Author Topic: How do I know if men are into me?  (Read 509 times)

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Offline TaraJo

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How do I know if men are into me?
« on: October 14, 2018, 06:48:41 pm »
So, I had a bar crawl event last night with some friends.  It was fun and I got a bit intoxicated. 

Anyway, early on in the evening, one of the guys from the group offered to buy me my first drink since this was my first time at this event.  I accepted.  Later on, another guy offered to pay for me to put a song on the juke box, since he saw me exploring the songs on it.  At the time, I didn't think anything of it.  Afterwards....... guys buying me drinks or paying for juke box..... were they hitting on me?

This is all new territory for me.  From 2011 to about 2014, my boyfriend and I were so inseperable that nobody would show interest in me while I was out because he was there with me.  From 2014 until just recently, I was too unkempt or too much of a homebody for it to happen.  But now; now I've lost a lot of weight over the past year, going from 320 to about 240, and I've started taking care of myself, buying flattering clothes (it's much easier when the clothes fit better due to weight loss) and even putting on makeup.  And I'm getting back confidence and becoming more sociable.

There's still that horrible, self criticizing part of my mind that's firmly convinced nobody would want to hit on some big, hairy, manly man-thing like me, but another part of me is recognizing that the world seems to be seeing me as a woman now and, if I put a little effort into my apperance, a somewhat attractive woman.  And it alarms me a little because this is all new territory for me.  I feel like..... Before, I never had genuine attraction to coming up to me.  I always had to be the one to make the first move.  I feel like, in a lot of things, everything is completely flipped around.  I don't know how to handle it.  How do you know if a guy is actually into you or if he's just being nice and welcoming?  And if he is into me, how do I handle it?  What do I do about it? 

Maybe my biggest worry is my drink itself.  I'm mentioning this because way back in 2008 or so, I had a friend who had a roofie slipped into her drink at a club and I get a bit scared because I'm kinda a target for that kind of stunt now.  Watching my drink like that was never something I really had to do before.  Now?  Take my eyes off my drink now and who knows what's going to happen. 


gingerViktorKay

Re: How do I know if men are into me?
« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2018, 07:10:47 pm »
In my limited experience buying drinks and picking songs on the jukebox is a good sign. Most guys and gals are pretty direct with me. Just...all out blunt most of the time.

Offline Dani

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Re: How do I know if men are into me?
« Reply #2 on: October 14, 2018, 08:20:28 pm »
  I don't know how to handle it.  How do you know if a guy is actually into you or if he's just being nice and welcoming?  And if he is into me, how do I handle it?  What do I do about it? 

Maybe my biggest worry is my drink itself.  I'm mentioning this because way back in 2008 or so, I had a friend who had a roofie slipped into her drink at a club and I get a bit scared because I'm kinda a target for that kind of stunt now.  Watching my drink like that was never something I really had to do before.  Now?  Take my eyes off my drink now and who knows what's going to happen.

The most important thing to do is stay safe. Always meet in a public place and have plenty of your friends near by. If things get romantic, be honest. Too many of us are beaten or murdered, when the truth of our physical condition becomes known.

When it comes to drinks, I never leave my drink alone. I either finish it or do not drink from it if I have to be away from it for even a few seconds.

Stay safe, but have fun. Trust but verify.



gingerViktorKay

Re: How do I know if men are into me?
« Reply #3 on: October 14, 2018, 09:11:12 pm »
The most important thing to do is stay safe. Always meet in a public place and have plenty of your friends near by. If things get romantic, be honest. Too many of us are beaten or murdered, when the truth of our physical condition becomes known.

When it comes to drinks, I never leave my drink alone. I either finish it or do not drink from it if I have to be away from it for even a few seconds.

Stay safe, but have fun. Trust but verify.

Words to live and die by!

Offline TaraJo

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Re: How do I know if men are into me?
« Reply #4 on: October 15, 2018, 06:23:03 pm »
The most important thing to do is stay safe. Always meet in a public place and have plenty of your friends near by. If things get romantic, be honest. Too many of us are beaten or murdered, when the truth of our physical condition becomes known.

When it comes to drinks, I never leave my drink alone. I either finish it or do not drink from it if I have to be away from it for even a few seconds.

Stay safe, but have fun. Trust but verify.

Oh, yeah, that all goes without saying.

Truth is, I'm not at the point where I'm actively looking for a date.  If I knew a guy was into me, would I act on it?  Maybe with tremendous hesitation if he was really attractive.  So I'm not asking like I'm planning on hitting up every singles bar I know.

But..... I did dating before transition and I know how irritating it can be when a girl just leads you on or teases you or feigns interest but turns you down.  I guess part of what I want is to know how to not be that girl. 

As it stands, when it comes to romance the rules I have for myself are simple:  I don't kiss a guy until/unless he knows.  I'm a little worried that those rules are easier to have than to keep.  I have to admit, if there's someone attractive nearby looking at me, the last thing I want to do is tell him WHY he won't be getting any pussy from me any time soon.  Now that I'm not outed just by my apperance, there's a big part of me that just doesn't want to let people know, especially attractive people. 

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