Author Topic: Jaime’s misadventures with a bit of random thoughts.  (Read 1106 times)

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Offline Jaime320

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Re: Jaime’s misadventures with a bit of random thoughts.
« Reply #40 on: January 23, 2019, 10:56:36 pm »
Well the snow came and mellowed the mood. The planned adventure was canceled. Though running on two hours sleep, I could t go back to bed. I went out to a new group meeting. Though my sampling is small. You  lovely girls here and girls IRL, (40ish so far).  I can confirm we all have similar experiences and hangups. What I’m trying to say is despite our various truths at the core we can all relate.

What’s new? Went out sans makeup first time. Eeeeeek hey laser a few days prior, and face all tore up.

I quickly went to sephora for a makeover.  Umm yeah before and after phenomenally different and mood changed drastically from rushed and apprehensive to OMG. I can rock this. Looked in mirror prior and couldn’t switch to me during.  Voice stayed on lower end of norm. No I didn’t buy everything. Ok I  ommitted 3 products similar to what I have, and changed sizes to allow tsa carryon. I did find a new perfume I feel works for both, Elizabeth & James nirvana bourbon. I used to love spice bomb.  My fem side loves ysl black opium, but it’s a bit to fem to switch in same day.

So yeah fem side. I’m 3 ish months into hrt. Simply put I’ve come to the conclusion I am me. EV is like rocket fuel, & I will continue for now. I’m presenting male at work and female afterwards. Does that make me gender fluid.... maybe. I defy labels at this point and still reserve the right to change as my journey progresses. Before HRT I wanted it all. Now eh, Maybe I value family relationship to much, the desire to be full time is less. Though I’m told HRT reduces anxiety and allows for mental cycles for other things. The stress meter goes down in other words.  I am endeavoring to integrate lives intentionally or unintentionally. Nevertheless change is a foot. We must realize we are ever changing and never define ourselves to a label. Simply put it’s a big giant rainbow. Never question am I trans enough, Am I this enough. You’re enough, & family no matter where you fall in the spectrum. (Yeah I’ll likely get haters for that part. )

I left therapy today saying I had fun, and am perfectly content simply being me.  I mean really, it’s been rather up beat over the past 3 weeks. Yeah there’s a bit of anxiety over the road ahead. I mean come on. Who’s not concerned about coming out to family. All is well in the world. There are intersections ahead that may cause anxiety/trepidation, but these to shall pass in due time. Meanwhile be you.

I recognized a few other changes today. Switching to me is easier. If I concentrate I can change in a conversation. If I don’t focus, I find it harder to come back. Yeah I’m working to integrate the two. Mind soul,& voice. I screwed up at work today. Left one conference call to handle Jaime business, and came back to call as Me. Oh !!!!!&&$&. So.... I’m me more everyday, but there are a few differences still. Voice, pitch/resonance, and slight hand/gesture variations. Umm some folks have an odd look. Oh well. Their perception.

Intimacy in my personal relationship has improved. As to why I can’t say.  maybe less stress on both sides. Maybe I’m a nicer person after acceptance, god I can only hope.

 

Offline Jaime320

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Re: Jaime’s misadventures with a bit of random thoughts.
« Reply #41 on: January 27, 2019, 02:51:32 pm »
Just an observation while out as him. After a few months HRT does something pheromone change? This very well could simply be me, but recently while out women seem to open up more and are more chatty than before. While not completely at ease, they seem less guarded. This has occurred with strangers, and women I’ve meet once or twice before. Similar experience with random gay men.

Offline Michelle_P

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Re: Jaime’s misadventures with a bit of random thoughts.
« Reply #42 on: January 27, 2019, 08:04:20 pm »
Just an observation while out as him. After a few months HRT does something pheromone change? This very well could simply be me, but recently while out women seem to open up more and are more chatty than before. While not completely at ease, they seem less guarded. This has occurred with strangers, and women I’ve meet once or twice before. Similar experience with random gay men.

Yes, our pheromone mix shifts at around this point.  I noticed similar behavioral changes.

One of the most interesting was when working with a group of older male amateur radio enthusiasts, they started gathering in MUCH closer than they had before I started HRT.  I wasn’t worried, but I was amused that they were showing the exact same behaviors with me as they did with younger women amateur radio enthusiasts.
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Offline Jaime320

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Re: Jaime’s misadventures with a bit of random thoughts.
« Reply #43 on: January 27, 2019, 08:34:37 pm »
@Michelle_P

Thanks, I thought I’d read that a few years ago. Can’t say for guys in general. I’m not around enough consistently for a base line. The bartenders I see regularly are friendlier, but I attribute that to becoming a regular.

Just realized I’m often talking about a pub or bar. Don’t worry. I eat dinner at the bar when it’s just me.

Offline Jaime320

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Re: Jaime’s misadventures with a bit of random thoughts.
« Reply #44 on: February 21, 2019, 02:16:32 am »
Hello peeples. Sorry in advance for typing. Doing this once again on my phone.


