Danielle;
First of all thank you for caring about me. Yeah our lives are different and you've seemed to move beyond your transition and are living an authentic and mostly happy life, while I still have a year or more to go. Thank you for sharing the light at the end of my tunnel (and NOT being an oncoming locomotive.)
Get your favorite beverage because what is to follow may be a bit random but definitely lengthy and deeply personal.
1) realize I'm on a prednisone taper and I've consumed 11 of those little white pills (and 3 antibiotics and 3 celebrex in the last 48 hours.). I need to sleep but am medically wired and have lots of deep emotional thoughts to get out of my system.
2) This morning, when I awoke, the first thing I felt was I'm human again. Yeah there are some dull aches and places on my face that are better left untouched, but I actually cleaned up, got dressed and sorta finally after 8 days rejoined the human race.
3) Since last weekend I've had this internal debate about my appointment with Dr. Bluebond-Langner next week. After all we're so close to a covid vaccine why take the risk? Well, truth be told, I've been covid paranoid since this whole <poo> started and her office and I have worked together to establish actions to mitigate the risk and most importantly comply with frequently changing New York State public health requirements. And she scheduled me for surgery even though we hadn't met personally and she still hasn't been able to do a pelvic exam.
My paranoia, Truthfully, is from last week's post-surgical pain (mismanagement) as a result not communicating to Dr. Markey in a timely fashion even though he gave me his personal cell phone number.
So I've consuosly decided to learn from my painful experience and get back on the horse that threw me and caused so much pain and go forward anyway!
4) I have to compliment Dr. Markey and his team. When I got there they totally bypassed the normal check-in stuff and put Patty and I in an exam room And gave me a sedative or pain med. I'm not sure what but Patty shared with them I was profusely crying and had been so for the prior hour or so. She also shared with them on Monday how bad the weekend went. They knew I was in pretty bad shape when I got there.
We were late getting there because of a) even though I was cold stone sober, because of intense pain, my driving was impaired, and b) road construction. After 30 miles Patty took over the driving. Being late bothered me, and my mind put together the following scenario. 1) if Dr Markey couldn't see me then was there another Dr at the practice who could? 2) If not, I was then going to the st lukes ER. If they wouldn't help me, even though I was a documented patient 3) I was ready to kill myself to end the pain.
Back to Dr. Markey, The first thing he asked was if we were still friends. I said yes and we went on to work on what needed to be done. I was actually starting to feel Human again and could be rational in a conversation. He removed the sutures and stints from my nose and a suctioned out the puss and crud. He stopped and made sure my breathing felt more normal. He waited the two or three minutes before I answered yes before he removed all the external sutures. After that was all done he asked what I thought I needed. He offered another script of opioids. I turned him down. We discussed how they theoretically work. You hurt but you don't care. I explained that over the years I've learned I need to 3 or 4 times the 5 MG every 6 hours to do anything. NSAIDS like high to max doses of celebrex work better for me. Aah they actually suppress and reduce inflammation!(?). He noted how above average my nose swelling was and prescribed the prednisone taper which I agreed to, and finally he prescribed an antibiotic since I had thrown some symptoms of some type of possible sinus infection.the antibiotic script might be a a little iffy but the consequences of missing a possible infection are far greater than taking a second pill with the celebrex to stay in the safe side!!!!
5) now that I'm feeling like a human again and putting up Christmas decorations I found a porcelain nativity figurine labeled 'injured'. I opened the box and thought sadly about the fact this little angel hasn't been out of her box in maybe 20 years.
She was given to me by my mom and was originally proudly displayed for years. One year, out of the blue our cat decided she was a play toy. I found all the pieces except for part of her thumb and glued her back together. Eventually I bought a replacement via eBay.
We're all injured in some way. Does that make us less beautiful? Does that mean we have to exist in a box?
She's out and proudly displayed this year and her 'perfect' twin is out also!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
