Author Topic: Help needed  (Read 207 times)

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Offline TheNewjessica

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Help needed
« on: September 25, 2018, 06:33:48 pm »
Sorry for the blunt post and if I’m in the wrong place can you please redirect me. 

I ha e been battling with my body all my life and I have made the decision to talk to my doctor about transition.  I’m currently male and a manly looking man which worries me even more. I want to female. I want to feel free from this body and I know there is loss along the way but I feel excited about the future and what I will become even if it means being alone forever. 

My main problem is I don’t know any other people who have been through this. I’d like insite into the process of transition. I’d like to maybe try and make some friends. 

I know what’s at stake and that my family will completely reject me but I need this for me and I’m willing to battle through the pain of what’s to come. 

If there is anyone who has any advice or can offer any support it would be greatly appreciated

Thanks for you time

Offline Jessica

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Re: Help needed
« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2018, 06:46:17 pm »
Hi Jessica 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan’s Place!  I’m Jessica also!
It’s great that you a chosen to talk to your doctor.  They can be a good source for therapy and whatever else you may need.
You’ve found a great place to find advice and meet others that are going through very similar situations.

I see your new here, so I’ll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Pay attention to the site rules they can be of great help and don’t forget the link highlighted red.  It has answers to questions that are commonly asked.  Then join in on a topic you find interesting and learn and share.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum to tell the members about yourself!



Things that you should read

... it's like running a car on ethanol when it's supposed to take gasoline... it'll work, but it's eventually gonna break down until you put it on the proper fuel.

Offline TheNewjessica

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Re: Help needed
« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2018, 06:55:49 pm »
Thank you Jessica i will do that. :)

Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Help needed
« Reply #3 on: September 25, 2018, 07:04:37 pm »
My main problem is I don’t know any other people who have been through this. I’d like insite into the process of transition. I’d like to maybe try and make some friends. 
Hi, Jessica, and welcome.

I know you will make lots of online friends here.  I hope you also make some friends in real life.  And I hope that your family gives you a pleasant surprise.

The process of transition usually starts with seeing a therapist.  Where it goes from there really depends on you.  Some people start onto hormones.  Some transition socially.  Some opt to get surgery.  It really depends on what you want, and how urgently you want it.  Depending on your insurance situation, budget may need to be factored in there as well.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change

Offline Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Help needed
« Reply #4 on: September 25, 2018, 07:05:18 pm »
@TheNewjessica
Dear (TheNew) Jessica:
Thank you for your interesting and detailed posting about yourself.  Many of our members will now be aware of your arrival to the Forums and will be able to share with you and you with them regarding your questions and comments.

I see that you have already been Officially Welcomed to Susan's Place
by our lovely member and California Girl  @Jessica 

Please allow me to also give your a warm Welcome to Susan's Place.
I am thinking that you may have lots more questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
Be aware that there are a lot of members here that can identify with your situation..
 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here on the Forums if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

 ***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 
Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace. 

In her Welcome Message  Jessica  included Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place.  Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.   

Please don't be a stranger, we want to share postings and thoughts with you.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Check out my Personal Threads that have more details about myself (click Links):
   "I am the HUNTED PREY : Danielle's Chronicles"
               "Positive Mindset... put away negativity"
                            "Susans Writers and Book Readers"

Started HRT March 2015  3½ years ago, it's been an exciting journey
>>> I've been Full Time since December 2016 :icon_chick:
I am 38 years old, Single, and Self Employed in a small town up in the COLD North.
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Offline Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Help needed
« Reply #5 on: September 25, 2018, 07:09:48 pm »
@TheNewjessica 
Oh, and another thing (TheNew) Jessica:
Just before I let you have your posting back so that other members can comment on your posted thoughts.....   
... as  @Jessica   mentioned in her Welcome Message to you earlier
would you please stop by the  Introductions Forum  to tell more members about yourself and your arrival here on the Forums.  You can include some brief information about yourself so other like-minded members will be able to share with you, and you with them.

If you are one of our younger members, please stop by the Youth Introductions Forum

Enjoy your time here on the Forums, I trust that you will find this an enjoyable and informative experience.
Best wishes to you.... and again, Welcome to Susan's Place
Danielle

Check out my Personal Threads that have more details about myself (click Links):
   "I am the HUNTED PREY : Danielle's Chronicles"
               "Positive Mindset... put away negativity"
                            "Susans Writers and Book Readers"

Started HRT March 2015  3½ years ago, it's been an exciting journey
>>> I've been Full Time since December 2016 :icon_chick:
I am 38 years old, Single, and Self Employed in a small town up in the COLD North.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Offline Sarah1979

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Re: Help needed
« Reply #6 on: September 25, 2018, 07:11:16 pm »
Hello, Jessica :) Welcome to THE safe place :)

Offline Alice (nym)

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Re: Help needed
« Reply #7 on: September 25, 2018, 07:20:02 pm »
Hello Jessica,

You are a lot more in tune than I was when I first came here last month... and I was positively freaking out just a week ago. Lots of nice and helpful people here who have really helped me get through this... still early days... I have my first doctor appointment on Thursday morning, I need his approval to be sent to see a specialist. I have this forum open all the time. It is comforting to check in periodically and see what is happening. That in itself is helpful because you don't feel so alone and isolated anymore.

