Author Topic: Opening the cage  (Read 3505 times)

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Offline Moonflower

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Re: Opening the cage
« Reply #100 on: March 06, 2019, 08:09:21 pm »
From the reading I have done here I don't feel you should be scolding yourself. My wife really gets upset when she messes up my pronouns but she is in such a difficult position. It mainly happens upon her return from work where they are not aware of my transition so still infrequently has to use male pronouns when referring to me....to her my transition is a private matter and she is not ready to share it with her work colleagues. Like you she is very accepting and encouraging of me but you were in a difficult situation being forced to think of Beth in male terms as you are yet to have all your kids know. You have demonstrated time and time again your understanding and love...can I suggest you are remarkably caring  in so many ways that these kinds of things just take some time to work themselves out … and they will

Take care

Liz

Thanks Liz so much for stopping by! You're looking great! I was on the edge of my seat, sending you comforting thoughts, following along with your posts until you were safely home from your surgery, and then got caught up in my own life dramas.

Thanks for your support and encouragement as I put these slip-ups into perspective.

Always appreciating you and wishing you well,
Grace
:icon_wave:
1999 married :icon_archery:
15 years ago I started discovering the woman hiding behind my husband's facade
Fall 2018 my baby's coming out full time! Hello BlueStar!  :icon_female:
BlueStar beginning HRT

Offline Moonflower

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Re: Opening the cage
« Reply #101 on: April 15, 2019, 05:32:36 pm »
I've been away from Susan's as my sweetie and I deal with health challenges. Three drs in a row bullied her into taking a statin for her extremely high cholesterol. They put a damper on her HRT enthusiasm. We kept coming across statements advising that she balance her hormones according to conventional targets.

Finally, the fourth dr ordered lots of tests to determine why Beth's cholesterol is so high. It looks like a hormone issue, not something that a statin can address.

On the one hand, Beth's health seems to depend on her balancing her hormones.

On the other hand, Beth has been lucky to appear so feminine because her sex hormones are naturally so "unbalanced".

We welcome thoughts.

We understand that some people here gladly exchange long-term health for a body that more accurately reflects who they are. But when Beth was described as being about to have a heart attack, she was willing to put all transitioning on the back burner, in exchange for strong health and continuation of life.

As it turns out, Beth's heart health reflects all of her loving kindness. It is planning on ticking for a long time. Her cholesterol level soared to address a hormone issue, which we expect the doctor to guide us through.

Have you been in her shoes? What would you do?
:icon_wave:
1999 married :icon_archery:
15 years ago I started discovering the woman hiding behind my husband's facade
Fall 2018 my baby's coming out full time! Hello BlueStar!  :icon_female:
BlueStar beginning HRT

Offline Dena

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Re: Opening the cage
« Reply #102 on: April 15, 2019, 06:35:13 pm »
You may have already considered this but I would look at it from the point of diet. Being overweight or consuming unhealthy fats might at least contribute to the problem. On the other hand, elephants have high cholesterol and all they eat is grass so a doctor who will work with you is important.
Rebirth Date 1982 - PMs are welcome - Use dena@susans.org or Discord if your unable to PM - Skype is available - My Transition
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Offline Moonflower

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Re: Opening the cage
« Reply #103 on: April 15, 2019, 07:52:43 pm »
Thank you Dena for your caring suggestion.

Beth is slender. She eats an immaculate whole foods organic diet that is nutrient dense. Never any processed foods. She exercises hard, and feels great after each session. Her cardiac risk factors are outstanding. Those 3 doctors who just looked at one of her cholesterol numbers rattled us. We intensely dove into learning deeply about different kinds if cholesterol, what their roles are, how they interact with hormones...

Yes, we are glad to have found a doctor who is on the same page as us. Meanwhile, I hate seeing her femininity being neglected. No energy for feminine grooming (cosmetics, voice training, photographing progress, mannerisms...). We wonder if HRT is completely out of the question; we were so excited about the possible results.

I encourage her by pointing out how often she passes, and how feminine she is, but her stress level seems to be pushing her into the safer territory of more masculine persona.

Dena, talking with you is great. I realize that I need to set aside time for grooming her. We are catching our breath now as we have saturated our brains with health stuff for now, and are in a lull as we wait to meet with the dr a second time to discuss the test results. Thank you for helping me to see this.