So I’ve been meaning to post a 3 month update, but wanted to wait until my 3 month check was done. Doc kept rescheduling due to various things. This will be my 3.5 update instead. Where am I at? Well in short similar to just about any other girls 3 month update. What about details though. Ummmm ok. A lots happened well not compared to some here for sure. My milestones are trivial in comparison. On with the show.

It’s official it’s a girl. For all intents and purposes chemically female. For those just reading I do IM injection every 2 weeks. Levels at mid cycle are T 23 & E 486. Yeah surprise. Happy dance for sure, and I’m on a low dose. Apparently I’m on the right fuel now, and body is responding. Oh is it ever. Maybe this is why women, even while in drab, have a tendency to sit next to me in public places. I also get the smile more.

So physically changes are the typical stuff. Skin continues to soften. Hrt makes you look younger I think at least. Downside gloves required for everything, but still expect cuts bruises abrasions etc. Physically weaker overall as well. body hair continues to diminish and slow even further. Have to shave chest once every 1-2 weeks now maybe, and even then it’s for randoms. It’s winter so not shaving legs much. Typical cis growth rate though. Facial hair just call me patch. Yeah I can’t grow a beard anymore. Not that I could before all this really. 1 week growth is barely and I mean barely useable for electrolysis. Plus side I can shave once a day and go out with little worry. Boobs yeah crossed the moob line. Don’t know where I sit exactly. Somewhere around 44b I guess. Haven’t been professionally fitted. It’s on list of things to do. Sports bras are now a requirement even at work.  Mostly for chafing, but stairs hurt without support now. I rarely go a day without an ache. The past few days though OMG. I just thought they hurt earlier. Constantly ache with random itch then something in core just twists and I suck in a breath. A minute or so later back to aches. forget about bumping into something I might pass out. I’m used to pain from other injuries but $&&@@&$. Try hiding this experience while presenting something at work.  I now have vellus hair in corners and patch up top. There may be hope after all.  Not counting on it, but it’s wishful thinking for time being. HRT has ruined my nails due to delamination. The food cravings are real. Keep beeing bad since holiday. Gained 15 since thanksgiving/Christmas,  but lost 5 this month. BP is way down compared to a few months ago. I guess there’s less stress with acceptance and a bit of light excercise per day.

Mental changes? further acceptance and just living as me. No matter what I wear or do.  I mean I’m just a girl living in the world as best she can. Clean bill of Mental health from therapist to boot.

Legal/life things. Got my first letter. Could have picked up second had therapy not been canceled. Weather sucks and lots of people with flu. Excited about letters, yet I did tear up slightly. It signifies a monumental moment and change. I don’t think it’s sunk in yet. Also picked up a letter for insurance to cover electrolysis. Wooo my first insurance covered “procedure”.  Time to fight them a bit. Can’t change gender on BC or license until GCS. I can change passport. Definitely considering that, but only marker for now. It’ll still be a bit for legal name change. I’ve been going out more and more. I believe we are ourselves no matter how we dress.  NOne the less. I’m not out  completely at work, and around home. Home is still don’t ask don’t tell. Yeah there’s likely a nuke sitting in the corner starting to count down. I’ve called in local support. I just hope the specialist can help diffuse the blast before time runs out. I didn’t expect this much change in such a short period of time. While traveling and not at work I’m out in public as me. Fortunately I’ve been taking voice lessons. Apparently like I’m a southern valley girl with a bit of Marilyn mixed in occasionally. Hey so far it works. I won’t be taking up a second job as a livelinks call center girl anytime soon though. All this amounts to in many ways I’m the happiest I can recall. I’m actually a bit goofy/quirky/geeky/nerdy and talkative again. On the flip side I’m dreading the sit down with family, but it must be done. The alternative is unacceptable. Life’s to short and precious to throw away.

What’s next......More hair removal. A few consults. An international trip for work lasting about 3 weeks. Plan to go drab for trip &@!! Outing myself to VA. Free medical care where possible. transition is expensive. Girly wants new shoes. Last but not least that family counseling bit.


Y’all be good until next time.

« Last Edit: February 21, 2019, 03:18:37 am by Jaime320 »

Offline JudiBlueEyes

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Re: Jaime’s misadventures with a bit of random thoughts.
« Reply #45 on: February 21, 2019, 11:25:46 am »
Nice update Jaime!   Yes you will get weaker as muscle mass is lost but you should exercise to maintain strength.   I've used Biotin tablets to help with nail care.  You might try it too.  I'm glad to read your mental state is good, as it should be!  Yes transition is expensive.
But now old friends they're acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day.

Offline Jaime320

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Re: Jaime’s misadventures with a bit of random thoughts.
« Reply #46 on: February 21, 2019, 12:42:39 pm »
Thanks for stopping in Judi. A few weeks ago I added a multi-vitamin with 500% of biotine requirement included. I hope it will help.

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