Author Topic: Kathryn's Chronicles  (Read 12633 times)

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Offline KateR

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #100 on: October 19, 2019, 11:41:23 pm »
Some days just suck.

I want to blend better and transition sooner. 

My face is an obsticle I still need to overcome.

Yet those I love(?) are resistive.

Should I call it and move on solo, or should I stay?

That is the stupid question......


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Kate

Offline Maddie

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #101 on: October 21, 2019, 03:02:27 pm »
Definitely a question you must answer.

I know I would find it difficult bordering on impossible to live with daily resistance at home (I am solo)

Please keep moving forward.  If you can keep others with you, that'd be great

Offline KateR

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #102 on: October 24, 2019, 06:04:57 pm »
I’m talking to Dr. Spiegel and have Aetna through IBM.

I had a lengthy conversation with Dr. Spiegel office today.  I have a video conference consult scheduled for early November.  If I do private pay & settle up with Aetna after the fact, she indicated he still has surgery dates available for 2019.  That would force me to settle up with Aetna afterwards.

So, how much does a typical FFS cost? I need to figure out how much I’m spending!

The only reason I’m considering this is because there are some games being played by IBM with regards to Open Enrollment for 2020.

Kate


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Offline KateR

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Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #103 on: November 04, 2019, 08:56:03 pm »
Well it’s been a tough couple of weeks.

Finally got my open enrollment problems with IBM worked out and enrolled for 2020.  It became a very emotional experience because I was scared I’d lose my transition.  For some reason, my wife didn’t take that too well.  I explained I was never angry or upset with her, but the follow on fight got pretty ugly.

So the insurance scare got me thinking maybe I need to have both FFS & bottom surgery in 2020, and I bounced that idea off my wife.  That didn’t go well either.  We also revisited the idea of moving because of the distances traveled for medical care, and the fact that I have no local support..  It was an idea she originally proposed, but now she’s thinking she wants to stay.

Today she indicated she loved me, but she has needs also.  On the plus side she indicated she’s ready to restart counseling.  Unfortunately, I think we’re at the make or break point.  I have no clue how this is all going to work out.  I will say I can’t remember any time in my life where I was this scared.

There is one positive.

I’m now out to my estranged daughter and we’re talking again.  So all three girls know, and are accepting.  2 of 3 son-in-laws know with my youngest daughter still trying to figure out how to explain it to her husband.  My older 2 grandchildren know.  My youngest 4;  their parents are thinking they don’t have the concept of gender yet.

What I’ve told them all is there is no question I will not answer.

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Offline KateR

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #104 on: November 10, 2019, 09:41:34 am »

It became a very emotional experience because I was scared I’d lose my transition.

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As I’ve thought about this more, I’ve realized I guess I’m at a crossroads.

At this point, I HAVE TO FINISH this transition.  Failure to finish would be totally devastating, or worse.

Does anyone else remember reaching such a point in their transition?

Kate


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Kate

Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #105 on: November 10, 2019, 09:53:03 am »

As I’ve thought about this more, I’ve realized I guess I’m at a crossroads.

At this point, I HAVE TO FINISH this transition.  Failure to finish would be totally devastating, or worse.

Does anyone else remember reaching such a point in their transition?

Kate


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I reached that point moments before I came out to my wife.  I came out because there was no way I could not do this, up to and including GRS.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2019-10-18 Phone consultation for GRS; 2020-03-11 GRS!; 2020-09-30 New birth certificate




Offline KateR

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #106 on: November 13, 2019, 06:45:34 pm »
I’ve decided to call today a milestone day!

I stepped on the scale this morning and it read 200.00.  So I’m down 20 with 20 to 25 left togo.  (Well see what I look like at 180 and decide then if I need to drop any more.)

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist for my second evaluation for surgery eligibility, and initial consults with 2 possible surgeons.

I’m looking at both FFS & GCS.  My original thought was FFS in 2020 & GCS in 2021. 

Things are moving along nicely.

Kate


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Offline TonyaW

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #107 on: November 13, 2019, 08:29:54 pm »
Congratulations on the weight loss.

That's great feeling to hit the milestones.



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Offline KateR

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #108 on: November 15, 2019, 05:24:44 pm »
Adding to the celebration;   199.2!

