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Kathryn's Chronicles

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KateR:
If you look at my introduction, you’ll see I recently reached the point where I’m out of options and have to transition. 

My feelings today, are actually feelings of peace. 

I, Katherine Jannell, (Kate for short) have been suppressed for over 55 years.  Recently, I’ve been able to start living free!!!!

Today was my first day in public as me!!!! (As close as we’re going right now since I have short grey hair.....)

I went out in public with my FeLiNa intimate wear, my Vera Wang ‘Simply Vera’ boot cut jeans, my LifeStride Wedge Sandals and my 38mm Apple Watch with the chain band with rhinestones on the links adjacent to the watch.

I went to my therapist’s office and dropped off my new client paperwork (my first appointment is next Tuesday), went to Kohl’s picked up an order and shopped a bit, and stopped by the liquor store/Gas Station, filled up my truck with diesel, and bought 2 different bottles of bourbon.

At Kohl’s, the wonderful lady working at customer service, I think, recognized me.  Two weeks ago, she assumed I was picking up an order for my wife.  Today, I think she recognized I WAS wearing the  Vera Wang jeans I had previously picked up.  Today she was Gender Nuetral with me.  (Picked up some Leggings).

At the liquor store, there was another customer who looked at me a bit.  He seemed to notice my Life Stride Wedge sandals.  He was in line to check out slightly before me.  We both were purchasing bourbon.  My family is from bourbon country, and we started talking bourbon.  It was a very pleasant conversation.

If he noted anything feminine, he treated me with respect.  I didn’t advertise, and he didn’t comment.  At this point, less than a month into my transition, I’m incredibly happy with that.

It’s been an incredible day for me, Kate, as I start this journey.


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Northern Star Girl:
@jkredman
Dear Kate:
It is wonderful that you started your own transition thread to document your transition journey and to make note of benchmark moments that you feel free to share.

Everyone here on the Forums that is transitioning or has transitioned fully understands what you are going through and can identify with many of the things that you may share.   

In addition to your transition thread here, I would also recommend that you keep a personal journal that is for your eyes only.   I personally keep an old-school pen and paper journal complete with colorful doodling.   
These kinds of things are good therapy and can be an excellent way to write down your successes and to vent your frustrations and disappointments.  So many times when I am going through my own difficulties, just the action of writing about it can help me to process my thoughts and often it helps me to formulate solutions.    It also makes for some good personal reading and review on a rainy or cold night while sitting in a comfortable chair in front of the fireplace.

Reading what you have said in your first posting on your new thread and from your postings on the various threads around the forums, I trust that you can keep a positive outlook as you continue in your transition journey.

As you implied on your postings in your Introduction thread, it appears that your wife is being quite supportive to you...  you should count you blessings with that because there are many here that do not have that kind of support from spouses and immediate family members.
 
I might comment that you should certainly continue seeing your therapist as often as necessary.  I do not see in any of your 10 postings that you have started HRT.  Is that in your plan and your goals as you continue talking with your therapist???  I only say this because any drugs and meds that you may be prescribed can have bad interactions with alcohol consumption...  and perhaps cut back a little on the 2 bottles of bourbon. ;)

Again, thank you for starting your transition thread.   I will be eagerly following your updates as you feel comfortable posting them.

Wishing you well,
Danielle

KateR:
Danielle:

Thanks for chiming in.

I’m hoping that working through my therapist I can start HRT very soon and coordinate care with my existing PCP.

If that doesn’t work out, I’ve located 3 clinics within 100 or so miles of my home that provide hormones based on informed consent.

I’ve been on the antidepressant, SSRI, drugs for 25 years.  All I’ve ever gotten from them is the side effects.  They never touched my dysphoria. My issues were never about ‘serotonin re-uptake.’

The alcohol consumption was really good at putting me, Kate, to sleep.   It took the edge off of Keith.  Keith understands it’s sending us both to an early grave.  Now that Keith has made peace with me, and has agreed to let me flourish, it’s naturally dropping.  We go days now without any alcohol.

Again thanks for your loving comments.

Kate


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KateR:
Well, today I had a minor setback and what amazes me is how emotional I am about it.

My counselor's office called this morning to reschedule tomorrows first appointment until 10/16.  Yes, it's only two weeks but I find myself back in the feeling of deep despair.  Two more weeks of imprisonment.

Then to add insult to injury the young lady that called misgendered me.

Ouch

Northern Star Girl:

--- Quote from: jkredman on October 01, 2018, 12:34:18 pm ---Well, today I had a minor setback and what amazes me is how emotional I am about it.

My counselor's office called this morning to reschedule tomorrows first appointment until 10/16.  Yes, it's only two weeks but I find myself back in the feeling of deep despair.  Two more weeks of imprisonment.

Then to add insult to injury the young lady that called misgendered me.

Ouch

--- End quote ---

@jkredman
Dear Katie:
Hang in there girl, compared to the setbacks and changed/delayed appointments that some others experience, 2 weeks is nothing in comparison but I can understand your disappointment and frustration with it all.... and coupled with that was that you were also mis-gendered by your counselor's staff.   When you meet with your counselor you should be certain to mention that unpleasant event, there is no excuse for it particularly coming from the therapist's office that will be counseling you for gender issues.... no excuse for it happening.!!!!!

Do me (and you) a big favor and please keep the lids on tight on the 2 bottles of bourbon that we discussed several days ago.   Not a good plan to drown your disappointments with that sort of thing, you want to keep a clear head.

Hugs and well wishes to you,
Danielle

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