Author Topic: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.  (Read 1096 times)

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miyann

Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« on: September 24, 2018, 05:20:48 am »
Hello, I've been a member before but totally forgot about the account I used.

Anyway, I've been on hrt for a little over 3 years and had ffs over a year ago. Even so, I was always hesitant to go out in girl mode. Today, I went to the mall with my daughter to do some clothes shopping and tried some stuff on at VS, forever 21, H&M, etc.

Wow....it was so uneventful. I'm not sure what I was expecting but I don't think anyone knew I was trans or they never indicated it. I even had a older guy who worked at one of the non clothing stores chat me up and joke with me.

I 'm not sure how I feel about the whole experience. Maybe I was expecting too much and it just became a banal shopping trip, I don't know. I feel like I expected to watch a horror movie and ended up watching a documentary about cardboard.

Is there anything I should expect on future trips out? What was it like for some of you ladies when you went out the first time? I don't know if I'll ever go into a full social transition although I think I have the option to do so if I wanted to.

Offline Shambles

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Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #1 on: September 24, 2018, 05:29:23 am »
Read this alot with building going out to be one thing in our heads and turns out not like we imagined. Uneventful = good right  )

Im pre hrt pre everything but went out for the 1st time this weekend in a busy shopping centre & train rides, by the sound of it your much better at the whole pass situation than me. That being said i was surprised how normal it felt, should have been v nervous but that seamed to only happen when i had to speak to people. Reflect on the experience and see how you feel about doing it again?
- Jo / Joanna

Pre-HRT Trans-Fem
16th Nov 17 - Came out to myself
7th Jan 18 - Came out to wife
31st Jan 18 - Referred to GIC / might be seen in 2020
Oct 18 - Fully out at one job, part out at another
Nov 18 - Out to close family

miyann

Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #2 on: September 24, 2018, 05:44:57 am »
That's amazing, I don't think I could have done it pre-hrt like you were able to. I'm way too much of an introvert to do something like that.

Yeah, it was interesting. I used the women's restroom to check my make up or use the stall and no one seemed to notice or pay me any attention. Also, I don't think passing is an issue at this point of my transition since I get male fail quite often.

I guess I was expecting to feel like "omg! I did it!" with some type of feeling of euphoria. Honestly, it just felt like nothing. Just shopping.

It makes me wonder if I even need or want to socially transition. Like what would be the reason behind the social aspect of transitioning. Is it for validation or is it someone else? I just don't know because I'm not sure how I felt about going out and being treated as a girl. I mean, it was nice and all but hmm..

Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #3 on: September 24, 2018, 06:43:03 am »
Hi, Miyann!

Welcome (back) to Susan's Place.

Congratulations on going out as yourself.  We don't transition to be trans.  We transition to be ourselves.  And going shopping as yourself feels ... normal.

My circumstances were a bit different.  Whereas you didn't feel a strong need to be out socially, that was my main source of dysphoria.  I had to get out there, and I didn't really care if my body was ready or not.  My first time was pure joy as my fears crumbled one by one.  No one looked at me funny, no one said a mean word to me.  I was just treated as a "normal" woman.  After a lifetime of being and feeling weird, being seen as "normal" was a source of joy.  When I got home, my main feeling was that the fear had gone.

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2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change

Offline Virginia

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Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #4 on: September 24, 2018, 07:48:12 am »
When I started therapy back in 2009 my GT explained there are three different human needs that drive Gender Dysphoria; social acceptance, acceptance of how we look and acceptance of who we are. Therapy is vital for helping a person to explorer these needs so they can determine how to meet them.

In my case, social acceptance was vital for my female alter. My GT explained her encouraging me to transition was "because" I was so androgynous. That she would suggested other options if I had difficulty being perceived by others as a woman out of concern than transition would worsen my needs rather than fill them. Have you considered that regardless of how well others may perceive you as a woman that you feel the way you do because social acceptance is simply not important to you?
~VA (pronounced Vee- Aye, the abbreviation for the State of Virginia where I live)

miyann

Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #5 on: September 24, 2018, 08:45:21 am »
Congratulations on going out as yourself.  We don't transition to be trans.  We transition to be ourselves.  And going shopping as yourself feels ... normal.

My circumstances were a bit different.  Whereas you didn't feel a strong need to be out socially, that was my main source of dysphoria.  I had to get out there, and I didn't really care if my body was ready or not.  My first time was pure joy as my fears crumbled one by one.  No one looked at me funny, no one said a mean word to me.  I was just treated as a "normal" woman.  After a lifetime of being and feeling weird, being seen as "normal" was a source of joy.  When I got home, my main feeling was that the fear had gone.

