Author Topic: Get ready Sarah is going to vent.....  (Read 205 times)

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Offline Sarahthenerd

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Get ready Sarah is going to vent.....
« on: September 24, 2018, 09:34:48 pm »
So a while ago I figured that I would write one of these blog type of posts for updates on my crazy life and what not. I had originally intended to do this sooner, but time and a good head space was not my friend. I'm in a bit better mood(thanks hippies) so I guess ill try now.

I will skip forward to the recent events that lead to my delay of posting this. As of writing this I have been on HRT for about 3.5 months and am enjoying the subtle physical changes. My endocrinologist recently doubled my Spiro, but kept the estradiol at the current levels in till I'm well away from tobacco. I had a knee injury a while back on a hike. I believed I overextended it on my way down the mountain. I had some swelling of the ankle on the same leg a couple weeks later, and was concerned it was more serious. After an unnecessarily long and anxious wait in the hallway half exposed. And a creepy ultrasound session with old man Witherspoon's hand uncomfortably close to my junk. I was cleared and told it was probably due to hormonal changes. Because it was only 2 days after upping my Spiro.

For a little longer than a year my younger sibling has been dating trans person. Coincidentally starting within a month after I came out to our mom. Any that relationship ended badly and my sibling has now been forced to file suit to get their belongings back. In essence I have lost the only In person contact I have with the trans community. Aside from a once or twice a year contact with a nb friend of a friend. Needless to say I feel unconnected but justification of it was necessary as nobody in my family needs this.

I'm kinda the fixer in my group of friends and family, everything from cars to electronics. I have put a lot of work Into the family fleet over the years. And have more scheduled soon, but unfortunately a few expensive tools walked away during a parts run. this and the previous mentioned shenanigans has almost drained me of all ambition and desire to continue helping anyone.

I seem to continuously have these highs and lows centered around things I can't avoid or easily rectify. I just hope the next month does not involve as many trips to the doctors, or crazy exes or theifs or a combination of them. At least i have hormones till things start to work themself out.

I have noticed some changes in my body since starting HRT. It looks like I have some really fine hairs starting to occupy space that was once a hazard for low flying aircraft. My urin has a new smell. And I think I can start to see a waist forming. Shaving my face has become less of a pain because of smoother skin.

Insomnia and general anxiety is still an issue, but overall less depressed. And I think I have had to pee more in the last month alone than any previous year.

I'm playing guitar way more than I have ever in the past. My fingers show it too. I want to dig deeper into theory to help me write and play better. It seems to be the best distraction I have at the moment. And ill end this here for now as my arm is falling asleep from holding this tablet.

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Offline Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Get ready Sarah is going to vent.....
« Reply #1 on: September 24, 2018, 09:59:26 pm »
@Sarahthenerd
Dear Sarah:
Ah yes, having your own personal thread is a great way to make note of good things going on in your transition and also the not so good things.

Yes indeed, at the 3.5 month point of your HRT things will start happening more and more... subtle certainly but the changes will keep coming and will be noticeable for sure.

I find that my personal thread is a great way to express and vent my frustrations, issues and also I make note of my milestones that I have reached.   Occasionally I will sit down and read past postings and mentally process my transition journey.   I also keep a personal pen and paper journal complete with colorful doodling for my more personal rantings.   
All of this I consider to be good personal therapy and I recommend that all of us keep journals and diaries.

It is also good that you can achieve distraction from your daily issues by playing your guitar more and more... keeps your mind occupied with pleasant things for sure.

I have bookmarked your thread so it will be easily accessible for me to follow whenever I login to the Forums.

Thank you for sharing your life and your transition with all of us.   We are your biggest fans and we will support you  when your days are not good and we will rejoice with you when you have good days.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Check out my Personal Threads that have more details about myself (click Links):
   "I am the HUNTED PREY : Danielle's Chronicles"
               "Positive Mindset... put away negativity"
                            "Susans Writers and Book Readers"

Started HRT March 2015  3½ years ago, it's been an exciting journey
>>> I've been Full Time since December 2016 :icon_chick:
I am 38 years old, Single, and Self Employed in a small town up in the COLD North.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Offline Sarahthenerd

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Re: Get ready Sarah is going to vent.....
« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2018, 12:48:58 pm »
Thanks for the support and kind words Danielle. I do keep an old fashioned paper journal for myself. Somthing that I think everyone should do. I may share a few pages here and there at a later date.

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Offline Sarahthenerd

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Re: Get ready Sarah is going to vent.....
« Reply #3 on: November 05, 2018, 07:31:03 pm »
It's been interesting the last couple weeks. I've been in my usual depressed state, but somehow managed to keep myself distracted enough to eventually find a little peace.

I have blogged before but never anything like this. I'm not sure what to highlight. You are definitely not the nerd audience I once entertained. The whole vocabulary is different. At least I don't have to talk about myself in the third person, we think that's a bit weird anyways.

I'm not exactly sure what is interesting about my day to day that could be worth putting up here right now. Other than future milestones. Maybe that I haven't gone without a bra or equivalent in weeks. Not terribly noticeable yet any ways. Or maybe that political crap going around has brought my anxiety to a new high.

One day I hope to understand myself better. Right now I'm just holding on waiting for the next thing to come along. Just existing doesn't seem good enough anymore. I've been practicing my makeup skills(or lack of skills) looking for my "look" In the meantime. Hopefully ill find a way to afford laser hair removal soon.

Back on meds for depression and anxiety. I don't know what is better, dealing with the anxiety, or the zombie on the meds. I'm kinda upset over the fact my father was long ago diagnosed with bipolar disorder and it was kept from me, I only found out through one of my step siblings recently.

I've almost completely lost my male sexual function. I'm not sure how to take this. In the sense that I know the Spiro is working it sure is good. Its definitely beneficial that my carnal desires have become less frequent. I'm on a much more level playing field with my SO now as far as intimacy goes. But am still miles from my ideal encounters given equipment and all the associated dysphoria.

I'm waiting(impatiently) on my insurance for some good news. Ill post more when it's a sure thing.



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