Author Topic: Coming out to my Parents and Classmates  (Read 165 times)

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Offline JannaLM

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Coming out to my Parents and Classmates
« on: October 16, 2018, 01:41:56 pm »
Hi everyone.

My first post was about trouble I was having coming out (but that was in the wrong thread so I figured I should put my concerns here).

Anyway, I've come out to a few people in the past year (almost a dozen) and I have just still been terrified to tell my parents, my Mom especially.

I'm also scared to tell my classmates for my current graduate program, but I haven't known them long enough to gauge if they would care about this. Since it is a graduate program, it has been suggested that we try to keep in contact with one another after we graduate, so I think it would be best to tell my classmates as soon as I am comfortable. But I'm scared it will just scare them away from me.

I know my state (Massachusetts) has a lot of protections for people like me, but that doesn't mean we don't have our fair share of ignorant folks, and I am finding it hard to tell when someone is one of those ignorant folks.

Any advice on how to bring this up in conversation? I'm getting sick of being called 'He' and 'Him' in class, but I don't want to make anyone else uncomfortable.

Offline Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Coming out to my Parents and Classmates
« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2018, 02:23:31 pm »
Hi everyone.

My first post was about trouble I was having coming out (but that was in the wrong thread so I figured I should put my concerns here).

Anyway, I've come out to a few people in the past year (almost a dozen) and I have just still been terrified to tell my parents, my Mom especially.

I'm also scared to tell my classmates for my current graduate program, but I haven't known them long enough to gauge if they would care about this. Since it is a graduate program, it has been suggested that we try to keep in contact with one another after we graduate, so I think it would be best to tell my classmates as soon as I am comfortable. But I'm scared it will just scare them away from me.

I know my state (Massachusetts) has a lot of protections for people like me, but that doesn't mean we don't have our fair share of ignorant folks, and I am finding it hard to tell when someone is one of those ignorant folks.

Any advice on how to bring this up in conversation? I'm getting sick of being called 'He' and 'Him' in class, but I don't want to make anyone else uncomfortable.


@JannaLM
I had been living full time as a female or over 1 1/2 years in a place that no one knew of my past and secret and there all of a sudden was one person that discovered that I was not a cis-woman, I immediately became fearful, then distraught and so very worried about how it would all turn out for me....   so I made the bold and brave decision to announce myself and told everyone and  came out to everyone that I encountered in my normal daily business and social activities.   

Nervous and apprehensive are words that do not come close to describing the anxiety that I felt....   but in the end, it was the right move for me to make the announcement about my past life myself, instead of people finding out via the grapevine gossip.   

Each and every time I told someone else it became easier and easier.
It was like a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders and my mind... and I could start living more freely and more happily. 
The majority of those that know me, accepted me and my transition... there were very few that did not.   I then happily discovered that my friends that I had previously established that knew me as a responsible and respectful woman would come to my defense when they heard others talking badly about me being a trans-woman.

Coming out on my terms by making my own announcement and not letting gossip start was the best thing that I could have done.  Lesson learned!

Best wishes to you. I hope that you find my thoughts helpful to you.
Danielle

Offline JannaLM

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Re: Coming out to my Parents and Classmates
« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2018, 03:01:29 pm »
Thank you Danielle!

I really appreciate your input. It must have been hard to make that decision, but I'm glad it worked out for you!

I think what has been holding me back a lot is just the fear of being abandoned and forgotten. Almost like 'If I tell people this, they will think I am some different person or something' and just forget about me.

But I think you are right... It might be better to just own it instead of letting these feelings tear me apart inside.

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