Topic: Kathryn's Chronicles

[KateR]

Hi all:

OK I’ve been remiss in posting.

I’m continuing to heal from my 1st half of FFS. Other than the occasional headache, the biggest issue now is itching as the nerves heal.

I do still have pretty consistent sinus drainage as the swelling in my nose continues to recede.  I don’t think there’s any infection.  The drainage is clear with the occasional (every few days) red tint to it.

Now that I’m 45 days out, I would say the rhinoplasty was the worst.

That said, I would do it again.  I’d just bug the doctor on Saturday vs. letting the pain get so bad before I saw him again that following Tuesday.


Now, as I look in the mirror, I’m really liking what I’m seeing.  I see her.  That has moved my dysphoria trigger from my face to my genitals.  So now when I get out of the shower as soon as I’ve dried off, I put my underwear on.  The bra won’t go on for another 15 or so minutes.

The other thing that has changed is seeing my dead name is really bothering me.   (I used to be somewhat agnostic toward it.) I found some older scratch paper in my desk that had the heading ‘From the Desk of [deadname] K. Redman’.  I went through every sheet and scratched out my deadname.

So here I am coming up on roughly 2.5 years since I started my transition.  I’m happy that from the medical side of things, I’m over halfway home.  It’s now just the wait part of ‘hurry up and wait.’  I realize that I’ll be learning the socialization side of things, that I didn’t learn as a child, for years to come.  That’s OK though.  I’m a much happier person this way.  That’s what’s important.


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[Northern Star Girl]

@KateR
Dear Kathryn:
Yes indeed, it has been over 2 weeks since you last posted.   But only post when you have the time and when you feel comfortable doing so.

I am so very glad to read that you are continuing to heal form you initial FFS.   ... Oh yes, itching means healing but it can be difficult to restrain yourself from scratching the itch and perhaps create some damage.

I am trusting that you can soon conquer the other experiences that you described regarding your dysphoria issues.

YES indeed, hurry up and wait.... patience is definitely needed for anyone undergoing their transition journey.

Thank you for posting and sharing.

HUGS and more HUGS, as always I am wishing you well.
Danielle

[KateR]

I was asked on Facebook what touched me about today’s inauguration ceremonies.  This was my answer.  It’s from the poem that was recited at the conclusion of the ceremonies:


That even as we grieved, we grew
That even as we hurt, we hoped
That even as we tired, we tried
That we’ll forever be tied together, victorious
Not because we will never again know defeat
but because we will never again sow division
Scripture tells us to envision
that everyone shall sit under their own vine and fig tree
And no one shall make them afraid
If we’re to live up to our own time
Then victory won’t lie in the blade
But in all the bridges we’ve made
That is the promise to glade
The hill we climb
If only we dare


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[KateR]

Total side note.  This has been an observation of mine:

We all know how expensive transition is.  What I didn’t realize were the small ways.

I had FFS (1st half) on 12/2/20.  My post op care invokes a lot of use of cotton swab and hydrogen peroxide.

I opens a pack of 625 q-tips right around that time.  I just realized that pack is empty.  625 Q-Tip swans in basically 45 days.

Damn, how expensive can this really get?


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[KateR]

Well on this fine Saturday morning I have some observations.  Relax this won’t get philosophical!

1) Sensations are returning to the top of my head roughly 50 days post FFS.  I realized this morning I can feel a firm scrub or pull on my scalp when washing and drying my hair.

2) Any clothing that is really gender neutral but was acquired ‘back in the day’ is now an animus to me.

I’m into purging again but there really wasn’t much of anything left to purge;  a belt, a Chiefs Logo golf shirt, and 4 pairs of athletic socks.  That leaves me with 3 pairs of Athletic socks, one pair of shoes that I only wear when working in the yard, one pair of snow boots, and 2 pairs of western boots, a leather coat (given to me by Patty, so it’s not going anywhere) and a London Fog Parka, and a London Fog Overcoat.  Upstairs, I have my Tux, which was worn to walk each daughter down their aisle (again not going anywhere because of the sentimental value.  I guess it’s like a wedding dress.), and a couple of suits in case I find myself having to do something like cantering a funeral for a family that has people who would be uncomfortable with me in a blouse, pencil skirt, and a matching blazer.

My feeling is that after my GCS on 10/22/21, they’ll go.  At roughly $500 each I’m like ‘I can’t part with that much money’ yet. I’m not claiming any logic to this!

3) As I continue to heal, when I look in the mirror, I almost always see her now.  I’m loving it! 

I still have some swelling around the nose, but it’s down a lot from right after surgery.  I’m doing my massages, but I wouldn’t be surprised if my surgeon thought I needed another round of steroid shots.  Ouch!


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[Northern Star Girl]

@KateR
Dear Kathryn:
A most interesting and upbeat update... thank you for sharing.

Ahhhh, purging....   as we most of us have done  in our individual transgender journeys we all have purged our old or our not wanted clothing items....   I just wish I could have the money that I originally spent on the stuff that I got rid of. 
Hopefully someone that finds my discards at a thrift shop can be happy to purchase any of it and find it useful.

I am so happy for you that when you now look in a mirror you can start to see Kathryn... and yes, it is a wonderful moment for sure.

I am wishing you well as you continue to heal and to continue in your exciting journey.
I will be looking for more of your updates as you feel comfortable sharing.

Thank you for posting your update.

HUGS,
Danielle

[KateR]

OK here’s a question.

