Hi all:
It’s been a month since I posted anything, so I thought I would give an update!
Met with the Psychiatrist Tuesday. He wants to meet at least one more time (probably a few more times.) My therapist & I had talked about me developing a depression and some Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I’ve started having dreams and nightmares from long repressed memories of abuse growing up. I guess that’s one of the downsides of HRT. My ability to repress and compartmentalize is failing. We all want to get that back under control. The good news is, no one is questioning my Transgender Identity. So this may delay getting my PHD referral letter for surgery a bit, but I figured if I got the FFS surgery 2nd half of 2020 and bottom surgery in 2021 I’d be happy. And I don’t like waking up in the middle of the night from nightmares!
On a positive note:
Those of you who have followed me may notice my screen name has changed. (Thank you Devlyn!)
As of Tuesday, I am out to the last of my family that I cared about; my sister and her family. Of course she’s shocked. She didn’t have a clue. We’ve talked again and she’s still processing. As she put it; “feeling really stuck in it.” I don’t expect total rejection since when she & my wife talked she admitted she always wished she had a sister.
So I’m now out to everyone I really care about; my family, our children’s families, my wife’s family, my sister & her family, and our close friends. They’ve all been understanding. They’re all trying to be supportive. That said, I realize I’ve put them into a transition also. They’ve got to transition their minds about me.
Everyone else in my life, I’d like to be accepted by them, but the loss of those relationships, while a bummer, wouldn’t be nearly as hard as losing someone I so deeply love. I know I’m extremely lucky and blessed. I know many of you have to endure incredibly painful losses. Know that my prayers are with you!
With that done, I’m accelerating how fast I’m changing out my online persona to Kate. (There’s so much of it! Ugh!)
Yes, I’m also starting to identify people to help me with the name and gender marker changes, where all I need to do it, and where it probably doesn’t matter. Do I really need to change my grade school & high school records? Thinking not. College & Grad School? Maybe? Past employment? Probably not. IBM? Yes!
On a crazy note. I guess I’m going to need to have the Orchi first, and probably early in 2020. It appears the Spiro is really messing with me, and it’s been suggested by my PCP that eliminating the med is probably best for me. I scheduled an appointment with the endo for 1/7 to discuss it and start the process. (Let’s just say I ended up taking an ambulance ride to the ER because of a med problem....)
So there it is. To quote an ancient spaghetti western; that’s the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I hope all is well for you and if I don’t post again before then - have happy holidays!
Kate
Oh, and I survived Thanksgiving without undoing my weight loss. 197 this morning!
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