you can be expecting them to share their thoughts with you relevant to you questions and concerns.

This is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
Be aware that there are a lot of members here that can identify with your situation as you feel free to share it.
 
Please allow me to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice that you had signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
 ***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace. 
I have included Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place.  Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle


Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:

Things that you should read
"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Offline JanePlain

  • This road has a few bumps I wasn't expecting.
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 670
  • Reputation: +9/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Janes not here!
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2018, 10:20:43 am »
Hi other Jane. ;-)  Thanks I appreciate the advice.  I didn't know about that resource so that is greatly appreciated.  I have regular hormone labs every 6 months coming up soon so in a way I'm hoping this brings things to a head and I have an honest conversation with my Endo.  She expects to see things a little like this (Long story) so it will be interesting to say the least.  I do wish they had Estrogel in the US.  Patches don't appeal too much and I won't have anything to do with synthetic (horse) estrogen.

Welcome to the site Jane.

If you are self medicating I strongly suggest you go to a clinic and get checked out.   No one has to know. You can keep it 100% on the down low.  If you are in the USA you can go to a Planned Parenthood Clinic and they will know all the right tests to do, how to interpret the results,  and it's not very expensive.  They will do it and no one has to know.  You may have to pay out of pocket if you don't want your insurance to know but it's worth every penny.  You could seriously mess yourself up and totally endanger your future happiness.
"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Offline JanePlain

  • This road has a few bumps I wasn't expecting.
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 670
  • Reputation: +9/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Janes not here!
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #12 on: September 23, 2018, 10:27:34 am »
I may be repeating this I'm not the best at using forums but I sure am glad this particular one exists. 

Hooray!  I did make the call.  It was a moment of clarity I think.  Here is the number right?  So just call.   And unfortunately get rung over to the receptionist for the hospital.  *red face*   Well I got through to the right department and was told that they would call me in 6 to 8 weeks when my name came up to the top of the list to schd a visit in ? weeks.   In a way this is positive.  Clearly I'm NOT the only one looking to speak to a gender therapist!
 ha

Hey Jane:

I am still very new here as well but I absolutely echo the advice given above to get a gender therapist.  I had never been to a therapist in my life until last February when I was at a very dangerous point in my life.  Between my great therapist and the incredible people who helped me here, I am finally coming to good terms with a lifetime of pain and shame.

As I have learned, everyone is here for you.

Best regards,

Emma
"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Offline JanePlain

  • This road has a few bumps I wasn't expecting.
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 670
  • Reputation: +9/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Janes not here!
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #13 on: September 23, 2018, 10:34:29 am »
Yes, exactly right.  Coming out to myself was part of the problem.  Or perhaps its more coming out and doing something thats the real issue.  I've been in touch with my feminine side since puberty.  During my youth the concept of a m2f person was Time Magazine worthy news so the actual do ability of this was rather difficult to imagine.  Today things aren't perfect my any means but its so much better.
 
Hi, Jane.  Welcome to the forum!
It sounds like we may be of a similar age.  I am 64, and, yes, that kept me from admitting the truth even to myself for a long time.

It is a good move to see a gender therapist.  They can help you figure out who you are and what you need.

I would recommend coming clean with your endo about your self-medication, just so they understand what is going on.
"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Offline JanePlain

  • This road has a few bumps I wasn't expecting.
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 670
  • Reputation: +9/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Janes not here!
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #14 on: September 23, 2018, 10:36:08 am »
Judi - I love love love your avatar.   I miss my cat sooooo much.

Hello Jane.  I'm in the same age group as Kathy, so you're not alone.  I do recommend a therapist.  it will make a world of difference.

Judi
"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Offline Faith

  • *
  • Posts: 2,648
  • Reputation: +17/-0
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #15 on: September 23, 2018, 11:20:34 am »
@Jane
We've spoken a bit in PM. I just sent a (for me) lengthy one.

So many directions to take. In each one, be as open and honest as you can. They are there to help you. If they hesitate or try to dissuade or ... I forget the words. I don't think English is my first language but I don't know another one so there you go ... don't let them. You know what you're going through, express it. If you don't get it across to them, you won't get the treatment that you need, you'll get what they think you need. not necessarily the same thing.

Offline JanePlain

  • This road has a few bumps I wasn't expecting.
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 670
  • Reputation: +9/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Janes not here!
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #16 on: February 10, 2019, 01:04:35 am »
I've read so many of the introduction threads that give updates on what is going on in your lives and felt a bit guilty that I didn't provide any continuation. And its maybe too different?

So.....  I guess the old news is that a couple of months ago I saw my endo and at the end of our visit I somehow was able to tell her that I had self prescribed estrogen for months and had backed off using a (prescribed) male sized dose of testosterone.  I was relieved to get her enthusiastic ok.  So now I'm taking legit prescribed estrogen. Long before that I had an orchiectomy.  If I'm honest with myself dysphoria of my male bits put me on that path. I've wanted to be rid of them for as long as I can remember. TMI warning When I'm intimate with my wife I've always avoided the remaining part being used too "conventionally."   