AND:

My lovely wife bought me a top, jeans, and shoes while she was out shopping.   It gives me hope we're going to make it through this!

Kate


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Kate

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #109 on: November 15, 2019, 05:27:58 pm »
Adding to the celebration;   199.2!

AND:

My lovely wife bought me a top, jeans, and shoes while she was out shopping.   It gives me hope we're going to make it through this!

Kate


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That is very nice.   :)

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Maddie

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #110 on: December 12, 2019, 07:29:51 pm »
Congratulations on dropping the weight.
Glad you are feeling hope :)

Offline KateR

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Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #111 on: December 13, 2019, 03:04:21 pm »
Hi all:

It’s been a month since I posted anything, so I thought I would give an update!

Met with the Psychiatrist Tuesday.  He wants to meet at least one more time (probably a few more times.)  My therapist & I had talked about me developing a depression and some Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  I’ve started having dreams and nightmares from long repressed memories of abuse growing up.  I guess that’s one of the downsides of HRT.  My ability to repress and compartmentalize is failing.  We all want to get that back under control.  The good news is, no one is questioning my Transgender Identity.  So this may delay getting my PHD referral letter for surgery a bit, but I figured if I got the FFS surgery 2nd half of 2020 and bottom surgery in 2021 I’d be happy.  And I don’t like waking up in the middle of the night from nightmares!

On a positive note:

Those of you who have followed me may notice my screen name has changed. (Thank you Devlyn!)

As of Tuesday, I am out to the last of my family that I cared about; my sister and her family.  Of course she’s shocked.  She didn’t have a clue.  We’ve talked again and she’s still processing.  As she put it; “feeling really stuck in it.”  I don’t expect total rejection since when she & my wife talked she admitted she always wished she had a sister.

So I’m now out to everyone I really care about; my family, our children’s families, my wife’s family, my sister & her family, and our close friends.  They’ve all been understanding.  They’re all trying to be supportive.  That said, I realize I’ve put them into a transition also.  They’ve got to transition their minds about me.

Everyone else in my life, I’d like to be accepted by them, but the loss of those relationships, while a bummer, wouldn’t be nearly as hard as losing someone I so deeply love.  I know I’m extremely lucky and blessed.  I know many of you have to endure incredibly painful losses.  Know that my prayers are with you!

With that done, I’m accelerating how fast I’m changing out my online persona to Kate.  (There’s so much of it!  Ugh!)

Yes, I’m also starting to identify people to help me with the name and gender marker changes, where all I need to do it, and where it probably doesn’t matter.  Do I really need to change my grade school & high school records?  Thinking not.  College & Grad School? Maybe?  Past employment? Probably not.  IBM? Yes!

On a crazy note.  I guess I’m going to need to have the Orchi first, and probably early in 2020.  It appears the Spiro is really messing with me, and it’s been suggested by my PCP that eliminating the med is probably best for me.  I scheduled an appointment with the endo for 1/7 to discuss it and start the process.  (Let’s just say I ended up taking an ambulance ride to the ER because of a med problem....)

So there it is.  To quote an ancient spaghetti western; that’s the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I hope all is well for you and if I don’t post again before then - have happy holidays!

Kate

Oh, and I survived Thanksgiving without undoing my weight loss.  197 this morning!

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Offline KateR

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Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #112 on: December 19, 2019, 10:03:03 am »
Things that have changed this year....

I started HRT a year ago on 12/2.  After participating in another thread where a beautiful sister started HRT earlier this week it struck me;  we all keep that date as a special one in our hearts.

Secondly, I’m living and presenting a good 97% of my time ‘en femme.’   On those rare occasions when I do have to present as ‘back in the day,’ I’ve noticed one of the very first things I’ll do, when I can, is change clothes back to my female presentation.  It’s now a very physical discomfort to dress male. 

My wife and I have turned the corner.  She actually shops for clothing for me now - and I’m not asking!

She sees a much happier and calmer wife than the husband she had for the last 15, or so, years; and most definitely a much calmer, happier, easier to live with than the last 5 years.   We’re doing more together including mundane things like planning meals.  We can discuss surgeries.  That said I realize I still need to go slow.   Later in 2020 is probably ok.   I was thinking of trying to get in all my surgeries in 2020.  (I’m blessed with excellent insurance coverage, but some of the news headlines concern me about the future.) She doesn’t like that idea.  However, she seeing the person she married coming back to her, albeit in a feminine presentation.