Wishing you well,
Grace
:icon_wave:
1999 married :icon_archery:
15 years ago I started discovering the woman hiding behind my husband's facade
Fall 2018 my baby's coming out full time! Hello BlueStar!  :icon_female:
BlueStar beginning HRT

Offline Faith

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Re: Opening the cage
« Reply #104 on: April 15, 2019, 09:33:19 pm »
Moonflower, it's great to see you posting. Cholesterol .. yep, mine is up as well. My GP looked at it and said right away that it was likely hormone related and to just watch my diet.

health vs transition. I couldn't do it either. I'd have to choose health. I'll always be me, if I'm dead who am I?

Please don't let her drop everything. I know what it's like to shift single mindedly into one direction. It rarely ends up well, for physical and mental well-being. Lori has always hounded me guided me when I did that. Good luck keeping her on track in all aspects. A slow-down is better than a stoppage.

Post more!!
Hugs
Faith
I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.


Offline Dena

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Re: Opening the cage
« Reply #105 on: April 15, 2019, 10:16:57 pm »
I also have marginally high Cholesterol but because my LDL (bad cholesterol) is only 72 and my HDL is 103, the doctors said don't worry about the high total. One additional item, some unprocessed fats can still be bad for you. Coconut oil is a fat that might cause problems in some people. Olive oil which is monounsaturated and polyunsaturated oils are best in this type of diet. The funny one is peanut butter. If the peanut butter is solid at room temperature, use it for mouse bait. If the peanut butter separates at room temperature, it's good for you.
Rebirth Date 1982 - PMs are welcome - Use dena@susans.org or Discord if your unable to PM - Skype is available - My Transition
If you are helped by this site, consider leaving a tip in the jar at the bottom of the page or become a subscriber

Offline LizK

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Re: Opening the cage
« Reply #106 on: April 16, 2019, 04:32:23 am »
Hi Moonflower

I have battled high cholesterol for many years and was put on statins prior to transition. My diet was no the best as I didn't much care about my health. Once I began to take care of myself as I began to transition myt then Dr refused to even entertain the idea that statins may be bad for you and when I argued he refused to see me again...he did me a huge favour as I sought out another far more knowledgeable Dr who also ran a battery of test s and determined that whilst statins were one option they were not the only one.

Careful consultation with good Dr's can lead to some really good outcomes. I have found with my hereditary high cholesterol that diet worked for me I hope a combination of things will work for Beth. It sounds like she already leats a healthy diet and the Dr's almost had a kneejerk reaction.   

So glad to see you back posting you insights have been missed

Liz
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

Offline KimOct

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Re: Opening the cage
« Reply #107 on: April 17, 2019, 08:30:08 pm »
I've been away from Susan's as my sweetie and I deal with health challenges. Three drs in a row bullied her into taking a statin for her extremely high cholesterol. They put a damper on her HRT enthusiasm. We kept coming across statements advising that she balance her hormones according to conventional targets.

Finally, the fourth dr ordered lots of tests to determine why Beth's cholesterol is so high. It looks like a hormone issue, not something that a statin can address.

On the one hand, Beth's health seems to depend on her balancing her hormones.

On the other hand, Beth has been lucky to appear so feminine because her sex hormones are naturally so "unbalanced".

We welcome thoughts.

We understand that some people here gladly exchange long-term health for a body that more accurately reflects who they are. But when Beth was described as being about to have a heart attack, she was willing to put all transitioning on the back burner, in exchange for strong health and continuation of life.

As it turns out, Beth's heart health reflects all of her loving kindness. It is planning on ticking for a long time. Her cholesterol level soared to address a hormone issue, which we expect the doctor to guide us through.

Have you been in her shoes? What would you do?

MOONFLOWER  !!!!  My favorite SO  !!!  :)

I came by to take a peek when I saw it was you.  So sorry to hear about Beth's health issues.  Here's the thing.  The ability to do or not do certain medical procedures, medications etc do not define who someone is.

I have been battling cancer for 7 years, lost a kidney to it but it is contained.  More of a pain than anything.  Also I have had two heart attacks.  One very serious.  My heart function is 39%.  This limits my estrogen to 1/3 the normal dose.

Anyway enough of me.  I only mention my health issues to say it has nothing to do with living authentically.

I had an orchiectomy -(testicle removal)  got rid of that nasty testosterone.  :D

It is a relatively simple procedure.  But more importantly Beth can live as who she is no matter what the medical constraints.  As for me I just figured a different way to do it.

I wanted to get a nose job.  They said sure but it has to be in the hospital.  Twice the cost.  :'(

Doesn't matter.  I changed my name, my birth certificate, my drivers license, social security etc etc.  I am legally a woman.

Beth is also a woman.  Living as one is an option.  It just needs to be figured out by the two of you what that looks like.

Hugs, from your biggest fan.
The first transphobe you have to conquer is yourself

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