I'm feeling good about this place I'm at. This is probably sounding half baked but this is where I fit on the spectrum. I'm on the older side (Not quite retired but close) I've been married for decades. My wife is a bit "butch" and I'm the opposite.  What can I say other then that It works for us. I'm not keen on dressing outwardly female.  It doesn't have an appeal.  Possibly if I could magically redo things back to a much earlier age and restarted somewhere new this would be different? I'm really not sure. I believe I would still be married to a woman. The male parts aren't appealing on me or to me. 

HRT is amazing... I feel human! Its working for me as far as the improving my mood / positive mental changes and unlike most folks my libido went from zero to  normal or better. My wife thinks my endo is a genius for "putting me on estrogen" because she likes the changes.

So that is where I'm at.  I'm just plugging away.

Life is good.
"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Offline LizK

  • *
  • Posts: 6,145
  • Reputation: +37/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #17 on: February 10, 2019, 02:22:18 am »
I've read so many of the introduction threads that give updates on what is going on in your lives and felt a bit guilty that I didn't provide any continuation. And its maybe too different?

So.....  I guess the old news is that a couple of months ago I saw my endo and at the end of our visit I somehow was able to tell her that I had self prescribed estrogen for months and had backed off using a (prescribed) male sized dose of testosterone.  I was relieved to get her enthusiastic ok.  So now I'm taking legit prescribed estrogen. Long before that I had an orchiectomy.  If I'm honest with myself dysphoria of my male bits put me on that path. I've wanted to be rid of them for as long as I can remember. TMI warning When I'm intimate with my wife I've always avoided the remaining part being used too "conventionally."   

I'm feeling good about this place I'm at. This is probably sounding half baked but this is where I fit on the spectrum. I'm on the older side (Not quite retired but close) I've been married for decades. My wife is a bit "butch" and I'm the opposite.  What can I say other then that It works for us. I'm not keen on dressing outwardly female.  It doesn't have an appeal.  Possibly if I could magically redo things back to a much earlier age and restarted somewhere new this would be different? I'm really not sure. I believe I would still be married to a woman. The male parts aren't appealing on me or to me. 

HRT is amazing... I feel human! Its working for me as far as the improving my mood / positive mental changes and unlike most folks my libido went from zero to  normal or better. My wife thinks my endo is a genius for "putting me on estrogen" because she likes the changes.

So that is where I'm at.  I'm just plugging away.

Life is good.

Hi Jane

You sound positively radiant and loving your life. HRT is a wonderful "ride" and having the kind of support you do makes it all that much nicer. Especially when she actually embraces the changes in you. Fabulous
I hope things continue for you in the same way they are and you remain as happy as you sound. I bet you feel relieved now that you HRT regimen is right where it needs to be even with your confession of self prescribing. My HRT Dr said to be that before I just self medicate could I ask her about things and I was surprised how open she was about talking about self medication. Sounds like you endo is definitely on the same page as you.

Take care

Liz

Offline KimOct

  • *****
  • *
  • Posts: 1,146
  • Reputation: +33/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #18 on: February 10, 2019, 07:52:57 pm »

I'm feeling good about this place I'm at. This is probably sounding half baked but this is where I fit on the spectrum. I'm on the older side (Not quite retired but close) I've been married for decades. My wife is a bit "butch" and I'm the opposite.  What can I say other then that It works for us. I'm not keen on dressing outwardly female.  It doesn't have an appeal.  Possibly if I could magically redo things back to a much earlier age and restarted somewhere new this would be different? I'm really not sure. I believe I would still be married to a woman. The male parts aren't appealing on me or to me. 
Life is good.

I advocate a lot for people to transition but I want to clarify that a bit.  Not everyone should transition.  What everyone should do is live as their authentic self.  What I liked about Jane's post is in the paragraph above ' What  can I say other then that it works for us"

Live your life as it works for you - whatever that looks like.  Just don't live your life based on fear or how you have been conditioned by society.  The world is changing - get on board.  :)
The first transphobe you have to conquer is yourself

Offline JanePlain

  • This road has a few bumps I wasn't expecting.
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 670
  • Reputation: +9/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Janes not here!
Re: JanePlain my introduction.
« Reply #19 on: February 11, 2019, 04:02:32 pm »
I advocate a lot for people to transition but I want to clarify that a bit.  Not everyone should transition.  What everyone should do is live as their authentic self.  What I liked about Jane's post is in the paragraph above ' What  can I say other then that it works for us"

Live your life as it works for you - whatever that looks like.  Just don't live your life based on fear or how you have been conditioned by society.  The world is changing - get on board.  :)

I want to say I have a huge respect for those that are transitioning in public outwardly.   I get that but in my weird universe its inward things.  The thing about having male parts for me was a big deal.  Thankfully they invented orchiectomy.  Going on my cocktail of hormones makes me feel "human" and happy.  And it gives me a sex drive (Where before I felt wrong and had zilch) 

Things are a little better for people like us then when I was a kid.  Its a different world and I say "its about time"
"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Tags: My new lookh