Nym (for now)
Between Mars ♂ and Venus ♀ lies Earth ⊕... where I currently live... but I am looking to move to Venus ♀

Offline JudiBlueEyes

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Re: Help needed
« Reply #8 on: September 25, 2018, 07:32:11 pm »
Welcome new Jessica.  There's good advice and comments from the others so I'll add to find a nearby transgender support group and attend a meeting.  You'll meet others who are on the same journey.  While it may seem scary, we've all been there and you will fit in fine.   
Judi

Offline Laurie

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Re: Help needed
« Reply #9 on: September 25, 2018, 10:00:55 pm »
 Well hello there Le Nouveau Jessica,

  I am Laurie, the wandering waif of Susan's Place. Welcome to our little home on the web. The door has been left open so won't you please come in? And oh yeah please shut it after you as there's a draft in here. Thank you!
  There isn't that better than standing out in the cold and hollering your questions at us? Now we can sit down and chat amicably. Sorry, what was that? Oh the lady on top of the fridge tossing her pickled eggs at anyone walking by? Don't pay her no mind that's only @Faith . She was in a bad mood and trying to share it with all of us. Oh she can come down tonight at bedtime so she can get some sleep and try again tomorrow.

 Now where were we? Oh yeah where to start? Well hon it does sound like you have had several good suggestions and I'd say one of the important ones is to find yourself a therapist knowledgeable in gender issues. You will find that having a therapist to talk with will help you a lot as you navigate this journey you are wanting to embark upon. I started by coming out to my primary care physician and answering "yes" when he asked if I would like to talk with a therapist about it. So in a fairly short time I had myself my PCP and a therapist helping me with my journey. That was almost 2 years ago.
 Another positive thing I did even before that is a step you have already taken. I found Susan's Place and started making posts here. Most of my early posts were greeting new people as they joined the site. Like many have done for you. In doing so I made friends, learned to open myself up to the help offered here, and I learned to share my hopes and fears with others and to ask for help when I needed it. This site has been of great help to me personally. I can honestly tell you that if it wasn't for people on this site I would very likely have ended my life this past spring. I was hurting. Seriously hurting to the point I did not want to exist any longer. Perhaps you can tell I did end it all but I will tell you I came close.
  You might ask why I would be telling you, a new member, this? Well, it was something you said.  You said....

Quote
I know what’s at stake and that my family will completely reject me but I need this for me and I’m willing to battle through the pain of what’s to come.

 That caught my eye...

Do you really know?
Can you live with losing your family?
Are you really willing to battle the pain?

  You do not say how old you are or what family you might lose. I ask you those questions because like you I thought I was able to bear the consequences of losing what I had left of my immediate family. I was wrong. I am 66. For me my family meant my only daughter, her husband and my five grand children. They were all I had left of my family that really mattered to me. My wife divorced me more than 20 years ago thanks to my angry, alcoholic and drug abuse manifestations of my gender dysphoria and I didn't even know what that was back then. About all I did know was I hated who I was. My autistic son died of a heart issue in a group home about 4 years ago. I had spent 20 years trying to make it up to my daughter and thought I had done so. But when I came out to her she and my son in law rejected and attacked me of facebook for all of our mutual friends to see. Then last time I saw her and my grand children was the morning after I told them.
  Their rejection and public attacks on me hurt. Hurt a lot. I went into a depression. I had lost my last child, my grand children and my purpose if life. My depression got worse. I made my exit plan. I was only waiting for spring to execute it and me with it. I had done a few things right. I talked to friends here on and from Susan's Place, both online  and offline. I took their advice and told my therapist how bad I felt. And I agreed to try an anti depressant. It was a race to see if the pills would start working before spring came which is when I would cease to be. The pills won, but barely. And with help from friends I am happy now. I have still lost my family and I will need to finish dealing with that pain sometime but for now I am happy, in love, and still here.

 So I ask again, Are you really prepared to bear the loss of family if it comes to that? I wasn't. Therapy can help as will having a friendly place like you have found here to make friends that will cry with you at tough time, cheer with you on you victories and help you all along the way.

  I am glad you are here Jessica.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Offline TheNewjessica

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Re: Help needed
« Reply #10 on: September 26, 2018, 03:22:41 am »
Yes sorry I was nervous with my first post. I am in my mid thirties and I have felt like this since I was twelve.   I am ready to make moves. There are barriers like you mentioned above.  When I say lose my family I mean my dad. He will not accept me and I will struggle to maintain a relationship with my mum.  I will lose my partner but not my children as our relation is awesome particularly with my daughter as we share a lots of interests with literature, music and even gaming. 

I feel my biggest barrier is that people do not take me seriously because I am diagnosed with autism. It’s a ruling factor in my life for sure but I also make safe calculated decisions so that I don’t make life harder for myself.  My GP doesn’t take me seriously either as he feels my anxiety is a social phobia which isn’t true.

I do not want to identify as male.  I want to be female.  That is my life choice and I’m willing to take risks on my family for sure. I have thought about it for years. I have worn women’s clothes in secret. My partner condones this to an extent as long as I remain manly and hairy but I know she will not support transition.

She often calls me a girl and is aware that I’ve had relations of a sort with men and she feels like there is competition to keep me  straight.

 

Offline Faith

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Re: Help needed
« Reply #11 on: September 26, 2018, 05:27:08 am »
Sorry, what was that? Oh the lady on top of the fridge tossing her pickled eggs at anyone walking by? Don't pay her no mind that's only @Faith .

Now why are you going around telling stories like this to new people, you'll scare them off.
You're fully aware that I'm only throwing them at you.

While I'm here ....

@NewJessica
Welcome to Susan's .. try to ignore, mm, 95% of what @Laurie has to say. Ok, maybe 60% ... fine, 10% ...

Good Luck in your travels to find yourself and bring her out into the world. Susan's is a great first stop and one worthy of returning to over and over.

Faith




I am who I am :icon_chick:

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