Thank you Kathy and thank you for sharing your story!

When I started therapy back in 2009 my GT explained there are three different human needs that drive Gender Dysphoria; social acceptance, acceptance of how we look and acceptance of who we are. Therapy is vital for helping a person to explorer these needs so they can determine how to meet them.

In my case, social acceptance was vital for my female alter. My GT explained her encouraging me to transition was "because" I was so androgynous. That she would suggested other options if I had difficulty being perceived by others as a woman out of concern than transition would worsen my needs rather than fill them. Have you considered that regardless of how well others may perceive you as a woman that you feel the way you do because social acceptance is simply not important to you?

Wow...thank you Virginia, that is incredibly enlightening. I think that you're right and my need for social acceptance isn't that great compared to my need for acceptance of my own appearance and acceptance of who I am. I feel like no matter how I look to others, I feel that I will never really accept my looks nor will I accept who I am.

I see every little blemish, every little imperfection, every little thing about my body and judge it more harshly than anyone else ever could. When I'm told I'm "pretty" or "attractive", I feel nothing. I wish I could feel happy about it but I don't. I look in the mirror sometimes and think "they must be blind" lol.

As for accepting myself, I think that part of the reason I don't socially transition is because I still haven't accepted the fact that I am transgender. I sometimes have a difficult time saying it out loud, even to myself.

Wow, this has gotten a bit deeper than I intended. Thank you for the sharing and your enlightening perspective.

Offline Devlyn

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Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #6 on: September 24, 2018, 08:48:56 am »
Accepting yourself is the first step. After that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.  :)

Offline Sarah.VanDistel

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Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #7 on: September 24, 2018, 08:54:53 am »
Hi miyann!

Congrats on grabing the courage to go out dressed as a woman!

In my case, I've always been very, very shy. I've always tried to keep a profile as low as possible. However, at some point, dysphoria and desire to socially transition became unbearable. So much that only a couple of weeks after starting HRT, almost a full year before FFS, I started my RLE, almost full time. Oh, I am pretty sure that I was nowhere near passable... But still, it felt like heaven. I felt that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Then FFS came and... well... lets say that even if I tried to pass as a guy, I would not be able to. So pretty from one day to the other my RLE became full time and permanent.

So for me, I feel that social transition was a very fundamental part of my overal transition and this at a very early phase of transition.

It's funny because just before deciding to transition I thought that there was no way in the world that I'd go through a RLE before FFS and profoundly admired trans women who did it! But then, I did it... Not out of courage, but out of despair. And I'm so glad I did.

Warm hugs,

Sarah

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Offline Harley Quinn

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Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #8 on: September 24, 2018, 09:25:02 am »
Congratulations, I hope you had fun and found some treasures. Not a bad first day out from the sounds of it. I had been going out well before transition, so I have little perspective. However, sounds like you're just going to continue to breeze through. So YAY! Uneventful days and getting hit on are in the future.
At what point did my life go Looney Tunes? How did it happen? Who's to blame?... Batman, that's who. Batman! It's always been Batman! Ruining my life, spoiling my fun! >:-)

Offline Janes Groove

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Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #9 on: September 24, 2018, 09:43:51 am »
Conratulations on your girly shopping trip.  It sounds like fun.

. . . because I still haven't accepted the fact that I am transgender. I sometimes have a difficult time saying it out loud, even to myself.

For what it's worth, I definitely think you are transgender. 

1.  The commitment it takes to get up every, single day and take a girl pill whose purpose is to make your body less like a man and more like a woman.  2. And getting your face sliced up with all the stress, pain and expense that involves.  Just to look more like a girl.  3. Going on girly, shopping trips to buy women's clothes,  All these simply are not the things cisgender guys would normally do.

Assigned Male at Birth - 1958
Came out as Gay  1994
Came out, started living full time - Thanksgiving 2015
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Estrogen HRT = the surprising arrival of a rainbow within me.

miyann

Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #10 on: September 24, 2018, 10:01:20 am »
@ Devlyn

Thank you! I'm definitely trying to work on it!

@ Sarah

Thank you for sharing, sounds like your transition was incredibly sucessful!

