Topic: Kathryn's Chronicles

[davina61]

Happy birthday dear.

[KateR]

Thank you all and a special thank you to Sudan’s.org’s ‘Northern Star’, Danielle.

It’s been a wonderful day.

I received a pandora bracelet with some charms on it from my wife.  So cool.   It’s the start of a celebration of my life.  Again Sooooo Cooooll.


I’ve heard  from all our daughters and their families.  That was fun and sweet.   (It reminded me of a comment my father once made.  My sister called me one afternoon and said he needed a heart surgery.  It was scheduled for the next morning.  Well I booked myself on the first flight back to St. Louis for that morning, and met my sister and him at the hospital.  When he saw me he commented to the nurse ‘well the whole famn damly is here!’)


Cake is a Key Lime Bundt cake.   Very tasty especially with some coconut cream and whipped cream.  Really sweet and sour- just as I like it.

Side note.

I had face zapping yesterday.  I’m so glad we’re close to the end.  I seem to be getting more sensitive to it.  Looking in the mirror this morning, my first thought was “I’ve got the chicken pox  -  again.”  I was thinking about starting a new thread.  Instead of “You look fabulous, Darlin”’ I’d name it “I look hideous  - at the moment!” ;-)

That said, I’m nearing the end.  We’ve gone from every week, to every other week, and my next appointment is not for 3 weeks!!!!

Thanks again for the birthday wishes!!!


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[Maddie]

Happy birthday to you!

Congratulations for coming do far with electro and everything

[KateR]

May need to start a new thread on this, but for now I’m going to put it in my thread.


The only downside to my transition has been the long repressed memories popping back up through my defense mechanisms.  There is the pain of how I was abused but then there are things that I’m not proud of while trying to prove I was a man.

Lately it’s been the later that really hit me hard last Thursday and then again this morning (Sunday) during Mass.

My next appointment with my therapist is Tuesday.


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[Northern Star Girl]

@KateR
Dear Kathryn:
Rest assured, there is no need for you to start a new thread to discuss the issues that you are going through as mentioned in your last posting.
This is your Blog/Journal/Thread... and it is yours to discuss most matters relating to your personal transition journey.
 
YES INDEED, seeing your therapist in a couple of days, next Tuesday, is a good plan.  I trust that they can help you to work through some of your most difficult memories and moments.

Please keep me and the rest of your followers updated regarding your progress, but only post what you feel comfortable sharing.

HUGS and as always, my best wishes,
Danielle

[Maddie]

I visual a road Kate. 
It crosses borders of lives.
Forgiveness and separation.
Whatever you did or proved before dissolves in your dusty trail.

[KateR]

Had to happen, I knew it would eventually.

My gender marker has been changed in my health systems electronic medical chart.

I just completed my “e check-in” for Wednesday’s semi annual labs and check up and for the first time it asked me all the “reproductive history” questions.

I smiled (and chuckled a little bit).


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[Northern Star Girl]

@KateR
Dear Kate:
Having the experience of getting those questions about pregnancy, periods, mammograms, pap smears etc... is always so very affirming.   

I will be very eager to keep updated as you are so inclined to share.,

HUGS, and more HUGS,
Danielle
- - - - - -

Had to happen, I knew it would eventually.

My gender marker has been changed in my health systems electronic medical chart.

I just completed my “e check-in” for Wednesday’s semi annual labs and check up and for the first time it asked me all the “reproductive history” questions.

I smiled (and chuckled a little bit).


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[KateR]

@KateR
Dear Kate:
Having the experience of getting those questions about pregnancy, periods, mammograms, pap smears etc... is always so very affirming.   

I will be very eager to keep updated as you are so inclined to share.,

HUGS, and more HUGS,
Danielle
- - - - - -

“mammograms”

This is the same place that did my Mams last month?


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[mm]

KateR. you are being seen as a woman and can expect to get all the normal woman medical questions now.

[KateR]

Well my Kansas City support group had our regular semi-monthly [Zoom] meeting this evening.

I didn’t start it; but for part of the evening we discussed what cis-women can assume about us when they don’t know the ‘whole’ story.   The best one was when (I’ll call her) Jen’s coworkers were wondering if she was dealing with morning sickness.

We’ve all had some awkward, if not humorous, conversations and, of course, our therapist/moderator used the topic to explore techniques for handling the awkward question or conversation.

Good meeting!

Then of course, thank you Jadyn, we all started reminiscing about the in-person meetings, pre-Covid, and how we missed going to a local pizza restaurant afterwards.  (It turns out she’s been having them deliver on support group night?  I’m Jealous!). Well, when she & I worked together to move the support group to zoom, I talked to the restaurant manager and put together a little 2 minute video of photographs from the restaurant and of some of the staff.  The last photo is a photo of his roadside sign board where he had up for a while:

“Pizza is cheaper than therapy”


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[KateR]

Well the reason I’ve been quiet is that nothing is going on!

I’m doing the social distancing thing as best I can, and will continue to do so unt my October appointments with dr. Bluebond-Langner and Dr. Rodriguez.

I am dealing with some PTSD related to my service to the good ole USA.  My therapist, pastor and I have had a few discussions.   I’m going to do some EMDR therapy on it soon.  I think it’s good that I’m having to deal with it now.  My hope is that by dealing with it now, it will be less of an issue ‘on the other side!’

Face torture is pretty much over.  Next appointment will be in 4 weeks.

Now I just need to get rid of my quarantine 19!