After a lifetime of leading while dancing, how do I learn to follow?


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[davina61]

practice and a good partner, must be some online stuff to follow .

[KateR]

Ok. Not sure what's going to get me first, COVID, or my cooking.




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[Northern Star Girl]

@KateR
Dear Kathryn:
I understand the issue that you stated....  I also love to bake and cook ... and I have learned to give away most it to my friends, acquaintances and my client that come into my office.... otherwise I would be tempted to over-indulge.
 
Hmmm, are those  Snickerdoodles that you made?
One of my favortie sugar cookies!!!!!

Thanks for sharing and posting....  now I think the next kind of cookies I will make will be Snickerdoodles !!!
HUGS,
Danielle

[KateR]

Ok. My head is itching like crazy and it doesn’t matter where I scratch, I can’t sooth the itch.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!






(Yeah I know it nerves healing from my forehead shave.  But....  ugh!)

And Danielle, the forecast here is for 6 - 10 inches of snow this weekend.  Good news is I did my follow with Dr. Markey, and restocking from Costco, yesterday, and electrolysis (and laser down there) today.  I have no need to leave the house until 2/23...


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[KateR]

Well this Presidents’ Day has been anything but normal.  Right now the temp is 2 above zero, and
If you look carefully, it’s still snowing.

I woke this morning to complaints of the hot water getting cold.  So after a light breakfast I did the following:




Yes I started with my wet suit as it became very apparent that my snow suit will no longer zip up over my chest!

So went out side and found the exhaust vents to the water heaters frozen over (as expected) and (unexpectedly) they had also sucked a bunch of snow into the intake vents.  So I took off the animal screens, cleaned out the snow, went back inside, reset the heaters and, voila, hot water.

Oh, as I write this an update from the National Weather service came in.  The Winter Storm Warning, I am under has been extended until 6 AM Thursday with an additional 4 to 9 inches of snow expected.

We have a friend staying with us.  She’s had a bit of a rough go with this weather.  The other night her parked car was hit when another car slid into it.  So at them moment she’s car less.  Additionally, her 80 year old home isn’t handling the cold weather at all, so she is here until things warm up a bit.

So far we haven’t been hit with any rolling blackouts.  I’m less concerned about electricity than I am about our natural gas.  If we have a problem with natural gas not only do I lose the furnaces but will also lose the generator.  Then the only backup left is the fireplace which can be kept light by 6 d cell batteries, but it would also suffer from the lack of gas.

Still dealing with a very itchy head.  I’ve scratched at it way too much.  I know we really shouldn’t self medicate.  However, that’s what I’ve done.  We have some nuerontin in the house, leftover from Patty’s case of shingles.  I’m taking half a pill twice a day and it is doing a lot to calm the itching.  (If we’re honest with ourselves, we’ve all done something extra medical during our transitions.)

My face is healing up well.  I’ve been religious with my massages and the Scar Zone.  Honestly, for most of the day you cant see my forehead incision. As each day goes on it stays invisible longer so I’m pleased.

Dr. Markey and I set a May date for the rest of my FFS.  It will be done right after our 25th anniversary, allowing to fully participate in the plans I’m making for the anniversary without being in a recovery mode.

We are both happy with my recovery so far, except for my nose which still has some swelling, so yeah I got jabbed again with steroids.  So of course I had to stop that massage for about 5 days because it was painful when touched.  I’m back to doing them again today.
 
So I guess today has been the first day in over a year I didn’t present totally female as my coat and boots were saved from back in the day, but, you know what, I don’t care.  When it’s this cold and snowy, I’m glad I kept them!

So what are we doing this cold and snowy day.  Well I think St. Patrick has the best solution:



Now would normally be when I take him outside and we play fetch with a tennis ball.  Today, totally disinterested.

Finally, Danielle, your free to come by and take your weather back home!


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[KateR]

One final observation:

How’s this for the ultimate oxymoron:



Palm Trees in the snow!


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[ChrissyRyan]

One final observation:

How’s this for the ultimate oxymoron:



Palm Trees in the snow!


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Interesting, that is!

Chrissy

[KateR]

Quick update:

Ice on the water.  We haven't had that for about 5 years.



The surface temp of the water.   It will stay here until the ice gets solid around my thermometer and then will continue to drop.



This mornings air temp!


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[ChrissyRyan]

Quick update:

Ice on the water.  We haven't had that for about 5 years.



The surface temp of the water.   It will stay here until the ice gets solid around my thermometer and then will continue to drop.



This mornings air temp!


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That is cold weather!

Chrissy

[KateR]

This is probably a more interesting update.

When I looked in the mirror I realized I can't really see my forehead scar anymore.

Use caution scrolling down. This is definitely not a “you look fabulous darlin” picture.  However I'm please.





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[Northern Star Girl]

@KateR
Dear Kathryn:
Yes indeed, there is no sign of visible forehead scar... that is terrific news for sure!!!

.... and let's get this straight, none of us look completely what  we wish to look like...
and as long as you are happy with your picture, here on the forums we are all very happy for you.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your latest photo.

HUGS and as always, best wishes,
Danielle

[KateR]

More oxymoron:

Palm trees and snow piles.....




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[KateR]

Watched ‘I am Women’ on Netflix this evening.  The people watching it with me were surprised I knew all the lyrics of all the songs.  Thinking back, I identified with those songs. 

So for your enjoyment, an oldie but more so a goldie!




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