@ Harley

Thanks! I found a few cute things but spent more than I should have. I've been transitioning for a while (In my 30's, hrt for 3+ years, ffs, etc.) just wanted to see what the whole deal was with going out in girl mode was all about. I guess it's not too important for me personally. lol, getting hit on, would be....unpleasant.

Going out before transitioning....that must have been incredibly difficult.

@ Jane

Thank you, spending time with my daughter and shopping was quite fun. As for being transgender, I know that I am transgender but....I still can't accept it, after all these years in transition (3+) I don't know, I feel like as long as I live as a male, I can live in denial, lol.

Thank you though, I do get where you're coming from. I guess I'm.....well...I'm not sure where I'm going with this or why I even posted my original post. I feel a bit emotionally empty today.

Offline Harley Quinn

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Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #11 on: September 24, 2018, 10:26:00 am »
@ Harley

Thanks! I found a few cute things but spent more than I should have. I've been transitioning for a while (In my 30's, hrt for 3+ years, ffs, etc.) just wanted to see what the whole deal was with going out in girl mode was all about. I guess it's not too important for me personally. lol, getting hit on, would be....unpleasant.

Going out before transitioning....that must have been incredibly difficult.
I'm also 30s and been transitioning a while, sadly I haven't found my FFS surgeon yet.. but on the topic of going out, when it is just another day "that's when you know you've made it!" So congratulations!

Going out pre-transition wasn't really "difficult". It was unpleasant at times and people were discouraging, but it was very fufilling for me (despite the unpleasantries). It kept me going and helped me find my path.
At what point did my life go Looney Tunes? How did it happen? Who's to blame?... Batman, that's who. Batman! It's always been Batman! Ruining my life, spoiling my fun! >:-)

Offline Anastasia E

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Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #12 on: September 24, 2018, 12:47:32 pm »
I'm also 30s and been transitioning a while, sadly I haven't found my FFS surgeon yet.. but on the topic of going out, when it is just another day "that's when you know you've made it!" So congratulations!

Going out pre-transition wasn't really "difficult". It was unpleasant at times and people were discouraging, but it was very fufilling for me (despite the unpleasantries). It kept me going and helped me find my path.

Not like you need FFS, Harley.. I've seen your photos and you look absolutely gorgeous  :D



@miyann Honestly sounds like you are 'male failing' more than you probably think... and at that point, isn't 'girl mode' just 'dressing up' ?.. Or I could be wrong  :)

I'm jealous, honestly.. I'm pre-hrt, and I get very nervous when i've gone out in 'girl mode', though i've done it on occasion. That you can do it whenever you want and it just feels like another day is a huge win by any measure!

Social acceptance has never been first on my priority list either so I definitely follow there. I am starting HRT next month, but I probably won't be really going 'girl mode' for a year(+) either. It saddens me that the battle for self-acceptance never really seems to end. On the other hand, many cis-women also struggle with self-acceptance and liking their own appearance, so it's not like we are really that different on the point.. we just come from a much worse starting point  :-\



Offline Harley Quinn

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Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #13 on: September 24, 2018, 01:51:43 pm »
Not like you need FFS, Harley.. I've seen your photos and you look absolutely gorgeous  :D

I appreciate that.  I wish that I saw myself as others seem to.  I may just be photogenic. 🙉🙈🙊
At what point did my life go Looney Tunes? How did it happen? Who's to blame?... Batman, that's who. Batman! It's always been Batman! Ruining my life, spoiling my fun! >:-)

Offline krobinson103

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Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #14 on: September 24, 2018, 02:25:19 pm »
Its a brave first step towards social transitioning (if thats why you choose to do).  I found that from day one on HRT I knew it was right and went full time then and there passing or not. Eventually about 4 months in passing wasn't as an issue. Now... Its just normal. :) For me it wasn't being 100% female that I needed but just to find that happy space where I am me. Thats mostly female... and thats ok. That being said I don't present as male at all because it does my head in! That part of me needs to stay on the inside.
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miyann

Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #15 on: September 24, 2018, 02:43:11 pm »
@ Haley,

Yeah, I agree that people can be pretty awful sometimes. It's amazing that you were able to go through the growing pains and finally find your path. And yeah, photos are funny. I'm rarely fond of my own photos as well.

@ Anastasia

Wait, you're pre-hrt and you look that pretty already? Geez, and your the jealous one? lol. I wished I looked as good as you pre-transition.