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[Northern Star Girl]

@KateR
Dear Kathryn:
Thanks for your update.... 10 days is way too long to not update your Blog/Thread....  you have followers such as myself that want to keep up with what is going on with you, even if it is nothing !!!

I love your new Avatar Profile photo.... the beautiful 3 ladies in red dresses !!

I am wishing you well with your EMDR therapy...

Thanks for sharing.
HUGS,
Danielle

Well the reason I’ve been quiet is that nothing is going on!

I’m doing the social distancing thing as best I can, and will continue to do so unt my October appointments with dr. Bluebond-Langner and Dr. Rodriguez.

I am dealing with some PTSD related to my service to the good ole USA.  My therapist, pastor and I have had a few discussions.   I’m going to do some EMDR therapy on it soon.  I think it’s good that I’m having to deal with it now.  My hope is that by dealing with it now, it will be less of an issue ‘on the other side!’

Face torture is pretty much over.  Next appointment will be in 4 weeks.

Now I just need to get rid of my quarantine 19!


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[KateR]

Yes, they are my 2 closest girl friends.  That's Bobbie on the left and Jessica on the right.  That picture was from the one in-person 'Girls Night Out' we did in KC before we decided it was best to lock back down.  (Jessica is an MD, so if she's nervous - we all should be nervous.)  Also yes, it was red dress night.


I'm gonna have to work on red.  I've got about 4 lovely blackish dresses, but only the one reddish.....

[Maddie]

Congrats for reaching this point with face clearing Kate!! 
Hope the new life carries as little of the old mess as possible.

Lovely photo lady

[KateR]

I like this!  Look for it as a future avitar!



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[KateR]

Danger Will Robinson!

[URL]https://youtu.be/OWwOJlOI1nU/[URL]

(I recently saw where this now belongs to Disney. )

Waxing philosophical again.

I’m deliberately trying to post more frequently even though I don’t feel I have much to say.  Susan’s Place’s Northern Star, Danielle, lovingly suggested I need to post more often!


Still not much happening.   However I did, surprisingly, discover that one of the NYU surgeons, Dr. Markley, is now practicing in Kansas City.  I have a consult with him on 9/25/2020 for FFS.  I’ll still go to NY City in October for those consults.  Needless to say, lead time before I can be scheduled for surgery is something I’m looking at.

On the home front I’ve noticed that Patty & I are sharing more and borrowing (stealing) each other’s stuff.  Compliments of my girl friend, Jessica, I’ve gotten into White House Black Market for some really cute dresses.  I’ve just discovered they’re not necessarily my dresses.  I guess it’s a good thing I’ve found 5 dresses I think I look good in.

Patty and are going to Florida the week of the 12th to play some golf.  This trip was originally scheduled for last winter and, compliments of Covid, was rescheduled twice.  It’s now very much a ‘do it or lose it’ situation.

I’m presenting female (full time) and will tee off with my spouse.  Since they will typically match us up to other couples, I’m wondering what the couple we’re playing with will want to do.   (Not that I care!). Actually the bigger question is how my son-in-laws want to handle our charity tournament team.   We’re thinking I just need to wear a skirt and play short.  Three guys and a gal that can drive from the tee, this could really be a winning team!

As the completion of my medical transition gets closer, I’m think more about the women I’ve met that don’t have the resources I do; or have met with more resistance from their families and loved ones than I have.  I find myself becoming more and more of an activist and am actually looking into what I can do to establish an emergency assistance program in the Midwest.  I’m currently researching what’s already available and documenting where the gaps are.

Finally, I’m still dealing with the estradiol effects on my depth perception.  This evening I slammed my right hand against the end of the sofa.  No big deal, except for the glass that was in that hand.  It shattered into a million pieces when the floor rose up to meet it.  (OK, it was really more like 100 pieces).  It seems to get worse when Lillie and Rachel get tender - which they are right now.

Lillie & Rachel, you ask?  They are the girls that make up my bust.  I figured those were better names than left & right...


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[Northern Star Girl]

@KateR
Dear Kathryn:
Here is your youtube video link that will autoplay on postings.

This is one of my favorites...  "Danger, Will Robinson!" (From Lost in Space)

HUGS,
Danielle

               

[KateR]

I’m not who I am not, but I am not yet who I am.




Spent the money for the Disney+ Mulan.   It hit nerves on multiple levels.


I don’t want to start an argument but Mulan is very much a Trans story. Maybe Mulan is not FTM but she is definitely non-binary.  She’s stuck between to identities - stuck between two lives.  <screw>, I feel that these days!

She deals with misogyny - as we all deal with misogyny.  She triumphs.


Of course during this time I’m dealing with memories of Operation Desert Storm.  (The PTSD I posted about last week.)



Add to it, Beth, our youngest daughter decides to check in with us....


Emotions sky high at the moment.


I have yard that needs mowing


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[KateR]

Emotions have calmed down today.

I guess I’m in that phase of my transition where impatience has set in.   

I’m so close, and yet so far.  (And COVID hasn’t helped.)

I know I’ll eventually completely get to who I am.  I know we all have our hiccups and delays.  Whether we will admit it, publicly, or not; we all have our moments of emotion and frustration.  It just took a movie to show me some turmoil inside.



On a different note:  I found a marinade recipe for pork.  Honey, soy sauce, garlic, basil, and parmigian cheese.  I guess I’ll start my quarantine 19 diet tomorrow.

 


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