Back to the shopping. I need to start shopping for her more! (Not that I haven’t done it before.)

I’m completely out to my family and my wife’s family.  It’s gone better than I hoped.

Finally. Even though the hips have a long way to go, the top side has developed very nicely.  They’re not moobs any more they’re boo**.

Kate


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Offline Maddie

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #113 on: December 19, 2019, 11:14:43 pm »
Happy for your one year anniversary Kate, and the positive changes in your life  :)

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #114 on: December 20, 2019, 08:22:56 pm »
@Kate R
Dear Kate;
You stated in your last reply comment that you HRT anniversary was at the beginning of this month on December 02.
Absolutely correct.... "...we all keep that date as a special one in our hearts."

The other good news that you reported is that you are completely out to your family and your wife’s family.  Such a big step that is now taken.   Now, onward to the next transition steps that are in your plans.

Thank you for keeping me and the rest of your followers updated with your life events and life endeavors.
I will be eagerly following your next steps as you feel inclined to share them on your thread.

HUGS and best wishes....
.    AND MERRY CHRISTMAS to you and your FAMILY.
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline KateR

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #115 on: December 20, 2019, 09:58:08 pm »
Danielle

Thank you!

Hugs & Kisses and a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year back to you!!!

Kate


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Kate

Offline KateR

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #116 on: January 06, 2020, 05:41:48 pm »
OK.  I guess I’ve crossed a (the) line. 

I’m in KC for the next 2 days.  When packing I couldn’t decide which top I wanted to wear tomorrow.  I also couldn’t decide between 2 pair of shoes.  So for a 2 day trip I packed 3 tops, 3 sets of undies (to match the color of the tops so they don’t show through), and 2 different pairs of dress flats.



Needless to say my wife took the opportunity to get even with me.  (Really, I think she got ahead.....)

Kate


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Kate

Offline KateR

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #117 on: January 08, 2020, 08:17:20 am »
Wow!

What an evening!!!

Support group had a makeup professional work with us on makeup and I was one of the three models.

Elizabeth is a young girl.  She was made up in an everyday, natural look.   Her transformation was amazing.   I actually thought ‘Wow!  What a knock out she is.’

Jessica is an older woman, like me.  She was made up full glam.  Again the transformation was amazing.   She was definitely the stately, elegant woman that would rule any formal event.

I was made up in a soft glam look.  To say I was shocked at my transformation, well that the understatement of the new decade.  I looked like a 30 year older version of my middle daughter.  I had to fight back tears.

First of all, I absolutely loved the experience.  I never realized I could look so good!  Secondly, it was another step on this journey that felt so right, so me!
Thirdly, there was a bit of sadness as I thought about all the years I/she was fought and suppressed.  How terribly foolish and unfair. 

I can’t take back the past.  She/I’m free now and there’s absolutely no going back.  I’m happily looking forward to Kate loving her/my life to the fullest.

Wow!  What an evening!!!


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Offline KateR

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #118 on: January 16, 2020, 07:12:30 pm »
I get emails from where I subscribe to the Wall Street Journal.  Today I received an email with the following:

“Last week’s jobs report from the Labor Department brought news of a shift in the country’s workforce: Women now make up over half of U.S. payrolls, reflecting dramatic growth in industries where women tend to outnumber men.”

I thought to myself. ‘How cool’ and ‘it’s about time’ (since roughly 52% of the human population is classified as female.)

The article went on to discuss where gender equality in the workplace still fell short.


I mentioned it to my wife with the comment; “I think there is a feminist in me.”

Her response took me by surprise. 

“Duh!  You’ve always been that way.”  I responded “I never would have thought of myself that way.”   Her final comment was “Maybe now you’ve given it a new name but this something about you that hasn’t changed.”

I guess it’s another ‘go figure’ thing.
Kate



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Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Kathryn's Chronicles
« Reply #119 on: January 16, 2020, 07:25:59 pm »
@KateR
Dear Kate:
Thank your sharing that personal tidbit about you, and about your wife....

VERY INTERESTING for sure. 

HUGS,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

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