Also, "going girl mode is just dressing up once you regularly male fail" is such a great point, I've never even considered it from that angle. With my short haircut, guy clothes, short and skinny self, with no boobs or butt, I have no idea how the heck anyone can mistake me for a girl. lol

Yeah, self acceptance is so tricky. The less you need it, the more you have and vice versa. May I ask why you're deciding to do a social transition after a year or longer?

@ Krobinson

Wow, 4 months before going full time? That must have been incredibly daunting at first. I was at 3+ years before I even left the house dressed. lol

Offline Anastasia E

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Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #16 on: September 24, 2018, 03:17:52 pm »
@ Anastasia

Wait, you're pre-hrt and you look that pretty already? Geez, and your the jealous one? lol. I wished I looked as good as you pre-transition.

Also, "going girl mode is just dressing up once you regularly male fail" is such a great point, I've never even considered it from that angle. With my short haircut, guy clothes, short and skinny self, with no boobs or butt, I have no idea how the heck anyone can mistake me for a girl. lol

Yeah, self acceptance is so tricky. The less you need it, the more you have and vice versa. May I ask why you're deciding to do a social transition after a year or longer?

Thanks! .. but it's a super flattering photo, and I'm nowhere near as pretty 'irl'  :( For one, it's a wig and I hate wigs.. my real hair is really thin and I've been unable to grow it out (I have some hopes HRT will help with that, but it might not). And when I don't smile, I have very obvious masculine features. I think HRT will help sort that out, at least..

Well, the main reason I am transitioning is to be more comfortable with my own body, which probably means i'll start being more comfortable just showing femininity after a year or longer when (hopefully) I might male fail once in a while.. but maybe I am hopelessly naive to think it will 'kind of just happen'    :)

Or I might decide to hell with it and go full time earlier, since i just moved to a major European city where I don't know anyone and am beholden to no one. I'm just kind of introverted and not very confident so I figure it'll take some time at least..



Offline krobinson103

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Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #17 on: September 24, 2018, 03:51:21 pm »

@ Krobinson

Wow, 4 months before going full time? That must have been incredibly daunting at first. I was at 3+ years before I even left the house dressed. lol

I hold to a philosophy that a fear faced is a strength gained. My first outing fully dressed ever was to get a bra fittting and nails done lol. :) The next most scary was prob going to work dressed... no issues I wear skirts etc every day now. Then it was the swimming pool... again not as scary as you might think! Its just a matter of pushing the boundaries till they aren't there anymore. Its less about what you look like and more about letting the real you shine.

If you are confident and own your real self then people see it and it doesn't matter what you look. If people have issues? Ignore them. I don't need most strangers anyway. early on people would stare. I'd stare right back and challenge them to say anything. They all backed down. I won't be intimidated by boxes or 'rules' that don't fit me.
Every day is a totally awesome day
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Every fear faced leads to one more strength
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Success leads to self esteem
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Cherish every day.

Offline DawnOday

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Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #18 on: September 24, 2018, 04:12:41 pm »
One of my jobs was in manufacturing engineering and dealt with a lot of what if's. When I first started out after beginning HRT two years ago a lot of my thought ended up at what if. Fortunately while I sometimes get stares, I also get compliments which send me to the moon. So far no incidents that would validate my "what if's. I did have one guy staring at me in the Dr's office, but when I asked him "what's your problem" he stopped and went back to reading a magazine. It's tough because I have never had anyone pay attention to me and I got used to it.
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Offline krobinson103

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Re: Years on hrt, first time out going out in girl mode.
« Reply #19 on: September 24, 2018, 04:18:14 pm »
One of my jobs was in manufacturing engineering and dealt with a lot of what if's. When I first started out after beginning HRT two years ago a lot of my thought ended up at what if. Fortunately while I sometimes get stares, I also get compliments which send me to the moon. So far no incidents that would validate my "what if's. I did have one guy staring at me in the Dr's office, but when I asked him "what's your problem" he stopped and went back to reading a magazine. It's tough because I have never had anyone pay attention to me and I got used to it.

I think also that some of the stares are actually just because people like how you look. A few people have told me that and I still think they are crazy! But, as an introverted 'guy' people don't look at you. When you are presenting female - particularly in an evening dress etc then you are going to get attention and its something you need to get used to.
Every day is a totally awesome day
Every day provides opportunities and challenges
Every challenge leads to an opportunity
Every fear faced leads to one more strength
Every strength leads to greater success
Success leads to self esteem
Self Esteem leads to happiness.
Cherish every day.

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